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She's Already Having Sex...


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Hi all. I just very recently got out of a long term relationship with a girl I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. We were together for 5 1/2 years and we just broke up 3 months ago. I found out recently that only a month ago she started having sex with this new guy that she met when she moved down south. They're not together apparently - just friends with benefits but they both want to be a lot more than that. I've gotten over her and was doing pretty well with moving on until I found this out. I would never get back together with her so I don't understand why I'm obsessing over this. I know the guy too so I can't stop thinking about her doing the things she used to do to me on him. It also doesn't help that he's a lot more fit, a lot more handsome than I am. Meanwhile, I still haven't found anyone new, nor am I interested in finding somebody new. How could she move on so fast and find love right after breaking my heart?

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Plug the leak where the pain gets in.

 

 

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

She's your ex.

 

You don't need to know what she's doing.

 

 

 

Take care.

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organizedchaos
She told me herself all of this. And even though I don't want to know, I still want to know. And I know that's insane...

 

Why are you talking to her???

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Fleur de cactus

She can have sex when she wants , with whom she wants. why are you talking to her? You do not have to be in competition , who will find a lover first or who will have sex first. She is your ex, cut your ties with her. She does not have to wait until you find someone to have sex. You are creating your own insanity by staying connected with her and exchanging such intimacy information.

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Well I'm going through things in storage and I keep coming across things that belong to her. Like clothes, movies, CDs, jewelry. So I keep emailing her and asking her if she wants everything that I'm finding.

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I would ask her for her address pack her stuff up and ship it to her new location. Or drop it off with a friend/family. You don't need to be in constant contact with her it's no good for you.

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I'm sorry man, I know how you feel. My fiance broke off our engagement, 3 weeks later I found out she was seeing two guys and went on a romantic getaway with one of them. Talk about a punch in the gut.

 

Meanwhile, I still haven't found anyone new, nor am I interested in finding somebody new. How could she move on so fast and find love right after breaking my heart?

Well, you haven't healed up yet. 3 months isn't long enough to get over heartbreak. How could she move on so fast? That's a question for the ages. Who knows? I certainly couldn't tell you. Trust me, that guy is a rebound.

 

The reason you and I were privy to such information about our Exes is because we allowed it. Unless the info is forced down your throat you can easily and efficiently block all contact and let the healing begin. I know that my inquiries into my Ex's post-breakup behavior was very self-destructive and self-defeating.

 

You have the power to either allow yourself to remain in the depths of pain and anguish or do something about it and climb out. Untether yourself from your Ex and the relationship. It's over. Focus on yourself and forget about her.

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the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone new

 

maybe a part of u is just jealous u didnt get laid first

 

if u never wanna see her again, what do u think shell never hav sex again?

 

put ur Casanova suit on and start courting some new ladies, once your in bed cuddling someone new and special the relief will be enormous and u wont be posting sad stories about your pain on dating forums

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Gus, wow I am so sorry to hear that. That really sounds rough. And yeah I know what I need to do. That's the problem. And I was doing great with it before I found out about this new guy. And now I can't stop thinking about it. Just this morning I decided to go for a run around my neighborhood and even working out with my headphones in, I still thought about it. I'm guessing that as time goes on, it'll get easier but for now it's giving me so much anxiety I can't take it.

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the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone new

 

I'm really not that kind of guy. When me and my ex met, we were both virgins and we were the only people we were ever with. Well not her now. I just can't do one night stands. It's disgusting. And what she's doing (the friends with benefits) is even more disgusting.

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She told me herself all of this. And even though I don't want to know, I still want to know. And I know that's insane...

 

Eventually you will get tired of hurting yourself.

 

I hope you get there soon.

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I would ask her for her address pack her stuff up and ship it to her new location. Or drop it off with a friend/family. You don't need to be in constant contact with her it's no good for you.

 

I know :/ unfortunately she doesn't want me to know where she is. She thinks that I'll go down there and threaten her new boy toy.

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I'm guessing that as time goes on, it'll get easier but for now it's giving me so much anxiety I can't take it.

 

Ugh, that was the worst part for me. Believe me, I know what you are going through. Constant anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, weight loss ... you name it I suffered through it. I was in a bad way and nothing helped to alleviate it. Posting and reading here on LS was a huge boon to my recovery, it helped take my mind off of her.

 

I'm not gonna lie and tell you that doing "this" or "that" will remove the terrible way you feel. Only time can do that, unfortunately. I had to make some pretty drastic changes in my life to get that ball rolling. Once it started gaining momentum, it's been snowballing ever since. Just hang in there, you WILL endure and make it to the other side. Stay strong, follow the advice Satu gave you above, post here as often as you want. It does help. :)

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I know :/ unfortunately she doesn't want me to know where she is. She thinks that I'll go down there and threaten her new boy toy.

 

So send it to her parents' house. Or a friend's place. She can handle it from there.

 

I still don't understand how the conversation went in that direction, ie. from sorting through her belongings to finding out she is sleeping with someone. Did you ask her that directly?

 

Ultimately, it's none of your business who she has sex with now. And vice versa. Unless you're somehow enjoying the pain, you need to cut contact with her. I can't imagine you want to hear any further details about her new guy, so you need to protect yourself from this.

 

You questioned how she could move on so fast. I can only speak from my own experience, which may or may not apply to her: I dated a guy for 5 years, 3 years living together (from age 18 - 23) When we finally broke up and I moved out, I had long since detached from him emotionally. I was too immature to confront my own feelings and end it sooner. So the relationship was pretty much already finished before it was officially over, from my perspective. I was seemingly able to move on quickly for that reason. We had already grown apart and I wasn't into it anymore. I should have done the mature thing and ended it when I felt myself falling out of love. Just my two cents, which I emphasize might not be her case.

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the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone new

 

maybe a part of u is just jealous u didnt get laid first

 

if u never wanna see her again, what do u think shell never hav sex again?

 

put ur Casanova suit on and start courting some new ladies, once your in bed cuddling someone new and special the relief will be enormous and u wont be posting sad stories about your pain on dating forums

Bodidlee, please don't do this.

 

Jumping like she does is a sign of weakness, telling you does tell you that she wants to hear a reaction. As hard as it is, do not give her that and do not do the same, as it wont help you.

 

The difference between men and women is that women can get meaningless sex very easily. Even if they go further it does not mean that they will be happy. Try to focus on healing.

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OP, it's normal. Try it yourself. People are interchangeable. Enjoy them and when things end, move on. Perhaps a tough pill to swallow at your age but that's how it works and the advice to cut contact and move on is healthy, IMO.

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Ugh, that was the worst part for me. Believe me, I know what you are going through. Constant anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, weight loss ... you name it I suffered through it. I was in a bad way and nothing helped to alleviate it. Posting and reading here on LS was a huge boon to my recovery, it helped take my mind off of her.

 

Yes me too, i was in a real bad way. Reading the thread "Post here instead of contacting your ex" in the coping section is so helpful has really made me open up my eyes. Wish I found this forum long time ago!!

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Dude don't do this to yourself, trust me there is nothing you can gain from doing it. I was also with my ex for about 5 years and she started dating someone new right after we broke up. Trust me it KILLED me knowing that she could just replace me that easily esp after we had such a long history.

 

But you gotta look at it this way, why are you still stuck over someone who couldn't care less about you. You don't need that sh*t in your life and trust me you will find someone better.

 

I was also like you and very curious about what happened with my ex and her new bf. I had come in contact with her and we ended up talking about it and she assured me that nothing sexual has happened between them but trust me knowing that did not make things any better because she is still not with me and with him.

 

SO from now on just focus on yourself, she is the past and look towards the future, go NC and stick to it!

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I'm really not that kind of guy. When me and my ex met, we were both virgins and we were the only people we were ever with. Well not her now. I just can't do one night stands. It's disgusting. And what she's doing (the friends with benefits) is even more disgusting.

 

This is critical and judgemental.

If this is not something you would do, then that's fine, that's you.

But to call other peoples' sexual preferences 'disgusting' simply because they don't match yours is not a call you have any right to make.

 

You may not like what they do, and would not do it yourself.

But 'disgusting' isn't appropriate.

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I too don't get how the conversation goes from what shall I do with your stuff to explicit details about who she is seeing and what she is doing with them. Doesn't add up.

 

Also, I never Understand posts about how upset people are that their ex is seeing someone else. At the end of a relationship I am very upset about it all and grieve the loss of the relationship, but I really don't even think about who my ex might be seeing. If anything, I hope she *is* seeing someone new.

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I can understand the pain of imagining you ex having sex and kissing another person. It kills you..

 

The only way I avoided this is by avoiding and stop contacts with my ex completely.

 

I applaud your maturity and your wanting to be friends with her but I think you need to NC for a bit before going on friend mode and be okay with her moving on

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