Problem breakup. Help!

[HeaderIsBack]

I'll try to make this as brief as possible. Please excuse my english, as it's not my first language.

 

So, my exgf broke up with me in February. We met in college, I was a 'teaching assistant' for her. She had a bf, and only confessed to me at the end of the semester (so we wouldn't have trouble at college, etc.).

 

She broke up with him and about a month later we started dating. We went slow at first and she was pretty honest saying that she wanted time, that she liked me a lot but wanted to get over her breakup 100% before starting something. At one point, about 2 months into dating (yeah, we went slow) she had her doubts (enhanced by the fact that I had to work over 1000km. away from her). I gave her space and when I came back we talked a couple weeks after, and she said that she was now convinced to be with me.

 

Her ex, btw, was pretty mentally abusive with her. She had a very abusive childhood, and when she started crying remembering stuff, he'd walk away and say 'go find a psychologist, I'm not here to listen to you cry'. He'd call her 'fat' frequently, and was extremely jealous, to the point where he didn't let her go out with friends.

 

Anyways, we started our relationship and it was awesome. We literally didn't fight like EVER, her friends came to me and said 'Dude, don't **** it up 'cause she's too invested into you' (at time I felt she was going too fast and it made me scared, honestly). Everyone told me how much better she looked, she got out of a depression (that her ex was a big part of, at least from what her friends told me), and we had plans to move in together and whatnot.

 

All of a sudden, she wants to break up with me (we were together for 2+ years). At first, she tries to stay friends, keeps talking to me and I, foolishly, fall into it. But I stopped when I found she was dating someone else. She confessed and I started a pseudo-NC but she kept talking to me, sometimes in a good mood trying to be friends, other times she calls me furious saying that I'm talking behind her back and whatnot.

 

A couple months go by, and now I find out she's broken up with this new guy and has gone back to... her exbf. I was devastated. Like, burned to the ground. I didn't want to live anymore. I did everything to not be like him, I got her out of a depression because of him being an *ss and she goes back?

 

This is where I start strict NC. She seems to do nothing at first, but after a while, starts to try to get back on contact/catch my attention again. She starts constantly blocking and unblocking me on Whatsapp and Facebook, and small things like that. Then, a couple weeks ago, she calls me, and I don't pick up. A week after that, she calls again, I don't pick up again. She then blocks me again on FB. A couple days ago, she sent me a blank text, to which I of course, didn't reply again.

 

A couple days ago a friend of mine showed me a photo of her with her ex boyfriend. I was devastated again. She's trying to contact with me but she seems so happy with this abusive guy. I couldn't stomach it, and I feel like I'm back to day 0 (yes, I knew she was going back to him, but I thought that her trying to contact me meant things weren't going so smoothly...)

 

She has a very complicated life story, her mom does too, and it's something that always worried me (and I think that it affects her love life too).

 

So anyway, that's it. SOrry for the long post, but I had to get it out. Any thoughts on what to do, how should I proceed, I don't know... I kind of want to get her back (maybe just try again) but at least feel like I made the decision...

[drseuss]

There really is few things in life as gut wrenching as seeing an ex you care about with another guy ! Horrible . Sadly we have absolutely no control over another person's mind no matter how weak or easily influenced they are ,despite the many things exs can day that give hope , what they actualy do is the thing the matters , and all you can do now is walk amd cut of you ties with her get rid of her number , unfollowed or delete her fb ect . She doesn't sound like she is worth waiting for and seems to jump from one guy to another very quickly , you don't need that worry in your life

[DexterLS]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Breakups are so painful, but believe me, you dodged a bullet on that one.

 

She's confused, but it will be really unfair to you to wait around. Move on, and in a few months, you will be a lot better.

 

However, you must really stick with strict No Contact. It's essential for you to move on.

[HeaderIsBack]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Breakups are so painful, but believe me, you dodged a bullet on that one.

 

She's confused, but it will be really unfair to you to wait around. Move on, and in a few months, you will be a lot better.

 

However, you must really stick with strict No Contact. It's essential for you to move on.

 

Thing is, I've been NC for 3 months, was feeling awesome and then the picture struck me, and I felt like I was back to day 0. I really did. Like this 3 months of NC and 7 months of BU meant nothing...

[DexterLS]

Thing is, I've been NC for 3 months, was feeling awesome and then the picture struck me, and I felt like I was back to day 0. I really did. Like this 3 months of NC and 7 months of BU meant nothing...

 

Happened to me too, today, and I totally understand you mate. There's nothing else we can do however, to make this better for us than to stick with NC, though, right?

[HeaderIsBack]

Happened to me too, today, and I totally understand you mate. There's nothing else we can do however, to make this better for us than to stick with NC, though, right?

 

I guess so man, we'll get out of this! If you want to shoot me a PM if someday you want to talk, don't hesitate!

 

BTW, my ex just sent me another text message. It makes absolutely no sense, so I'm guessing it wasn't directed at me...

[DexterLS]

I guess so man, we'll get out of this! If you want to shoot me a PM if someday you want to talk, don't hesitate!

 

BTW, my ex just sent me another text message. It makes absolutely no sense, so I'm guessing it wasn't directed at me...

 

Hey, yeah, DM me your details and we can keep in touch

[HeaderIsBack]

Well, I guess I don't have access to DM's for now.

 

Days are so hard now... I thought I was getting over her, she kept trying to get my attention and I thought it meant something, I guess it doesn't.

 

Feeling replaced by someone that didn't love her, treated her badly, etc. is so tough. Makes me feel worthless. Like everything I did was meaningless.

 

Being affectionate, caring, being with her through her suicide talks, crying, depression, listening to her every single time, supporting her with her family... apparently it just doesn't matter.

[HeaderIsBack]

I'm gonna use this to vent and resist the urge to contact her...

 

WHat an awful day it's been. I can't stop thinking about that picture...

 

To make matters worse, she just sent me another text message, this time she did write something but it made no sense (I mean, the message did make sense but was clearly not directed to me).

 

I just want to get out of this hole. I've never been so low in my life.

[Maggie4]

If I had a crystal ball, and I can see your future in 20 years, I don't think I'd see you happily married to her. I'm quite sure, because couples celebrating golden anniversaries almost never start their relationship with a story like yours with this woman. I've got statistics to back it up.

We all have people who once passed through our lives. If you know the end result, then you're just going through the process, the hurt. As long as she doesn't get pregnant with your child and you don't go into depression needing hospitalization, this episode will pass. And I think we all instinctively know deep down, whether someone is gonna be around down the road.

You were a decent guy, you were a good boyfriend. For that, you should feel good about yourself and have no regrets.

[HeaderIsBack]

If I had a crystal ball, and I can see your future in 20 years, I don't think I'd see you happily married to her. I'm quite sure, because couples celebrating golden anniversaries almost never start their relationship with a story like yours with this woman. I've got statistics to back it up.

We all have people who once passed through our lives. If you know the end result, then you're just going through the process, the hurt. As long as she doesn't get pregnant with your child and you don't go into depression needing hospitalization, this episode will pass. And I think we all instinctively know deep down, whether someone is gonna be around down the road.

You were a decent guy, you were a good boyfriend. For that, you should feel good about yourself and have no regrets.

 

I always had my doubts. I always thought that our life together would be difficult, but we would push through.

 

I was there with her through her problems, suicide attempts, depression, her mom's depression, her family problems, everything. I literally fixed almost everything that was broken with her.

 

I really thought she was the one, and that breaks my heart.

 

She even said "I can't believe you were with me through all of this". She gifted me an engagement bracelet (we each had one).

 

I just can't believe how thing unfolded.

[HeaderIsBack]

My urge to break NC is higher than it has ever been today.

 

I want her back. What if I keep NC and she just says "well, I tried contacting him (because she did) and he did nothing. Time's over".

 

What if I lose her definitely for not answering her recent calls? I'm a mess today...

[Chi townD]

My urge to break NC is higher than it has ever been today.

 

I want her back. What if I keep NC and she just says "well, I tried contacting him (because she did) and he did nothing. Time's over".

 

What if I lose her definitely for not answering her recent calls? I'm a mess today...

 

 

Then I say, GOOD!!!!! Dude, re-read what you wrote in this thread. She cheated on her boyfriend with you, then dumped him. I'm banking on the possibility that he wasn't abusive with her. She just told you that to keep you around. To be her Knight in Shining Armor.

 

 

Then, she ditches you to go back to the guy that's "abusive" to her. Then, she dumps her Ex to go with a new guy. Only to break up with THAT guy to go back to her "abusive" Ex again! This chick doesn't know what the hell she wants.

 

 

You deserve better. You deserve a girl that wants to be with you and n one else, because there's no other place in the world she would rather be. Time to go out and find someone that is going to make you happy. Obviously, this girl isn't or else she would still be with you and you wouldn't even be here.

[HeaderIsBack]

Then I say, GOOD!!!!! Dude, re-read what you wrote in this thread. She cheated on her boyfriend with you, then dumped him. I'm banking on the possibility that he wasn't abusive with her. She just told you that to keep you around. To be her Knight in Shining Armor.

 

 

Then, she ditches you to go back to the guy that's "abusive" to her. Then, she dumps her Ex to go with a new guy. Only to break up with THAT guy to go back to her "abusive" Ex again! This chick doesn't know what the hell she wants.

 

 

You deserve better. You deserve a girl that wants to be with you and n one else, because there's no other place in the world she would rather be. Time to go out and find someone that is going to make you happy. Obviously, this girl isn't or else she would still be with you and you wouldn't even be here.

 

Well, on him being abusive: I obviously don't have 100% accurate proof of it, of course, but I have more than just her words to account for it. Even HIS friends recognized it.

 

Oh, and she didn't break up with me to go back to him. She broke up with me, went to a new guy, then broke up with that guy and went to her ex. Doesn't make much of a difference, though.

 

I'm pretty sad, still. I really don't want to look at her Whatsapp profile anymore, but I don't want to block her now, after 3 months of NC. It would show her that I still care after all of this time.

[Christos]

It seems to me she has really serious mental issues and she needs to see a therapist, her ex was actually right...

 

From my personal experience, my recent ex (i wrote a topic about my story) had confessed to me that her first "high school" LTR was toxic, that he was a controlling monster without a heart, who made her miserable at all times.

 

Funny thing is, she says the same things about ME now... And i know for sure those things are NOT true, and everybody in my environment who knew us are amazed at her behaviour...

 

Right now, i am begining to think that her ex wasn't actually that bad, and it was made up by her for whatever reason...

 

So, maybe her ex wasn't so bad. Maybe he was a cool guy, tired of her behaviour. We guys tend to be very competitive with each other and view other men in our spouses life with hostility, but maybe they were decent people and our spouse is the monster. Something to consider...

[Chi townD]

Well, on him being abusive: I obviously don't have 100% accurate proof of it, of course, but I have more than just her words to account for it. Even HIS friends recognized it.

 

Oh, and she didn't break up with me to go back to him. She broke up with me, went to a new guy, then broke up with that guy and went to her ex. Doesn't make much of a difference, though.

 

I'm pretty sad, still. I really don't want to look at her Whatsapp profile anymore, but I don't want to block her now, after 3 months of NC. It would show her that I still care after all of this time.

 

 

Explain to me how she would know that you care?

[HeaderIsBack]

Explain to me how she would know that you care?

 

Because I'd be taking active steps in doing something to not see her anymore.

 

I've been NC for 3 months, she has texted me, called me, tried to get my attention, etc. and I haven't responded. I think I might be getting my point through ("I don't want to talk to you, I don't care". Even though I do) and I don't want to mess it up.

 

If I block her (and she notices, which I'm sure at one point or another she will, because in previous times even though she says she doesn't check my stuff, she acts WAAAY too suspiciously after I go out on a date or whatever) she'll say "Oh, this poor guy. Well, I guess he was acting it all. He's still crazy for me".

 

That's how I see it.

[HeaderIsBack]

It seems to me she has really serious mental issues and she needs to see a therapist, her ex was actually right...

 

From my personal experience, my recent ex (i wrote a topic about my story) had confessed to me that her first "high school" LTR was toxic, that he was a controlling monster without a heart, who made her miserable at all times.

 

Funny thing is, she says the same things about ME now... And i know for sure those things are NOT true, and everybody in my environment who knew us are amazed at her behaviour...

 

Right now, i am begining to think that her ex wasn't actually that bad, and it was made up by her for whatever reason...

 

So, maybe her ex wasn't so bad. Maybe he was a cool guy, tired of her behaviour. We guys tend to be very competitive with each other and view other men in our spouses life with hostility, but maybe they were decent people and our spouse is the monster. Something to consider...

 

Maybe he was. Weird thing is, HIS OWN FRIENDS admit he was abusive with her. They do. Like, they saw things that surprised them, but he was a friend and they "didn't want to mess into the relationship" so they just didn't say anything, or just let it go.

[Christos]

Maybe he was. Weird thing is, HIS OWN FRIENDS admit he was abusive with her. They do. Like, they saw things that surprised them, but he was a friend and they "didn't want to mess into the relationship" so they just didn't say anything, or just let it go.

 

In that case, this may be true. That makes her decision to go back to him troubling. She is damaged goods, if she is willing to go back to an abusive ex. Just forget about her.

[carhill]

To make matters worse, she just sent me another text message, this time she did write something but it made no sense (I mean, the message did make sense but was clearly not directed to me).

 

Type her phone number into your carrier's blocking software and block her. Or change your phone number, and e-mail address. That's all part of NC. Delete social media. Avoid public places where the ex is known to frequent. Essentially, end the ability to be in contact.

 

Since this has gone on awhile and ended badly more than once, figure a minimum of six months to a year of black hole NC before any substantive emotional changes occur. Probably towards the longer end if you're young. The bad news is you'll have other relationships in life like this, if you have relationships. The good news is, with more experience, you gain tools to more easily cope, in general. Good luck!

[MINDSHIFT]

Your ex is a game-playing cunt. Close enough situation to mine. She has the cheek to keep on trying to contact you even though she with her ex. She likes the attention of both you.

 

My ex who dump me was a head case had many issue like yours. And me wanting to be superman Im always trying to help her. But at the end she back with her ex and when she went back with him, she would call me and talk **** to me about how she misses the sex blah blah, and i sadly entertained her. She stroking her ego by calling you.

 

I got this from a blog on Why exes contact you. My ex calls me based on the last reason.

 

She really wants to be friends: Well, then she’s a sweetheart. Sometimes, even after a relationship breaks there are still fragments that you can pick up and turn into a beautiful friendship. And honestly, if you were dating a remarkable person, having them in your life as a friend could only be a good thing. If she calls you once in a while and doesn’t rake up old feelings or issues, most probably she thinks you are worth having in her life. She really wants to be friends. If you have healed emotionally, I would advise you to take a shot at this friendship. Think about it, your ex knows all your vices and still thinks you are nice enough to be friends with. Feels good doesn’t it?

 

She’s still in love with you and wants to be with you: I don’t know what to advise you on this front. But if your issues were petty and you still love her, don’t let your ego get in the way. It’s very difficult to get someone you like to like you back. So if you have/had something special and those feelings still persist, give it a try. Most people assume that if it’s love, it’ll be a smooth ride and they’ll have no problems. They couldn’t be farther from the truth. This woman will call you often and there will be long pauses when she’s deciding how to gather the courage to tell you how she feels.

 

She’s confused and lonely and wants to be with you: This usually happens when the break up is recent. The sudden departure of a person is not only emotionally upsetting it leaves a void in our lives. When she doesn’t have friends to fill that void up, she’s going to reach for you. Be careful with this one. She doesn’t know what she wants, all she knows is she was happier with you. This is the time you both should take some time off to understand your feelings for each other.

 

She’s a bitch and she’s using you to feel better about herself: I have done this, I know its wrong, I know I hurt my ex who is still very fond of me but still I do it. Why? Sometimes, I’m so down in the dumps that I need someone who will tell me how wonderful I am. So if an ex is reaching out to you to tell you her problems, tell her to take a hike. You’re not her punching bag and she cannot keep coming back to you when things go sour. P.S – I don’t do this anymore.

[HeaderIsBack]

Your ex is a game-playing cunt. Close enough situation to mine. She has the cheek to keep on trying to contact you even though she with her ex. She likes the attention of both you.

 

My ex who dump me was a head case had many issue like yours. And me wanting to be superman Im always trying to help her. But at the end she back with her ex and when she went back with him, she would call me and talk **** to me about how she misses the sex blah blah, and i sadly entertained her. She stroking her ego by calling you.

 

I got this from a blog on Why exes contact you. My ex calls me based on the last reason.

 

She really wants to be friends: Well, then she’s a sweetheart. Sometimes, even after a relationship breaks there are still fragments that you can pick up and turn into a beautiful friendship. And honestly, if you were dating a remarkable person, having them in your life as a friend could only be a good thing. If she calls you once in a while and doesn’t rake up old feelings or issues, most probably she thinks you are worth having in her life. She really wants to be friends. If you have healed emotionally, I would advise you to take a shot at this friendship. Think about it, your ex knows all your vices and still thinks you are nice enough to be friends with. Feels good doesn’t it?

 

She’s still in love with you and wants to be with you: I don’t know what to advise you on this front. But if your issues were petty and you still love her, don’t let your ego get in the way. It’s very difficult to get someone you like to like you back. So if you have/had something special and those feelings still persist, give it a try. Most people assume that if it’s love, it’ll be a smooth ride and they’ll have no problems. They couldn’t be farther from the truth. This woman will call you often and there will be long pauses when she’s deciding how to gather the courage to tell you how she feels.

 

She’s confused and lonely and wants to be with you: This usually happens when the break up is recent. The sudden departure of a person is not only emotionally upsetting it leaves a void in our lives. When she doesn’t have friends to fill that void up, she’s going to reach for you. Be careful with this one. She doesn’t know what she wants, all she knows is she was happier with you. This is the time you both should take some time off to understand your feelings for each other.

 

She’s a bitch and she’s using you to feel better about herself: I have done this, I know its wrong, I know I hurt my ex who is still very fond of me but still I do it. Why? Sometimes, I’m so down in the dumps that I need someone who will tell me how wonderful I am. So if an ex is reaching out to you to tell you her problems, tell her to take a hike. You’re not her punching bag and she cannot keep coming back to you when things go sour. P.S – I don’t do this anymore.

 

I don't know, I really don't want to put too much thought into it.

 

Mornings, for some reason, are really hard. Spotify played a trick on me (well, not really), but thing is that on a random playlist, a few songs that reminded me of her came up... I seriously had to hold my tears. Even after these months, things like songs still hit me like a truck.

 

I really miss her, and I hate that feeling. I hate that even knowing what she did, what she's doing and her true colors, I still would want her by my side.

 

Pathetic, but true.