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I’m now NC for 7 days and we have not spoke


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Hi everyone,

I met a girl back in May and it was all going amazingly up until the end of July. This girl was desperate for a relationship with me and we decided to get together mid July after spending almost every day together since we met. However she went cold and one day text me after a night out and basically she kissed another guy. She blamed it on being confused and drunk. I got really upset but we decided to give it another go.

 

I stayed at her house a few nights but a few hours after I stayed over she text me at work saying she wanted to talk. Came out with the whole “you’ve treat me so well I don’t deserve you but I don’t want a relationship I want to focus on myself” after some deeper digging and pitfalling to the errors outlined on this website (begging, pleading etc) I found out that what we had just reminded her of her ex, that she is not over him etc. I did the same again and made more mistakes that most likely pushed her further away. I went NC for a week when she said she still wanted to be friends, but we ended up on a night out together. Nothing was said about us but she knew I got jealous seeing her talking to other guys. The next day we had a small argument and again established she isn’t looking for anything like that, but still wants to be friends, when I said no she repeatedly said “just do what you want”.

 

I’m now NC for 7 days and we have not spoke. I need some objective advice, as I’m finding it so difficult to let go of what we had as I keep hoping we will get back together. Should i cut all ties and forget about her? Is there much chance at all she will realise what she has lost and come back in the future? She says she wants to be single but feel as though she’s stringing me along. I had suspicions she about her ex from the get go, but the way he treated her she said she would never get back with him no matter what. However, she got tinder and I confronted her. She said she heard I was using it so also started using it even though she "isn't looking" I know she had it the night before this however.

 

Final point, she still has some of my things at her house that she was supposed to take back to a mutual friends house weeks ago but still hasn't. Is this a way to talk to me in the future?

Please help!

 

Joey :(

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Sucks what you're going through but you know what you've got to do! Cut all ties and move on brother! No one has time for any of those games and BS! Keep the NC going and you also keep going! There's always a chance of anything happening but as soon as you cut ties and get back to focusing on yourself is when they always try to pop back up! Keep it moving!

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If I'm reading this right, you two dated for a few weeks, it was full of drama, games and jealousy? What's there to struggle with "getting over" with at this point? You two never really got going which was a sign that you're not compatible.

 

 

Keep dating and find someone that you are compatible with. :)

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At this moment you are a single person, so you have to structure your life around that reality. Live an enjoyable single life, until another partner comes into the picture.

 

To be honest, I think the chance of her changing her mind and wanting to be with you again, is close to zero.

 

Spend time with the other people in your life, and do enjoyable and fun things with them.

 

This one person can't make you happy, or take your happiness from you.

 

Happiness comes from within.

 

 

Take care.

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Thanks for the replies, would you personally block them on Facebook even if you were hoping it wasn't over? It's awkward because every time I see her name I think of us and granted, two months isn't a great amount of time, but I still find it difficult to get over the betrayed/shunned feeling since this was my first serious "committed" relationship.

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So to update, I blocked her last night and this morning my friend told me that she's uploaded a selection of pictures entitled "looking though some old pictures" and tagged her ex. Gotta laugh!

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Learningtowalkagain
So to update, I blocked her last night and this morning my friend told me that she's uploaded a selection of pictures entitled "looking though some old pictures" and tagged her ex. Gotta laugh!

 

Stay NC, keep her blocked. Move on. If when it was ending you just let it end she may have come back at some point. People (Men and Women but especially women) hate it when you can just let them go. Since you begged and pleaded she now sees you as weak and below her. You have to maintain your dignity. My ex and I broke up in October, I went strict NC. In November she contacted me. We got back together for a month then broke up again. She still contacted me and I knew the door was always open. I never once made the first contact after we ended. I know her ego was bruised because of the things she would say.

 

So use this as a learning lesson. Silence is golden during break ups.

 

Maybe you run into her in the future (a year or two) and things pick up again (that happened once with me) but for now I'd focus on myself.

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Yep, extremely valuable but painful lesson learnt. First relationship so I forgive myself! I haven't contacted her for almost two weeks now and I'm not going to. She's definitely not above me but I've definitely let her think that at the same time!

 

Thanks for your advice

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  • 3 weeks later...
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She text me today saying she's noticed I've blocked her off Facebook so got my number to text me

me.

Mostly concerning the belongings. We had before established she would take them to my friends. She instead asked if she could bring them round to mine or i could pick them up, or if I didn't want to see her much I would have to wait til she took them to my friends. I ignored this message. Just now her friend messaged me asking if I'm okay and will I reply to my ex gf's text. I ignored this too.

 

Is she texting me because she feels guilty? Should I keep them both ignored? Thanks.

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Don't think you should care about why she's doing it this way or what she's thinking. Just tell the friend give your belongings to you once your ex has gave it to her. You don't need to mention anything else and you don't need to overthink your ex's motives.. anyways I think she just wanted to give your stuff back and maybe see how you were, don't overthink why/what she's doing it. It doesn't matter.

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Bit of confusion there. Her best friend is not the mutual friend that was supposed to get my things - that is my friend whom met my ex and her best friend who messaged, through me.

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Then just tell her friend or whatever that you already told her what to do with your belongings and that's that. Simple no need to overthink it.

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Yeah, I can be quite prone to overthinking. I just thought that it was a bit out of the blue, since we havent spoke a word to each other for a month now.

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