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Doubting my own mental health


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Hi everyone,

 

In february 2014 I met this man. It was amazing, I never felt for someone that hard. The 6 months that followed, was like a dream. After these months, I thought we had a relationship, but he said we didn't. I was heartbroken like hell. I couldn't understand. He came back a week later, and I let him in again. We dated again for 2 months, but I was so insecure that time. I was not stalking him or so, but I couldn't enjoy the time we spent together, as I lost a bit of trust after the first time. I asked him what he wanted: yes or no. The anwer was no, he wasn't the kind of boy (he is 31) who could jump in a relationship. I couldn't understand. He talked about holidays togehter, living togheter.. everything. I was devastated.

 

I tried to cut him off, but it was difficult. The last year has been a hell. We were going on and off from contact. When I was done with him and getting over him, he would tex me again. I refused in the beginning, but he hold on with sweet words, and I fell back. The circle started again. This was going on for months. On and off.

 

I was no contact with him since march. And though I should feel better, I felt horrible. I couldn't forget him. Though I was mad at him and myself for being such a fool at the same time. He contacted me again to meet up. And yes, I did. It was amazing, again. And now? He ignored me again for a week. I sended him a rude message, with he replies with: we have different expectations, like the last time, our contact is too overloaded, that's why it goes wrong the whole time.

 

How can you have different expectations when you are flirting with each other, having the best time with each other (when we saw each other)? And how can you drop someone like an old bag the next day? I don't understand. Always when I get angry with him, he is pointing in a charming way the finger to me. I expect to much, I do this.. I.....

 

Maybe he is right and am I crazy. I was so confident and a strong girl before I met him. Now I don't have energie, I'm one big fool and kind of depressed, bittered, fooled.. and this feeling doesn't go away. I am so frustrated. I am so insecure. I am so unhappy and so angry at myself. Even in the no-contact periode I miss this guy. I really thought he was the one. I don't understand it anymore. Mister is fine, he is charming, arrogant, doens't prob. give a **** about me and has a good life. Oh my god, I do hate myself for being so f weak. Even my friends get enough of this story, what I totally understand.

I feel so down.

 

Love, Bella

 

(i post this as well in the forum breaking up and well being).

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StalwartMind

Seems like there is a disparity between words said, thought and actions. Some people are deceptively good in making others believe or well even manipulate the mind of someone. If there is a disconnection between what one talks about, and then suddenly doing something that is the entirely opposite, this is of concern to me. I think a lot of people don't realize how strongly what they write or say can be perceived by others, in both negative and positive ways.

 

Creating a feeling in someone else is a delicate matter, some simply don't care but others see it as a representation of themselves and are very bound to said words. Most of us are probably well aware just how toxic many places of the world can be both online and offline. Words fly easily from our mouth as if it is some contest to make everyone aware of just how much better than the rest we are. Overall I believe that, if you ever find yourself feeling horrible in someone's company or around others, then you should consider changing your environment.

 

There is no shame in being or feeling weak, it is after all just one of the many states we can find ourselves in. We all have the capability to become strong, granted the journey may be difficult and long in order to get there. Having support and being backed up can be crucial in order for someone to overcome struggles. Sometimes even "good" people can be "wrong" for you, especially if you find yourself in a period where you are uncertain of things. It's all very relative which is why every single issue needs to be treated on an individual level. You can regain your confidence and everything else which you may feel is missing, but you do need to make some choices that can help you get into a better position.

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Clarence_Boddicker

Some people are sociopathic & don't care about hurting others. Unfortunately they hide this about themselves to lure their next victims in. Many times it's all a game to them.

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YellowPetal

You need to move on. Some people pretend to care for you, but in reality they are just using you because it serves their purpose. It's very hard to recognize these kind of people because they are expert manipulators who don't care about other people.

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Think about how this relationship makes you feel - uncertain, unhappy, doubting your own sanity, uncared for, messed about. It's a push/pull relationship: one day he wants you and then he doesn't. This is how he wields power over you; he knows he's in control. He is the puppet-master.

 

You were right to go no contact. Of course it is tempting to want the good aspects back again but remember it is mostly bad, mostly torment and uncertainty. Don't doubt your sanity: go no contact and leave the guy for good. He will only hurt you over and over because that's the way he operates and he knows you will give in and give him another chance. You can't win with a guy like this. His goal is to wield power not love: once you are within his grasp again, he will kick you away - until you stay away forever. There are no winners; it's just stupid. He might think you'll play this game forever but hopefully you won't and he'll get his come-uppance.

Edited by spiderowl
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singsparkles
Hi everyone,

 

In february 2014 I met this man. It was amazing, I never felt for someone that hard. The 6 months that followed, was like a dream. After these months, I thought we had a relationship, but he said we didn't. I was heartbroken like hell. I couldn't understand. He came back a week later, and I let him in again. We dated again for 2 months, but I was so insecure that time. I was not stalking him or so, but I couldn't enjoy the time we spent together, as I lost a bit of trust after the first time. I asked him what he wanted: yes or no. The anwer was no, he wasn't the kind of boy (he is 31) who could jump in a relationship. I couldn't understand. He talked about holidays togehter, living togheter.. everything. I was devastated.

 

I tried to cut him off, but it was difficult. The last year has been a hell. We were going on and off from contact. When I was done with him and getting over him, he would tex me again. I refused in the beginning, but he hold on with sweet words, and I fell back. The circle started again. This was going on for months. On and off.

 

I was no contact with him since march. And though I should feel better, I felt horrible. I couldn't forget him. Though I was mad at him and myself for being such a fool at the same time. He contacted me again to meet up. And yes, I did. It was amazing, again. And now? He ignored me again for a week. I sended him a rude message, with he replies with: we have different expectations, like the last time, our contact is too overloaded, that's why it goes wrong the whole time.

 

How can you have different expectations when you are flirting with each other, having the best time with each other (when we saw each other)? And how can you drop someone like an old bag the next day? I don't understand. Always when I get angry with him, he is pointing in a charming way the finger to me. I expect to much, I do this.. I.....

 

Maybe he is right and am I crazy. I was so confident and a strong girl before I met him. Now I don't have energie, I'm one big fool and kind of depressed, bittered, fooled.. and this feeling doesn't go away. I am so frustrated. I am so insecure. I am so unhappy and so angry at myself. Even in the no-contact periode I miss this guy. I really thought he was the one. I don't understand it anymore. Mister is fine, he is charming, arrogant, doens't prob. give a **** about me and has a good life. Oh my god, I do hate myself for being so f weak. Even my friends get enough of this story, what I totally understand.

I feel so down.

 

Love, Bella

 

(i post this as well in the forum breaking up and well being).

 

 

 

God, have I been through way too many guys like this to count on fingers. He is a narciccist. Hes got you right where he wants you. He likes seeeing you down because its safer for him.

 

One thing I want to emphasize: you are NOT weak. Not even one bit of you is weak.

 

You just happened to be caught under the spell of a charming, manipulative boy... and you arent going to be his first bait.

 

Men like this never, ever change.

 

There is nothing wrong with you. You took the time and tried to see the good in him. Not everyone would do that. You seem like a great person with a great heart who has a lot to offer.

 

Don't let this doofus control you or your emotions. He doesn't deserve that at all.

 

He deserves to see you happy. he deserves to see the fact that he didn't hurt you and you're fine without him.

 

Keep your chin up, beautiful. I promise, things will get better.

 

Stay away from this jerk and love and life will be flowing your way magneting toward you.... xoxoxoo:love:

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