No contact diary - cant handle this anymore

[cud]

Hi all, i have decided to share some experiences as i have been reading stuff on the web and maybe my story will eventually help to somebody in future, maybe it ll be me - who will be in a year or so laughing over this thread and situation i am in right now.

 

Anyway. Long story short. Me (30) she (32) broke up after 3years of RS and 2years of living together. We were planing family live together and in the of RS we were searching for house to move in. We broke up almost 4months ago.

She did cheating on me - in the end of RS, thats why this ended - i found out. She said it was only mentally and that she felt neglected and alone - i admit i wasnt the best man that time - i had some work problems and reflected to home. She said that i wasnt interested in her anymore and she felt i am going to dump her anyway. She did all that could to make me happy and she didnt felt i am happy - i wasnt, but not because of her - i should have told her, but this is how it is right now.

 

I was doing all the stupid things because i know she is the one for me - we had so much in common, we share everything and i realized i was just too lazy in RS and want it back. So i did all the pleading, begging. I dont go to details but i am not proud of it. Last week we share few texts, when i think this is going to be ok again, we slowly find our way..but after no response of her (few hours) i send her those nasty texts again. The other day i was waiting at her work to talk this out (i did this many times - lets say 5x).

She cried and told me to take things slower. And that she is just afrad about me, that this is not me. She sees my approach - to reconciliate - but says this is not the way. I beggeg her to let me go, to tell "i have a guy go away" she said she doesnt want to. And says the contribution she make to reconciliate is that she didnt tell me to go away completely. She said we should try to leave something to the "universe", but i am that person. whether i want something i go no matter what costs are for it. She told me i should take it lake that: One phase of our RS is over. It must end to something new can begin.

 

I did all the things i could - except of one. No contact. I see this is probably more important for me. I am wreck, even after 4months. Hopefully, i would be improving in feelings.

[cud]

Day 6 - feeling terrible. Mornings are the worst. Feeling like I will never see her again and thats what i want less in my life. I regret that i wasnt the right guy for her. It took us 2years to start dating and I didnt appreciated enough after all. Thats how i feel.

[PegNosePete]

She did cheating on me - in the end of RS, thats why this ended - i found out. She said it was only mentally and that she felt neglected and alone - i admit i wasnt the best man that time - i had some work problems and reflected to home. She said that i wasnt interested in her anymore and she felt i am going to dump her anyway. She did all that could to make me happy and she didnt felt i am happy - i wasnt, but not because of her - i should have told her, but this is how it is right now.

What I am reading there is a whole lot of blaming going on by her. She is justifying her cheating using every trick in the book.

 

If she was unhappy in the relationship, if she was feeling neglected and lonely, if she felt like you weren't doing enough for her... then what is the solution? What does someone who is planning a family life together do to resolve that situation? They talk to their partner. They DO NOT cheat.

 

She is 100% to blame for her cheating so do not believe any of that blame she is trying to lay at your feet man! Maybe you made mistakes but she is the only one who cheated and she is the one who chose to bail on the relationship rather than work out the issues.

 

Good luck with the NC dude. It does get better.

[cud]

Yep, you are right. We never talked about anything, and if we did (three times maybe) it was me who started this.

Anyway she was telling me when break up began, that she feels terrible what she has done and she should have talked to me and so on, but i wasnt listening etc. You know what, i realized we are all humas, we make mistakes. It was a wonderfull RS, she is complicated woman and i am not easy as well (people say so). She says that we both learned our lesson and so we can be better persons in future. She is probably right. I met this women unprepared - this time i know when to listen to them, what to do - hopefully - but this time it is her i want most. She told me she doesnt believe me, she still thinks i want her as a lost toy - and honestly, thats not true. I realized what i had when i lost it..unfortunatelly.

 

Whether NC is the best way to gain myself back - i used to be ****ing confident guy - i´ll stick in it!

Edited August 18, 2015 by cud

[Satu]

She did what she did because she wanted to.

 

That's the bottom line.

 

As for yourself, remember that *listening is the first duty of love.*

 

You'll be ok.

[cud]

Day 7 - just woke up in a new flat. Feel terribly lonely. Wondering whether she feels the same. Have a monster urge to contact her - hopefully will stay strong whole day. This thing is worse than i ever thought.

[sowhynot]

Here's some support...

 

DON'T CONTACT HER !!!!

 

One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

 

You can do it !!!

[cud]

Thank you for support!!!

 

I cannot contact her when I am still this wreck right? Otherwise my chances of getting back are zero. As she told me she has no interest of losing me from her life, but told me that whether I stay needy person - this is not the way into something new. Also told me I should end our previous relationship in my mind, and took it as 1 phase is over because it doestn work, and that second phase only can start whether I end up the first one. She said she want real myself back - and so do I.

Hopefully no contact will transfer energy I am using to pleading and begging to myself and in the end I ll be a better me. Know there is a plenty of work. Does it make any sense? I realized it does to me! Everyone is unique, i know we did some mistakes in our RS and if this is the way it has to be - ok, i ´ll work on it.

 

Peace!

[cud]

I think I have found it! The more one think and speak about something, the more has it on his mind and the more "thing" is going underneath. I still stick with NC and i dont want to talk about it anymore. I have been watching tuns of videos online and read miles of threads on diff forums - and this just was deepening my thoughs about my own misery. STOP!

 

I ll stop that. It doesnt help me at all! Everyone is different and comparing my situation with others can change my decisions that my real personality would do, and suppress myself isnt the the way, although i know, i am rushing through emotional rollecoaster so thats why i keep NC until i know it is over.

 

STOP ruminating, it keeps me away from real me! Thats what i say!

[cud]

14 days - getting better. Day by day. I still keep stick with my idea that everyone is telling me not to do. I am on my out from this emotional **** so i can see things from other perspective. Thats the purpose of NC i would say. But everyone else tells you another opinion cause we all are different, unique and so the relationships. I see it like that: Go NC so can escape from emotional zone. Work on yourself, so you can gain back your confidence, then you decide what you wanna do, what you feel is right for you! Yes, for you!!! It is all about you. And one more thing that will help - think possitive! Not kidding, that changes everything.

[carolinek7]

14 days - getting better. Day by day. I still keep stick with my idea that everyone is telling me not to do. I am on my out from this emotional **** so i can see things from other perspective. Thats the purpose of NC i would say. But everyone else tells you another opinion cause we all are different, unique and so the relationships. I see it like that: Go NC so can escape from emotional zone. Work on yourself, so you can gain back your confidence, then you decide what you wanna do, what you feel is right for you! Yes, for you!!! It is all about you. And one more thing that will help - think possitive! Not kidding, that changes everything.

 

I am so happy to hear that you're feeling better *virtual hug* and that is amazing you've done 14 days of NC. I'm on day 4 and a complete mess of emotions. I really hope that I can reach 14 days too. Well done.

[cud]

Keep on going! I have always had a fear from NC. Now I see it is working in my advantage. Plus try not to overthink everything. When you stop that - your mind will be clear soon and you can see things from other perspective - and thats huge! You body with stick with your mind and you can use your intiution.

 

Anyway, my 4th day i was total wreck lying in my bed moping around...dont worry it does get bettter! True story

[cud]

So i has been a while. I had reached out few times to my ex - thinking that we are different than others and what she keeps saying is true. It has been 7months since I found out her cheating. I saw her 3weeks ago. We had an emotional talk. She said she doasnt want to lose me but she is still confused and only thing what she can offer me is friendship and we can go for yoga for start. OK, so we went. After few days it was whole the same - she kept ignoring my texts - just asking hos was she doing, how was the weekend and so on. She said me i should definitely call her after marathon - i did, she did not reply. She said she will text me after hunt she was going to - she never did. Meanwhile I invited her for my phd ceremony - no answer at all, she didnt even show up on yoga - she said she will come.

 

I feel terrible. But it is only my mistake. She lied to me while she was chaeting on me, she keeps lying me all the way long probably and I was so in love i didnt see that. I was always thinking she has the same intention as me, but i see that it is hardly saying.

 

Anyway, I changed my perspective - from desire to reconciliation to desireness. I just go with the flow and see what happens. I ll stick with no contact cause what i saw i only hurt myself while i reach out. Well during those 7months i have made a huge progress - my body havent been in better condition in my whole live (i am 30), I will run 3rd marathon in a while. I applied for 1/2 Ironman (i always wanted to try), running everyday, swimming and working on my kindness as well. Well and i embrace NOFAP into my life, which i see as a big thing!

 

The only thing which was bothering me was "the ex" thing. I did NC for one months most so i hope it ll work for me this time. As i fight with fap urges i will fight with these urges and do my best to overcome them. These bad feelings making me a zombie instead of confident and funny guy as i used to be.

 

I wish I was the other succesfull story after such a ****ty break up - we were planning family, house, great things in common and out of blue.. bam ... cheating. I never trusted anyone else like i did to her. Kind of thing of every girl in the same way right now

[marky00]

Im about 40 days NC and 9 months post break-up. Had a talk on phone about 6 weeks ago just to get more perspective on the breakup.

 

Had a big urge to contact today but I will stay strong.

 

They way I talk myself out of it is to say nothing good will come of it right now. Im been getting busy with some online dating etc and have decided to try and heal as best I can.

 

If in 6 to 12 months or so I still harbour feelings, I might go for the old hail mary reach-out haha.

 

I think I have handled this terrible break-up as best as expected and I know I'm welcome to contact her whenever I want (well u know what I mean).

 

I think that unless healing and growth has occured on both sides, a reconciliation is unrealistic.

[DontBreakEven]

They way I talk myself out of it is to say nothing good will come of it right now.

 

I do the same. 2 months NC. I want to reach out so bad, but then I think about what would I say, and what would the response be? I know it'd be same ole same ole. If she changes her tune, she can contact me. I hate hate hate that I have absolutely no say in the matter.

[cud]

It sucks, we all know that. But do we have another chance?

 

After so many my attempts and so many ignorance from her i cannot bare it anymore. It has been all the same from initiation of break up - she just lost her feeling overnight (it seemed). I was looking for some succesful story here but i see it is ****ing strugle for many of us. So my NC is 7days, it is so f*cking true, that everytime i reach out i am in day one.

 

For my future me - dont do this!