Dumped after an 8 year relationship

[justasimplyguy]

Where to start. We're both 25 and were compatible. Both polish, families got along, educated, been dating since high school, future goals the same (money, kids etc), and were talking about marriage once we both settled down on more permanent jobs and saved enough for a down payment. We had planned a trip to Europe for 2 weeks and she broke up with me right before. Stunned. I couldn't believe it was happening and the reasoning behind it came as a shock. Our relationship was fantastic, we got along pretty well, we fought but they were good fights, healthy even. The only thing lacking in our relationship was the physical chemistry. I had a much higher libido than her (But not at the beginning of the relationship they were the same). Anyway, she claimed that she loved me she was just not in love with me. That even though she found me physically attractive she could no longer be intimate with me because she felt she no longer had that desire. Which I always attributed her lack of interest to sex was because of birth control and not a deeper more serious meaning. So when she voiced this point of view I thought well okay our relationship is officially over. We separate, I cry for the day and then pick myself up and head to gym (What else do males do after breakups).

 

Anyway it's been about two months and I'm in a pretty good spot. Been working out, going out with friends, meeting new girls and enjoying the single life. I have also noticed how much our relationship was stifling how horny I am as a person (She used to turn me down a lot) and I feel more like myself again. I also have done a lot of reflecting and would like my new partner to enjoy more of the same things I do. Such as sports, exercise, hiking, socializing, drinking, letting lose and having a good time (All things my girlfriend didn't really enjoy). Now two months later my ex messages me (We have talked a bit prior and she voiced her regrets of breaking up with me but I told her I wanted space from her). She wants another chance at the relationship. She wants to take things slow and win me back. She claims she has changed. She's on meds to balance her hormones and she has lost weight and feels much more attractive again (Even though she's a very a pretty woman) and feels she wants to have our relationship back and can offer the intimacy I desire. She also claims she's more out going and wants to enjoy life and go out and exercise together, and socialize and drink and feels she could do those things with me. So in theory, this would be amazing and i'm very attracted to this because I've always wanted that side of her, she's very conservative and proper.

 

However, there are a few things holding me back. 1) it's been two months how much could she really change? 2) we are each other's first for everything and this would be our first breakup ever. So she's never been through a breakup and I feel she is just panicking and not taking it very well because she doesn't have many friends to distract her and is in between jobs so has a lot of time on her hands. 3) I haven't been single since high school and I am starting to like it. Not a care in the world I worry about just myself for a change and I can do whatever I want that makes me happy.

 

So I don't really know what to do and I'm not sure what I expect to get from this forum. But thanks for reading this if you have made it this far and if you reply thanks!

[Bo34]

It seems like you already know the answer to your question.

 

It looks like you hadn't seen what else was out there in the pond, but when she broke up with you, you started to see that there are better catches out there. Ultimately, it is up to you. Being single has it's pros and it's cons, but you're still very young, and have plenty of time.

[Ellie35]

I agree with above poster. You have used the time to find yourself again and see what eles is out there. Take your time making a decision and make it for the right reasons.

[jen1447]

I'd be a little skeptical about her change of heart. Sounds like she's negotiating - with you and herself. Why is the big question. Also would these changes last I wonder?

[central]

The only thing lacking in our relationship was the physical chemistry. I had a much higher libido than her (But not at the beginning of the relationship they were the same).

 

Bottom line, you're not compatible. She can probably get what she wants from the relationship, and you never will. You CAN do much better, IMO, and having time to see that there are other options is good. You need other relationships and experiences before deciding to commit, and once you do, I'm sure you won't commit to her.

[HeaderIsBack]

People don't change. Plain and simple. Sure, it might appear they have. Give it 3 months, 6 months, a year. You'll see that when people go back to their 'safe spot' (recovered what they wanted) they'll go back to their old habits.

 

My 2 cents, based on personal experience and what I've seen with other friends.

[Satu]

If you were meant to be together, you'd be together now.

[Jaggerz]

I am almost in the exact same situation as you, she said the same thing about the 'I love you but no longer in love'. my breakup was 3 weeks ago, rs of 7 years, and I'll give you my two cents...

 

You two broke up for a reason. You, as the guy was probably comfortable with her being around, sticking through the hard times, enjoying the camaraderie and, even though she had a million and one flaws, you accepted her.

 

Now, she is very different. Apparently for the girls 'being in love' is very important. You've been together 8 years, and she seems to forget that being in love is a very short term, high schoolish feeling. It's not a Disney movie. Anyway, I digress.

 

Two months later, she is suddenly seeing what the hell she has lost and is feeling sorry she chose the door instead of fighting for you. She has lost the guy that stayed during the hard times in life and realises life isn't really much better without you. So she makes you a promise to better herself. How long do you think it will last before she's back to the non social version of herself? It's only a matter of time, man. You picked yourself up quite fast if I read your story, so that leads me to believe you had your doubts about the relationship as well.