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Having Sex With My Ex, Is This A Bad Idea???


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i will try to keep this as short as possible guys..

 

i was seeing a woman for around 3 years.. it was a very toxic relationship.. she treated me pretty badly in that relationship.. we broke up at least 4 times, this was a very unstable relationship!

 

she dumped me around two years ago, then after a few months she started begging for me to get back together with her.. i completely ignored her, and remained no contact for around 2 years..

 

i was completely over her, and i got on with my life.

 

Recently she found me on line and we started talking again & we are now seeing each other as friends with benefits! We have sex usually once a week.

 

she recently broke up with a guy!

 

i am starting to feel worried about the whole situation tho.. i get the feeling she is seeing me, until she finds another guy, then she will discard me like last weeks news. she could be filling a gap with me.

 

also over the last few weeks, i have started to develop some feelings for her again.. this is starting to scare me, as getting back together is not an option, as it will only end in disaster!!

 

this woman has a history of screwing up the relationship.. and she can go from hot to cold, in an instant..

 

what are my options guys? i feel like if i carry on like this with her things will go very wrong!

 

she has told me, that she is not bothered if i date other woman.. but.. if she found another guy, while she is seeing me, i am certain its going hurt my feelings!

 

any first hand experiences of a situation like this?

Edited by soulforge
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The relationship was toxic. She dumped you.

 

 

Sleeping with her now, 2 years after the fact, will only undo all the healing you have done. You will probably develop feelings & you will be right back in the toxic mess that was before.

 

 

Why put yourself through that?

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is it normal to start developing feelings again for a person who you was with for some years?

 

i really felt like i could keep my feelings and emotions out of this, but 3 months into this FWB situation, i feel like i could end up developing feelings for her again..

 

also i am scared of the thought of being in a relationship with her

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she has told me, that she is not bothered if i date other woman..

 

She is using you, until she can find another guy.

 

i have started to develop some feelings for her again.. this is starting to scare me, as getting back together is not an option, as it will only end in disaster!!

YES.

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Fool me once...

 

Are there really no other women to engage with or sleep with?

 

You are setting yourself up for a very hard fall.

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She is using you, until she can find another guy.

 

 

YES.

 

this is the gut instinct feeling i am getting too.. she could be using me. we cannot be in a exclusive relationship again, so its only a matter of time, where she might find another guy, and then disappear!

 

i,m finding this difficult as i do have some feelings for her, but i also know she will bring disaster my way too.

 

this is the same woman who dumped me by text message, one week before christmas

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after watching many askthehodgetwins advice on youtube. I say use her, bust your nuts and dont fall for her again. Use her like she using you, look for other girls in the mean time because trust me she will drop you like a hat soon enough. This time be prepared if you know you will develop feelings for her through sex then dont do it. Cyclical relationships are depressing for both parties and never work.

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after watching many askthehodgetwins advice on youtube. I say use her, bust your nuts and dont fall for her again. Use her like she using you, look for other girls in the mean time because trust me she will drop you like a hat soon enough. This time be prepared if you know you will develop feelings for her through sex then dont do it. Cyclical relationships are depressing for both parties and never work.

 

we have a history.. also when she comes over to my house, we listen to music together, we watch movies together, and she stops over for the night.

 

sometimes it feels like, we are more like dating than just having sex..

 

also she claims, she is happy to share me with another woman.. its all a bit confusing!

 

if i carry on seeing her like this.. i am certain over a number of weeks or months, i will start to develop feelings for her!

 

also i really hate the thought of her dumping me for another guy..

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Depends how strong you are and if you can do it without it bringing back feelings

 

I had a really brief fling with one of my first exs like 3 years after she broke up with me , I was really upset , but I felt nothing and I literaly hardly thought about her after the fling , was a good feeling

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I say use her, bust your nuts and dont fall for her again. Use her like she using you, look for other girls in the mean time because trust me she will drop you like a hat soon enough. This time be prepared if you know you will develop feelings for her through sex then dont do it. Cyclical relationships are depressing for both parties and never work.

 

Its too late for that, after 3 months FWB, the OP has already developed feelings again, if he indeed he ever lost them.

He was far too invested and hurt by her actions in dumping him repeatedly in the past, ever to enter into a FWB with her and think he could separate the sex from his feelings for her.

 

I think it is actually cruel and unfair for dumpers to suggest FWB relationships with dumpees, the dumper many be all about the sex, but the dumpee usually hopes they can win them back, or they just want to feel close to them again.

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This is bad news. Why put yourself through it?

She isn't emotionally connected to you, so she's not fussed if you sleep with anyone else.

 

Why don't you just cut her loose now. Haven't you found anyone else in the last 2 years?

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Its too late for that, after 3 months FWB, the OP has already developed feelings again, if he indeed he ever lost them.

He was far too invested and hurt by her actions in dumping him repeatedly in the past, ever to enter into a FWB with her and think he could separate the sex from his feelings for her.

 

I think it is actually cruel and unfair for dumpers to suggest FWB relationships with dumpees, the dumper many be all about the sex, but the dumpee usually hopes they can win them back, or they just want to feel close to them again.

 

 

to be fair.. i am not in love with her.. i do have some feelings for her.. but i am not wanting to get back together with her at all.. i know what a nightmare that would be!

 

maybe i just have a really big ego.. i just hate the thought of her using me for sex, till she drops me for another guy!

 

i could quite easily carry on having sex with her.. but how long can i do that for till i catch feelings for her, or she drops me for another guy??

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to be fair.. i am not in love with her.. i do have some feelings for her.. but i am not wanting to get back together with her at all.. i know what a nightmare that would be!

 

maybe i just have a really big ego.. i just hate the thought of her using me for sex, till she drops me for another guy!

 

i could quite easily carry on having sex with her.. but how long can i do that for till i catch feelings for her, or she drops me for another guy??

 

You're not like a lot of guys then.

 

I think a FWB arrangement is dangerous with an EX.

 

Although the whole FWB wasn't a named thing in my younger days, I once agreed to keep sleeping with an EX, but I found it hard and I felt it was giving him false hope, even though he requested it.

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to be fair.. i am not in love with her.. i do have some feelings for her.. but i am not wanting to get back together with her at all.. i know what a nightmare that would be!

 

maybe i just have a really big ego.. i just hate the thought of her using me for sex, till she drops me for another guy!

 

i could quite easily carry on having sex with her.. but how long can i do that for till i catch feelings for her, or she drops me for another guy??

 

It is very possible to have feelings for another and not ever want to get back together with them.

All this "dating", this listening to music, watching movies together, staying over, is all just building and building connection, and that will make it harder and harder FOR YOU when the split happens, which is inevitable, if there IS no hope of the two of you ever getting back together, or she is just using you as a fill in.

 

In the meantime, you are in your late thirties,and not getting any younger, time to look around for another, more compatible woman, instead of wasting time getting more and more hung up on your ex.

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also she claims, she is happy to share me with another woman.. its all a bit confusing!

 

This is gonna be a disaster if you catch feelings. If she means what she said itS her way of saying this FWB is temporary, and you can bet your arse if I meet someone else Im going for it.

 

If you really dont want her back then I think your entertaining this girl because of your ego like you wrote. But its a dangerous game because I believe your in denial and you do want her back. Is it really worth it? do you want to go through the pain again. CUT THE CANCER OUT BEFORE IT SPREADS!

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This is gonna be a disaster if you catch feelings. If she means what she said itS her way of saying this FWB is temporary, and you can bet your arse if I meet someone else Im going for it.

 

If you really dont want her back then I think your entertaining this girl because of your ego like you wrote. But its a dangerous game because I believe your in denial and you do want her back. Is it really worth it? do you want to go through the pain again. CUT THE CANCER OUT BEFORE IT SPREADS!

 

 

to be honest, i am very confused with her actions.. she has told me, that i can be with another woman if i choose to be, because she cannot give me kids, and she does not mind sharing me.. how in gods name that would work out, i really don't know!

 

when she talks to me on whatsapp, she usually sends me a lot of kisses and calls me babe.. again this is confusing, as we are not girlfriend and boyfriend.

 

as someone already suggested, because we are spending time together, the connection is building & the more it goes on, the stronger the connection will get for her.. when she is gone, then it its going to hurt!

 

if she was not an ex girlfriend. then FWB would have been much much easier for me to do.

 

 

as for wanting to be with her? i won't deny the thought has passed my mind.. but i know deep inside it will not work out..

 

we broke up 4 - 5 times in the past, why would it work out this time!

 

plus i would always be in fear of getting dumped by her again... i am 39 years old.. this late in my life, i feel i deserve a better relationship than this!

 

its such a big risk trying to have a relationship with her.. she has a proven history of letting me down!!

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plus i would always be in fear of getting dumped by her again... i am 39 years old.. this late in my life, i feel i deserve a better relationship than this!

 

its such a big risk trying to have a relationship with her.. she has a proven history of letting me down!!

 

Tough decision dude. Im imagining being in your situation and I can tell you it would be a pretty tough decision. don't let your weakness guide you, your last sentence you wrote should. Remember how you felt when she dumped you it will happen again. This time round you have the choice of being in control, dont let your pride and ego take another blow. Its probably going to hurt worse then before as you have predicted the outcome and took a gamble and lost.

 

Your ex obviously has issue, not being able to have kids she probably feel less of a women (my ex had the same problem). But to suggest you should sleep around with other women is irrational and a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Read up on cyclical relationships, they never work>

 

But i suggest you end things, or risk being dumped again. You are the one who likely to get hurt, how many time has she thrown you away. she is not a member of this forum you are!!

 

Be strong and be in control you know the possible outcome, dont waste another minute of life on this girl. Easier said then done.

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Your ex obviously has issue, not being able to have kids she probably feel less of a women (my ex had the same problem). But to suggest you should sleep around with other women is irrational and a disaster waiting to happen.

 

 

 

She has 4 kids.

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She has 4 kids.

 

Then thats even worst, she definitely being irrational.

 

You should sleep with other women because she can not give you kids but has four, baffed.com :confused:

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Tough decision dude. Im imagining being in your situation and I can tell you it would be a pretty tough decision. don't let your weakness guide you, your last sentence you wrote should. Remember how you felt when she dumped you it will happen again. This time round you have the choice of being in control, dont let your pride and ego take another blow. Its probably going to hurt worse then before as you have predicted the outcome and took a gamble and lost.

 

Your ex obviously has issue, not being able to have kids she probably feel less of a women (my ex had the same problem). But to suggest you should sleep around with other women is irrational and a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Read up on cyclical relationships, they never work>

 

But i suggest you end things, or risk being dumped again. You are the one who likely to get hurt, how many time has she thrown you away. she is not a member of this forum you are!!

 

Be strong and be in control you know the possible outcome, dont waste another minute of life on this girl. Easier said then done.

 

 

she has not exactly suggested that i should sleep around.. she cannot have kids with me.. so she suggested that i could be with another woman who can give me kids.. and she would still want to be with me.

 

to be honest, i don't know how serious she is when she said these things.. this could just be a ploy by her, to keep me around as long as possible, till she meets another man!

 

i think it boils down to this....

 

01. A relationship with her is very very risky & it has a huge chance of going wrong

 

02. Remaining FWB with her is also risky, as over time i could end up falling for her again.

 

03. There is a strong possibility she is keeping me around as a FWB to fill a gap, until she finds someone whom she can have a relationship with, then she can discard me, and dump me again.

 

 

it just seems like a no win situation... my gut instinct is telling me, that i should drop her very quickly, and save myself from getting used, or dumped by her!!!!

Edited by soulforge
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Why are you overthinking so much for? FWB is FWB, who cares what she says or acts outside of sex? If her actions and words are confusing and awkward to you why not just ask her or better just stop being FWB? I really do not see the point in analyzing this so much for, it doesn't achieve anything. It only shows that you can't do FWB with her and that you're alittle in denial. If you're developing feelings and are afraid that you guys will get back together because "you don't want to" then why not just stop then? You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with her again right? or am I wrong?

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Why are you overthinking so much for? FWB is FWB, who cares what she says or acts outside of sex? If her actions and words are confusing and awkward to you why not just ask her or better just stop being FWB? I really do not see the point in analyzing this so much for, it doesn't achieve anything. It only shows that you can't do FWB with her and that you're alittle in denial. If you're developing feelings and are afraid that you guys will get back together because "you don't want to" then why not just stop then? You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with her again right? or am I wrong?

 

Part of me does want to be in a relationship with her.. wishfull thinking.. but i know from past experience that it will not work out..

 

And i don't feel its worth investing in her again, just to be dumped again in time!!!

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Part of me does want to be in a relationship with her.. wishfull thinking.. but i know from past experience that it will not work out..

 

And i don't feel its worth investing in her again, just to be dumped again in time!!!

 

Then to answer your topic question, yes it is a bad idea. The actual truth is you're finding "reasons" to continue doing this FWB with your ex and most of the reasons you listed out is all "blaming" on how she's acting and saying to you to make you "confused". Quite frankly it's no use lying to yourself and acting helpless/innocent in this situation. You KNOW it's a bad idea and you KNOW what to do but again like I said you're trying to find reasons to be "confused" so that you can justify your actions. This really isn't about her, it's more about you. You have control over what's going to happen so it's up to you to stop it if that's truly what you feel is right for you.

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