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I should stop relashionships and go raise goats in India !


FindSomethingWithin

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FindSomethingWithin

Hi guys and girls,

 

Been on this site for about three weeks now and read hundred of threads, I'm with you all, I know the pain a break up can cause. I wanted to open this thread, to understand a few things about my break up, trying to improve myself for the next one, even though I still love my ex.

 

Long story short, we met online a bit more than 2 years ago and chatted for a month before we met, first date and we were together, I wouldn't say love at the first sight but we were good for each other right away. We are quite different but complete each other, I felt like we were better together than apart. 2 years of quite a great relationship, never had a fight nor argument or anything. Everybody saw us as the ideal couple and everyone was stunned when they know we broke up (I had to convince a friend of mine that she really said she wasn't in love with me any more)

 

Yet she broke up with me early August after a week of vacation where I was supposed to go but couldn't due to work. When she came back, she was a whole new person. I'm sure (actually I know) she got hit on by a friend of her telling her he had a crush on her since he first met her at school (a year and a half before). I think she might have been all excited by this even though she wasn't into him AT ALL for more than a year. When she got back from vacation, she told me she wasn't in love with me any more ("I love you but i'm not in love with you") since 7 months (wtf ?!) and she just couldn't face it so pretended she was still in love to convince herself. Claiming that she lost feelings, that she wasn't into me anymore, and didn't want to try to work on things to save the relationship. She said she wanted some time alone to find herself again, that she wouldn't date anyone because she value me too much and have such respect for me (I can see that obviously...) And she turned in a whole new person, partying all time, going out all time, hitting on this dude that isn't his type (well wasn't), and I just can't recognise her.

But a month before the BU, she was looking for an appartment for us both, was planning on getting a cat when we get there, and even after the BU, she offered to sleep (and I mean sleep) with her as usual, that we would still hang out together etc. I told her I didn't want to be her friend, I don't want anything planotic with her, but she says our friends that we are cool, we'll remain friends, etc. She didn't reach out during my NC claiming she just gives me time to heal before I come back, even after what I told her (i'm not her friend, never was, never will be). I'm confused ^^

 

Anyway, I started NC 4 days after the break up, and 2 days after our last talk about it, (About a month now) I agreed that breaking up was a good idea (I don't want to be with someone who's not into me or in love with me, as everyone I guess) but I just can't understand what the **** happened.

Since the beginning of NC, I lost 20 pounds, got back in shape (Wanna looke like Hugh Jackman :D), enjoy my life, my work, but not partying at all, I need to Find Something Within, get my purpose in life first, well basicly focusing on myself.

 

I'd lie if I said I don't want to be with her, but i know now is not the time, so I kinda move on.

 

Yet, do you have any idea what happened ? If you need more details, just ask and I'd gladly answer you !

 

Keep on working on yourself guys. Emotionally, spiritualy, physicaly

You are worth way more than you think !

Edited by FindSomethingWithin
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Good on you for focusing on yourself and no compromising on the friendship scenario. She can try and convince herself and others that everything is cool in order to ease her own guilt but you know the truth.

 

Breakups seem to be quite common when people go away on holiday. I think it has to do with the fact the break away from daily life gives them time to think about their life and how they truly feel. When you are busy at work and home with everyday stresses you can easily avoid the deep issues. It sounds like that is what your ex was doing.

 

I know that makes it harder for you to understand why she did that when she was recently considering moving in with you and getting a pet as well. People can become really good at hiding or avoiding their true feelings when they don’t like change.

 

It sounds like you are going to be better off without her.

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Absence makes the heart go yonder indeed. I had a similar experience with an ex a few years back, and it was a pretty ugly break up.

 

Good on you sir for being so positive. I need to start thinking like that haha! It makes for a better "you" in the end.

 

Off with you now, go to India, and become the most famed goat farmer you can be!

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