YellowPetal Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) Hello everyone, I am having a very hard time with my breakup. I lost 7 pounds, I have awful nightmares and I can't seem to stop obsessing about everything that has happened. My boyfriend (now ex) completely used and manipulated me, cheated on me and left me for the girl he cheated on me with. While I was away taking care of my sick sister, he would bring the new girl to the place we shared together and repeatedly have sex with her. After I came back home, he broke up with me, claiming he couldn't be with me due to the fact that his life is very unstable right now and he didn't want me to waste time with him. He cried for a long time like a baby, claiming he wanted us to be friends, he loved me and wanted me to stay in his life. He asked me to buy him a plane ticket and to open a joint account (again), because apparently there is nobody else he trusts more than me. I agreed to do these things for him because I thought he was a good guy and genuinely wanted us to be friends. I even let him stay at our place until he could find somewhere else to live. Funny thing is that he kept saying how he wasn't sure about breaking up with me and would hug me all the time, telling me I was beautiful. Anyway, after a few weeks, I found out he was cheating on me and that he would even bring the new girl to the house after we broke up and while I was at work. Later on, I found out how he was telling our friends he was never serious about the relationship, despite the that fact we were living together and shared a bank account. I feel utterly betrayed and disgusted with myself for letting him use me and lie to me. Everyone says these things happen all the time. I guess they do, but I feel like nobody really understands how I feel. I loved him and trusted him unconditionally. I just don't understand how some people can be so awful and disgusting. Edited August 3, 2015 by YellowPetal spelling mistake Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Hello everyone, I am having a very hard time with my breakup. I lost 7 pounds, I have awful nightmares and I can't seem to stop obsessing about everything that has happened. My boyfriend (now ex) completely used and manipulated me, cheated on me and left me for the girl he cheated on me with. While I was away taking care of my sick sister, he would bring the new girl to the place we shared together and repeatedly have sex with her. After I came back home, he broke up with me, claiming he couldn't be with me due to the fact that his life is very unstable right now and he didn't want me to waste time with him. He cried for a long time like a baby, claiming he wanted us to be friends, he loved me and wanted me to stay in his life. He asked me to buy him a plane ticket and to open a joint account (again), because apparently there is nobody else he trusts more than me. I agreed to do these things for him because I thought he was a good guy and genuinely wanted us to be friends. I even let him stay at our place until he could find somewhere else to live. Funny thing is that he kept saying how he wasn't sure about breaking up with me and would hug me all the time, telling me I was beautiful. Anyway, after a few weeks, I found out he was cheating on me and that he would even bring the new girl to the house after we broke up and while I was at work. Later on, I found out how he was telling our friends he was never serious about the relationship, despite the that fact we were living together and shared a bank account. I feel utterly betrayed and disgusted with myself for letting him use me and lie to me. Everyone says these things happen all the time. I guess they do, but I feel like nobody really understands how I feel. I loved him and trusted him unconditionally. I just don't understand how some people can be so awful and disgusting. I honestly feel horrible for you. Your post hits home with me as an ex once did almost exactly what your ex has done. I was manipulated, cheated on, and had my head played with by a woman that I truly loved. It is excruciatingly painful. I wish I could tell you that it's not going to be a bumpy ride to heal from what you have gone through, but sadly it is. You are in for probably one of the most painful rides you will ever take. It took me close to 2 years to get over that particular ex, and I still carry some major scars from it. If I can offer one bit of advice, it would be, to not blame yourself, nor get angry at yourself. Try to learn from it, and allow yourself to process everything. Don't bottle anything up... There are truly ****ty and disgusting people in this world... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Don't be disgusted with yourself for helping him. That's what people do that care about other people. Yes, what he did was terrible and like you said it happens a lot. Your focus now should be you. Doing what's right for you. You know about NC. Follow that to the letter. Talk to people who care about you. Take walks. Let the pain and poison work itself out of you. It is like poison. And it's going to take a while to get rid of the anger, resentment, shock and dismay. You're going to ask a lot of questions. There won't be answers. That's OK. Don't feel guilty about the waves and cycles grief puts you through. Undergo everything understanding it is natural. Don't date. Be near friends. When you feel capable, start to do things again, date yourself, take a long trip to a faraway place. You're going to feel lost. I promise this can be one of the most educational experiences of your life. You will grow emotionally by leaps and bounds. Stay close to LS, too. Write out the poison to all of us. You'll make it out OK. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
changeofseasons Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Dude sounds disgusting and it wouldn't surprise me if he's a narcissist. I have been manipulated as well, and most likely he was seeing other women while we were seeing each other. It sucks, because you dont know what was real and what was not..or if the entirety of the realtionship was a sham. Realize that you're worth more than him and are of higher quality. You seem like a sweet woman considering everything you've done. Just know it gets better and you're better than this, hopefully soon enough your heart will catch up with your head. And BTW a good book to read would be the No Contact rule by Natalie Lue. Hang in there! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It takes a special kinda of person to lie to someone who loves them completely, cheat on & dump them. Probably the same type of people that abandon animals. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author YellowPetal Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) Thank you everyone for your kind words. It's been almost two months since I found out what kind of person my ex really is. It's just very hard for me to cope with the betrayal. I don't understand how he could have told me he wasn't sure about breaking up with me and then have sex with someone else while I was at work. It's also really hard because we have many friends in common and I am discovering new lies almost every day. I feel so angry, and like I am about to explode. My thoughts are all over the place and at the moment I feel like I am about to throw up. I don't know. It's just an awful feeling. Edited August 3, 2015 by YellowPetal spelling mistake Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thank you everyone for your kind words. It's been almost two months since I found out what kind of person my ex really is. It's just very hard for me to cope with the betrayal. I don't understand how he could have told me he wasn't sure about breaking up with me and then have sex with someone else while I was at work. It's also really hard because we have many friends in common and I am discovering new lies almost every day. I feel so angry, and like I am about to explode. My thoughts are all over the place and at the moment I feel like I am about to throw up. I don't know. It's just an awful feeling. YOU know that there is no going back here YOU know he was a complete scumbag in the way he treated you. He used you and abused your trust. There is no if, buts or maybes here He is not a man any woman would want in their life. THEREFORE Use this information as a stepping off board to your new life. Forget him, he is not spending one second worrying about you. Stop looking back, start looking forward. Start looking after YOU Link to post Share on other sites
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