Finally got closure I'm so lost for words

[Realitycol]

Finally my ex-gf and I, after nearly 3 months, got closure. She wanted to talk and I said only if we're going to communicate as adults and not start drama.

 

After talking for awhile about if we're having pain repeatedly and having issues is it right to keep going, etc. and how we went wrong she started to cry. She started to cry as she asked why am I so nice and gentle in person or in voice but when I type it's so hurtful and mean? She said the fond memories we had were tarnished by the way I communicate by text. Then she started to cry uncontrollably.

 

Her last words were that she genuinely and whole heartedly loved me. She will miss me A LOT, she stressed these words. It'll be HARD for her, really hard and she feels it'll be easy for me to move on. She asked me not to contact her. She really really wished everything in my life to be amazing and well. At this stage she was bawling and said goodbye.

 

It's rough letting love walk away. I know thousands of people might have asked, but why can't she give us another chance if she does love me and had 3 hard months of trying to move on to no avail? Not only that she cried so many times that day it was really hard for me to keep my composure as well.

 

I KNOW we both need lots of healing. I told her an analogy that our relationship became unhealthy because after we had fights or separations we never gave each other time to heal. Like two boxers who punched each other and never rested after a match fighting again and again wounds just building up.

 

I left the door open in case she changed her mind. Kept it respectful and truly wished her well and that I hope she heals 100% for HERSELF. That I'd respect her decision and I turned my back and walked away.

 

It really sucks... I don't even know if she quit her job over this or not even going anymore. She went from a busy 5-6 days a week work schedule to barely even going into work now.

Edited August 1, 2015 by Realitycol

[Tobin]

I don't get it. She broke up with you but she was so devastated that she stopped going to work?

 

Usually it's the dumpee that gets so blown away that they cannot function.

 

There's something else going on with her.

[theredpill]

Love and loved are different things, people rarely walk away when the love is real and still exists in some form. I've seen the tears, heard I'll never forget you, all that BS you heard and 5 days later the new guy is staying over at the ex's. When you truly love someone, you don't dump them - don't rationalise this situation, unless she tells you she wants you back, what she said doesn't matter. Not probably what you want to hear, but it's what I'm reading sorry dude.

[Realitycol]

I'd agree because you hear that kind of stuff everyday, but she's not with anyone and she hasn't even casually dated in THREE months.

 

She has a management position at her job, which is one of the top beauty schools in her nation. She has multiple houses/real estate. Most of my friends find her 9-10/10. She's a catch.

 

Yet, she's home playing console games or not even going out with her girl friends. I mean her family told me about this. If she's with someone I wouldn't be posting this.

[aloneinaz]

I guess I don't understand your last post? She dumped you and by that action, said "I don't want you in my life anymore and want to meet new guys". She didn't approach you to reconcile or talk. You reached out to her to get closure? Now you're worried about her sitting at home, not dating and playing games?

 

 

I guess I'm trying to understand what you're worried about? She's not your problem anymore. You met up with her and she didn't run into your arms wanting to try again. If you feel better after meeting with her and rehashing all the failed relationship drama, then that's good. If it helps you to put her behind you so you can move on, great.

 

 

I hope with this "closure" you speak of, you can come to peace with her being out of your life.

[frigginlost]

Finally my ex-gf and I, after nearly 3 months, got closure. She wanted to talk and I said only if we're going to communicate as adults and not start drama.

 

After talking for awhile about if we're having pain repeatedly and having issues is it right to keep going, etc. and how we went wrong she started to cry. She started to cry as she asked why am I so nice and gentle in person or in voice but when I type it's so hurtful and mean? She said the fond memories we had were tarnished by the way I communicate by text. Then she started to cry uncontrollably.

 

Her last words were that she genuinely and whole heartedly loved me. She will miss me A LOT, she stressed these words. It'll be HARD for her, really hard and she feels it'll be easy for me to move on. She asked me not to contact her. She really really wished everything in my life to be amazing and well. At this stage she was bawling and said goodbye.

 

It's rough letting love walk away. I know thousands of people might have asked, but why can't she give us another chance if she does love me and had 3 hard months of trying to move on to no avail? Not only that she cried so many times that day it was really hard for me to keep my composure as well.

 

I KNOW we both need lots of healing. I told her an analogy that our relationship became unhealthy because after we had fights or separations we never gave each other time to heal. Like two boxers who punched each other and never rested after a match fighting again and again wounds just building up.

 

I left the door open in case she changed her mind. Kept it respectful and truly wished her well and that I hope she heals 100% for HERSELF. That I'd respect her decision and I turned my back and walked away.

 

It really sucks... I don't even know if she quit her job over this or not even going anymore. She went from a busy 5-6 days a week work schedule to barely even going into work now.

 

I'm going against the grain here.

 

You seem like a pretty stand up guy. Bravo to you, in finding the path to your own healing in your own way.

 

I don't believe every breakup is because someone "doesn't want you in their life, and just wants to screw other guys". Sometimes people are better as friends than as lovers. Your ex sounds as if she truly cares for you and is crushed about how everything has turned out.

 

Who knows what the future holds regarding you two as you both heal in your own ways? Just keep living for you...

[RoseHeart]

I know what is going on here...

 

She realizes you're not the one for her and that this relationship isn't right for her. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you though. It's the heart vs head dilemma. In her heart she is crazy for you but in her head something is telling her this isn't a good fit. This explains the crying and the strong emotion in her. It can be VERY devastating to have to walk away from someone you love lots and lots but know deep down it's not meant to be. In fact it's one of the most difficult positions to find yourself in. You are essentially at a cross road and do not know which way to go. I hope this will give you insight on what is going on inside her head.

[Realitycol]

Maybe there's no hope whatsoever. Maybe she may change her mind, but I hope all that even happens she heals.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know what is going on here...

 

She realizes you're not the one for her and that this relationship isn't right for her. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you though. It's the heart vs head dilemma. In her heart she is crazy for you but in her head something is telling her this isn't a good fit. This explains the crying and the strong emotion in her. It can be VERY devastating to have to walk away from someone you love lots and lots but know deep down it's not meant to be. In fact it's one of the most difficult positions to find yourself in. You are essentially at a cross road and do not know which way to go. I hope this will give you insight on what is going on inside her head.

 

This.

 

I have been in her place, too. I was also very emotional after ending it with an ex, not because I was still in love but because it's not easy to hurt someone and let go of everything you had. I knew he wanted to get back together but I also knew in my heart that he wasn't the one. For this reason, I felt very guilty and sad about not being on the same page anymore.

[elaine567]

She started to cry as she asked why am I so nice and gentle in person or in voice but when I type it's so hurtful and mean? She said the fond memories we had were tarnished by the way I communicate by text. Then she started to cry uncontrollably.

 

^^^^this^^^^

 

She is not going to her work because she is broken just now.

She loved you, but you hurt her so deep by the content of your texts, she now realises that it will never work out - the relationship is finished, hence her tears and her disappointment.

People can be hurt really badly in the middle of failing relationships. Throwaway lines said in anger can cause deep wounds and although many cling on to "love", those wounds can fester, until the love is gone or the love doesn't balance out the hurt.

 

Not every throwaway hurtful line can be mended with a bit of making up and a bit of loving. Women tend to remember everything, often to the last detail.

I guess here the bad outweighed the good, so she is doing the right thing for herself by moving away from you, even if it very hard for her to do.

[theredpill]

I didn't really mean to suggest there's another party, sorry dude, was just for context... both men and women will say anything to try remove pain from the situation, that was just my ex, ex situation. I'll tell you that ended with the tears, I'll always love you and never forget, new man a week later. 3 months later total meltdown, admitted she'd made a huge mistake, but I'd already told her best friend I'm not interested and to wish her well.

 

 

Surprisingly I saw her a couple of weeks ago whilst driving, as she's not too far from me now and you know what emotions I felt, sadness and compassion for her, rather than me this time.

 

 

I'm with Elaine here I reckon on your situation, these hurtful texts probably upset her and stuck inside waiting for the time when love wasn't as strong. She really does seem a little broken though, but regardless this requires time and space away from you - maybe she'll come round, maybe she won't but it's up to you to become the man you were when you met her. Not to get her back, but to give yourself options and let each of you heal because you won't if you stay in touch.

 

 

I got so caught up in my job (finance, although ironically I'm skint) totally neglected my most recent ex, she said it's going to kill me working these hours and we're not spending any quality time together anymore, essentially helping me keep her in my life - didn't listen, her help slowly turned to anger and frustration and whereas previously I'd handle these situations with kindness and we'd sit down and talk, being so physically and emotionally shattered working 60/70+ hours a week for almost a solid year, just wasn't the same person and said some mean things that I know now hurt her feelings.

 

 

It's a tough pill to swallow, that you're responsible for your own pain. It's also the best life lesson you can have, as that's what it is a lesson on what not to do again (be kind and don't txt if you're not in a happy mood and for me, listen to the girl who's trying to help you, you're not invincible or a robot).

 

 

These are the hardest breakups, because the reasons behind them are fixable rather than clear compatibility issues you can't work around, but like myself if your girl told you how much it was hurting her feelings and you continued to do it, although she loved you the least painful way to her to her is to end the relationship. I told mine I'd sort my work situation a number of times and didn't...

 

 

You can be damn well sure I've sorted it now, I've come back to life to experience the avoidable pain in exquisite detail, hard lesson learned

 

 

Chin up, give her space and come vent on here

[Realitycol]

Hey guys thank you so much for the support. She asked me again not to contact her (I didn't) and even e-mails she can't control herself to not open them and just delete them.

 

It really sucks, because the arguments we had could be fixed, but AT THE MOMENT she wants space.

 

I have no idea if she'll ever come back to my life. I know I need to keep strong. I'm not skipping meals or losing sleep, because I'm a bodybuilder and pushing myself at the gym will ensure those two are met, but I'm really feeling the loss.

[Chronograph]

Hey guys thank you so much for the support. She asked me again not to contact her (I didn't) and even e-mails she can't control herself to not open them and just delete them.

 

It really sucks, because the arguments we had could be fixed, but AT THE MOMENT she wants space.

 

I have no idea if she'll ever come back to my life. I know I need to keep strong. I'm not skipping meals or losing sleep, because I'm a bodybuilder and pushing myself at the gym will ensure those two are met, but I'm really feeling the loss.

 

Hey, I'm with you there. Hang in there, feeling the loss is probably the hardest thing. Your situation seems to be similar to mine. My ex left me three months ago, and told me (after initially asking for contact but in the beginning I refused) that he wants space and doesn't know if we can ever be in touch again. Absolute shock for me! I also feel like our problems could have been fixed. And we also had a closure talk where he cried. I guess that doesn't mean that he will ever want me back or thinks the whole thing is a mistake. He also said repeatedly that he thinks its the right decision. It just means letting go saying goodbye is hard for everyone, even if you took the decision.

[Realitycol]

I'm not one to live life without hope. Hope that she may change her mind or hope that there's someone else out there for me. I have hope for both.

 

That being said, and knowing I shouldn't just wait for someone, in my and Chronograph's case do they ever come back or is it way less likely than other break ups? I know you guys aren't mathematicians or prophets or gods, but from the sound of it could women ever let go of the past? She even told me the way she deals with things is she always remembers the bad things and good things, she's also someone who can hold a grudge and live "happily." For me, I don't buy that because true happiness comes with forgiving someone and letting all that go. She says her definition of happiness is different and she copes with things differently and honestly has hard time forgiving everything.

[Satu]

*I'm not one to live life without hope. Hope that she may change her mind or hope that there's someone else out there for me. I have hope for both.

 

If you are maintaining that hope, I don't think that you have closure.

 

Closure comes from the inside when you come to full acceptance that the relationship is truly over.

[Realitycol]

That relationship is certainly over. I will not go back unless both of us have changed for the better and healed from the past. It's like 2 boxers going into another match after being bloody and beaten, it's just not going to happen.

 

I'm not someone who'll live without hope or be depressed and think negatively though.

[theredpill]

You're doing well dude, acceptance is really hard, struggling with this one myself. I'm almost a month NC and some days I've wanted to call, but I've stopped myself knowing that now is not the time to be making contact for any reason.

 

 

Time apart is probably doing more for everyone involved, than anything we could say to our ex partner at this point - use that time productively, it's seems you guys had arguments from what you say, I did too when I was in relationships when I was younger but only takes one person to stop one.

 

 

There's lots of self improvement videos on Youtube, the Infinite Waters channel is an eye opener, discovered some of myself in there and how to become a better version of me.

[Realitycol]

You're doing well dude, acceptance is really hard, struggling with this one myself. I'm almost a month NC and some days I've wanted to call, but I've stopped myself knowing that now is not the time to be making contact for any reason.

 

 

Time apart is probably doing more for everyone involved, than anything we could say to our ex partner at this point - use that time productively, it's seems you guys had arguments from what you say, I did too when I was in relationships when I was younger but only takes one person to stop one.

 

 

There's lots of self improvement videos on Youtube, the Infinite Waters channel is an eye opener, discovered some of myself in there and how to become a better version of me.

 

You're right. Like I told my ex-gf and the only time she giggled in the last 3 months while talking to me was when I told her we talked and talked about our issues we beat a dead horse into hamburger meat.

 

At this point all I can say comes off as I'm forcing onto her. She even said last time we talked that she could have me ANY time she wants. Not only did I tell her she's wrong about that assumption but I'm not waiting around all my life. I've got one life, she's got one life. Her decision, her walk, her loss.

[Realitycol]

Quick update guys. It's been tough here and there.

 

She keeps reading or re-reading my last e-mail and since it was sent from my workstation a notification keeps alerting me (and there it goes again past midnight). I asked her to delete ALL texts/whatsapp/skype/emails/pics as my last favor. She knows about the alerts. She checks them daily every time she wakes up. That last e-mail contained a screenshot of our text conversation where she told me see past her "dumb logic" and never give up on her and that she's willing to make us work and that she loved me so (yes it's an old msg and I know she only meant it then). I wanted her to know I never gave up on her. I know that's not a sign or she could be reading it to move on.

 

Not only that I get told by her sister that she's been home all day today. She woke up early as heck like 7 AM (that's quite early for her) and been playing by herself until she could no longer stay awake 7 AM - midnight straight. I know that's not a sign either and that could just be her busying herself or actually having a lot of fun, but damn. Her sister also said her profile picture for her phone chatting program is a picture she took for me couple months ago while she was laying in bed thinking of me and yes of course I remember that photo... :/

 

I will be 100% honest, in the past when relationships ended and the girl who broke it off with me was with another guy, I had no problem turning 180 degrees and NEVER looking back. It just like an internal switch for me that ALWAYS worked. If someone is taken whether an ex or someone I just met, I turn 180 degrees and never ever get myself in between two lovers. I am being 100% honest that I wish that was the case now that I could just take the easy path. Sigh, literally.

 

I'm listening to positive music. I'm trying to smile at work and be happier and nicer. You know like saying nice things about someone when you walk past them (not being fake, but genuinely meaning it). I don't mind admitting to how big of an ******* I was when I was with her. I thought I was a hotshot. I used to ignore calls/texts/coworkers/strangers not giving a fly. Now when people come up to ask me about nutrition or other things I gladly give them a novel of information and even give them my contact if they need additional help. Instead of living a life complaining all the time I turned that into being thankful for at least 3 things I have per day and man it really helps. Just being able to exercise when thousands suffer from physical pain, etc. I know I'm being selfish, but why can't she make this any easier on me.

Edited August 5, 2015 by Realitycol

[Redhead14]

Finally my ex-gf and I, after nearly 3 months, got closure. She wanted to talk and I said only if we're going to communicate as adults and not start drama.

 

After talking for awhile about if we're having pain repeatedly and having issues is it right to keep going, etc. and how we went wrong she started to cry. She started to cry as she asked why am I so nice and gentle in person or in voice but when I type it's so hurtful and mean? She said the fond memories we had were tarnished by the way I communicate by text. Then she started to cry uncontrollably.

 

Her last words were that she genuinely and whole heartedly loved me. She will miss me A LOT, she stressed these words. It'll be HARD for her, really hard and she feels it'll be easy for me to move on. She asked me not to contact her. She really really wished everything in my life to be amazing and well. At this stage she was bawling and said goodbye.

 

It's rough letting love walk away. I know thousands of people might have asked, but why can't she give us another chance if she does love me and had 3 hard months of trying to move on to no avail? Not only that she cried so many times that day it was really hard for me to keep my composure as well.

 

I KNOW we both need lots of healing. I told her an analogy that our relationship became unhealthy because after we had fights or separations we never gave each other time to heal. Like two boxers who punched each other and never rested after a match fighting again and again wounds just building up.

 

I left the door open in case she changed her mind. Kept it respectful and truly wished her well and that I hope she heals 100% for HERSELF. That I'd respect her decision and I turned my back and walked away.

 

It really sucks... I don't even know if she quit her job over this or not even going anymore. She went from a busy 5-6 days a week work schedule to barely even going into work now.

 

You are calling 3 months a "relationship"? That's not a relationship. You weren't even through the honeymoon period . . . actually it doesn't even sound like you got to the honeymoon period.

 

This is entirely too much drama over a 3 month thing. Get focused on your life and your needs. Don't spend time thinking about whether she's going to work or not. How do you know that anyway?

 

And, if she's jeopardizing her job over this, there is something else going on with her that you probably don't need in your life if you did stay together. She broke up with you and is falling apart? Sure, break ups are hard for both people, but if someone decides to break up they should be clear enough in their heads that it's the right thing for them as to not be as destroyed or more destroyed as the dumpee. That's a flag to me. That is the behavior of someone who doesn't know themselves very well.

[Michelle ma Belle]

You are calling 3 months a "relationship"? That's not a relationship. You weren't even through the honeymoon period . . . actually it doesn't even sound like you got to the honeymoon period.

 

This is entirely too much drama over a 3 month thing. Get focused on your life and your needs. Don't spend time thinking about whether she's going to work or not. How do you know that anyway?

 

And, if she's jeopardizing her job over this, there is something else going on with her that you probably don't need in your life if you did stay together. She broke up with you and is falling apart? Sure, break ups are hard for both people, but if someone decides to break up they should be clear enough in their heads that it's the right thing for them as to not be as destroyed or more destroyed as the dumpee. That's a flag to me. That is the behavior of someone who doesn't know themselves very well.

 

THANK YOU!!!!!!! THIS ^^^^^^^^

 

I was thinking the exact same thing as I'm reading post after post after post.

 

WAY too much drama for such a SHORT relationship. Seriously.

 

I'm not saying that what you had wasn't real on some level or that your feelings for each other weren't genuine but three months is barely a relationship particularly when you're struggling so much right off the hop as you've alluded to.

 

We don't know what these supposed cruel texts say so we can't comment on whether her feelings and subsequent breakup are justified or not so we'll just have to chalk this up to lack of life experience and relationship immaturity.

 

We've all been here at one point in our lives so harness the lessons to be learned from all of this and never repeat them again.

 

I'm sorry for your heartbreak but consider this a blessing in disguise.

 

Good luck.

[Realitycol]

What? Who said the relationship was 3 months. We have broken up for nearly 3 months.

 

We dated for 15 months and we got closure after nearly 3 months.

[Redhead14]

What? Who said the relationship was 3 months. We have broken up for nearly 3 months.

 

We dated for 15 months and we got closure after nearly 3 months.

 

 

I misinterpreted the way you started the thread. I apologize. You didn't say how long you were together anywhere.

 

I am sorry you're experiencing this.

[aloneinaz]

 

We dated for 15 months and we got closure after nearly 3 months.

 

I'm not a believer in "closure" but from what I understand of this word, its that you've accepted a break up and have moved on. You're not moving on. You're wallowing in the drama of the break up and it ALMOST appears that you're enjoying it?

 

 

At some point, you need to break this habit, start dating again and find someone your compatible with vs. living in the past and expending way too much energy rehashing this failed relationship.

[Realitycol]

Are you sick? How am I enjoying any of this. You are right I am signing up and coming to an online forum to express how happy I am about losing a girl I had a bond I can't express with common tongue. I am legit concerned for her. I need to heal but it brings me no joy to find that she, the dumper, is also not all too happy. I thought she'd be having a blast or with some amazing guy by now. And I was stating how that would help me in a way cause that is how I am wired internally.

 

I am not trying to live in denial and I will live my life and be fine, but my gosh not everybody throws in the towel at the same rate.

Edited August 5, 2015 by Realitycol