Yes, I did it.

[grokcahsevol]

Many of you have disagreed with me sending her a letter, while a select few encouraged as did my therapist. I sent it to her on Friday morning and she sent something back to me about an hour ago.

 

I wasn't expecting to hear anything back, but I did and while I'll admit I shed a tear, it didn't set me back at all.

 

Quick background for the newer people, I'm a guy, she was with a girl 11 years ago for about 2 years. Then at age her 15 me 17 we got together for 9 years. They recently rekindled and started a relationship.

 

Here is what she replied back to me, I wont post mine... because it's way too long.

 

 

I was planning on typing something up to you when I was alone and ready to get all my thoughts together.

 

I got your letter and it could never be boring. I really appreciate all the nice things you said. I need you to know that I love you and I will always love you. I’m so sorry for the hurt I may have done to you, and I think about it constantly. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have, which is another reason why it took me a little longer to respond to you.

 

Things were amazing with you for 9 years. You were the love of my life and in some ways you still are and always will be. I don’t want to give any false hope or fake promises but I can’t sit here at this moment and say that we are done forever. It’s just right now I’m going based on what feels right for me. The timing was horrible. I wanted to have this summer with you.

 

I love all of our memories and we have so many that it’s really not possible to not think about you in some way every day, regardless of what I’m up too.

 

The way things happened with GIRL (who shes with now) is absolutely crazy to me. That whole situation ****ed me up when I was young. It was 11 years ago, but it’s this type of situation where I never got closure with that part of my past and it’s happening right now and I need to do this. And I need to do it in a way that I don’t lie to you or cheat on you like I have done before. I’m older now and realized after GUY (a fling she had with a guy she worked with 4 years ago) how horrible I was to you and realized that I care about you so much that it’s better for me to let you go so I can deal with myself. It’s a selfish act but I also don’t want me wasting your time or hurting you.

 

Everything we have had is so real and I don’t want you to think everything I think of about you or our relationship isn’t there because of the fact that I’m with GIRL right now. I will never forget or disregard anything I had with you. Just things got content with us and I wasn’t sure it was for the best. They were content just based on our time with each other. But we do have things to work on and we need time to realize if we can ever be back on the same page like we were when we first met. I really do believe in us and I’m not ready to let it all go. But right now I need us both to do our own thing and just see what happens. I believe in that quote you said a lot.

“If you truly love someone, you need to set them free...” well, I’m sure you know how the rest of the saying goes.

And like I said I don’t want to give any false hope but I can’t say confidently that me and you are done forever. I just need this time right now.

 

I’m sorry this had to happen and I’m sorry that it doesn’t make sense right now. I’m always here for you too no matter what. You’re the only one in the entire world that can make me laugh the way you do. You have this wit and humor about you that is just amazing. You’re clever, smart, just so spot on. That’s what I always have loved about you. You have incredible things ahead of you and you are doing very well with everything. I’m very proud of you.

 

Seeing BROTHER (She bumped into him at a bar while she was with GIRL) the other week killed me. I was outside by myself for a long time tearing up. He was great. We talked so much about your family, you, him, Malta, just everything. I even said to him why are we hanging out now that I’m not with your brother. He had no idea. It was really nice. For a moment in time there it felt like I could hang out with you and be with you but not have to hurt you because you guys sound and look alike.

 

I remember when you were asking me the way I was feeling and I couldn’t describe it to you because I didn’t know myself. I still don’t. I’m not over thinking things or over analyzing like I always do. I’m taking it all one day at a time. And the only piece of advice I can give you is to try and do the same.

 

I haven’t moved on or forgotten about you like you probably think I did. I’m just trying to live this one life I have and let things fall into the place they belong. I hope this letter makes sense and doesn’t upset you. I wanted you to have this letter to give you something. I don’t want to leave you hanging like I had to that one morning after the concert. You’re an amazing person and I want absolutely nothing but the best for you.

 

 

 

As I had mentioned, this hasn't set me back at all, just a tear or two. Besides this letter we been NC for a month. I truly wish her the best but their is just a part of me that doesn't want to give up hope and a part of me (Maybe wishful hoping) feels that something is going to happen or this girl is going to hurt her badly.

 

Otherwise, I have been doing things to move forward, going to concerts, (trying) to meet new people (I'm super introverted), and going to start MMA as a new hobby plus the extra benefits that come with it, and growing my business. Even though I'm doing all this, things are still hard to just let everything go and move on.. we have 9 years of memories no matter where I go, theirs a reminder of her.

[lolablue17]

I think you're doing well. Of course you're hurt and in a difficult situation now, but not everything is bad. There are and will be many good things in you life.

 

It is very good that you sent her your letter. Her reply will help you to heal.

[FaithInMe]

After 30 days of nothing and NC, I received an email from my ex (in response to something I sent him 30 days earlier).

 

This letter reminds me of his letter a little bit. It was full of respect and love, some missing me, maybe a little regret, and that open-ended feeling like we aren't over yet. It brought happy and sad tears to my eyes -- the idea that someone truly cares about me, but we can't be together right now (or maybe never).

 

That was over a week ago.

 

I know our situations are different because I'm not dealing with another person in the situation. But I wanted to tell you that I did well for the first several days after I received his email. Then after that first week, it set me back for a couple of days.

 

So don't be surprised if you are feeling a little down after you've had several days to digest what she wrote. I feel better today. Once I got through those icky days, it was almost like I entered a new acceptance phase.

 

I hope my perspective helps.

 

I am glad she responded, and I hope it helps you heal and move forward.

One day at a time. Hang in there!

[catlady11]

What a beautiful letter! I almost shed a tear reading it.

 

For what it's worth I hope you two have a case of the right love at the wrong time. If it's meant to be it will be. Keep on doing what you're doing and living your life

[grokcahsevol]

I think you're doing well. Of course you're hurt and in a difficult situation now, but not everything is bad. There are and will be many good things in you life.

 

It is very good that you sent her your letter. Her reply will help you to heal.

 

I like to believe I am doing well. The only thing I find wrong is sometimes I feel very alone. We shared the same group of friends (mainly all girls) so it's been very hard to find some new friends. I attempted to rekindle old friendships with people from high school... but they are all on the wrong path.

 

After 30 days of nothing and NC, I received an email from my ex (in response to something I sent him 30 days earlier).

 

This letter reminds me of his letter a little bit. It was full of respect and love, some missing me, maybe a little regret, and that open-ended feeling like we aren't over yet. It brought happy and sad tears to my eyes -- the idea that someone truly cares about me, but we can't be together right now (or maybe never).

 

That was over a week ago.

 

I know our situations are different because I'm not dealing with another person in the situation. But I wanted to tell you that I did well for the first several days after I received his email. Then after that first week, it set me back for a couple of days.

 

So don't be surprised if you are feeling a little down after you've had several days to digest what she wrote. I feel better today. Once I got through those icky days, it was almost like I entered a new acceptance phase.

 

I hope my perspective helps.

 

I am glad she responded, and I hope it helps you heal and move forward.

One day at a time. Hang in there!

 

 

I feel the same! when I did read this, it brought some happy and sad tears as well. I think I should be fine. The letter I sent her I worked on it for a month going to it then changing it based on my feelings. While I typed my letter to her, I was able to let out all my emotions, so I'm hoping to not have any sort of relapse. It certainly did bring some closure that she responded back. One day at a time for sure!

 

If you don't mind me asking, how long were you both together for?

 

What a beautiful letter! I almost shed a tear reading it.

 

For what it's worth I hope you two have a case of the right love at the wrong time. If it's meant to be it will be. Keep on doing what you're doing and living your life

 

 

That's exactly how I been taking this whole breakup, if it's meant to be then will cross each others path another time. I like to think of it like this

 

I may not know it now and she may not know it now, but there’s a reason why we met.

[FaithInMe]

I feel the same! when I did read this, it brought some happy and sad tears as well. I think I should be fine. The letter I sent her I worked on it for a month going to it then changing it based on my feelings. While I typed my letter to her, I was able to let out all my emotions, so I'm hoping to not have any sort of relapse. It certainly did bring some closure that she responded back. One day at a time for sure!

 

If you don't mind me asking, how long were you both together for?

I don't mind at all. We were together 1.5 years. We broke up in June - it will be 8 weeks on Saturday. Sigh... I haven't seen him or heard his voice since.

 

We had some email exchanges in the beginning - he ignored my initial text and phone call. So I took a step back and eventually emailed him. That resulted in the initial conversation. He never replied to the last one, so I went NC.

 

Then 30 days later, I received an email from him. After that there were a few short FB message exchanges last week. One was letting me know he got the reply to his email and thanking me for responding. Another was to let me know that one of my friends had passed away. The last was in reply to me asking if I could give my cousin his contact info for some PR work she needed. He replied to the last one, and I shared the info with my cousin, and I saw no need to respond. I went back to NC. More healing for me.....

[ZiggyZoo]

I'm going to go completely against the grain here. I think her letter was terrible. Completely selfish, her saying that she needs to work on herself (while seeing other people) but that she's not done with you at all. And maybe sometime, somehow, in the future you'll be together? She's telling you that you're her Plan B and stringing you along. If she really loved you, she would never have said that, she'd realize that she's not ready, willing, or able to be with you romantically and cut you loose to pursue your happiness elsewhere. By saying all that "we're not done, I'll always love you", she's basically sabotaging any future relationship you'llhave. You'll have one foot out, waiting for her to come around again, and not be able to truly connect with anyone. Meanwhile she's out with whomever she likes, knowing that she eased her guilt with you by letting you know that you're still an option SOME day.

 

Total crap. You deserve better. You deserve someone who's here for you NOW, who wants to be with you NOW. She may say that she doesn't want to give you false hope or fake promises, but that's exactly what she's doing.

[grokcahsevol]

I don't mind at all. We were together 1.5 years. We broke up in June - it will be 8 weeks on Saturday. Sigh... I haven't seen him or heard his voice since.

 

We had some email exchanges in the beginning - he ignored my initial text and phone call. So I took a step back and eventually emailed him. That resulted in the initial conversation. He never replied to the last one, so I went NC.

 

Then 30 days later, I received an email from him. After that there were a few short FB message exchanges last week. One was letting me know he got the reply to his email and thanking me for responding. Another was to let me know that one of my friends had passed away. The last was in reply to me asking if I could give my cousin his contact info for some PR work she needed. He replied to the last one, and I shared the info with my cousin, and I saw no need to respond. I went back to NC. More healing for me.....

 

I think strict NC is the best way to go from here on out. You should unfollow them from all social media as well, although it was only 1.5 years I know its tough, just do things to keep your self busy, find some new hobbies (I'm starting mma this week) so hopefully that will get my mind off of her.

 

I'm going to go completely against the grain here. I think her letter was terrible. Completely selfish, her saying that she needs to work on herself (while seeing other people) but that she's not done with you at all. And maybe sometime, somehow, in the future you'll be together? She's telling you that you're her Plan B and stringing you along. If she really loved you, she would never have said that, she'd realize that she's not ready, willing, or able to be with you romantically and cut you loose to pursue your happiness elsewhere. By saying all that "we're not done, I'll always love you", she's basically sabotaging any future relationship you'llhave. You'll have one foot out, waiting for her to come around again, and not be able to truly connect with anyone. Meanwhile she's out with whomever she likes, knowing that she eased her guilt with you by letting you know that you're still an option SOME day.

 

Total crap. You deserve better. You deserve someone who's here for you NOW, who wants to be with you NOW. She may say that she doesn't want to give you false hope or fake promises, but that's exactly what she's doing.

 

 

You know, I read the letter a few times last night to kinda decipher the letter. After thinking about it, part of me feels the same way, while another part of me believes it's genuine. I don't believe shes really stinging me along, as this was the only time we had any contact, I feel she would give me hints if she was trying to string me along. However, I do believe I will be her plan B if things don't work out. I suppose only time will tell. I don't have any intentions on getting into any relationship, I'd prefer to be single for now and focus on myself anyways.

[ZiggyZoo]

I think being single for a bit is a great idea. I took two years off after my big, terrible break-up and it was the best thing I ever did. I also don't think your ex is being malicious with her words, but isn't thinking about how what she said will affect you. She's just doing what she needs to do to make herself feel better. And the unfortunate side effect is to possibly hinder your recovery. But you seem to have a good grasp on what's going on, and what's best for you, so I think you'll be fine.

[aloneinaz]

I'm going to go completely against the grain here. I think her letter was terrible. Completely selfish, her saying that she needs to work on herself (while seeing other people) but that she's not done with you at all. And maybe sometime, somehow, in the future you'll be together? She's telling you that you're her Plan B and stringing you along. If she really loved you, she would never have said that, she'd realize that she's not ready, willing, or able to be with you romantically and cut you loose to pursue your happiness elsewhere. By saying all that "we're not done, I'll always love you", she's basically sabotaging any future relationship you'llhave. You'll have one foot out, waiting for her to come around again, and not be able to truly connect with anyone. Meanwhile she's out with whomever she likes, knowing that she eased her guilt with you by letting you know that you're still an option SOME day.

 

Total crap. You deserve better. You deserve someone who's here for you NOW, who wants to be with you NOW. She may say that she doesn't want to give you false hope or fake promises, but that's exactly what she's doing.

 

 

I'm on the same page as Ziggy. I'm just too proud a person to have ever sent a letter like he did to someone who kicked me out of their life. Once they say "were over", then it's OVER and all contact ENDS. They turn into a memory and nothing more. Initiating any further contact with them only strokes their egos and makes the dumped look pathetic, clingy and desperate. I'm not trying to be mean to the OP but when you send a letter like you sent, your desperately trying to tug at her heart strings hoping she'll reconsider her decision.

 

 

NC works because you are not continuing to be engaged in the drama with the ex thru any communication. Right now the OP is re-reading her response over and over again, trying to dissect it's true meanings. How on earth does that help you get over this? Her selfish letter telling him to keep pining over her so she has a fall back plan is only further keeping him stuck in this drama of a failed relationship.

 

 

I've said this before. I know plenty of people who got dumped. They ABSOLUTELY vanished from the dumpers life. Blocked them everywhere. Never replied if they were contacted and the dumper NEVER heard from them again. They knew and understood once a relationship broke up that it should NEVER be restarted again. These people all stated it helped them recover the fastest while they kept all their self respect and dignity.