kxpxsc3 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Long story short.. In February, I had a positive pregnancy test and my ex 'supported me in whatever I decided' but it became clear he would rather I get an abortion. I knew this was the end of the relationship (he had plans to get his master's, etc, so obviously a baby would have hindered him). He pulled back when he realized that I was hesitant about that, and considered keeping. I became so sad, anxious, barely slept or ate for 2 weeks, that it ended in me having a miscarriage. When he found out that happened, he tried everything to apologize for pulling back and seeming like he didn't care. And like an idiot, I forgave him, although we weren't together anymore, we remained in contact... and I'm ashamed to say we even spent the night together twice after. He left town for his master's and now I have gone NC because I have to heal from this and still wanting to be with someone who didn't really care about such a big thing that happened. I feel stupid for still wanting him, and I feel stupid for not cutting contact earlier. I feel that I let him off too easy, and now he doesn't feel bad for treating me the way he did during and after the time when everything was happening. Now he's free to go off and follow his dreams without feeling any guilt over the way he treated me. Does it matter that much in the grand scheme WHEN I go NC? Would it have changed his guilt or anything? Anyone else wish they went NC earlier but in the end it helped anyway?? Any support or advice is greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Two thoughts. 1. It isn't your burden, duty or right to dole out the lesson he should learn. Who cares whether he feels guilty or not. Who are you to dispense judgment? You are every bit as culpable as he in this matter. Honestly we humans are so good about telling ourselves what we want to hear that I doubt anything you would have done would have made this experience occur any differently. If anything, he might have be able to vilify you in his mind as a crazy out for revenge. 2. When someone disengages in your life, all you should do it worry about what serves you best. Look inwards to yourself. Care for yourself. Love yourself and heal. That is the path to life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 One more thing. I've been late to the NC policy before and I have to say, even though I was late it worked miracles because it forced me to put the focus on me. Not her. And that made all the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I'm so sorry about your miscarriage and that you are going through this. To answer your questions, in the grand scheme of things, it does not matter. I have broken NC repeatedly with a guy that I knew was a "loser." I never had the balls to be the one to break up nor resist caving when he apologized. I struggled with being alone, was afraid of being alone, and just could not end the relationship even though it was bad. When I was with him, I wished I had the balls to end it and be the one to have the last words. Every time we got back together, I told myself, "the next time when things go bad, I will end it, and let him know that it's his fault." This never happened. This was well over 10 years ago. I am now in a good relationship with a great guy. I am happy. I am just so thankful that the relationship with the ex ended when it did because it allowed for my life to be on a course for happiness. I was pretty pathetic back then, and hated myself for being so miserable without him. But now, I don't even care. I am just so thankful that it's in the past that I don't even feel bad about how pathetic I was back then. Back then, I wouldn't have believe that my ex and my sense of shame would one day become a fleeting memory. But you would REALLY get over it in the future. Your happy future will really take over your focus as long as you maintain NC. As long as you come out happy, it really does not matter when/how NC starts, as long as you start it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
YellowPetal Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 The most important thing is that you did go NC, and that you learn from your mistakes. Recently, my bf broke up with me, and I am glad I didn´t go NC right away because staying in contact with him made me realize what a loser he really is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It's never to late to institute NC. As the others have mentioned, sometimes having LC after a break up demonstrates the exes true personality and character and will help you STAY in NC for good to heal and put them behind you. Stick to NC, read threads on here and focus on you. Time passing w/out of sight, out of mind heals faster than any other way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It's never to late to institute NC. As the others have mentioned, sometimes having LC after a break up demonstrates the exes true personality and character and will help you STAY in NC for good to heal and put them behind you. That sums it up for me. I was so miserable 3 weeks after NC I just called my Ex fiance. What I was able to find out was shocking but I needed to hear it. I couldn't believe how cold and heartless someone who's loved me for over 4 years could be. This empowered me to rid her from my life and never look back. I realized I deserve sooo much better than that. So do YOU! We gotta cut these people who treat us like sh** out of our lives as soon as we have the strength. LC can be good in certain situations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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