Cois13 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) Hello everyone. First of all, sorry for my bad English, I'm from France... Me and my girlfriend got together in March 2013, her being 16 and me being almost 19 at the time. We had a great relationship for more then 2 years. But starting from March or maybe even February this year (2015), our relationship stopped being so good. I think we bot got fed up with it, and we both wanted or freedom and our single life back. I think we both had the idea that we weren't living our life to the fullest if we stayed together forever and we both just had it with the relation. So our relationship wasn't so good anymore, I got pissed off at her a lot, and she declined sex and kisses from me. We didn't saw each other a lot anymore, and we both didn't do any effort for each other. So my girlfriend broke up with me in June, but it was no surprise to me and at the time I thought it was the best thing to do. But immediatly after we broke up... I had regret. I started missing her, I wanted her back. We first talked again a week after we broke up, end she made it clear that she didn't want to stay with me for her whole life, that se was fed up with our relation, and that she was feeling really sorry for having to turn me down, because I was 'such a great guy'. She was crying and still wanted to have contact with me. But the days after that, she gave me a lot of hope. We saw each other at a party and she really came to talk to me very often there. And in her face, I saw that she was missing me. The next day, she even texted me that she missed kissing and hugging me, and that she actually wanted to see me. In the next period, we had contact every day, texting each other. More then once, she told me that she missed me and once she even asked if I wanted to go to the movies. So a little over 2 weeks after we broke up, we were at a party and kissed. She told me that she wanted me back but was afraid that the relationship would suck again after a while. When we met each other 2 days later, she asked me for a kiss on her mouth... So I thought things really were going the right way and that we were going to get back together. A day later, we agreed to see each other at my place since my parents were out of the house. She told me then that she thought it was best to 'not get together again right now'. But 5 minutes later I kissed her, and she really seemed to enjoy it. I saw the smile on her face that I recognized from the times where she still was crazy about me. We were about to have sex, but she was on her period... so she gave me a blowjob. An hour later, the same thing happened. When I dropped her of at her house later the night, she still gave me a kiss on my mouth and said she regretted not being able to stay with me for the night. The next day she started texting me again when I was with my friends. I really thought we were about to go back together. So we kept texting, but another week later I really started asking what her plan was. She didn't want to talk about her feelings, she just said 'she didn't want to get back together at the moment', and that she just wanted to talk. So i still started texting to her, and she still started texting with me... So a couple days later, I started asking and asking again and I acted emotionally, told her that I wanted her back and was going through a hard time, didn't understand that she acted so cool about it and didn't had a hard time and that I missed her a lot. I told her I wanted to stay with her forever. At one point she got a little pissed off and told me that I had to 'man up', and she said she didn't want to stay with me for her entire life... So I was literally heartbroken. I wanted her back, and she seemed to be completely over me. She was always so emotionally and so attached to me during our relationship, but now she seemed to be completely over me and didn't want me back. I talked with my friends, including her brother (who became a good friend of mine during our relationship), and they all said that I wasn't playing the game correct. They said I had to play 'harder to get', that I was way too predictable, easy to get and too emotional. And they said that I asked way to much questions about her feelings. They said that all these things made me unattractive to her. They said I just had to keep texting her and get her back that way, trying to be a little 'harder to get' and less emotional. So a couple days after she got pissed of at me, I texted her that I missed talking to her. She replied that she missed talking to me too. So we started talking again, and I tried to let her wait for my text longer than I waited for hers. Once I ignored her an entire day, and I recognized that she was asking me what I was doing at the time. I told her 'I forgot to check my phone because I was studying' and she then jokingly asked herself if she wanted to accept that excuse. So we continued talking and talking, and after 5 days of texting again, I really had the feeling that she was falling for me again... She replied really fast, told me literally everything that happened in her life in detail, and we texted till 2 am in the night. I found out that she had been talking with another guy on tinder, and when I asked her about it she told me everything about it, how that guy was a complete player, which is not the type of guy she falls for (and yes I believe her, that guy is a guy who has a girlfriend of 5 years and he immediatly started talking sexual to her...) I thought I was winning her again and asked if she wanted to go and have a drink with me the next day... And she suddenly acted really surprised, she said she didn't expect that question and that she 'didn't know it yet'. So we stopped texting... So my question is now: What should I do? Am I playing it wrong, being too fast in asking her for a drink or asking for her feelings and am I being too predictable and for that unattractive, like my friends say? Or is it that she stopped loving me and sees me as a friend or just wants somebody to talk to, like my parents say? Can I still get her back? I was fed up with our relation but now I miss her like hell and the fact that we might never get back together drives me crazy... She is like the perfect girl to me at this point. What I was planning to do is stop talking to her, ignore her if she starts texting for a couple weeks, and hope that she starts missing me... And then, after a couple weeks, try again and play it smarter, more patient and A LOT harder to get. Edited July 30, 2015 by Cois13 Link to post Share on other sites
Arda199 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I really don't know why you want you someone who told you that i don't want to be with you and think you're not worthy to spend her entire life with you...Come on man she knows that she can talk to you whenever she wants because you're ALWAYS there for her. My advice is to just ignore her, make the conversation short let HER chase you if you want her back then let that be HER idea the more you chase her to more you're pushing her further away, stop being Mr.Nice guy and play the game right as your friends told you and oh i suggest that you watch videos for Corey Wayne the guy is GENIUS if you followed what he's saying you will get her to chase you and maybe to fall in love back with you although i don't recommend going back with an ex who dumped you because it will happen again and you'll be back to square 1. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 In the wonderful world of young love you two had a long run but your relationship ran it course. There is no sense being tied down at your young ages. The relationship hasn't been working for months & you acknowledge that. What you are feeling now is nostalgia & a reaction to change. You are remembering the good times but you haven't addressed what broke you up nor can you. Teen romances, although passionate & powerful, have expiration dates. Yours is past that point. Stop trying to go backwards in life. It's not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cois13 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) In the wonderful world of young love you two had a long run but your relationship ran it course. There is no sense being tied down at your young ages. The relationship hasn't been working for months & you acknowledge that. What you are feeling now is nostalgia & a reaction to change. You are remembering the good times but you haven't addressed what broke you up nor can you. Teen romances, although passionate & powerful, have expiration dates. Yours is past that point. Stop trying to go backwards in life. It's not healthy. Why is it unhealthy? I just love the girl and want to be with her more than anything. I made some mistakes while trying to get her back, but I wanna fight for the chances I have left. My father and my mother were 16 when they started dating. My mother broke up with my father too, even more than once and sometimes for longer periods of time. But my father always got her back and now they're happily married for 30 years. I really don't know why you want you someone who told you that i don't want to be with you and think you're not worthy to spend her entire life with you...Come on man she knows that she can talk to you whenever she wants because you're ALWAYS there for her. My advice is to just ignore her, make the conversation short let HER chase you if you want her back then let that be HER idea the more you chase her to more you're pushing her further away, stop being Mr.Nice guy and play the game right as your friends told you and oh i suggest that you watch videos for Corey Wayne the guy is GENIUS if you followed what he's saying you will get her to chase you and maybe to fall in love back with you although i don't recommend going back with an ex who dumped you because it will happen again and you'll be back to square 1. Best of luck She definitely said some ugly things, but I also said that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with her a couple months ago, back when we still were together. So I wasn't better. If she starts texting me now, what should I do : Just ignore her, or let her wait a day and then respond shortly, not being mr. nice guy? Edited July 30, 2015 by Cois13 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 You misunderstand. Going backwards in life in unhealthy. When you were together your relationship was fine what it was -- a teen romance. Now that you have broken up trying to recreate the past is not a good plan. Just because your parents fell in love when they were teens doesn't mean that is in the cards for you. Lasting young love is a very rare thing. Your parents are the exception not the rule. Let your now EX-GF go. Move on. Talk to your parents. Being on the scene & knowing you both they will have insights a message board can't offer. Link to post Share on other sites
Arda199 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 She definitely said some ugly things, but I also said that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with her a couple months ago, back when we still were together. So I wasn't better. If she starts texting me now, what should I do : Just ignore her, or let her wait a day and then respond shortly, not being mr. nice guy? yeah man just let her hang in there for a while let her chase you and remember your time is for another people and things now since she's the one who did the dumping. All you have to do is focus on improving yourself, hit the gym, go out with friends/dates, remember all the things you wanted to do but you couldn't because you were with her ? well you can do whatever you want now she's not your problem anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cois13 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 yeah man just let her hang in there for a while let her chase you and remember your time is for another people and things now since she's the one who did the dumping. All you have to do is focus on improving yourself, hit the gym, go out with friends/dates, remember all the things you wanted to do but you couldn't because you were with her ? well you can do whatever you want now she's not your problem anymore And do you think there is a good chance that she'll start missing me when I'm not around and when I ignore her? Because when she broke up with me a month ago, she really seemed to be sure about what she was doing and i think she got fed up with the relationship a couple months ago already... But on the other hand, she still wants to talk to me almost everyday. If it was for her, we would probably still text daily. Link to post Share on other sites
Arda199 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 And do you think there is a good chance that she'll start missing me when I'm not around and when I ignore her? Because when she broke up with me a month ago, she really seemed to be sure about what she was doing and i think she got fed up with the relationship a couple months ago already... But on the other hand, she still wants to talk to me almost everyday. If it was for her, we would probably still text daily. dude, this happened to me before we broke up then got back together on/off relationship just like you she used to text me everyday we would talk 24/7 then guess what ? she dumped me for no clear reason She's just using you as her back up plan until she finds someone better then you'll get dumped all over again If you want this girl tell her that the friend thing isn't for you because you need more than that and if she doesn't want that then tell her that you can't be her male friend anymore and go complete NC and ignore her until she text you something like "Alright i want to work this out and give it another shot" other than that just shut her down and go NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cois13 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) dude, this happened to me before we broke up then got back together on/off relationship just like you she used to text me everyday we would talk 24/7 then guess what ? she dumped me for no clear reason She's just using you as her back up plan until she finds someone better then you'll get dumped all over again If you want this girl tell her that the friend thing isn't for you because you need more than that and if she doesn't want that then tell her that you can't be her male friend anymore and go complete NC and ignore her until she text you something like "Alright i want to work this out and give it another shot" other than that just shut her down and go NC We're only 3 days into NC and she already is texting, asking why she isn't hearing anything from me... I've been chasing after her for about a month and now ignoring her out of the blue doesn't feel like a good idea to me. Shouldn't I use her text for in my advantage by letting her know I don't really care anymore? For example let her wait a day and then reply : Sorry, I can't text because I'm busy at the moment, talk to you later! Or something? What's best if I want her to want me again? Edited July 31, 2015 by Cois13 Link to post Share on other sites
Arda199 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 We're only 3 days into NC and she already is texting, asking why she isn't hearing anything from me... I've been chasing after her for about a month and now ignoring her out of the blue doesn't feel like a good idea to me. Shouldn't I use her text for in my advantage by letting her know I don't really care anymore? For example let her wait a day and then reply : Sorry, I can't text because I'm busy at the moment, talk to you later! Or something? What's best if I want her to want me again? did you made it clear that you want her as your lover not a friend ? i mean this is what you want right ? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 did you made it clear that you want her as your lover not a friend ? i mean this is what you want right ? I'm probably a prude but I find it very off putting to think of a 16 year old child as somebody's lover. Yes I get that these two are sexually active but . . . ugh. OP, I really do think your relationship is over. You are trying to hang on for sentiment, not because you two are a good match. Both of you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cois13 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 did you made it clear that you want her as your lover not a friend ? i mean this is what you want right ? She definitely knows it. It's not that I've literally told her, but she knows it since I've been asking to get back together a couple times and I've told her I was having a really hard time because she didn't want me back. I've made those mistakes, so yes she knows I really want her back. I'm probably a prude but I find it very off putting to think of a 16 year old child as somebody's lover. Yes I get that these two are sexually active but . . . ugh. OP, I really do think your relationship is over. You are trying to hang on for sentiment, not because you two are a good match. Both of you need to move on. She was 16 and I was 19 when we got together. Now she is almost 19 and I'm 21. And yes we were sexually active since about a year ago. We've waited more then a year before we got sexually active. We waited patiently and I always gave her all the time she needed. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 She was 16 and I was 19 when we got together. Now she is almost 19 and I'm 21. I misunderstood. I thought you were 16 & 19 now. Anyway, is anything else about her life changing? Is she off to university? Is she doing a gap year? If so as her world expands she may no longer want to hang on to her high school BF. It happens. People grow. The other factors that tell me this has run it's course: 1. You both think you are not living life to the fullest 2. You have broken up & gotten back together before. This is an unhealthy cycle. 3. She has said she does not want to be with you for life 4. She is actively seeking other men / relationships on Tinder She wants out & you can't make her stay, no matter what you want. She loves the fact that you were her 1st. You will always hold a special place in her heart & breakups are sad, hence the crying, but this relationship has run it's course. Stop beating your head on a wall Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Not going to read the wall of text because it's pointless as more often than not every situation is similar. 99.9% she's not coming back. If she does, I can almost guarantee you'll break up again anywhere between a month and 6 months down the line. Move on. Live your life. A relationship really isn't the be all and end all. Link to post Share on other sites
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