Happines Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Hi guys, As I mentioned before I left my boyfriend because he hurted me quiet few times. Now we been broken up nearly 3 months. He contacted me two times in this period saying he loves me and misses me. However after all he did to me I clearly don't believe in the things he says especially when I see no effort so I asked him to leave me alone as he is only confusing me. So a question to u guys...how to know if your ex really wants you back and not just manipulating you? Many many thanks Link to post Share on other sites
sauce24 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 you allow him to prove himself by making demands. when i say demands, i mean you giving him an ultimatum. this is how it goes: tell him anytime he does what he has being doing before, then it will be a final quit, that if he truly loves you he should caution himself or look for someone to do that for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bassman45 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 This is a tough one. Guess it is an individual choice. My Ex wants me back, in fact to an unhealthy level in my opinion. I researched Wife Abuse and the criteria I found showed her meeting all 10 flags including many at VERY high levels. I know she loves me (for what thats worth given its unhealthy) I know she is loyal, a HUGE one for me I know she is devoted, hard working, common interests, etc. That said, for me, Guilt, blame, ridicule, etc dominate and despite all of those pros, I have to look out for me. SO, that said, look at the pros and cons. You know who he is, what is is capable of becoming, and most importantly, WHAT HE IS WILLING TO DO. If you have seen him change, accept his issues and make a real attempt to correct and follow through with said correction then Id say why not. Flip side, if you know better, then dont do it. I tried countless times to make up and try and again, only to let my core be torn to pieces. I cant go back, and wont. Thats the hard part, knowing you care, and that they do, but still cant Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happines Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I do not really want to give ultimatums or make demands. I spoke with my dad about this whole thing as we are pretty close and he always gives me proper advices and he said that if my ex really cared he would of proved me with actions that he deserves second chance without me even asking anything...I guess I am just confused Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happines Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Bassman45 the problem I am facing is him doing the talking and seeing no change or effort...I mean I hear him saying he loves me and misses me but then when I asked him what exactly does he want with me he said u know to see each other enjoy one another's company with no big promises...sounded like he is doing me a favour... I won't hide I kind if hoped that us being apart will give him time to change and quiet all manipulation and lies but he comes back after nearly 3 months and it was very hard 3 months for me and the only thing he does is text me...makes me feel like I deserve more then that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I do not really want to give ultimatums or make demands. I spoke with my dad about this whole thing as we are pretty close and he always gives me proper advices and he said that if my ex really cared he would of proved me with actions that he deserves second chance without me even asking anything...I guess I am just confused This issue hits me close to home. Most likely your ex boyfriend is more hurt than he is letting on and is testing the waters. Have you given him anything to work with? Or are you telling him you don't want anything to do with him but secretly waiting for a grand romantic gesture? Most people say never to do a grand romantic gesture (ie showing up at your house / work unexpected with a bunch of flowers) as you might just get a restraining order on your butt. It's pretty hard to prove anyone anything when you are blocked out of their lives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 It's tricky , I think sometimes people just can't handle not having the person they want ,me included , and when they get them back it can be an anticlimax and short lived ..... After spending time on here it's lead me to realise a clean break is for he best , if two people love each other and want it to work , they dont break up and thats where it ends ,no matter what issues people face the person they love should be the one they want to spend time with and help them through, why go back to a r/s that has failed once ,there will always be that taint there,epically when there are so many millions of people out there to explore r/s with and experience new amazing things with But don't get me wrong in still miss my ex and I know how hard this all Is , there the right thing to do ,and there is the thing you want to do ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happines Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I am not waiting any grand gestures to b honest just some kind of effort...I broke up with him because he kissed another girl whilst drunk..then all his intimacy issues as any kind of intimacy makes him feel uncomfortable and plus his depression...I put up with everything and supported him for two year still I had enough of co start lies...when I left I said I was willing to work on the things as long as he will do something and not just talk...I agreed to go to doctor with him and so on one week after I moved out I went to pick up my last bits and he didn't let me in and simply lied he was too hurt but the truth was he had another girl in there who apparently was only a friend...anyways I think after all this for me to believe he is actually honest I would prefer to see some changes not just a message I miss u I love u and then act weird again I mean if j wanted him back and I was the one causing the break up I would literally try to become a better person and then would ask for a second chance by showing that things would b different but it's just me and as another person said maybe clean break us best Link to post Share on other sites
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