sadkoala Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 So my boyfriend dumped me last week and I'm currently on Day 7 of No Contact. Yesterday, he texted me: "I'm sorry." And I ignored it. Today, he texted me again 3 times: 1) "I'm sorry as in I'm sorry for being a jerk? I regret a lot of things." 2) "Guess you move on huh?" 3) "Hello?" Should I keep ignoring or should I reply?? I actually want him back very badly and I'm worried that if I keep ignoring, he will be annoyed and think I don't care anymore. Please advise! Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 So my boyfriend dumped me last week and I'm currently on Day 7 of No Contact. Yesterday, he texted me: "I'm sorry." And I ignored it. Breadcrumb #1-- I'm sorry doesn't mean anything. Also, he is texting you. How serious can he be about you responding if he TEXTED you this? Today, he texted me again 3 times: 1) "I'm sorry as in I'm sorry for being a jerk? I regret a lot of things." Breadcrumb #2-- Oh, he's sorry again. Got it. For being a jerk. With a question mark. So he's not sure what he is sorry for. But maybe for being a jerk. He also regrets "a lot of things." That clears everything up. He's making sure you got his text because you didn't respond yesterday. He must be really serious about it since he is sticking to texting. Which involves next to no effort. 2) "Guess you move on huh?" He does a lot of guessing in three text messages. And I see after not getting a response from you, he texts you. Again. He is provoking you into answering him by getting you to admit that of course you haven't moved on. He wants the ego boost. 3) "Hello?" Hello? Why are you not crying and begging for me back? I've sent you 3 text messages with no response and I am starting to get worried that you have moved on with your life. These are ALL breadcrumbs. If you want him back, you HAVE to move on from the old relationship. It is broken. He broke up with you. There's going to have to be a lot of work to fix those problems that caused the break in the first place. Which cannot be done in 7 days. And if he is serious about getting back together? It won't be over text message. Should I keep ignoring or should I reply?? I actually want him back very badly and I'm worried that if I keep ignoring, he will be annoyed and think I don't care anymore. Please advise! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Unlucky_I_Guess Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 He's not saying anything you need to hear; i.e. "I made a mistake and want to get back together". He's just feeling like a jerk and your silence is confirming it. Keep it up. You're doing fine. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Liono84 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I would say unless he states that he regrets his choice and wants to reconcile, don't waste your time. You're opening yourself up for more hurt. He's doing it for his own reasons. Dumpers don't want to live with guilt. They want the Dumpee to say "its okay" because they played the hands of God, sort to speak, by possibly changing the future. Thkink about it, if u truly loved someone, 1) You wouldn't break up with them and 2) Even if you did and later regretted it, wouldn't you be a lot more specific and forthcoming in trying to reconcile. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You are doing the right thing. He could just be trying to ease his own guilt or lonely and wanting to get your attention to boost his ego. If he REALLY cares and realizes he made a mistake then he needs time to figure that out. Do not give in a text him back. You need to know he is genuine and that will take time and no contact from you. I know it is hard but it is better to not waste your time in the long run if he is playing games. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadkoala Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thank you all for your input... I'm so grateful to have found such a helpful community like Loveshack. I will be strong and continue with NC... It's really difficult for me because I love him and wish every minute that he'll come back. And darkbloom, thank you kindly for making me understand in detail. Despite being heartbroken, your tasteful sarcasm made me chuckle. XO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I Loved You and Put Up With Your Sh*t For Months, and All I Got Was This Lousy Text Message! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hahahaha. This guy is a rookie. He is pulling this crap right from chapter 1 of the Dumper Handbook, but doesn't even know it... Those lamely scripted messages are 100% for him and his guilt, and have nothing to do with you at all. Buffoon!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Honestly OP, a lot of us would be grateful for an "I'm sorry". At least it's an admission. So, don't respond, but be glad you have some power and that he feels sh*tty knowing he can't have you at his whim anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Honestly OP, a lot of us would be grateful for an "I'm sorry". Bah, breakups just suck. They're complicated but at the same time they're not. One person doesn't want to be with the other person anymore. "Okay bye!". Simple. "Why don't they want me anymore?", "What did I do, how could this happen?", "Did they find someone new?", "Should I send the letter?", "I got a text saying 'wut up?' Does that mean they want me back?" etc etc etc. Becomes complicated. I guess it's all how we 'react' to the bad news. I realized that I'm the one who causes my own drama, not them. I can either accept it and quietly move on or go ballistic and endure everything that comes with it. OP, the best thing to do is keep going NC. The ball is in your court, therefore your dignity remains intact. Once you give it back to him he'll have the upper hand. Stay strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 "Why don't they want me anymore?", "What did I do, how could this happen?", "Did they find someone new?", "Should I send the letter?", "I got a text saying 'wut up?' Does that mean they want me back?" etc etc etc. Becomes complicated.Yeah. It's sadly hilarious to me how when you're with the person, they're just a person - you hear them talk, get used to contact; it becomes commonplace and is really nothing special. Then, after they've rejected you, a one-word text suddenly becomes imbued with hidden layers of meaning that I can spend hours analyzing, calling my friends for their opinions. It's pathetic. No one ex deserves this much power. They're just people; they're not special; they're only special because we've given them the power over our self-esteem and self-worth. Somehow I have equated her loving me, to ME loving me. No. I'm going to break this cycle. Her opinion of me does. not. matter. to. me. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 ^^ Well stated!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Yeah. It's sadly hilarious to me how when you're with the person, they're just a person - you hear them talk, get used to contact; it becomes commonplace and is really nothing special. Then, after they've rejected you, a one-word text suddenly becomes imbued with hidden layers of meaning that I can spend hours analyzing, calling my friends for their opinions. It's pathetic. Dude, that's brilliant. I'm so guilty of this behavior too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Keep ignoring him. Silence is ever so effective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 So my boyfriend dumped me last week and I'm currently on Day 7 of No Contact. Yesterday, he texted me: "I'm sorry." And I ignored it. Today, he texted me again 3 times: 1) "I'm sorry as in I'm sorry for being a jerk? I regret a lot of things." 2) "Guess you move on huh?" 3) "Hello?" Should I keep ignoring or should I reply?? I actually want him back very badly and I'm worried that if I keep ignoring, he will be annoyed and think I don't care anymore. Please advise! Even better than not replying would be blocking him. He's made it known that he doesn't want to be with you, so what else is there to be said? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thank you all for your input... I'm so grateful to have found such a helpful community like Loveshack. I will be strong and continue with NC... It's really difficult for me because I love him and wish every minute that he'll come back. And darkbloom, thank you kindly for making me understand in detail. Despite being heartbroken, your tasteful sarcasm made me chuckle. XO Girl, you got this. Don't let some jerk who broke up with you mess with your head. I am fluent in both breadcrumbs and b-ll**** so thank you for allowing me to translate it for you in plain English. You would do well to block his number. I have a feeling these won't be the last of the breadcrumbs intended to get your hopes up. You not answering is the best thing that you can do. Keep your head up and keep us updated with how you're doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadkoala Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Girl, you got this. Don't let some jerk who broke up with you mess with your head. I am fluent in both breadcrumbs and b-ll**** so thank you for allowing me to translate it for you in plain English. You would do well to block his number. I have a feeling these won't be the last of the breadcrumbs intended to get your hopes up. You not answering is the best thing that you can do. Keep your head up and keep us updated with how you're doing. Thank you so much for helping me see more clearly! I will keep going NC and will update if anything new happens. Quick question: what if he texts me something like "are you just going to keep ignoring me?" Should I respond or keep ignoring at that point? I DO want him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thank you so much for helping me see more clearly! I will keep going NC and will update if anything new happens. Quick question: what if he texts me something like "are you just going to keep ignoring me?" Should I respond or keep ignoring at that point? I DO want him back. If he sends you that and you don't respond; well, I think he'll have his answer, won't he. Stay NC and heal. BUT! Make positive changes to your life and start NOW! This will help you heal even faster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thank you so much for helping me see more clearly! I will keep going NC and will update if anything new happens. Quick question: what if he texts me something like "are you just going to keep ignoring me?" Should I respond or keep ignoring at that point? I DO want him back. If he sends you something like that he's being an emotional terrorist. He has no way to prove that you got his messages or not. There's no way for him to know who you're with or what you're doing. (Assuming hopefully you've blocked him from social media as well.) He's going to have to accept the consequences of his decision to break up with you. Why should you have to make him feel better for his decisions? The answer is you don't. Notice that the power is starting to shift from him to you. He had the power when he broke up with you. Not responding to him has caused him to look a little desperate. We are at 4 text messages with no response in less than a week. You carry all the cards in your hand. Work on yourself and keep up the NC. You lose all of your cards if you respond as well as starting over from day 1 of NC. And we all know that day 1 of NC is the most miserable day of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 If you want him back, you're going to have to accept that it's over. And that you can live without him. Otherwise if you get back together now, you WILL fall back into the same pattern and this will repeat itself. I dated a master manipulator and got back together with him three times. He always sent me breadcrumbs and I would respond and get back into the same old relationship. He would break up with me. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only thing worse than having your heart broken is letting the same person do it to you again. If it's meant to be, it will be. No amount of you ignoring his text messages will stop him if he's serious about fixing things with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why not ask him what he wants? He left you, so if he doesn't give you a legitimate response tell him to go away. I think no contact is great but sometimes people use it as an excuse to act like children. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why not ask him what he wants? He left you, so if he doesn't give you a legitimate response tell him to go away. I think no contact is great but sometimes people use it as an excuse to act like children. But we already know what he wants. He's using Classic breadcrumbs to get her attention and to make him feel less guilty. It's childish to respomd because if he had something legitimate that he wanted, he would have gotten to the point or called or used a more reliable form of communication. He's just trying to get her to take the bait. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why not ask him what he wants? He left you, so if he doesn't give you a legitimate response tell him to go away. I think no contact is great but sometimes people use it as an excuse to act like children. We already know what he wants. He wants to say he's sorry. Well, he already did that. See, he knows that he hurt her and that's causing him some guilt. So, he wants her to ease that guilt for him. Here's the rub. He dumped her. She doesn't owe him jack. That was a choice that he made. All she has to do is move on with her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 My ex texted & FB messaged me 3 times in the first 3 weeks after he dumped me. To this day, I have no idea what the messages said because I refused to read them. I don't believe in blocking his number because I think it makes a stronger statement if he texts or calls me and I just decide not to answer it even though I know it's him. I think it takes a very strong person not to reply to someone who they loved. OP, don't respond to him. Let him wonder what you are doing because I'm sure he's wondering why you haven't jumped at his texts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadkoala Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Darkbloom, you're right on point! Day 1 of NC feels like my heart was being ripped out... I've made it one week today and I refuse to start all over! Tunacat, I wish I were as strong as you! Link to post Share on other sites
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