Adina Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 A bit of a background story. I have been together with this guy for 8 months. He broke up at the beginning of July but got together a month later. Now we're in boiling waters once again. He's going through a rough phase once again because of money, lack of sales, family (his father is getting old) and he's been retreating to his shell more and more. I saw that and I understood. I let him be and just be there for him while minding my own business in the meanwhile, you know, giving him space. He also began having major anxiety attacks, he wanted to be by himself a lot. A few days ago he told me he was feeling guilty that he drags me into this phase of his and I don't deserve this, that he doesn't let me be fully happy because he's grumpy/tensed/absent because of work. He said it's better to let me go because of feeling guilty he's not fulfilling his part of the relationship. I "fought" with him about his decision saying that things are not that bad and I'm really next to him, being supportive. This discussion went nowhere for me. He called me later at night sounding more calm, saying "I'll see you these days, this won't stay like this". The next night, after no talking a whole day to him, he texted me asking how I was. We chatted a bit then I wanted to know where we stand and asked him if I'm still his girl. He began talking about the same things he talked a night before, saying that he's not yet prepared for what I have to offer emotionally; he always talked so nicely about me to whoever he met but right now just isn't right, maybe some time in the future he will be ready for something so "perfect and pure". Out of being upset I told him I don't know if i'm coming back (even I know that's a lie, idk) and proceeded into deleting him off facebook (which I kind of regret now) and going into full No contact period. Don't get me wrong, I 100% know he will return as he did last time. I have that gut feeling that i can't ignore which really bugs me sometimes. Right now I think the best option would be to stick at No contact and get busy in the meanwhile, focus on myself. I can't help to say that I'm fresh from this breakup/break and I miss him like crazy... What do you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 A bit of a background story. I have been together with this guy for 8 months. He broke up at the beginning of July but got together a month later. Now we're in boiling waters once again. He's going through a rough phase once again because of money, lack of sales, family (his father is getting old) and he's been retreating to his shell more and more. I saw that and I understood. I let him be and just be there for him while minding my own business in the meanwhile, you know, giving him space. He also began having major anxiety attacks, he wanted to be by himself a lot. A few days ago he told me he was feeling guilty that he drags me into this phase of his and I don't deserve this, that he doesn't let me be fully happy because he's grumpy/tensed/absent because of work. He said it's better to let me go because of feeling guilty he's not fulfilling his part of the relationship. I "fought" with him about his decision saying that things are not that bad and I'm really next to him, being supportive. This discussion went nowhere for me. He called me later at night sounding more calm, saying "I'll see you these days, this won't stay like this". The next night, after no talking a whole day to him, he texted me asking how I was. We chatted a bit then I wanted to know where we stand and asked him if I'm still his girl. He began talking about the same things he talked a night before, saying that he's not yet prepared for what I have to offer emotionally; he always talked so nicely about me to whoever he met but right now just isn't right, maybe some time in the future he will be ready for something so "perfect and pure". Out of being upset I told him I don't know if i'm coming back (even I know that's a lie, idk) and proceeded into deleting him off facebook (which I kind of regret now) and going into full No contact period. Don't get me wrong, I 100% know he will return as he did last time. I have that gut feeling that i can't ignore which really bugs me sometimes. Right now I think the best option would be to stick at No contact and get busy in the meanwhile, focus on myself. I can't help to say that I'm fresh from this breakup/break and I miss him like crazy... What do you think? Adina, sorry for the pain you are going through.... well I hate to say this but two break ups in 8 months, it definitely means, there is something wrong... I am telling you this to help you get out of the limbo you are stuck in right now...my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me 5 weeks ago, and I haven't heard of her ever since ....the first time she broke up with was 2 months ago, she didn't want to talk about the reason of break up, she just said, I can't be with you at the moment, one week later, she sent me a short message, she was sad and devastated and was seeking reconciliation, we reconciled, things were going smoothly until 5 weeks ago, that she started babbling on about stupid things, one moment she told me she loved me the other she was really cold and distant, she told me she needed to think and she said she did not want to continue, she said her interest level had dropped and she couldn't give me 100% of her feelings at that moment, so i thought, it is just like that last time, she would come back, a week later, no signs from her nothing... I was distressed sent her this message and she said she had reconciled with her ex... only then I understood why she had broken up with me in the first place, she kept rabbiting on about that she didn't know if she had made the right decision, that she might come back etc... I don't care, because I don't want her back, I was so in love with girl, but things are not gonna work anymore... lemme give you a piece of advice, don't do anything stupid like I did, I mean right now I wish I didn't know she has reconciled with her ex.... keep your distance for as long as it takes...no contact, don't even think of it...look at it this way,''it is over'' grieve, let it out, if he came back, you would be this stronger person, if not, you have already grieved and ready to move on... pls pls pls don't give yourself false hopes, I did it and I regret it, because it only prolonged the process of healing Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 i also have has 2 break up in around 8-9 months , the first one she was back within a week and the second one was 5 weeks ago nearly 6 and we have not had any form of contact since and i know its over , at first i help alot of hope but as time has gone on i know its for the best and im moving on day by day ! i think you should do the same 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adina Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'm trying to hold my horses. Right now I feel like crying even if I'm not feeling as bad as I might have. I don't know what to think. I always end up being dumped, it's not like the most pleasant thing and I'm tired. Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'm trying to hold my horses. Right now I feel like crying even if I'm not feeling as bad as I might have. I don't know what to think. I always end up being dumped, it's not like the most pleasant thing and I'm tired. I am sorry for you pain. I know how you feel, my girlfriend abandoned me after 6 years and i still try to heal from it. BUT, i want to tell you something that may seem harsh, based on the bold part... If this is happening to you a lot, then the problem is you. I am not saying you are a bad person and deserve to be dumped. But you either are too needy and low self-esteem and you aren't selective enough, or you don't treat them right during the relationship and they lose interest. By the way you reacted to your current ex, i believe you treat the men well and you show understanding, so it must be the selection process of yours... Try to search for other kinds of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adina Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 I think the problem is that I always seem to wear pink heart shaped glasses through which I see everything. I always seem to see the best in people/situations and that's really not okay. I don't classify myself as needy/having low self esteem as I value my own personal time and my own self worth. I guess I fall in love too easily. That doesn't mean I accept jerks because I know when to put my foot down when the situation calls it but I guess I was just unlucky. This time I thought it would be different because 1. his age, he's 13 years older than me, knows what he wants, always treated me right and never ever disrespected me. 2. it was a committed relationship, i got to know his friends and family, I still have stuff at his place (urgh which I don't think I will recover) 3. he never cheated on me. I don't know, everything felt right, the kind of right I never knew before him. Right now I just want to heal and get past this situation, even if he does or doesn't come back. I don't know what to change about me. I really don't think there is any problem with me. I'm content about myself enough to give and ask for space. Link to post Share on other sites
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