Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I did something bad during our break up. I damaged some of his property.* I offered to repay him for the cost, however he turned it down. Stating something about how he'd feel out of place taking money from me. He said he couldn't do that especially becaisr I'm working towards/saving up for my own car. That was the last I spoke to him.*We had wished each other farewell and well...I basically never expected to hear from him again. Now... a few days later he contacted me asking if the offer is still on the table. First off...what guy contacts their ex asking for money especially after he made it explicitly clear that he didn't want to maintain contact with each other? Most guys would ask their friends, mom, dad, uncle....EVERYBODY else but their ex!! What's he up to?? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He's not up to anything except seeking restitution. You damaged his property & offered to pay for it. Even though he initially turned down your offer, he has now changed his mind. This is all transpiring over a few DAYS, not weeks, months or years. Be the better person. Pay for what you broke & move forward with a clean slate. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Yep! forget about what he might be up to and look at this is a business transaction. You damaged his property and now you owe him. Pay him the cost of the damage and that will cut the last tie you have with him. He has no other reason to contact you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I did something bad during our break up. I damaged some of his property.* I offered to repay him for the cost, however he turned it down. Stating something about how he'd feel out of place taking money from me. He said he couldn't do that especially becaisr I'm working towards/saving up for my own car. That was the last I spoke to him.*We had wished each other farewell and well...I basically never expected to hear from him again. Now... a few days later he contacted me asking if the offer is still on the table. First off...what guy contacts their ex asking for money especially after he made it explicitly clear that he didn't want to maintain contact with each other? Most guys would ask their friends, mom, dad, uncle....EVERYBODY else but their ex!! What's he up to?? He wants the money for property of his you destroyed. Give it to him. Send him a check. You are really asking us if we think he's trying to get back together with you . . . so what if he is? It's over. Cut the last possible tie you have to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seasickpeeve Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He might have said no to the money originally to get a clean nice ending and now he's had to time to think 'no, actually, they should pay!'. I agree you should pay it as a business transaction and not get into talks about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 He might have said no to the money originally to get a clean nice ending and now he's had to time to think 'no, actually, they should pay!'. I agree you should pay it as a business transaction and not get into talks about it. My thing is here... He claims he's in a financial "bind" the amount he's asking for is very small actually. He contacted me in a manner which expressed he was in a state of emergency. I called him up to further discuss it and he said I don't have to give it to him "right away" that I can give him the money once I have it. Now he's a liar...A habitual liar. That's why we're broken up. I can't believe anything he says. Last time I spoke to him he said everything was GREAT fine and dandy! Now just a few days later...everything's not okay and he needs the money. You see where I'm going with this? I'll give him the money but after that I never want to hear from him again. As a matter of fact I never intended to hear from him again. HE didn't want to hear from me again...yet here he is contacting me about an offer he turned down. I'd have just left it in the past. It really wasn't anything. Link to post Share on other sites
seasickpeeve Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Of course, if he is a manipulative person, it could be away of testing if you still care about him and if he has any power over you. By creating a mini emergency it's like trying to bypass the break up and check if there are any feelings he can awaken in you. It's like if I found out my ex was in hospital I'd forget that I'm angry at him and go see if he's ok. I suppose only you know what he is likely doing this for but you sound certain you don't want to get into any more talks with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Of course, if he is a manipulative person, it could be away of testing if you still care about him and if he has any power over you. By creating a mini emergency it's like trying to bypass the break up and check if there are any feelings he can awaken in you. It's like if I found out my ex was in hospital I'd forget that I'm angry at him and go see if he's ok. I suppose only you know what he is likely doing this for but you sound certain you don't want to get into any more talks with him. I don't. Something is telling me not to even give him the money. I feel like he's trying to "play me" once again. If he was an honest guy and didn't lie through his teeth I'd be more than happy to give it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) You have a chance to give into human nature, ignore it and hope to keep your money and they forget about it. Or be a Good Samaritan and repay it. I say try the first option first and see what happens. If worse comes to worst you can make it sound like you didn't get the message of them asking for money and possibly still come out looking like the good person. Edited July 31, 2015 by Xiomn Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 You have a chance to give into human nature, ignore it and hope to keep your money and they forget about it. Or be a Good Samaritan and repay it. I say try the first option first and see what happens. If worse comes to worst you can make it sound like you didn't get the message of them asking for money and possibly still come out looking like the good person. I'm going to go with the first one. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Who cares what his reason for needing the money is? Who cares if he's a habitual liar? Who cares if the amount is less than the damages you did? Bottom line, you wrecked his property and you should pay him back for it. I can't believe you're reading anything other than him trying to get what he's rightfully owed from this situation. This isn't breadcrumbs or fishing, this is a simple business transaction... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I'm going to go with the first one. Lol In my opinion, bad choice. This only gives him a reason to continue to contact you. The only card he's got is the money you owe him. And he's going to play that card as a means to keep in contact. Unless you're looking forward to the drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 So he's a liar and you destroy property. Sounds like a match made in heaven. I'd love to see what you would think if the situation was reversed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 So he's a liar and you destroy property. Sounds like a match made in heaven. I'd love to see what you would think if the situation was reversed. I respect your opinion. However you don't know the full details of what happened between us. I've learned from my mistake and don't ever expect to do something like that again. Was the first and the last time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 In my opinion, bad choice. This only gives him a reason to continue to contact you. The only card he's got is the money you owe him. And he's going to play that card as a means to keep in contact. Unless you're looking forward to the drama. Actually I'm not obligated to do anything I offered to pay he declined the first time...His fault not mine. He cleared me of it. So... nope there isn't a reason for him to contact me any further. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 If I were in your shoes, I would take responsibility for myself, pay for what I did damages to, and end the relationship and contact for good. By not paying up for what you admit to damaging, you are prolonging the drama and the negative contact you're going to have with this guy. Do the right thing and give him the money. How much did you offer to repay him? Is it a large amount? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Girl, pay up. I don't know who told you that but YOU ARE obligated to pay him back. Unless you got it in writing where he stated that he releases you from any liability related to his damaged property, you have to pony up the money. He would have a right to sue you in court for his damaged property. When you owe a debt, you are obligated to pay for it UNLESS you get it in writing that you are no longer responsible for it. The fact that he initially turned down the offer means NOTHING. Whatever his motives are, he is now asking for it. Why are you making a big fuss over this? I'd just pay him, block his number and be done with it. Sheeesh. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Pay the man. In the long run, you'll feel better about yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Pay the man. In the long run, you'll feel better about yourself. I feel good about myself now. I have no regret for what has hapoened. I learned a valuable lesson throughout all of this. Now I would feel REALLY bad if I paid him and...well he continued to contact me thinking he could use me like he did. I've done right by many people who have done me wrong in the past and well...none of them ever regretted what they did. If they did they would have contacted me and told me so. However this incident is different from the rest. While what wrong others have done to me may have been unintentional and or indirect...him. He knew what he was doing and took pride in what he did. People like that never learn from their mistakes. Why pay him back for a wrong I did to him when...He hasn't paid me back the wrong he has done to me? Oh but I guess emotional pain isn't any where near as damaging as property damage. Tell you what. Which takes longer to repair? Emotional damage and betrayal or property damage? Money is easily replaceable. However the psychological damage one does to someone is nearly irreversible. It takes YEARS to repair what someone had broken emotionally. I don't expect any of you to relate to how I could feel because well...you don't know me. You don't personally know me so my pain could in no way make you empathetic towards me. I've decided I'll not pay him back. He turned down my offer. Not my problem any more. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 sounds like nuts just a power play. like "neener neener I'm keeping the money and theres nothing you can do about it." And like you came into the thread with exact that intent. Plus, as adults we know that market transactions ARE separate from social transactions. It's pretty obvious that you are being passive-aggressive about this. Like you"he'll learn a lesson from this." I doubt it. All it does for him is confirm that he was it"right to treat you poorly, because clearly you are a bad person too." And it also means that he's managed to drag you down to his level. That's sad. Psychological damage can change you, but don't let his crappy behavior alter your core values. This is really petty. It's not about what he's done or his motives. It about paying him for property you destroyed. That's solely about you. I feel good about myself now. I have no regret for what has hapoened. I learned a valuable lesson throughout all of this. Now I would feel REALLY bad if I paid him and...well he continued to contact me thinking he could use me like he did. I've done right by many people who have done me wrong in the past and well...none of them ever regretted what they did. If they did they would have contacted me and told me so. However this incident is different from the rest. While what wrong others have done to me may have been unintentional and or indirect...him. He knew what he was doing and took pride in what he did. People like that never learn from their mistakes. Why pay him back for a wrong I did to him when...He hasn't paid me back the wrong he has done to me? Oh but I guess emotional pain isn't any where near as damaging as property damage. Tell you what. Which takes longer to repair? Emotional damage and betrayal or property damage? Money is easily replaceable. However the psychological damage one does to someone is nearly irreversible. It takes YEARS to repair what someone had broken emotionally. I don't expect any of you to relate to how I could feel because well...you don't know me. You don't personally know me so my pain could in no way make you empathetic towards me. I've decided I'll not pay him back. He turned down my offer. Not my problem any more. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 sounds like nuts just a power play. like "neener neener I'm keeping the money and theres nothing you can do about it." And like you came into the thread with exact that intent. Plus, as adults we know that market transactions ARE separate from social transactions. It's pretty obvious that you are being passive-aggressive about this. Like you"he'll learn a lesson from this." I doubt it. All it does for him is confirm that he was it"right to treat you poorly, because clearly you are a bad person too." And it also means that he's managed to drag you down to his level. That's sad. Psychological damage can change you, but don't let his crappy behavior alter your core values. This is really petty. It's not about what he's done or his motives. It about paying him for property you destroyed. That's solely about you. If that's how you feel. Again it goes back to what I said previously. You know nothing about me. So of course you'd assume I'm a "bad person". Any way my initial thought was to pay him back. However I thought about it and he told me not to worry about it. So...I'm not worrying about it. Any way it's fruitless to try and change my mind. I've already decided. Thanks any ways ! Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 What did you destroy? How much is it worth? The adult thing to do would be just send a check for the amount and never speak again. How old are you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 See I don't know , people on here sometimes "act like they are all high and mighty" saying oh pay your dues and do this it's the right thing .. Now do I think destroying his things was right , no I don't .. But he said he didn't want money right ? End of story it's over , who cares if he thinks about it later .. You have to make a decision , stick to that decision and move on !! Only you know how you feel and what's right .. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Mail him a check or money order via certified mail with at least a tracking # so you know he got it. Write Paid In Full in the memo portion. Block him after that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 If that's how you feel. Again it goes back to what I said previously. You know nothing about me. So of course you'd assume I'm a "bad person". Any way my initial thought was to pay him back. However I thought about it and he told me not to worry about it. So...I'm not worrying about it. Any way it's fruitless to try and change my mind. I've already decided. Thanks any ways ! I think you're letting us see little more about you with every post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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