NC - Just DO IT! (Updated)

[Otter2569]

Folks, do yourself a favor and listen to the feedback you get here. Especially the No Contact Guide.

 

Like an ******* I thought I had to be the bigger person and wanted to help my grieving GE. She deserved better and I am NOT that kind of guy. Well I didnt listen and I was sooo wrong.

 

Over the last few days my exGF has sent me on a roller coaster of emotions like you would not believe. I wish I could post the texts here so you could see how demented, pathetic and sycho it became. It was a huge game and in the end I was the biggest loser. Such as waste of time chasing her ever changing emotions only to hit road block after road block and end up in the same situation. It only re-affirmed that I made a sound decision to walk out to begin with. Good riddance!!!

 

NC is painful. Its very painful. But let me tell you it is way better than what you will get if you do not follow it.

[QueenDeath]

I want to message my ex, but I am horrified. I just want to ask how he's holding up and all but it's too risky, fighting urges and beating them is great, I needed this, thanks!

 

Edit - On top of it all, I miss him and want him back, but no...omg!!

Edited August 26, 2015 by QueenDeath

[QueenDeath]

I do worry about what would happen if I did broke NC tho..I do worry he will just be upset at me, ignore me, think less of me or something...urgh.

[jen1447]

Folks, do yourself a favor and listen to the feedback you get here. Especially the No Contact Guide.

 

Like an ******* I thought I had to be the bigger person and wanted to help my grieving GE. She deserved better and I am NOT that kind of guy. Well I didnt listen and I was sooo wrong.

 

Over the last few days my exGF has sent me on a roller coaster of emotions like you would not believe. I wish I could post the texts here so you could see how demented, pathetic and sycho it became. It was a huge game and in the end I was the biggest loser. Such as waste of time chasing her ever changing emotions only to hit road block after road block and end up in the same situation. It only re-affirmed that I made a sound decision to walk out to begin with. Good riddance!!!

 

NC is painful. Its very painful. But let me tell you it is way better than what you will get if you do not follow it.

 

It's great it's worked out for you Otter (altho it still seems very early to declare victory), but experiences aren't universal and NC just isn't a blanket solution.

[aloneinaz]

Folks, do yourself a favor and listen to the feedback you get here. Especially the No Contact Guide.

 

Like an ******* I thought I had to be the bigger person and wanted to help my grieving GE. She deserved better and I am NOT that kind of guy. Well I didnt listen and I was sooo wrong.

 

Over the last few days my exGF has sent me on a roller coaster of emotions like you would not believe. I wish I could post the texts here so you could see how demented, pathetic and sycho it became. It was a huge game and in the end I was the biggest loser. Such as waste of time chasing her ever changing emotions only to hit road block after road block and end up in the same situation. It only re-affirmed that I made a sound decision to walk out to begin with. Good riddance!!!

 

NC is painful. Its very painful. But let me tell you it is way better than what you will get if you do not follow it.

 

 

I'm totally baffled at this post by someone who's never been NC w/their ex? When I saw this title, I assumed it was by someone who actually applied the NC rule, saw the results of it after a couple of months and healed.

 

 

You my friend, are clearly addicted to the drama, chaos and emotional turmoil from LETTING this girl lead you around on a leash. It's time for you to find some self respect, address your low self esteem and actually apply the NC rule to your life.

 

 

Understand that people who have good self value and pride would of vanished from that persons life a long time ago. They would of healed and started looking for someone they were compatible with when they were feeling better. This should be your number one goal.

[Sunshine09]

I cannot agree with you more

made the same mistake myself

 

nothing good can come of breaking NC, nothing lol

[Gus Grimly]

Understand that people who have good self value and pride would of vanished from that persons life a long time ago. They would of healed and started looking for someone they were compatible with when they were feeling better. This should be your number one goal.

^^^This so much I can't hit the 'like' button hard enough.

 

Man, I needed to read that. aloneinaz, your wisdom never ceases to amaze me.

[BriNyc82]

^^^This so much I can't hit the 'like' button hard enough.

 

Man, I needed to read that. aloneinaz, your wisdom never ceases to amaze me.

 

I always thought I had such good self esteem and respect for myself. I really do think I am awesome. But then why can't I accept when they leave? Why do I always have to make them see it my way? It's almost like I think SO highly of myself that I get frustrated when they dont lol

[aloneinaz]

I always thought I had such good self esteem and respect for myself. I really do think I am awesome. But then why can't I accept when they leave? Why do I always have to make them see it my way? It's almost like I think SO highly of myself that I get frustrated when they dont lol

 

 

My ego and probably defense mechanism goes the other way. When I was kicked to the curb by my last ex, my mind went to " You don't want me in your life, fine, you got it babe".. I then vanished.

 

 

I view it the same way when you discover a friend is really a douche bag. I have no problems not talking to them again.

 

 

Life is FAR too short to have people in our lives who don't want to be.

[QueenDeath]

My ego and probably defense mechanism goes the other way. When I was kicked to the curb by my last ex, my mind went to " You don't want me in your life, fine, you got it babe".. I then vanished.

 

 

I view it the same way when you discover a friend is really a douche bag. I have no problems not talking to them again.

 

 

Life is FAR too short to have people in our lives who don't want to be.

 

I wished I had this mindset, omg.

[BriNyc82]

 

Life is FAR too short to have people in our lives who don't want to be.

 

As much as I agree and I legitimately DO feel this way and believe it, it still doesn't take the pain away.

[Gus Grimly]

Life is FAR too short to have people in our lives who don't want to be.

Yeap, and that's why it's equally important to let people know what we will and won't stand for. If they can't respect that, well then, we have nothing more to discuss, have a nice day.

 

Live IS too short to deal with people who treat us like s***. Gotta cut them out of our lives for good, no half measures.

[aloneinaz]

As much as I agree and I legitimately DO feel this way and believe it, it still doesn't take the pain away.

 

 

While that may be true to some extent, maintaining your dignity and self respect dampens the pain. I rationalize with myself when I've felt rejection. I learned that there's people we don't connect with in friendship and in relationships. Some people are going to like us and some won't. Honestly, we've all had relationships with partners that we lost interest in. It doesn't make that person terrible, rather it means there's someone else out there that they are a better fit with.

 

 

At the same time, when I've had friendships or relationships end, I always try to LEARN from them. If I made mistakes, I try not to repeat them again. I just think human nature is to overreact to rejection and take it far more personal than we should be. Almost everyone who's experienced heartbreak bounces back. Most often, they bounce back with thicker skin as well.

[BriNyc82]

While that may be true to some extent, maintaining your dignity and self respect dampens the pain. I rationalize with myself when I've felt rejection. I learned that there's people we don't connect with in friendship and in relationships. Some people are going to like us and some won't. Honestly, we've all had relationships with partners that we lost interest in. It doesn't make that person terrible, rather it means there's someone else out there that they are a better fit with.

 

 

At the same time, when I've had friendships or relationships end, I always try to LEARN from them. If I made mistakes, I try not to repeat them again. I just think human nature is to overreact to rejection and take it far more personal than we should be. Almost everyone who's experienced heartbreak bounces back. Most often, they bounce back with thicker skin as well.

 

I definitely did not maintain my dignity. Lesson learned. I'm ok if someone rejects me because they don't feel a connection with me. But when men end things cowardly, that is another story. The bottom line is the same, but at least go out like a man.

 

It is personal to me when I have invested my time and energy into someone. Which I now know to do cautiously.

 

Like the Sia song says "I've got thick skin and an elastic heart"!

[Stage5Clinger]

I've been no contact for a few weeks and I feel fantastic. I'm back to feeling like a lone wolf and getting my self confidence back.

[Methodical]

Otter,

You hung in there way longer than most people would have. A few weeks ago I made a statement to the effect that your gf liked drama and when she had nothing current to rail upon, she'd drudge up the past just to have something to fight about - down to making a huge deal out of a surprise gift you bought for her.

 

Yes, NC is going to be difficult bc you're a nurturer, a protector, a warrior. You like helping and taking care of people. There's nothing wrong with that, but you'll be much happier when you find someone who wants to reciprocate that action bc she loves you, not the drama.

 

Good luck and hang in there. Better days will come and you deserve them.

[Oregon_Dude]

What up guys! Some of my favorite LS'ers up in this piece.

 

OP, glad you've seen the light. Don't ever. ever. EVER! go back. A lot of exes are selfish, emotionally stunted children who don't know what they want. Except for that they didn't want you. So give it to them! They get their wish; you get to learn to love and value yourself again, in the context of being a single, independent, grown-*ss man.

 

Life starts TODAY.

[craw]

It is really hard to do, in my case it was because it was hard to break a habit of talking to a wonderful guy.

 

In your case? Sounds like torture.

[Oregon_Dude]

it was hard to break a habit of talking to a wonderful guy.

Just curious. Why'd you break up with a wonderful guy?

[aloneinaz]

But when men end things cowardly, that is another story. The bottom line is the same, but at least go out like a man.

 

 

That's an interesting comment. While I think I know where you're coming from, I wouldn't invest anytime in getting upset by the person being a wussy in how they ended it. It should only reinforce and make you be glad the person isn't in your life anymore. There final act showed their true character.

 

 

 

 

It is personal to me when I have invested my time and energy into someone. Which I now know to do cautiously.

 

 

I read this line or "I wasted X amount of months or years" with this person for nothing all the time on this site. I'm interested in why so many people feel that way after a relationship ends. Now, granted, the comment is always made by the person that was dumped. When I was dumped, I felt a lot of things, to include copious amounts of anger but I honestly never felt like I wasted time or energy on her.

 

 

Why did I feel that way? Because when you in a R/S with someone, you're getting lots of out it. Companionship, a friend, sex, a person to do things with and experiencing thing's together. So, it not like the time we spent with the now ex was "wasted" or the "investment" didn't pay off.

 

 

I'm clearly not saying I'm right but it's just views I've developed over decades of relationships.

[BriNyc82]

That's an interesting comment. While I think I know where you're coming from, I wouldn't invest anytime in getting upset by the person being a wussy in how they ended it. It should only reinforce and make you be glad the person isn't in your life anymore. There final act showed their true character.

 

 

 

 

I read this line or "I wasted X amount of months or years" with this person for nothing all the time on this site. I'm interested in why so many people feel that way after a relationship ends. Now, granted, the comment is always made by the person that was dumped. When I was dumped, I felt a lot of things, to include copious amounts of anger but I honestly never felt like I wasted time or energy on her.

 

 

Why did I feel that way? Because when you in a R/S with someone, you're getting lots of out it. Companionship, a friend, sex, a person to do things with and experiencing thing's together. So, it not like the time we spent with the now ex was "wasted" or the "investment" didn't pay off.

 

 

I'm clearly not saying I'm right but it's just views I've developed over decades of relationships.

 

Thanks alone! I really do know in the long run I am better off without someone like that. I really do. It's the reason why I let go of hope instantaneously and turned into anger. But I have definitely learned a lot!

 

I think I feel it was wasted time b/c the time wasn't equally valued in our heads. I look back at that time I invested and I really was happy. If he wasn't it just diminishes it for me if that makes any sense. I feel duped.

 

I also feel like it was kind of wasted bc if I knew he was having thoughts of ending it, I could have been open to seeing other people during that time.

 

sorry just rambling, but overall I will be ok. I know this. He's a schmuck

[Otter2569]

Thanks Methodical - you get it!

 

I am not lacking in self esteem, I dont like drama and I have NOT mastered NC. I have never had a problem turning my back on people - especially *******s.

 

The problem is that we had so many truly intense, genuine times that I have a hard time walking away from that. She was incredibly thoughtful, sexy and caring. Our kids were super close as well. I do hang on longer than I should when i see true goodness in someone BUT I will only take so much. Will only give so many chances. She will be thinking she is getting be back but once i am done I am done and its a rude awakening when she finds out I am NOT coming back.

 

I have no problem meeting women. My problem is meeting the one woman who is worth it.

[Methodical]

Because you are a good man, a good father, have a kind and forgiving heart (almost to a fault ) you WILL meet a woman who'll Appreciate you and the awesome qualities you have to offer. Stay NC. Burn our ears if you need to, PM if it'll help, but don't backslide. Hold your head high and know that you went above and beyond to please, to no avail. Seriously, use your support team bc there will be weak moments, but each time you overcome them, you'll be stronger for it .

[aloneinaz]

 

The problem is that we had so many truly intense, genuine times that I have a hard time walking away from that. She was incredibly thoughtful, sexy and caring.

 

 

 

 

Um, Otter, ALL relationships are like this AT THE BEGINNING as it's called the "honeymoon" stage! If the GF/BF wasn't doing these things at the beginning, there would not of been a R/S.

 

 

It's funny how the human brain works after a R/S ends, especially if we were dumped. The first month or two, we only remember the best part of the now ex. Once the pain eases, we start to reflect more rationally on the ENTIRE time we spent with them. In most cases, the majority of the time spent w/them was not all sunshine, birds singing, walking on the beach while holding hands with love songs playing in the back ground..

[jen1447]

Um, Otter, ALL relationships are like this AT THE BEGINNING as it's called the "honeymoon" stage! If the GF/BF wasn't doing these things at the beginning, there would not of been a R/S.

 

 

It's funny how the human brain works after a R/S ends, especially if we were dumped. The first month or two, we only remember the best part of the now ex. Once the pain eases, we start to reflect more rationally on the ENTIRE time we spent with them. In most cases, the majority of the time spent w/them was not all sunshine, birds singing, walking on the beach while holding hands with love songs playing in the back ground..

 

Actually I think ppl who weren't truly in love say that.