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Should I go on a rebound?


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I know this seems like a bad idea, but in the absence of any good ideas, I decided I should go on a rebound... But before doing so, I want to know your idea on this one, your wisdom has been light in the dark...And I cannot thank you enough for taking my hand through this madness I had got myself involved in... Do you vote for a rebound? I am on day 16 of NC... I have not over my ex yet, but I am sure I wouldn't take her back, were she to contact me and ask me for reconciliation, since she left me for her ex, and I don want to be her rebound champion again....The thing I want to know...

1: Is it too soon to start a new relationship?

2: Are rebounds all doomed from the beginning? and Am I going to hurt some one's feelings (This is the most important question, cause I can't break any hearts, not after what I have been through at least)

3: Will a rebound help me forget about it all, will these nightmares, I am seeing every single night go away?

4: Do you vote for it or should I reconsider?

like always I am going to rely on you guys.... thanks for the support!

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i would say no and i can show you both sides of the coin , i broke up with a girl 6 weeks ago i was with for 10 months , and i was her rebound and i still miss her so much and have been left broken

 

2 weeks after we broke up i tried to meet a new person , i found someone slept with them and hung out with them a bit which at first gave me a tiny bit of satifaction but ultimatly made feel even worse and now im back at square 1 ..... and i had been doing great

 

so what im saying is dont hurt someone because its not fair , and dont hurt yourself even more

 

im in no caonact and have been since the break which feels good and has helped , just hold tight and process your feelings , its a long old road

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The fact that you know you would NOT take your ex back whatever happens means you are a better bet than most who enter relationships quickly after a big break up.

 

BUT you also say you have not got over her, so you most likely will break someone's heart if you get into a rebound as quickly as this.

 

Saying that a rebound relationship can validate you and make you feel wanted and better.

It is up to you, but if this new girl is someone who is already besotted with you ie someone you have known a long time, has perhaps waited for you and "loves" you, then tread carefully as it is unfair to lead her into a relationship that is most probably going to be short term.

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i would say no and i can show you both sides of the coin , i broke up with a girl 6 weeks ago i was with for 10 months , and i was her rebound and i still miss her so much and have been left broken

 

2 weeks after we broke up i tried to meet a new person , i found someone slept with them and hung out with them a bit which at first gave me a tiny bit of satifaction but ultimatly made feel even worse and now im back at square 1 ..... and i had been doing great

 

so what im saying is dont hurt someone because its not fair , and dont hurt yourself even more

 

im in no caonact and have been since the break which feels good and has helped , just hold tight and process your feelings , its a long old road

No if it is about hurting others, no I am not in, I just wanted to know if one can start a healthy relationship after a break up, to even enjoy it more than the previous one, and love the new guy even more than the previous one... from what you told me, the path is a no go... Thanks for sharing your experience

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ExpatInItaly

Bad idea.

 

If you're not ready, it won't help you. It will make you miss your ex. Thus, it will prolong your healing because you'll in all likelihood find yourself back at square one. You'll constantly compare the new girl to the old one. Rebounds are not a strategy for getting over a break-up.

 

It will also very likely hurt the new girl. That's not fair.

 

If all you're talking about is a one-night stand with absolutely no strings attached (which isn't so easy for many people)...it might be possible. But a relationship? No.

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ExpatInItaly
No if it is about hurting others, no I am not in, I just wanted to know if one can start a healthy relationship after a break up, to even enjoy it more than the previous one, and love the new guy even more than the previous one... from what you told me, the path is a no go... Thanks for sharing your experience

 

Yes, it is possible but only if you were already checked out of the previous relationship before you actually broke up.

 

I was with a boyfriend for 5 years, but by the time we split up, I admit wasn't in love with him anymore and really hadn't been in love with him for some time.

 

I met a new guy about a month later. We went on to have a happy and healthy relationship for 8 years and i definitely enjoyed that relationship more than the previous one.

 

I don't consider that a "rebound" in the traditional sense, as I had already mentally detached from the first guy. I didn't need to get over the first one, really, because I already was over it. What you described in your first post isn't the same scenario, as you were speculating if this would work if you weren't actually over your ex before entering a new relationship.

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Bad idea.

 

If you're not ready, it won't help you. It will make you miss your ex. Thus, it will prolong your healing because you'll in all likelihood find yourself back at square one. You'll constantly compare the new girl to the old one. Rebounds are not a strategy for getting over a break-up.

 

It will also very likely hurt the new girl. That's not fair.

 

If all you're talking about is a one-night stand with absolutely no strings attached (which isn't so easy for many people)...it might be possible. But a relationship? No.

The things is that I am starting to do great without her, I just feel down in the morning when I wake up, due to god damn evil nightmares I see, and at nights when I want to go to bed, during the day? no problem, I am really fine, but yes I think I should wait longer to start a new relationship, as any attempt to start a new relationship will likely be another pain, not to mention it is not fair towards the other end

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Yes, it is possible but only if you were already checked out of the previous relationship before you actually broke up.

 

I was with a boyfriend for 5 years, but by the time we split up, I admit wasn't in love with him anymore and really hadn't been in love with him for some time.

 

I met a new guy about a month later. We went on to have a happy and healthy relationship for 8 years and i definitely enjoyed that relationship more than the previous one.

 

I don't consider that a "rebound" in the traditional sense, as I had already mentally detached from the first guy. I didn't need to get over the first one, really, because I already was over it. What you described in your first post isn't the same scenario, as you were speculating if this would work if you weren't actually over your ex before entering a new relationship.

Well I guess this is not my case, there are attachments still here, I wouldn't take her back if she showed up again (I have a feeling she would), but yeah I keep thinking of her sometimes! Ok I get it, a rebound for my situation is like poison... I am gonna wait longer

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ExpatInItaly
Well I guess this is not my case, there are attachments still here, I wouldn't take her back if she showed up again (I have a feeling she would), but yeah I keep thinking of her sometimes! Ok I get it, a rebound for my situation is like poison... I am gonna wait longer

 

How long were you together, and when and why did you break up?

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How long were you together, and when and why did you break up?

6 months... If you want to see the real length emotionally from my side. I would say something like 2 years, I loved this girl, wanted to marry her, and have children with her!! damn!!

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ExpatInItaly
6 months... If you want to see the real length emotionally from my side. I would say something like 2 years, I loved this girl, wanted to marry her, and have children with her!! damn!!

 

And what caused the break-up?

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And what caused the break-up?

Her ex showed up, I think after he found out she was in a relationship with me, I dunno one week before breaking up she told me how happy she was with me and she felt secure, and had this inner peace in her with me, the last time we went out she laid her head on my shoulder, I kissed her hair, we talked about having children, it seemed she was interested. we were happy, suddenly she started acting in a weird way, not contacting me, responding late to my messages, then she said she wanted to think about alot of things. two days later, she sent this message, that her interest had dropped and she couldn't give me 100% of her feelings anymore. a couple of days later I sent her message, I asked if she was in a relationship, she said she was, she said she did not know if she had made the right decision, I asked is this the end of us? she said she didn't know, she swore to God that she didn't know, she said we might be the right people for each other and after all we might marry each other!!! funny I don't get it at all, I said ''well if you changed your mind, you could contact me.'' I asked her not to delete my number and she said ''never'' of course I toldher I wouldn't guarantee, I would take her back...ahh! some people told me she gave me false hopes, so that she could ease her guilt, I don care, I am not willing to take her back anymore, she ruined my life, and left me with this pain... sorry it was too long

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its painfull how similar this is to my situation and im sorry to say just like me you were a rebound and all that stufff she said to you was immature and not true , and helped her not feel so guilty ,just like my ex did ,your best bet is to TRY and move on ( i wish i could pratise what i preech here) but i know its not that easy ...... the only thing ive found helps is accept and come to terms you were a rebound and that the odds of her coming back are low , but never give up hope completly and before you know it she wont even be on your mind

 

at the end of the day so much changes in weeks months and years so nobody can ever say she wont come back and vice vera, staying no contact is your best bet and remeber her ex and her broke up for a reason

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First of all, you're be presumptuous to assume you'll quickly meet and get into another serious relationship anytime soon. It takes time to meet someone you feel that you connect with and want to continue to date.

 

 

I hate the word "rebound" as well. I really believe NO one intentionally seeks to meet someone to "rebound" from their past relationship. There are plenty of cases where a new relationship is started and the person's previous ex shows back up and wants another go. PLENTY of people tell the ex NO to the reconciliation attempt and stay with their new love, including me.

 

 

As to your question about dating so soon? If you feel you're ready to go out and casually date, then hell yes, do it. There's no flipping rules as to how long you have to sit home, mourning your last ex. You're mindset should be in simply getting out of the house, meeting new woman, having some laughs over drinks and enjoying their company. If someone really rocks your world in a couple of months, keep dating them. Just don't get all serious w/anyone for several months.

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i think if your theory was true about nobody goes out to look for a rebound the world would be a better place , i know people that do this to help them move on , but what you say about many people finding somone quickly and it working is also true , just from my experience it make more pain than happieness

 

but perhaps you should try some casual dates and see for yourself how it makes you feel

 

the first time i had sex with someone after my second break up it totaly smashed my then ex of the pedistal i had her on and made me realise there are so many more smokin hot women in this world !

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i think if your theory was true about nobody goes out to look for a rebound the world would be a better place , i know people that do this to help them move on , but what you say about many people finding somone quickly and it working is also true , just from my experience it make more pain than happieness

 

but perhaps you should try some casual dates and see for yourself how it makes you feel

 

the first time i had sex with someone after my second break up it totaly smashed my then ex of the pedistal i had her on and made me realise there are so many more smokin hot women in this world !

Well it does not matter, she will come back or not, initially I cared so much, but right now I want her to come back, to reject her, this is the only thing I want, ...there is a saying that reconciling with an ex almost always lasts for 14 weeks! in accordance with statistics, if that is true and my speculations about the time they reconciled is also true, I doubt they have got more than 7 weeks from now, I have seen exes reconcile and continue well, but those are ones who usually return to each other after a long time, 1+ year, and they don't usually rebound, they spend 1 year or so analyzing flaws of the relationship, and then come back and this works! for them I don't think so, they reconciled after I think 4 or 5 months, and she was not even sure what she was doing was right, I didn't even give her time to think about the relationship! they boy came back because of jealousy! besides Karma is a bitch! no one can escape without a scratch! I have had the experience! she will come back I am 110% sure, my feelings never lie to me! even when her boyfriend came back, I felt something was wrong....but I am going to say ''no'' I have never been this sure in my life

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i think if your theory was true about nobody goes out to look for a rebound the world would be a better place , i know people that do this to help them move on , but what you say about many people finding somone quickly and it working is also true , just from my experience it make more pain than happieness

 

but perhaps you should try some casual dates and see for yourself how it makes you feel

 

the first time i had sex with someone after my second break up it totaly smashed my then ex of the pedistal i had her on and made me realise there are so many more smokin hot women in this world !

 

 

I'm not saying you're wrong but I still believe that peoples "intent" is to move on from their last ex by dating again. Trust me, when people are fresh from getting their heart broken, they are NOT ready to date. It's usually after a month or two that they consider dating again.

 

 

I think it's a good thing as it's both a distraction from obsessing over your failed R/S and it's good for peoples self esteem. It allows people to recognize that there's millions of other single people out there who are looking for compatible partners too.

 

 

I started dating 6 weeks after my heart was torn out of my chest by my last ex. I knew I'd NEVER go back w/her. I found it helped me repair my confidence, ego and it was a nice distraction to spend time with the opposite sex, talking, laughing and smiling again. My "intent" was not to "rebound" whatsoever. I dated a lot of different women the first few months then got lucky and met my now 2 year GF that I live with. As I stated, my ex came back and wanted another chance and was told no.

 

 

I'm also a believer in that people who get dumped by someone who goes back to an ex is too quick to label themselves a "rebound". It's like it helps them cope better or accept the rejection. The brutal truth is, their now ex simply wasn't into them enough and found their ex a better option.

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I'm not saying you're wrong but I still believe that peoples "intent" is to move on from their last ex by dating again. Trust me, when people are fresh from getting their heart broken, they are NOT ready to date. It's usually after a month or two that they consider dating again.

 

 

I think it's a good thing as it's both a distraction from obsessing over your failed R/S and it's good for peoples self esteem. It allows people to recognize that there's millions of other single people out there who are looking for compatible partners too.

 

 

I started dating 6 weeks after my heart was torn out of my chest by my last ex. I knew I'd NEVER go back w/her. I found it helped me repair my confidence, ego and it was a nice distraction to spend time with the opposite sex, talking, laughing and smiling again. My "intent" was not to "rebound" whatsoever. I dated a lot of different women the first few months then got lucky and met my now 2 year GF that I live with. As I stated, my ex came back and wanted another chance and was told no.

 

 

I'm also a believer in that people who get dumped by someone who goes back to an ex is too quick to label themselves a "rebound". It's like it helps them cope better or accept the rejection. The brutal truth is, their now ex simply wasn't into them enough and found their ex a better option.

Or perhaps this feeling of nostalgia makes them think that the past was a better place, I have seen a lot of couple reconcile and they say well it is not the same thing, or maybe this fact that they have been with each other longer, and they have more bonds make them go back together, the truth is no one really knows the truth... for me I think this guy is her first love, you know what it means, and I have a feeling she will fail badly again and then starts crawling back, you will see, you will see this post somewhere in October, and I am gonna ask you now what? :laugh:

Of course I know what you will tell me, and I know what I have to do, unless she begs and says, she wants me forever and she has made the worst mistake in her life, I am not gonna take her back

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Sometimes they don't come back to you. Just because her reconciliation may fail with her ex, doesn't mean she'll want you back. Keep that in mind.

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I agree , I think sometimes attachment and familiarity get mistaken for love as they are close emotions and once they go back they find the love isn't there a break up happens and thus I think is how one off relationships are developed

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DatingDirection

Going on a rebound may make you feel worse. What if you totally hate the person you're rebounding with? On the other hand, what if the person you're rebounding with makes you feel things you've never felt before. Whatever you choose just be straight up about it to her, that you're not looking for anything serious, and hope they're ok with that.

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Sometimes they don't come back to you. Just because her reconciliation may fail with her ex, doesn't mean she'll want you back. Keep that in mind.

Yes but usually in these situations, women look for a familiar shoulder to cry on...especially when you have loft the doors open for them, I hope this happens, revenge is a dish best served cold! I think it is only about time, sooner or later she will show up!

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Yes but usually in these situations, women look for a familiar shoulder to cry on...especially when you have loft the doors open for them, I hope this happens, revenge is a dish best served cold! I think it is only about time, sooner or later she will show up!

 

 

Again, not always. I've been the dumper in most of my relationships. I NEVER went back to any of them for any reason. Most if not all the time, the dumper has put A LOT of thought into ending the relationship. By the time they pull the trigger, they KNOW they need to end it.

 

 

I have plenty of female friends as well. I can't think of any of them that went back to someone they dumped, even if they got out of a short term R/S right after.

 

 

Again, to hang on to hope that a dumper MAY appear down the line for another chance, is simply a waste of mental energy. Everyone has the right to end relationships that they feel are not working for them. We all hope the do it with dignity and respect to the person they are dumping. There's no value in holding a grudge or having on going anger towards them.

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Again, not always. I've been the dumper in most of my relationships. I NEVER went back to any of them for any reason. Most if not all the time, the dumper has put A LOT of thought into ending the relationship. By the time they pull the trigger, they KNOW they need to end it.

 

 

I have plenty of female friends as well. I can't think of any of them that went back to someone they dumped, even if they got out of a short term R/S right after.

 

 

Again, to hang on to hope that a dumper MAY appear down the line for another chance, is simply a waste of mental energy. Everyone has the right to end relationships that they feel are not working for them. We all hope the do it with dignity and respect to the person they are dumping. There's no value in holding a grudge or having on going anger towards them.

Aloneinaz, I know what you are saying, I think even thinking about taking revenge and things as such prolongs the healing process, I agree, I have to let these ideas go... they are sick, and they make me feel worse not any better, I have to focus on this fact that it is over! what will future has in store for me, it is not my business at the moment, we'll wait and see... in the mean time I am gonna assume she is not gonna come back anymore, but this feeling is in me that she will....ah! It is not important anyhow! :laugh:

thank you for shedding some light on the situation, it helped a lot!

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My ex wound up having a rebound after ending a long relationship with her ex, it was the worst mistake she'd ever made and she completely messed her head up by doing it, I'd never go on a rebound, but I'd never sleep with someone I didn't care about or use them for sex lol

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