Avocadoes Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Guy I was casually seeing had an ex from 3.5 years ago come back into his life. They got back together for 2 weeks and moved across the country together 2 weeks later. He met with me one last time before leaving and we had a heartfelt conversation. Why in the world would he even say things like "I would have seriously dated you if I thought I was ready. I'm still not even sure if I'm ready to date my ex". He also kept asking if I'll still be living in the same state when he comes back in March to visit, and when he moves back for good in 4 years. Another thing is he wants to keep in touch with me. In 4 years his relationship will be very serious and strong (and he'll probably be married w kids). Really, I'm confused by this whole wanting to "keep me in his life" thing. I'd rather not sit around and watch his relationship bloom. What's he trying to do here? Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 1. He is trying to let you down gently so he doesnt feel like a douche for breaking your heart and leaving you for his ex. 2. He does not see the value in you as a girlfriend in the here and now but sees you as a back up, understudy, reserve player that he can call upon if and/or when life kicks him in the teeth and he needs an ego boost, money, sex, companionship or a warm body to occupy the empty space next to him until the woman he really wants to date comes along. 3. It doesn't matter what he said or why he is saying it. You need to focus on the headline facts, he doesnt want to be with you and because you deserve a whole lot more, you need to let it go, heal and move on. Don't keep in touch, don't sit around and wait. Life is for the living so, grieve then start the process of moving on. Good luck OP! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Guy I was casually seeing had an ex from 3.5 years ago come back into his life. They got back together for 2 weeks and moved across the country together 2 weeks later. He met with me one last time before leaving and we had a heartfelt conversation. Why in the world would he even say things like "I would have seriously dated you if I thought I was ready. I'm still not even sure if I'm ready to date my ex". He also kept asking if I'll still be living in the same state when he comes back in March to visit, and when he moves back for good in 4 years. Another thing is he wants to keep in touch with me. In 4 years his relationship will be very serious and strong (and he'll probably be married w kids). Really, I'm confused by this whole wanting to "keep me in his life" thing. I'd rather not sit around and watch his relationship bloom. What's he trying to do here? Look, my girlfriend of 6 months left me for her ex 3 weeks ago... she told me everything this boyfriends of yours told you, I was devastated back then, since I thought she was the one, and the worse part I thought she really loved me... I asked her a question, I asked,'' is it the end of us?'' she swore to God she did not know and told me she did not know if she was making the right decision blah blah, she even told me we might even be able to marry each other... I asked some people, and they told me she wants me for her backup plan, so that if things do not go well, she can crawl back... a couple of my friends told me she just said that to feel less guilty....my piece of advice for you, I know it is hard, I really do, even if he came back, you shouldn't take him back... you don't want to be his rebound twice, do you? if he loved you he would never break up in the first place....it is not gonna be easy, especially if you like me had fallen for this guy... go hard NC, you are gonna grieve for a couple of days/weeks...you will see these random dreams every night, every/other night....you will start to hate him, the #n you feel indifferent...you will move one and find a more handsome and more intelligent man, you will love! and this is when this guy will probably show up again (my experience) they usually show up when have given up hope and found a better person for your life, but you won't need him anymore...I promise! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel_22 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 1. He is trying to let you down gently so he doesnt feel like a douche for breaking your heart and leaving you for his ex. 2. He does not see the value in you as a girlfriend in the here and now but sees you as a back up, understudy, reserve player that he can call upon if and/or when life kicks him in the teeth and he needs an ego boost, money, sex, companionship or a warm body to occupy the empty space next to him until the woman he really wants to date comes along. 3. It doesn't matter what he said or why he is saying it. You need to focus on the headline facts, he doesnt want to be with you and because you deserve a whole lot more, you need to let it go, heal and move on. Don't keep in touch, don't sit around and wait. Life is for the living so, grieve then start the process of moving on. Good luck OP! Can't agree more! but one this that I think I should elaborate on here, It is necessary, '' He does not see the value in you as a girlfriend''what does this mean? not that the other guy is more beautiful, attractive etc etc... this is the law of attraction and in my experience is ridiculous... lemme tell you what I have observed, my first girlfriend broke up with me for someone who looked like ****, my second girl also, I myself made friends with a girl everyone thought was so hot and blah blah, I broke up with her to go with a girl who was super ugly in my friends' point of view...they kept telling me, ''but why would you do that?'' hell I did not know the answer... so when they say value that does not mean the new person is better, more attractive, etc.... most of the times I get shocked when I see what people do, they break up with someone who is 110% better, to go to someone who is worse... this is how the law of attraction works... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Can't agree more! but one this that I think I should elaborate on here, It is necessary, '' He does not see the value in you as a girlfriend''what does this mean? You took that out of context. What was actually said was.He does not see the value in you as a girlfriend in the here and now He is still hung up on the ex, so it wouldn't matter if the OP was the most beautiful girl in the world or the nicest woman on the planet, she is NOT his ex, so her value to him at the moment does not match up to his ex. IF the ex then dumps him the value of the OP will go up, as he searches around for a partner. BUT The fact he said that he only casually dated her in the first place as he was not ready for a relationship is not good news for the OP. He placed a low value on her, she was FWB material only, and he only wants to keep in touch, in case he needs to pick that up again. I do not think there is a hope in hell of him wanting a real relationship in the future with the OP, she again will be a fill in, till he finds "better". She, is not for him, "the one", she was merely the temporary replacement, the substitute, the FB, so she should not waste any time waiting around for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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