Having an extremely hard time

[Wanderlust2386]

Last week my girlfriend of six years split up with me. We have been struggling the last couple years because my father died and I suffered crippling anxiety. Also this year, she has dealt with the loss of her grandfather and her father trying to commit suicide three times. It has been quite difficult for both of us, but we wanted to make it work and we did our best because we love each other. She is planning to move in less than two weeks for school and we we're planning on doing long distance, but no obviously that will no longer be needed. About three weeks ago, she told me that she wanted me to go on medicine for my anxiety or that she would leave me because our relationship was not strong enough, and definitely not strong enough to endure a move. So I did. I also started therapy and the last couple weeks I have been doing to much better and she noticed.

 

However, last Friday I came home from work and started to get sad about her moving (losing our house together, etc.) and she asked what's wrong. I told her. She then randomly says to me, "I need space." So I got terribly upset, cried, etc. I was under the impression that she wanted some space, but that we were still together. About three days later we talked and she said no, we are broken up, we are not good together right now, I need to find myself, and also that she could not love me that way I needed her to. I fully admitted putting her through trying times and embarrassingly begged for her to give me another chance. She wouldn't. I am devestated. I always thought I was going to marry this girl. I would walk to the end of the world for her and die trying to make this work. Now she is saying a big reason is that she never got to find herself or be single after her first marriage because she met me and she has always regretted that, which I feel is a big slap in the face because she could have told me that years ago.

 

I simply do not want to live anymore. I have never been so sad in my life. I gave her all I had to give at the time and it was not enough. My family loved her. She was/is a huge part of my life and I feel so empty inside. I don't think I will ever recover. Right now, I am trying to move stuff into my moms house so I will have a place to stay. I am letting her stay in our house until the least is up in two weeks and every time I go over there and have to see her I break out in heavy tears. It's like she and our life together is just disappearing. We had so many good memories and it feels like a knife to my heart. The worst part is, she's been out with her friends every single night til 3am and it is totally unlike her. She also told me she was working one night when I asked (only because I wanted to know if she'd be home when I went over) and then the next day I saw pictures of her on a friends instagram out having fun. Why lie to me? She never lies. Has she met someone else? I feel like an absolute idiot. I just want her back so badly. I loved her the best I knew how and she knew I was good to her. She has always told me how good I am to her. However, in the end in wasn't enough to make up for all the times I was so anxious and depressed.

 

My family says to just work on myself and she will regret it one day, that she is just moving and probably doesn't want to deal with me right now so she ended it, etc...but i know they are just trying to make me feel better.

 

I guess I just need some advice on how to get through this. I only have my mother and my best friend is in another state. I feel extremely lonely and abandoned. I don't want anyone else but her and I just cannot let her go.

[nescafe1982]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're hurting.

 

You will recover... in time. Don't worry about making that happen right now, but please know that the pain is temporary and you will eventually recover.

 

Right now, you are allowed to grieve. A LTR is a painful thing to lose, and you are allowed to just feel the loss.

 

Please do what you can to reach out to people who care about you, family, etc. If not in person, on the telephone. But be around people who can love you and support you to the extent that you can do so.

[frigginlost]

I know it hurts unbelievably bad, but trust us, it will get better with time.

 

To give you an idea on just how we all have felt exactly like you are right now, I will give you an example of the day I just wanted life to end.

 

I was married for close to 20 years, and my ex told me she just did not want to be married anymore. I was completely blindsided as we were getting along fine. I had no clue it was coming. None.

 

Three weeks after she told me that, she started moving out. When I came home from work the day she moved her stuff out leaving nothing behind but an empty house, she left one item behind...

 

Her wedding dress hanging in the closet.

 

It absolutely destroyed me. I wanted to die right then and there. It took me 3 days of complete and total isolation to recover from that sight.

 

That was 4 years ago. Today I'm dating women half my age and having a complete blast doing so!

 

You will get better... let father time do his thing.

[Gus Grimly]

Three weeks after she told me that, she started moving out. When I came home from work the day she moved her stuff out leaving nothing behind but an empty house, she left one item behind...

 

Her wedding dress hanging in the closet.

Seriously? Ah man, what a low blow. Sooooo tactless. I would have of put the dress covered in dog s***, in a box and send it to her priority mail.

 

Damn, that must have been brutal.

 

Glad you're doing better though.

[Wanderlust2386]

Thank you everyone. Everyone tells me time heals all wounds and that I will be okay, but I just don't see any hope at this point. I had an okay weekend because my family was here, but I still broke down in front of them a few times.

 

Yesterday and today has been extremely hard to the point where I felt I might harm myself. I'm pretty sure my ex is already sleeping with someone else and it's barely been a week. She has been spending every free second with this person (which is odd because she has only known her about a month) She is leaving in 2 weeks and has many other friends I would think she would want to see. I am friends with this girl on Instagram so I have been seeing numerous flirty pictures. I do not know anything for sure, but I have a sinking feeling, especially because a month ago she told me she totally had a crush on her jokingly. It's probably none of my business, I get it, she's done with me, but she has her trailer parked at my moms house and I feel that if she is going to be sleeping with someone that's not me, it is disrespectful to leave it there, otherwise she was welcome to. She got very defensive and told me to stop accusing her of things. Maybe I am in the wrong, but I feel an immense amount of pain over this considering one of the main reasons we broke up was because she said she needed time to figure out who she was and be alone.

 

I really don't know how I can go on. I spent today staring at the wall for 3 hours, numb, then went to the house to pack more stuff and had a complete mental breakdown. I don't know what to do.

[frigginlost]

Thank you everyone. Everyone tells me time heals all wounds and that I will be okay, but I just don't see any hope at this point. I had an okay weekend because my family was here, but I still broke down in front of them a few times.

 

Yesterday and today has been extremely hard to the point where I felt I might harm myself. I'm pretty sure my ex is already sleeping with someone else and it's barely been a week. She has been spending every free second with this person (which is odd because she has only known her about a month) She is leaving in 2 weeks and has many other friends I would think she would want to see. I am friends with this girl on Instagram so I have been seeing numerous flirty pictures. I do not know anything for sure, but I have a sinking feeling, especially because a month ago she told me she totally had a crush on her jokingly. It's probably none of my business, I get it, she's done with me, but she has her trailer parked at my moms house and I feel that if she is going to be sleeping with someone that's not me, it is disrespectful to leave it there, otherwise she was welcome to. She got very defensive and told me to stop accusing her of things. Maybe I am in the wrong, but I feel an immense amount of pain over this considering one of the main reasons we broke up was because she said she needed time to figure out who she was and be alone.

 

I really don't know how I can go on. I spent today staring at the wall for 3 hours, numb, then went to the house to pack more stuff and had a complete mental breakdown. I don't know what to do.

 

You have to power through it. There is no other way. You can do this man, we all have done it.

 

Remember one thing: Regardless of what your ex is doing, realize that you can't change it. She is going to do what she is going to do. But, I will tell you from experience that if she is already "moving on" she is in for her world crashing down on her. She is trying to "band-aid" her feelings and this will not work as time moves along. With that said, try your hardest to not concern yourself with what she is doing. Do things for you right now and start rebuilding your self-esteem. The easiest way is through the smallest of actions. Next time you're at the grocery store, smile and be friendly with the cashier. It will do wonders...

 

You got this man!

[frigginlost]

Seriously? Ah man, what a low blow. Sooooo tactless. I would have of put the dress covered in dog s***, in a box and send it to her priority mail.

 

Damn, that must have been brutal.

 

Glad you're doing better though.

 

Thanks. I tell ya man, I have never, ever, felt pain like that in my life.

 

I went NC with her for 6 months.

 

Oddly enough, as the wounds have healed between us we are really good friends now. She absolutely felt horrible about it, but in her words she "tried to erase 24 years together in 3 hours (the time it took her to gather her things) and did not think one bit of what it would do to me". She was dead set on moving on and wanted not a single reminder.

 

Two years ago she wanted to get back together, but I had moved on by that point. I still love the girl (hell we were together for near a quarter century) but it is a friendship love. She has a new beau and I'm truly happy for her.

[Wanderlust2386]

You have to power through it. There is no other way. You can do this man, we all have done it.

 

Remember one thing: Regardless of what your ex is doing, realize that you can't change it. She is going to do what she is going to do. But, I will tell you from experience that if she is already "moving on" she is in for her world crashing down on her. She is trying to "band-aid" her feelings and this will not work as time moves along. With that said, try your hardest to not concern yourself with what she is doing. Do things for you right now and start rebuilding your self-esteem. The easiest way is through the smallest of actions. Next time you're at the grocery store, smile and be friendly with the cashier. It will do wonders...

 

You got this man!

 

I'm trying my best, but I cannot seem to pull myself together. I have done a lot of thinking the past few days and I finally realize all of the things I did wrong in our relationship and texted her that I understand why she had to break it off. She wrote back saying it meant a lot to her and it was nice to hear and she would be thoughtfully replying soon. It makes it hurt worse that now being on the outside and seeing everything clearly, I am too late. I don't want to be with anyone else but her. I had to go to the house today and she kept asking me how long I would take because she couldn't talk today. I didn't even ask her to talk, I just had to drop off food for the cats. She was being very rude one second and then continued to text and ask me how my new job was, etc... I just don't know what I am supposed to do. I can't let her go but she obviously does not want to see me even for a minute. Our lives are intertwined as we have cats and a house together. We need to take care of these things, and she is just out with this new person distracting herself from everything. For someone I feel cared a lot about me, I feel like she doesn't at all anymore and it makes me want to die. We were just together last week. I'm so lost.