Not sure if I was left for someone else

[Oregon_Dude]

Hey guys/girls,

 

still going through the ups and downs; some days are better than others. Lately I've been analyzing the way she left me, and really, all signs point to the fact that she left me for another guy. Or girl, I dunno (she's bisexual). Going cold and distant, fading out, etc. She's 22, I'm 31 - it likely wouldn't have worked out, anyway, but the lack of answers and the feeling of betrayal is hard.

 

Can you please offer some encouragement? It feels pretty crappy, this not knowing, and also the fact that it's taken me so long to put these pieces together, which should have been obvious.

 

On the plus side, I have a date tonight, so that's something.

 

Thanks,

 

OD

[Oregon_Dude]

OK, I'll start.

 

While I know it hurts to think that she left you for someone else, ultimately it doesn't matter - the two of you are done, and nothing will bring you back together or fix the hurt feelings you have. It's tempting to analyze what happened, but all it will do is keep you stuck.

 

Try not to "figure everything out". Have fun on your date. Focus on the now. This is your new life!

[drseuss]

I was in a similar situation , im 22 my ex is 34 , she was cold distant ect and she wasn't over her ex ..... I don't know if they are back together but I exspect they are and that's just life sadly when I asked her is she was getting back with him she said " that's not what I want , at the moment ...... " how cleche , I analysed like a maniac for ages and in the end in just exhausted my self and now couldn't care less , I know I was good too her looked after and loved her , if that's not enough fine she can find it else where and il give that to someone more deserving ,

 

Your ex is gone and in reality these huge age gaps are a pain , No impossible but don't help towards and eay effortless relatonship

[Oregon_Dude]

I really could use more input on this. Thanks in advance.

[darkbloom]

OD,

 

You give great advice so I'll return it.

 

It doesn't matter why she left. The point is that she did. Don't go killing yourself looking for the reasons. Even if there was someone else, it's not likely to last since it's a rebound.

 

You are the most important person in your life. You have a date tonight so don't go comparing her to your ex.

 

You're just having a rough day.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

The answer you seek is not the answer you need,

Although I'm sure it feels that if you get this answered, you'll set yourself free,

In reality, you already know the answer to the question you asked,

Chances are there was someone else, sorry to be crass.

 

However, as you stated, the reason she left is irrelevant to you,

The fact that she left is the only thing that should be of concern too,

In order to move on, you must realize, that her reasons are not yours to bear,

Nor should her reasons give you ANY reason to care!

 

Go out on your date, and have some fun,

Don't forget about the failed relationship...rather, just learn a ton,

About how YOU acted, and about how YOU did,

And analyze what YOU did to cause the end of the relationship.

[Oregon_Dude]

Thanks db. I hate to be so needy on here, but sometimes it's pulling teeth just to get a response.

 

A rough day, it is. Hoping tomorrow will be better.

[Oregon_Dude]

About how YOU acted, and about how YOU did,

And analyze what YOU did to cause the end of the relationship.

Your rhymes are cute, a gimmick nonetheless

As for my relationship, I did my best

I did absolutely nothing to cause its dissolution

But hopefully its demise will advance my evolution.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Your rhymes are cute, a gimmick nonetheless

As for my relationship, I did my best

I did absolutely nothing to cause its dissolution

But hopefully its demise will advance my evolution.

 

A response like this shows me no reflection was made,

Yet your advice seeking is based on her decision to not stay,

In the same breadth, you manage to insult the same people you ask for advice from,

Good luck with your date, sounds like you'll need some.

[Liono84]

Not going to lie, that's a pretty big age gap, and I hate to break it to you, but when you have age gaps that far, especially in that range, it's almost inevitable that it wouldn't have worked out. Just be glad, it happened sooner rather than later, because as we all know, the more you're invested in the R/S and the longer you two were together, the longer the hurt would have lingered.

 

 

I, too, go through a lot of what you're saying. There are days where I feel really good, especially on the weekends, and then there are days where I feel sad. It's an up and down process. Almost like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. But as they say, only time will heal.

[Oregon_Dude]

A response like this shows me no reflection was made,

Yet your advice seeking is based on her decision to not stay,

In the same breadth, you manage to insult the same people you ask for advice from,

Good luck with your date, sounds like you'll need some.

I'm just having fun with you, no need to get butthurt

As far as reflection, I've done lots, rest assured

Let's all just assume I was dumped for another

Luck I will need, that much is true, brother.

[titipornstar]

you could get back together look what zeuss said his ex got back with her ex... this could be you...

[titipornstar]

age gap only matters if the younger person is immature or not

[Oregon_Dude]

age gap only matters if the younger person is immature or not

She's very emotionally immature. Silent treatment, bad communicator, etc.

[Gus Grimly]

I went out with a 'free spirit' bi-sexual woman who was 10 years younger than me. All I know is that having years of relationship experience on her made things difficult for me. it was a rough ride and after that never dated anyone that young again.

 

This girl, and I say girl, has no respect for you. Trying to appease the empty spaces as to 'Why' won't bring you to a grand epiphany. Who knows why people do the things they do?

 

Let me quote some great advice I was given recently:

 

Don't analyze this. It means nothing. Move forward, don't give it the time of day.

[titipornstar]

my current is 25 and I'm 38 , she's mature for her age and not a kid we've been together 6 months and thinking about starting a family, she's from czech republic mind and from my experience a lot more mature than western girls.

 

about the girl, my ex left me for someone else, ripped me up... then i met my current and I'm now happy... my exes relationship hasn't worked out and now she seems to be angling for some kind or recon that will never happen.

 

life takes many twists and turns and you can behave now in such a manner that can maximise your chances to get her back if you so wanted... just go quiet, disappear, she will wonder about you. My ex got classic gigs 6 months later it blew up in her face. i went total no contact.

 

I'm now at the point where i would never take her back but have the option to if i could... and that feels great that I've had the last laugh

[Morning Wood]

If your Ex did not break up with you to become a Monk or a Nun, we are all dumped for someone else.

 

It's either for someone they already met or hope to met in the future. That is the harsh truth.

 

Many a dumpee will spend days, weeks, months, years, decades trying to convince themselves, us and even their Ex otherwise. Sigh... Nobody said that learning the hard way wasn't painful.

[Oregon_Dude]

I went out with a 'free spirit' bi-sexual woman who was 10 years younger than me. All I know is that having years of relationship experience on her made things difficult for me. it was a rough ride and after that never dated anyone that young again.

 

This girl, and I say girl, has no respect for you. Trying to appease the empty spaces as to 'Why' won't bring you to a grand epiphany. Who knows why people do the things they do?

Thanks, Gus. I was hoping you'd post. I certainly learned not to date someone so young again. It's impossible to make someone happy whose needs and wants change literally on a daily basis.

 

Dating a bisexual is tough too, because every single person out there is your competition.

[titipornstar]

ill just add my ex and i had an 11 year age gap and it was a nightmare, she cheated on me a few times, depends on the person , i don't think you can generalise all large age gaps in relationships won't work out

[Gus Grimly]

Dating a bisexual is tough too, because every single person out there is your competition.

Actually, I had written a few paragraphs about the bi-sexual thing but decided to keep my response on a lighter note.

 

Nothing against bisexuals but it was definitely a bumpy ride in many respects. The age difference alone is hard enough, but when you add that other dimension it tends to throw off your guard. Well, at least for me it did. You seem like you've dealt with your break up in a positive way. You had a bad day, we all do, it still doesn't diminish the progress you've made thus far.

[Oregon_Dude]

You seem like you've dealt with your break up in a positive way. You had a bad day, we all do, it still doesn't diminish the progress you've made thus far.

Thanks man. I really appreciate it. I have, at the very least, maintained NC and reclaimed some power and dignity. I'm nervous for this date tonight - but even if it's not amazing, at least I'm dating! Wish me luck

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Yes, she did.

 

Most women will try to setup a new boyfriend before exiting a stale relationship. It's not like you did something crazy to provoke a breakup.

 

And if by some small chance she didn't leave you for someone else she already knows, she left you because she thinks there's someone better than you out there.

[Oregon_Dude]

Yes, she did.

 

Most women will try to setup a new boyfriend before exiting a stale relationship. It's not like you did something crazy to provoke a breakup.

 

And if by some small chance she didn't leave you for someone else she already knows, she left you because she thinks there's someone better than you out there.

Cool, thanks.

[BriNyc82]

Good luck on the date!

 

I'm going to tell you what I tell myself when I think maybe my ex also was with someone else (or is now with someone else). If that is the case, then she should be with someone who she is better suited for. It hurts. It stings. It feels crappy. But is there a chance that maybe, just maybe there is a possibility that someone is a better match for her? I dont know, just food for thought b/c I wonder this a lot too.

[ManyDissapoint]

Hey man just wanted to let you know I know that feeling. When my relationship ended there were lots of signs that pointed to an emotional affair, but since I had been 100% trusting for almost the whole relationship, I had no way to confirm that. Ties were completely severed, and I was left in the dark with a bagful of questions. Hurts like a mother, I know. I know.

 

Many months later she insisted that she had not and never had cheated on anyone in her life. Like so many farts in the wind, of course I don't trust anything she says anymore anyway. This is just to say that even though I never got confirmation either way about her fidelity, you WILL stop harassing your own brain with such questions eventually.