Long Term Girlfriend Cheated.

[sbk24]

This may very long winded but I would like some advice and different views from people on the outside of this situation, so here it goes...

 

 

I have been with this woman for 8 years. We are now both 21, so we were childhood sweethearts. We were happy, we had everything that I believe a relationship needs: love, care, communication, respect, attraction and honesty.

 

 

Only just a couple of months ago we were in Kos for a week. We needed the holiday, as we both work a lot and needed some quality time together. Everything seemed perfect and I could tell that she was happy and content as she was very affectionate and we felt close. We hated being apart from each other and just subtle things such as keeping eye contact when I went to the bar to get the drinks made a difference. We constantly talked about the future and always had a laugh. When we arrived back from holiday, we both felt its weird not being with each other all the time.

 

 

However, a couple a few weeks later she started to change. My ex recently finished University and found a job; in which I am extremely proud of her for. The ex also decided to get (expensive) hair extensions in which gave her more confidence in her appearance, even though she is so beautiful anyhow. The ex also started to go out drinking a lot more but I never thought anything of it, as I thought it its a new chapter in her life and she is just celebrating.

 

 

On the nights out she has met people (locals) that she would never normally talk too. One of the guys she started to message a lot. However, it was only friendly talk and a bit of banter. I did talk to her about it but she said he is only a friend and that he said "you should have nothing to worry about" as he would never try get with her. However, that was not the case.

On a Wednesday night after work I went to her house as she cooked me dinner before I went to the gym. Everything seemed normal and she stated that she was going out that night to see some ex work colleagues and was going to see a tribute act at a local pub. Furthermore, she also stated that she wasn't going to drink due to the weekend before drinking a bit too much and feeling a bit ill, so she was going to drive, pick up her friends and then later on drive back.

 

 

That night I texted her just asking if she got in okay etc and she said yes just got in, going to sleep now etc and she said "I love you". So I went to bed and thought everything is normal. Next morning, I could tell something was up due to the way she text me. I think after 8 years, I know exactly the way she talks and acts. I asked her if everything was okay and she said yes. I thought maybe she was just hungover? (forgotten that she should have driven home). Later that morning I ask "did anything happen last night?". Then she told she kissed this guy. Being human, I was naturally angry and extremely disappointing in her and replied "f***", then left work and headed straight to her house.

 

 

I yelled at her and just kept asking why but she couldn't give me an answer. I managed to get more details out of her, she apparently walked home with him holding hands and she invited him on the cup of tea. They then made out on the sofa. The ex also said it felt "right", but surely when it is early morning and you are out of your face due to alcohol, a kiss is going to feel like a kiss? It really hacked me off as only days before, I did say that if you ever wanted a timeout or break just say as I do know that we haven't had any other serious relationship and it might feel that I have trapped her (I did not feel trapped as I was content), but she said that she didn't want that and loved me.

 

 

Pretty much the next day (sorry time just seemed like a blur) I forgave her, as I believe it was just a drunken mistake and this it was a blip in our relationship and that we could work on this and become stronger than ever but oh my gosh I was wrong. The ex pretty much could not even talk to me and just couldn't help wanting him.

 

 

From then on she has basically carried on with life as if nothing has happened, she literally moved on straight away and is already sleeping with guy. I know that sex to some people is just sex, but too me its precious I guess. It is as if I have never existed and I think that is what hurts most. Just feels like that the 8 years meant nothing and that she has been using me. She could have had the courtesy to at least wait a week before she moved on.

 

 

The things that I find difficult is that it happened so quick. This wasn't like over time, she did not even know the guy a month ago. Furthermore, I find it hard as in my opinion and many others that know him, this guy doesn't have much going for him. I know I should not judge people, but naturally people do and I just do not see it, however, each to their own.

 

 

Over the period of the break up, she has lied too me several times and I just do not understand why. I have asked her that I want to say goodbye and leave on good terms, however, she cannot even do that. I just don't get it.

I haven't told you every detail but that is most of it. I just can't believe the girl I used to know changed so quick. I still love her, I guess I will always will do but at the same time I hate her for the way she has treated me and being completely heartless. I do understand that people do fall out of love, but she has done it the worse possible way.

 

 

I have a variety of views from friends and family who are people who know her very well. They just cannot believe it has happened and all of them say it will hit her one day and that she will come crawling back but I very much doubt it, as she is completely different and doesn't show any signs of guilt or remorse.

 

 

I hate the way she has changed me, she has made me anxious, angry and depressed. How is she not feeling any of these? I am finding it so hard to cope as it honestly feels like I have lost my soul mate.

[frigginlost]

Okay buddy,

 

First, I'm truly sorry to hear what has happened. It just truly sucks.

 

Second, you are in the absolute worst possible situation of a breakup (she cheats, moves on quick, lies to you, then makes it all your fault).

 

I have been exactly where you are at, and believe me, it is going to hurt like hell for a bit. Real bad.

 

I am a believer of low contact in some situations, but not in yours. You need to absolutely go no contact with her. Completely. Any words you say to her are going to be flipped, and make you out to be the bad guy, so it is best to just disappear.

 

The amount of guilt that hits her in time is going to be massive. She does not feel an ounce of it now, but trust me. Her world is going to collapse when reality sets in.

 

Be good to yourself right now and the very first thing you need to do in doing so, is go completely and totally dark on her.

[sbk24]

Thank you so much for your advice.

 

I have already blocked her from all social media and blocked her from my phone etc.

 

Just why do you think she is acting in this way? Can she just not even give me the courtesy to be honest and leave on good terms.

 

You are right it hurts so bad. It has been eating away at my every day.

 

Did your ex girlfriend try come crawling back? I know in my heart that it will never work anymore just because what she has done and I would be super insecure about her.

 

Thanks again, much appreciated.

[kevin smithy]

This may very long winded but I would like some advice and different views from people on the outside of this situation, so here it goes...

 

 

I have been with this woman for 8 years. We are now both 21, so we were childhood sweethearts. We were happy, we had everything that I believe a relationship needs: love, care, communication, respect, attraction and honesty.

 

 

Only just a couple of months ago we were in Kos for a week. We needed the holiday, as we both work a lot and needed some quality time together. Everything seemed perfect and I could tell that she was happy and content as she was very affectionate and we felt close. We hated being apart from each other and just subtle things such as keeping eye contact when I went to the bar to get the drinks made a difference. We constantly talked about the future and always had a laugh. When we arrived back from holiday, we both felt its weird not being with each other all the time.

 

 

However, a couple a few weeks later she started to change. My ex recently finished University and found a job; in which I am extremely proud of her for. The ex also decided to get (expensive) hair extensions in which gave her more confidence in her appearance, even though she is so beautiful anyhow. The ex also started to go out drinking a lot more but I never thought anything of it, as I thought it its a new chapter in her life and she is just celebrating.

 

 

On the nights out she has met people (locals) that she would never normally talk too. One of the guys she started to message a lot. However, it was only friendly talk and a bit of banter. I did talk to her about it but she said he is only a friend and that he said "you should have nothing to worry about" as he would never try get with her. However, that was not the case.

On a Wednesday night after work I went to her house as she cooked me dinner before I went to the gym. Everything seemed normal and she stated that she was going out that night to see some ex work colleagues and was going to see a tribute act at a local pub. Furthermore, she also stated that she wasn't going to drink due to the weekend before drinking a bit too much and feeling a bit ill, so she was going to drive, pick up her friends and then later on drive back.

 

 

That night I texted her just asking if she got in okay etc and she said yes just got in, going to sleep now etc and she said "I love you". So I went to bed and thought everything is normal. Next morning, I could tell something was up due to the way she text me. I think after 8 years, I know exactly the way she talks and acts. I asked her if everything was okay and she said yes. I thought maybe she was just hungover? (forgotten that she should have driven home). Later that morning I ask "did anything happen last night?". Then she told she kissed this guy. Being human, I was naturally angry and extremely disappointing in her and replied "f***", then left work and headed straight to her house.

 

 

I yelled at her and just kept asking why but she couldn't give me an answer. I managed to get more details out of her, she apparently walked home with him holding hands and she invited him on the cup of tea. They then made out on the sofa. The ex also said it felt "right", but surely when it is early morning and you are out of your face due to alcohol, a kiss is going to feel like a kiss? It really hacked me off as only days before, I did say that if you ever wanted a timeout or break just say as I do know that we haven't had any other serious relationship and it might feel that I have trapped her (I did not feel trapped as I was content), but she said that she didn't want that and loved me.

 

 

Pretty much the next day (sorry time just seemed like a blur) I forgave her, as I believe it was just a drunken mistake and this it was a blip in our relationship and that we could work on this and become stronger than ever but oh my gosh I was wrong. The ex pretty much could not even talk to me and just couldn't help wanting him.

 

 

From then on she has basically carried on with life as if nothing has happened, she literally moved on straight away and is already sleeping with guy. I know that sex to some people is just sex, but too me its precious I guess. It is as if I have never existed and I think that is what hurts most. Just feels like that the 8 years meant nothing and that she has been using me. She could have had the courtesy to at least wait a week before she moved on.

 

 

The things that I find difficult is that it happened so quick. This wasn't like over time, she did not even know the guy a month ago. Furthermore, I find it hard as in my opinion and many others that know him, this guy doesn't have much going for him. I know I should not judge people, but naturally people do and I just do not see it, however, each to their own.

 

 

Over the period of the break up, she has lied too me several times and I just do not understand why. I have asked her that I want to say goodbye and leave on good terms, however, she cannot even do that. I just don't get it.

I haven't told you every detail but that is most of it. I just can't believe the girl I used to know changed so quick. I still love her, I guess I will always will do but at the same time I hate her for the way she has treated me and being completely heartless. I do understand that people do fall out of love, but she has done it the worse possible way.

 

 

I have a variety of views from friends and family who are people who know her very well. They just cannot believe it has happened and all of them say it will hit her one day and that she will come crawling back but I very much doubt it, as she is completely different and doesn't show any signs of guilt or remorse.

 

 

I hate the way she has changed me, she has made me anxious, angry and depressed. How is she not feeling any of these? I am finding it so hard to cope as it honestly feels like I have lost my soul mate.

 

 

I really feel for you bro.. im goingh through this as well, except my relationship was for 3 years and well idk if i got cheated on she just got closer with a guy and took a pic with them holding hands and said it was nothing. she just dropped me from everything, forgot me and when i called and texted her she said shed call or msg back and never did..

 

heres sumn i noticed idk if its true tho but i have seen n been through it.. a woman can love you for years, be with you and do evrything with you, but a lil experience can change them, a lil talk from someone or some idea in there head. they can get up in the morning and just have no feelings for u no more and just forget you. I know how your feeling its tough. best thing for u to do this is end everything with her, treat her like you never knew her because if she can do this to u, she doesnt wanna be with you. people who love us and wanna be with us dont make these kinda mistakes. they know what they get into before they get into it. just drop her from your life and try to not think about her. it will take u sometime but the best thing for u is to completely move on, n literally have nothing to do with her. take care.

[Grumpybutfun]

I'm going to say something you will not like. You two need to break up because you need to experience life and grow up without being in such a serious relationship for so long. You were children when you got together so your development and individuality never happened in a completely healthy way. She is experimenting because she wants to be free to develop...having experiences is part of that. You two need to both have experiences as young adults so you can grow as individuals and figure out what you like and want in life and in relationships. This is why she cheated and it wasn't the right way to handle things.

Regarding the cheating and gaslighting...not acceptable in any relationship. She is duplicitous. Dump her and find someone loyal. You deserve better.

Move on,

Grumpy

[frigginlost]

Thank you so much for your advice.

 

I have already blocked her from all social media and blocked her from my phone etc.

 

Excellent. Fight every urge you have to unblock. It is going to hurt, but you have to stay gone in order for you to start to heal. Right now, if she reaches out to you it will only be to shed guilt. Don't allow her to add to your load. Keep her blocked.

 

 

Just why do you think she is acting in this way? Can she just not even give me the courtesy to be honest and leave on good terms.

 

 

Simple answer? Because being honest and leaving on "good terms" admits that she is in the wrong. She is a long way from truly feeling that way. You being the bad guy, and her bottling her feelings by jumping to the new guy is a tactic in her mind of self preservation.

 

 

You are right it hurts so bad. It has been eating away at my every day.

 

Did your ex girlfriend try come crawling back? I know in my heart that it will never work anymore just because what she has done and I would be super insecure about her.

 

Thanks again, much appreciated.

 

This is one of the toughest things you are going to deal with: Hope. Hope is going to cause you to rationalize what she has done as "not that big of a deal" as the hurt truly starts to hit you. That is normal. Do not think that it is not. The very best thing you can do regarding hope is to come to terms with her not coming back and look really, really deep over the next few month on if you really would take her back. You said you would not, but your emotions are probably everywhere right now, and 3 days from now the push/pull between hope and anger could give you a completely different answer.

 

In answer to your question, yes, she came crawling back and I politely closed the door in her face as I had come to terms regarding her with every person having a right to do in their life what they choose... and every person suffering the consequences of those decisions...

 

Stay strong and vent here when the anger comes. It's normal!

[Grumpybutfun]

I'm going to say something you will not like. You two need to break up because you need to experience life and grow up without being in such a serious relationship for so long. You were children when you got together so your development and individuality never happened in a completely healthy way. She is experimenting because she wants to be free to develop...having experiences is part of that. You two need to both have experiences as young adults so you can grow as individuals and figure out what you like and want in life and in relationships. This is why she cheated and it wasn't the right way to handle things.

Regarding the cheating and gaslighting...not acceptable in any relationship. She is duplicitous. Dump her and find someone loyal. You deserve better.

Move on,

Grumpy

 

Sorry, I understand you already broke up...but I mean you need to dump her back...release her.

Sorry I wasn't clear,

G

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm going to say something you will not like. You two need to break up because you need to experience life and grow up without being in such a serious relationship for so long. You were children when you got together so your development and individuality never happened in a completely healthy way. She is experimenting because she wants to be free to develop...having experiences is part of that. You two need to both have experiences as young adults so you can grow as individuals and figure out what you like and want in life and in relationships. This is why she cheated and it wasn't the right way to handle things.

Regarding the cheating and gaslighting...not acceptable in any relationship. She is duplicitous. Dump her and find someone loyal. You deserve better.

Move on,

Grumpy

 

Very good advice here, OP.

 

These childhood-sweetheart relationships rarely survive into adulthood, for the exact reasons Grumpy outlined above. She outgrew the relationship and probably emotionally detached some time ago, even if you didn't see it. Sometimes dumpers don't want to face the reality of their loss of feelings either, so they try to force themselves into wanting the relationship. They try to put on a happy face and find that feeling again, while their partners might be none the wiser. They're in denial of their change of hearts, in other words. So while physically she is moving on quickly, I would wager that mentally that process had already begun.

 

However, her betrayal and dishonesty indicates how much respect she had for you. It was low, at least by the time she cheated. Also, assume that her version of what happened that night might not be the entire truth. I imagine there's more she isn't telling you because she knows it would hurt. You need stay No Contact.

[mightycpa]

I have already blocked her from all social media and blocked her from my phone etc.

Great work! The hard part is sticking with that.

Just why do you think she is acting in this way? Can she just not even give me the courtesy to be honest and leave on good terms.

She's leaving you because she's young, driven by hormones, and sexually curious. Given your ages and length of time together, it is safe to say that this is her first breakup, so she probably doesn't know how to do it right. She's young, inexperienced and afraid of hurting you, so forgive her for the clumsiness. She was probably fighting these feelings before this actually happened.

You are right it hurts so bad. It has been eating away at my every day.

This is a very common rite of passage. It is the inspiration for of a great deal of college literature. It's nothing new. Most, if not all of us on the board have felt what you're feeling right now.

a)Did your ex girlfriend try come crawling back? b)I know in my heart that it will never work anymore just because what she has done and I would be super insecure about her.

If b is true, then why worry about a? I know it would be a win for your badly bruised ego right now, but you've got to stop thinking in those terms. You're on your own now. To answer your question, some girls do and some girls don't. Either way, it usually results in the same thing at the end. Humpty dumpty, know what I mean?

I have a variety of views from friends and family who are people who know her very well. They just cannot believe it has happened and all of them say it will hit her one day and that she will come crawling back but I very much doubt it, as she is completely different and doesn't show any signs of guilt or remorse.

Your friends and family are not very worldly then. What she's done (not the way she did it) is pretty much universal. Happens all the time, and frankly, I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did. The whole cheating thing is pretty ****ty, and while not uncommon, it isn't exactly normal. But dumping your first BF to hook up with a new guy? I'd have to say that this happens 99% of the time, worldwide. No culture is immune to the first heartbreak. As to her crawling back, don't count on it. They're probably wrong about that too.

 

You're young. Be strong. Take some time, and don't let it get you down or sour you on other girls. The younger they are, the more likely this happens, so take some time, and enjoy a few girls before you settle down. You'll be glad you did. Good luck.

[kgcolonel]

sbk24

 

I absolutely have also been through this many years ago....only mine did come back and oh what a mistake. You are perfectly normal in both your questions and feelings. She is acting the way she is due to her being immature (not a criticism but a fact). She has never broken up with someone before who had been there the way you have and she is clueless as to how to deal with this. Could she have done this in a better manner, ABSOLUTELY!! At the end of the day, I completely agree with frigginlost in that you absolutely need to experience life with others. Trust me my friend, there is a wonderful life at the end of the heartache. It will not seem as such now but it absolutely is true.

 

The feeling of a need to get the answers, the less you dwell on this the better you will feel and the quicker you will heal. Look forward my friend and if possible simply be thankful for the experiences you had with her and look to embrace what comes your way in the future.

 

Keep up the NC as that is the only way to begin to heal. Continued contact with her is akin to picking at a wound keeping it irritated and making it worse. If she attempts to come back, come back here as there are many of us who have had that experience too but now is the time to focus on you and taking care of yourself. NCNCNCNCNC is the way to go.

[sbk24]

Yep I agree that NC is the best way to move forward and I do know that I should just move on as I don't need this crap in my life. I know I shouldn't keep dwelling but It's probably she has done it the worse possible way as possible.

 

I would understand it better if it was over a period of time and if the guy was better or at least seemed to have something going for him but he seemed to be a scumbag, drinks away his life with no job (which a friend has just told me due to punching someone). Also he is pretty disgusting:

 

I probably care too much and just don't want her to make mistake. I did say to her if I wasn't the guy for you he for sure isn't the guy. However, she seems to be in lust and seems to ignore the bigger picture.

 

Btw thank you so much for your advice and thoughts people. I appreciate everything.

[kevin smithy]

Yep I agree that NC is the best way to move forward and I do know that I should just move on as I don't need this crap in my life. I know I shouldn't keep dwelling but It's probably she has done it the worse possible way as possible.

 

I would understand it better if it was over a period of time and if the guy was better or at least seemed to have something going for him but he seemed to be a scumbag, drinks away his life with no job (which a friend has just told me due to punching someone). Also he is pretty disgusting:

 

I probably care too much and just don't want her to make mistake. I did say to her if I wasn't the guy for you he for sure isn't the guy. However, she seems to be in lust and seems to ignore the bigger picture.

 

Btw thank you so much for your advice and thoughts people. I appreciate everything.

 

 

Even if she is making a mistake with a scumbag, its her mistake to make. you will care for her and u always will thats how it is. sometimes its just something that happens, my ex left me because she wants diff things and i guess she just wants to try new things because she is young. just like myself you need to do the same, spend time with people you like, do things you like and dont be afraid to spend time and go out with women. u dont have to jump into anything with them, just chill and enjoy life my friend.

[michael-9]

I find it funny to read these kind of posts. Obviously its not funny, it sucks and Im sorry for it, but I find it funny that I felt just like you last year and probably just like so many others.. My ex cheated but never admit it and she went from being great to being the worst person you can imagine.

 

You're right, she doesnt care anymore. What I would do in your situation now that Ive gone through 4 break ups: go completely no contact for 60 days.

 

The fact that she cheated on you with a guy she just met is unacceptable. And as a man, I feel you should dare a girl like that ( no matter how much you love her) to leave you. You should tell her that this is completely unacceptable and you wont take it from anyone, and if she cant take that, then you just simply say if you think that guy is better than I am, go for it. And walk away. Its the best negotiation position you can have: to be able to just walk away. That way you control your emotions.

 

I know that it is very, very hard to do. But the thing is, when she is as distant and cold as you describe, its over. You cant do or say anything to change their minds, the only thing you can do is what I just said. This will make her respect you and will show how much of a man you are. You wont take it, as simple as that. But I feel by you forgiving her the way you did, you just gave her a free pass to walk all over you, because she cheated and you basically forgave her the next day..

 

She wont respect you for it. It just tells her that she can do whatever she pleases and youll just take it. But now the best thing you can do is act completely indifferent. Just let it go, and she knows the guy for a month? Their honeymoon period will pass and she will see his flaws. And if you stayed NC the entire time, shell start missing you and your relationship, because come on youve been together for 8 years.. And the best thing is: shell be respecting you for not taking that kind of nonsense from anyone. Shell start wondering about you and her when the guy she is with now isnt that great as she thought. Dont call, dont respond, dont block just act like she is dead and if she wont reach out to you (not you to her) she wont hear from you ever again..

 

I know its hard, but cheating is just unacceptable. If she reaches out to you, or you are still talking with eachother, just tell her immediately that you wont take that kind of **** from anyone. Be confident, almost cocky about it and just let it go, because once again: if a girl is that distant and cold, and doesnt care, its over. You cant do anything except make her respect you and she might come back, but probably when she does you wouldnt even want her back.

 

So go NC for 60 days and I mean absolutely zero contact. Not checking her pictures on social media, not seeing when shes online, not texting, not calling, not 'running in to her', not seeing pictures of you and her together, not listening to the songs you and she would listen too. Just focus on healing, I promise you, youll heal and when you wish to talk to her after 60 days, youll be rational and you can make rational decisions without being emotional and angry about everything. Its the best possible thing you can do right now. Take the pain and try to not think about it. Give it 60 days and then see where you are.

[EO422]

I am really really sorry. That is truly sad..

 

You need to go no contact. You do not and cannot take back a cheater. I am not in control of what you do, and no one else here is. Best advice is that you should not get back with her, ever..I think..but to each their own.

 

I can't believe what she did...just watch..in a few months she is going to be an ABSOLUTE MESS OMG...if you think you are bad...wait until you are healed and when she wants you back. She will hate herself so much. Not only will she grieve the loss of the wonderful amazing relationship, she will feel guilty and SO MUCH..she will be hurting worst than you are. She made a huge mistake, and I don't think I would ever forgive her if I was you

[Hoosfoos]

Thank you so much for your advice.

 

 

 

Just why do you think she is acting in this way?

 

Because she can.

[Draper]

This is terrible, I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm going through a similar situation and I feel absolutely awful. The difference? I've only been with her for 6-7 months, not 8 years. I can't even imagine how this must be for you.

 

You're not alone.

[thejabberwocky]

I'm so sorry this happened to you but I can tell you exactly why.

 

You were her only real boyfriend and it sounds like she has "grass is greener" syndrome where she doesn't understand how rare and special your relationship was because it came to her so easily. She doesn't appreciate you or what you had.

 

This is the good news: she is going to get a REAL shock when Mr. Perfect Cheater Man ends up being a total ******* and incapable of having a relationship like the one you guys had. Chances are it will blow up, because it was started on dishonesty and that speaks volumes about both of them. It will be devastating for her when she finally understands what she had and that her chance of finding that again will be very small.

 

Here is the bad news: just because she will most likely realize what she's done, you really should not take her back. I don't believe in reconciliation after cheating. Cheating requires a certain lack of morals and a complete disregard for the feelings of someone she supposedly cared deeply about. She could've had "grass is greener" syndrome and ended it with you and then went out and dated. But she didn't. She CHEATED on you. To me, that disrespect is beyond repair and if I were you, I would never trust her again.

 

I'm again so sorry this happened, but at least it happened now and you guys aren't married or have children together. Thank God for that.

 

Something similar just happened to me, so I understand the shock and the betrayal. My boyfriend of 6 years was hiding a drug problem from me so I ended it a month ago. I feel like he cheated on me with drugs, because he knew that I am very anti-drug (my mom is an addict) and that I would leave him if he ever used any drug, period. Not only did he experiment with drugs, he developed a full on addiction! To me, he chose drugs over our relationship, even after 6 years together. I cannot believe the betrayal. I think he also has "grass is greener" syndrome, where he thought life with drugs would be more fun than a life with me. He's going to be in for a real shock when his drugs don't keep him warm at night. AND I cannot wait for him to date the kind of girl who is okay with his drug use. He will really appreciate what he had once he's the one being lied to.

 

We're better off. People who would lie or cheat don't deserve people like us, who stand behind them and support them. Who try to fix things even when it's not our fault. We deserve that same treatment in return. You will get through this. In the meantime, I suggest cutting off contact completely for 60 days at least. It'll be very weird after speaking to someone almost every day for 8 years, but it's the quickest way to heal. I'm on day 29 of no contact, and while it still hurts, I hope by day 60 it won't be so physically painful. I blocked his number, as I suggest you do as well.

 

Also, have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? It's a hilarious movie and has a lot of similarities to your story. It's one of my favorite breakup movies and I think it'll help you feel a little better. Stay strong.

[sbk24]

I agree with you all completely. NC and just get on with life and just be happy. I just find it so fascinating the power of emotion and love in general. I never thought that I was this attached to someone as much as this.

 

To be honest she has done it at the worse possible time: mother is terminally ill, my businesses are failing, father trying to scrape anything he can get and I am trying to be a father figure to my brother. Then this happens, which was out of the blue.

 

I understand that you guys say that it is her first break up and she doesn't know how to react but surely if she was human and did have some kind of feeling she could have done it a much better way.

 

A problem I have is that I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone and everything and I just can't seem to escape but I also do not want to hide away from the world and be a recluse. For example, even at work, a customer will come in and say "Hi mate, I saw your Mrs with another guy last night". Then the anger just gets hold of me.

 

Due to being so small, I honestly do not know how I would react when I do eventually bump into them, it is inevitable. I feel like I want to beat the s*** out of him but I know that it takes two to tango and that in the long term it wouldn't make me feel any better.

 

I have asked for my all my stuff back, which includes a lot of expensive items such as jewellery and gadgets as I feel that she honestly doesn't deserve anything. I just do not know what to do with these items as they are sentimental and keeping them hurts. However, I do not want to regret in many years to come getting rid of them.

[xoxoheather]

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now.

 

Let me start off by saying that being in a long-term relationship at such a young age can be tough. I myself was in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man but still ended up cheating on him. It's not that I didn't love him, but at the time I felt like I was so young with too much explore. I had GIGS, much like your ex probably had. I was only 21 at the time and felt like I was married. So much was happening in my life and I felt like my relationship wasn't keeping up. I have come to the conclusion he deserves better than me, because if I did truly love him as much as he loved me, I wouldn't have cheated, even if it was only a kiss.

 

I think your ex girlfriend probably just wanted to see what else was out there. She probably felt claustrophobic after being in the relationship for so long at such a young age. With time she will realize that the grass really isn't greener. She will realize that the messed up a great relationship, much like I realized after I cheated on my ex.

 

I would say the best thing for you to do is to move on. Don't talk to her or contact her in any way. I know she has given you the cold shoulder but I think that's just her way of moving on. She probably started to move on mentally before the relationship even ended so it was probably easier for her. While I know it hurts and makes you feel like your relationship didn't matter, she will always remember you. You two dated for eight years so even if it seems like she forgot you, she always have memories of you and time you two shared together.

 

It sucks your relationship ended the way it did, but trust me, things will get better. The pain of this breakup will only make you stronger. And one day, you will find the right girl for you that won't cheat on you.

[Diezel]

In due time, you'll realize what a bullet you have dodged.

 

You have no idea right now, but you will eventually.

[sbk24]

Thank you so much for the advice and support. I actually do agree with Diezel, that I have dodged a bullet as I guess it would be much worse if we were married and have kids etc.

 

I just keep dwelling on to what kind of person she has turned into in only a matter of weeks. I just know its not her and surely it cannot be possible to change completely just like that?

 

We do have friends in common and they all have said that she is changed and it is just awkward now between them as they do not know what to say.

 

I have been in NC for a few days now and oh my gosh it is extremely difficult. Over the 8 years, I cannot remember one day I have not spoken to her. It is fascinating how attached we can become to people and things.

 

Thank you all for supporting me as it honestly does help talking.

[Draper]

I feel the same way man. I can't stop thinking about what she has become. Just like you, everything changed almost overnight. I don't know what happened, but I can't believe she is the same person whom I share so many fond memories and feelings for.

 

Not much point in questioning it anymore though so I try to block it out. I've been on NC for a couple days and it's killing me so far.

[sbk24]

Draper what have you been doing to keep yourself occupied? Feel free to direct message me (if it is even possible on here) if you need someone to chat. We sound like we are in the same boat.

[Draper]

God, I haven't been doing enough honestly. Basically a lot of netflix, video games, trying to get to do some walking or running. Anything I can to keep my mind off her really, I'm still in a lot of pain. I've barely been able to eat or sleep without smoking weed so I guess there's that lol. Think I'm gonna start hitting the gym in the next couple days to blow off some steam.

 

And yeah man I'm not sure if its possible on here, but im sure we can figure something out

[sbk24]

Ah i have done some reading on here, you have to pay for premium service etc to get private messages.

 

Well at least you are keeping some of your mind occupied. Do you work? or attend education? I have been off work for 3 weeks as I have been that depressed and weak. However, I have finally got back into it and it is nice to get back into routine.

 

What platform do you game on?