Dreamworld Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 This could be a kind of weird psychological question...and it pertains to all kinds of relationships not just romantic... Have any of you experienced a strange sense of relief when a person dumped you? Even though you weren't being passive aggressive and making the person break up with you, but somehow or other things led to you being the dumpee, even in the ugliest of manners, and yet instead of feeling heartbroken, a part of you feels...relieved? I don't know if I am expressing myself clearly but I just went through this. He shot me down in the most humiliating way possible so the inital blow to my pride hurt like a bitch, but I also felt relief that I didn't have to deal with him anymore. I mean I actually don't know if I would have broken up with him eventually, but anyway he pulled the plug..but in a way he let me go?? Just was wondering. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Absolutely. I even cried when I realised I don't have to put up with his BS anymore. I did love him a lot, but he was driving me insane. So even though it was heartbreaking I felt like I had finally gotten my life back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seasickpeeve Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Yes, I do feel a kind of relief. Underneath all the upset there is this feeling of calm and relief and even optimism! Its really confusing but very comforting. It tells me I'm going to be all right and all the bad feelings are just stuff that needs to come out of my system and habits of thought that need to break....and that once that's done, maybe underneath ill find just relief. After all, its not nice being with someone who doesn't want to be with you! We are a whole made of many parts and I don't think its unusual to have parts in conflict. The majority of you may move on but there may be a small part that misses the ex. I think if you feel relief, there was some small part of you always telling you the relationship wasn't 100%.....even if you didn't hear that part at the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I posted this same question over two years ago when I was dumped. I had ALWAYS been the dumper in LTR's and carried guilt over being the person who ended the R/S. While I should of dumped her, she did and there was some "relief" due to me knowing that the R/S was toxic and dysfunctional. There's still a component of "rejection" when you're dumped but.. if the R/S wasn't good anyway, it makes it easier to accept it and move on. In my case, it also angered me and allowed me to vanish from her life to heal and move on. I might NOT have been able to do that had I ended it with her. Lots of times dumpers end a R/S and then after a few weeks or months, get lonely, horny and miss the security of a R/S. They'll then reach back out. Being the dumped, there was NO WAY I'd of ever reached out to her! Ironically, while she dumped me, she did re-appear 5-6 months later when her short term rebound failed miserably. Since I was the dumpee, I had vanished, healed and found a MUCH BETTER GF. She of course was told HELL NO to any thought of dating her again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamworld Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Thanks, I am glad I am not the only one with these weird confused feelings. Yeah, I always thought it was much harder being on the side of the dumpee, but I find it was harder to forget and let go when I was the one who dumped someone. I had all these doubts and did I do the right thing thoughts and it was hard to delete him off my contacts and social media etc...and i was so tempted to reach out again when I couldn't handle the emptiness. But this time I was just like, "um..well ok." And it didn't take any mind turmoil to just...delete him. And it was the silliest of breakups too. He totally bitched me out about something I said and took it in a completely different context of what I meant but when I tried to explain he wouldn't hear it and was all like "it's over don't contact me anymore." I told him "sorry you misunderstood what I said but um, if that's the way you view it, well sorry, I won't bug you anymore." I guess the time had just come for the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
Arda199 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 yeah i've been there too she wasn't treating me right as she should and i had to put up with her usual BS everyday so when she dumped me i kinda felt relieved although i love her and i miss her but i remember that she's not my problem anymore and i don't have to deal with BS such as jealousy and fight over stupid things all day it turns out being a dumpee isn't always a bad thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Totally. The weeks leading up to my BU I was an emotional wreck due to knowing I shouldn't let someone treat me the way he did. Anxiety, depression, the whole shebang. So when the **** finally did hit the fan and we broke up and he walked out the door, the first feeling I had was immense relief knowing that it was finally over and I didn't have to deal with it anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 This could be a kind of weird psychological question...and it pertains to all kinds of relationships not just romantic... Have any of you experienced a strange sense of relief when a person dumped you? Even though you weren't being passive aggressive and making the person break up with you, but somehow or other things led to you being the dumpee, even in the ugliest of manners, and yet instead of feeling heartbroken, a part of you feels...relieved? I don't know if I am expressing myself clearly but I just went through this. He shot me down in the most humiliating way possible so the inital blow to my pride hurt like a bitch, but I also felt relief that I didn't have to deal with him anymore. I mean I actually don't know if I would have broken up with him eventually, but anyway he pulled the plug..but in a way he let me go?? Just was wondering. Thank you! Of course, you were likely feeling lots of anxiety while you were in that relationship. You probably were stringing yourself along while waiting for him to be the partner you wanted/needed for yourself. It's a good thing he ended it. And, the fact that he "dumped" you in a disrespectful way, just further showed you what type of man he was and would be if you stayed with him. If nothing else good came from this relationship, you should reflect on how it developed and pay attention for the future with other men and learn from this one. Don't let it cause you to fear seeking another relationship, just learn how to focus on your needs for a relationship and whether or not a particular guy is meeting them early on and learn what does or does not work for YOU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Yeah. The feeling of having dodged a bullet. You took your best shot at me, but you missed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 This could be a kind of weird psychological question...and it pertains to all kinds of relationships not just romantic... Have any of you experienced a strange sense of relief when a person dumped you? Even though you weren't being passive aggressive and making the person break up with you, but somehow or other things led to you being the dumpee, even in the ugliest of manners, and yet instead of feeling heartbroken, a part of you feels...relieved? I don't know if I am expressing myself clearly but I just went through this. He shot me down in the most humiliating way possible so the inital blow to my pride hurt like a bitch, but I also felt relief that I didn't have to deal with him anymore. I mean I actually don't know if I would have broken up with him eventually, but anyway he pulled the plug..but in a way he let me go?? Just was wondering. Thank you! Was this the moody/irritable guy and/or bad sex guy? I've been ....I won't say relieved but let's call it totally ok with it. Had a BF I really liked but he was just too much of an angsty guy for it to ever really settle into a groove and I knew it was inevitable he'd 'dump' me. He did, which was bscly the most torturous thing he ever did to himself. I held his hand thru it tho and helped him dump me and got him back up on his feet well enough after a while to move on under his own power. But yeah I wasn't really sad to see that end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamworld Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Of course, you were likely feeling lots of anxiety while you were in that relationship. You probably were stringing yourself along while waiting for him to be the partner you wanted/needed for yourself. It's a good thing he ended it. And, the fact that he "dumped" you in a disrespectful way, just further showed you what type of man he was and would be if you stayed with him. If nothing else good came from this relationship, you should reflect on how it developed and pay attention for the future with other men and learn from this one. Don't let it cause you to fear seeking another relationship, just learn how to focus on your needs for a relationship and whether or not a particular guy is meeting them early on and learn what does or does not work for YOU. Thank you Redhead! And double thanks to you to be one of the people here who have replied before to previous posts of mine. I am a tad apprehensive of dating again, but I dont think it will keep me from trying...at the same time I think I have been rushing from one guy to another and I need to take a step back and like you said, focus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamworld Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Was this the moody/irritable guy and/or bad sex guy? I've been ....I won't say relieved but let's call it totally ok with it. Had a BF I really liked but he was just too much of an angsty guy for it to ever really settle into a groove and I knew it was inevitable he'd 'dump' me. He did, which was bscly the most torturous thing he ever did to himself. I held his hand thru it tho and helped him dump me and got him back up on his feet well enough after a while to move on under his own power. But yeah I wasn't really sad to see that end. Wow Jenn you remembered my past posts! I am really touched! Thank you! This was a different guy. A guy who seemed a bit aloof but it was sort of a nice change after the moody one, but under the aloofness there seemed to be an insecurity/ inferiority complex going on and I realized I was walking on eggshells trying not to say things that he seemed to keep misinterpreting. Anyway I do admit I have been kinda serially dating these days and maybe it is time to slow down a bit and think about why I am attracting the wrong kinds of guys and the vibes I may be giving off. Thanks though! Btw, the bad sex guy still wins at hardest breakup. He wasn't a jerk like the other ones. It's just I cant have a relationship where the sexual connection isn't working. I just can't Link to post Share on other sites
sacg Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Im started to think maybe I dodged a bullet. this girl wanted a baby early on, talked of marriage, very intense for early days. yet I was the needy intense oe according to her. I was "rushing" things, LOL. Starting to look like she may have BPD tendencies. If thats the case. At some point i reckon I'll feel relieved. :-) Saw this comment on a BPD forum that made me smile.... Lenny Bruce: I couldn't take it anymore, so I finally did it. After everything, all the misery, the fighting, and the lies, I finally, finally broke away from her. Steve Allen: How did you do it? Lenny Bruce: She left me. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Thanks though! Btw, the bad sex guy still wins at hardest breakup. He wasn't a jerk like the other ones. It's just I cant have a relationship where the sexual connection isn't working. I just can't I understand completely. Too bad we can switch out components between the contenders! Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 almost. Early dating stages, fudgeting between exclusive versus non exclusive, when I thought I had f*cked it up... The guy disappeared for 48 hours and I actually thought that was it. I was, of course sad, because rejection always stings, but ... more calm. Much more calm. Unfortunately the guy came back. We had a tough conversation, exchanges some heavy texts and I had to finish it. He had checked out of the RS during that break, so while I had made the form, he actually left before. Relieved for sure... things are not supposed to be complicated, no point in making it difficult Link to post Share on other sites
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