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Do dumpee's expect or hope there exes will make contact during NC


Writingonthewall

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Writingonthewall

Just a quick question. Im just curious to know if dumpee's (person who been dumped), Expects or even hopes during the NC period that your ex will contact you.

 

Through my experience no contact is great but very hard. I personally was constantly hoping she would contact me. I went by the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder. Which i believe is self defeating the objective of NC.

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If they didn't want it to end of course they do , but over time with nc in place they lose interst in the thought of hearing from their ex and forget about them , and then move on

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Just a quick question. Im just curious to know if dumpee's (person who been dumped), Expects or even hopes during the NC period that your ex will contact you.

 

Through my experience no contact is great but very hard. I personally was constantly hoping she would contact me. I went by the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder. Which i believe is self defeating the objective of NC.

They do, if they love that person!! just for a couple of weeks...as time passes by, love turns into anger, anger to indifference, this is the point, most dumpers show up again, but when it comes to this point, the dumpee has gone through so much pain, that does not accept the dumper! this is the process, I have both a dumper and a dumpee in the past, I generalize it like this

what happens to the dumpee?

1) Shock / Denial

2) Depression, Anxiety and Bereavement Stage

3) Recovery and Acceptance Stage (Indifference)

what happens to the dumper?

1) Relief and Happiness

2) Distress and Discomfort

3) Fond Memories and Acceptance

As months go by, dumpers tend to look more and more on the positives of the past relationship. Their thoughts will increase somewhat and they'll generally have a very positive attitude towards you. This is the stage where a reconciliation may be possible if both parties are in the right place. Unfortunately, by the time they reach this stage, the dumpee is in his last stage and he or she is already questioning why they spent so much time and energy moping about the dumper. The dumper in this stage may, according to his or her current relationship status, reach out and make an attempt to open communication and begin the process of exploration with the dumpee.

So that's what I've observed. I could be wrong but it seems about right. I've had over half of my ex's reach out (usually after months and months have gone by)

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They do, if they love that person!! just for a couple of weeks...as time passes by, love turns into anger, anger to indifference, this is the point, most dumpers show up again, but when it comes to this point, the dumpee has gone through so much pain, that does not accept the dumper! this is the process, I have both a dumper and a dumpee in the past, I generalize it like this

what happens to the dumpee?

1) Shock / Denial

2) Depression, Anxiety and Bereavement Stage

3) Recovery and Acceptance Stage (Indifference)

what happens to the dumper?

1) Relief and Happiness

2) Distress and Discomfort

3) Fond Memories and Acceptance

As months go by, dumpers tend to look more and more on the positives of the past relationship. Their thoughts will increase somewhat and they'll generally have a very positive attitude towards you. This is the stage where a reconciliation may be possible if both parties are in the right place. Unfortunately, by the time they reach this stage, the dumpee is in his last stage and he or she is already questioning why they spent so much time and energy moping about the dumper. The dumper in this stage may, according to his or her current relationship status, reach out and make an attempt to open communication and begin the process of exploration with the dumpee.

So that's what I've observed. I could be wrong but it seems about right. I've had over half of my ex's reach out (usually after months and months have gone by)

 

 

Thus is a fantastic post and is what I was trying to say but worded much better , it's amazing how something can be worded in such a way it makes so much sense and really hits home , I'm glad to say I'm in stage 3 of the dumpees mindset :-)

 

Samuel 22 ide be interested to hear about your exes the did and didn't reach out

Edited by drseuss
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NC is not a period of time. It's a new state of being / reality. For the rest of your life you never have anything to do with the EX.

 

Of course dumpees want contact. They want the other person back.

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what happens to the dumper?

1) Relief and Happiness

2) Distress and Discomfort

3) Fond Memories and Acceptance

As months go by, dumpers tend to look more and more on the positives of the past relationship. Their thoughts will increase somewhat and they'll generally have a very positive attitude towards you.

Or, what really happens:

 

1) Relief, go find someone else to mess with / have sex with

2) Spend time with this person and forget about you

3) Get dumped or dump that person, sniff around to see if you're still on their hook

4) Find out you're not, find someone else to mess with

 

Repeat 1-4 for the rest of their life.

 

In short: don't try to understand what's going on with the "dumper". They have no regard for you, you really shouldn't care about them and their little stages. What Samuel wrote is wishful thinking, and chances are the dumper is 100% fine with never hearing from or thinking about you again.

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Thus is a fantastic post and is what I was trying to say but worded much better , it's amazing how something can be worded in such a way it makes so much sense and really hits home , I'm glad to say I'm in stage 3 of the dumpees mindset :-)

 

Samuel 22 ide be interested to hear about your exes the did and didn't reach out

Bear in mind I don't want to give you any false hopes, but I have some experience myself and I have seen it among friends at university and at work, I am a teacher, I have not tried to be nosy in my students' affairs but have seen similar situations among them as well...

If I want to talk about myself, before telling my stories about my exes and your judging me as an animal, I have to say I used to tell ever girl with whom the relationship was not serious that, ''This relationship ain't serious'' so don't judge me please.

The first story, I was the dumper, I was 21 back then, the first year of university, I made friends with a beautiful girl let's call her Jane! whom I really liked and cared for, we were friends for 1 year, the next year like always newbies showed up, there was a girl among them, who was damn beautiful and attractive let's call her Amy, so after acting up for a couple of weeks, I finally broke up with Jane, to make friends with that new girl, well we made friends, the first 2 months? awesome! everything that I wanted, gradually problems started to form, it was the third month, when all we had was fighting and arguing! so I started texting Jane, she did not answer any of my messages, I felt like a stupid person, for dumping that lovely girl, a months later, Amy and I broke up, I was an emotional mess, I felt like a monkey! one day at campus I saw Jane! I decided to follow her to find a quiet place, to tell her back, so I did it, I followed her, when it was the right time I called her ''Jane!'' I said... she turned back, ''I have to talk to you'' I said...she waited for me to approach, when I approached her she slapped me so hard that I can't forget it to date... later I found Jane had made friend with a nice guy who was an actor...

The second time I was the dumpee! unlike me, she had never told me, that our relationship was not serious, we had this relationship for 2 years, until she dumped me for another man... I was never a man of begging, so when she said she wanted to move, I said ok! I was devastated, I was so happy with this person, I had this awful feeling for a year until I found another girl who was really awesome! just when I started dating this person, my ex showed up, she used to call me day in and day out! crying, she said,'' I don't know why I did this.'' but I was with a girl who was really nice, and I didn't take her back...

This time I am again a dumpee! she left me for an ex! I have a feeling she will come back, but I won't take her back! I am in stage 2 right now! anger!

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1) Shock / Denial

2) Depression, Anxiety and Bereavement Stage

3) Recovery and Acceptance Stage (Indifference)

what happens to the dumper?

1) Relief and Happiness

2) Distress and Discomfort

3) Fond Memories and Acceptance

Samuel, this was so great to see you post something like that. You've impressed me very much by how much progress you've made thus far. You're doing and sounding great!!

 

Writingonthewall, stick around, listen, read other people's stories. You will learn that we've all been through what you are going through. Most importantly, we've all survived, grown and matured. It's a wonderful thing, really. You'll get there I promise. :)

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NC is not a period of time. It's a new state of being / reality. For the rest of your life you never have anything to do with the EX.

 

Of course dumpees want contact. They want the other person back.

I couldn't have said it better my self!!! I do agree! going back to an ex? It's stupid, it never works! I had a girlfriend who went back to an ex got married, 1 year later they got divorced...cyclical relationships never work!

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Samuel, this was so great to see you post something like that. You've impressed me very much by how much progress you've made thus far. You're doing and sounding great!!

 

Writingonthewall, stick around, listen, read other people's stories. You will learn that we've all been through what you are going through. Most importantly, we've all survived, grown and matured. It's a wonderful thing, really. You'll get there I promise. :)

Gus Grimly! A lot of people helped me on loveshack!!! But you! You are the one who gave me this strength to climb up to this point! I may never see you man! but I want you to know your wisdom, helped not only to survive, but to become a stronger better me!!! Me version 2.0!!! I will never never forget you! not until I am alive!!!

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Bear in mind I don't want to give you any false hopes, but I have some experience myself and I have seen it among friends at university and at work, I am a teacher, I have not tried to be nosy in my students' affairs but have seen similar situations among them as well...

If I want to talk about myself, before telling my stories about my exes and your judging me as an animal, I have to say I used to tell ever girl with whom the relationship was not serious that, ''This relationship ain't serious'' so don't judge me please.

The first story, I was the dumper, I was 21 back then, the first year of university, I made friends with a beautiful girl let's call her Jane! whom I really liked and cared for, we were friends for 1 year, the next year like always newbies showed up, there was a girl among them, who was damn beautiful and attractive let's call her Amy, so after acting up for a couple of weeks, I finally broke up with Jane, to make friends with that new girl, well we made friends, the first 2 months? awesome! everything that I wanted, gradually problems started to form, it was the third month, when all we had was fighting and arguing! so I started texting Jane, she did not answer any of my messages, I felt like a stupid person, for dumping that lovely girl, a months later, Amy and I broke up, I was an emotional mess, I felt like a monkey! one day at campus I saw Jane! I decided to follow her to find a quiet place, to tell her back, so I did it, I followed her, when it was the right time I called her ''Jane!'' I said... she turned back, ''I have to talk to you'' I said...she waited for me to approach, when I approached her she slapped me so hard that I can't forget it to date... later I found Jane had made friend with a nice guy who was an actor...

The second time I was the dumpee! unlike me, she had never told me, that our relationship was not serious, we had this relationship for 2 years, until she dumped me for another man... I was never a man of begging, so when she said she wanted to move, I said ok! I was devastated, I was so happy with this person, I had this awful feeling for a year until I found another girl who was really awesome! just when I started dating this person, my ex showed up, she used to call me day in and day out! crying, she said,'' I don't know why I did this.'' but I was with a girl who was really nice, and I didn't take her back...

This time I am again a dumpee! she left me for an ex! I have a feeling she will come back, but I won't take her back! I am in stage 2 right now! anger!

 

 

Far out ! Good to read these stories always makes me feel like I'm not the only guy that has had to deal with this stuff , been a good evening !

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Gus Grimly! A lot of people helped me on loveshack!!! But you! You are the one who gave me this strength to climb up to this point! I may never see you man! but I want you to know your wisdom, helped not only to survive, but to become a stronger better me!!! Me version 2.0!!! I will never never forget you! not until I am alive!!!

That made my day! Thank you! :o

 

The feeling is mutual, brother, these things go both ways. You're not even the same person that first came here, it's amazing and encouraging to see how much confidence you have today. Now you're me, giving back to others who are just as lost as we were. It's like poetry, it rhymes. :)

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Funny... thinking back, it was both the thing I wanted the most, and the thing I dreaded the most.

 

That's the exact boat I've been in for a while now

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That made my day! Thank you! :o

 

The feeling is mutual, brother, these things go both ways. You're not even the same person that first came here, it's amazing and encouraging to see how much confidence you have today. Now you're me, giving back to others who are just as lost as we were. It's like poetry, it rhymes. :)

Roger that lieutenant!

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