How are you dealing (or did you deal) w/your breakup??

[Remystacks]

Just wondering on how people are finding ways to deal with their SO leaving/disappearing..

 

My SO decided he'd NC me as a way to break up a week ago today. I feel like I'm dying.. Really not sure how to deal with him being gone. I can't eat, I barely sleep.. I feel like I'm in a daze. I can barely function. I just need to know how your all dealing with yours and maybe I can get an idea of something that can help. Anything you did/are doing to help with the loss of someone leaving..

[wendydarling]

About a week into it, I was in the same place that you were, so I understand completely. I had no appetite, I had to take a sleeping aid to knock me out at night. I'm only finishing Day 10 of NC so far and I'm not going to lie, I still have some really difficult moments and am nowhere near being fully healed.

 

Post here whenever you're having a rough day; people who are going through what you are are here to listen, and that's always a nice feeling, knowing you're not alone. Time really does help, too, especially when you're not talking to them.

 

One thing that really helped me was thinking. I realized that the person that I had been in love with for 11 months and who said loves me was not the same person who dumped me literally overnight. That person is gone...I'm really sorry if that upsets you, I don't mean to, but it honestly does help when you realize that the person who cared about you for however long is not not quite the same person as the dumper, and it is not worth feeling badly over someone who is capable of doing that to you. Lastly, I realized that I am a very strong person. I can get through this, and I know you can, too! I'm sure that you were fine before your relationship, so even though it sucks so much and you might not see it right now, please know that eventually you will be okay again.

[surferchic]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this difficult time. Know that you're not alone.

 

For me, I've heard and bare witness that you MUST allow yourself to feel the emotions you're feeling without thinking that you're weird or dumb for being sad.

 

Coming here to LS has helped me a great deal. Sharing your experience is part of healing. Also remember why you are no longer with your ex. If there were no big issues, there would be no break up. You may want to reach out to ex, that's normal but try to resist until you can see and think clearly. If you they broke up with you, try using that as fuel to treat yourself to a good book, good healthy meal, nice exercise, vacation, and just be a tad bit selfish to create an even more awesome YOU.

 

Whatever you do, try to avoid being isolated with your feelings. At least continue to post here on LS.

[Thegreatfrazzle]

Hell, I was like that for the first week too. It was my first serious break up and it hit me hard. Some tips that I have picked up are:

1) Complete NC straight away. I would check up with her by looking at her facebook and it didn't help at all, so I don't anymore and I feel better. Out of sight out of mind works wonders, trust me.

2) Realise that the person you thought she/he was is no longer that person. The person you fell for would have never done this to you. There is someone out there who will love and fight for you 10 times harder than they did.

3) Exercise. It will make you feel better for a while, and takes your mind off your situation.

4) Browse the LS forums for similar situations. It really helps knowing you are not the first person to go through what you're going through, and I found some great advice this way.

5) Time. The brain is wired to deal with these emotions. As long as you spend your time doing the right things, you will look back one day and wonder why you ever felt that bad. I'm not fully healed but it's not been too long and I am feeling a bit better. I didn't believe it got better to start with, but you just gotta trust me.

6) Let your emotions out. If you want to scream, scream. If you want to cry, cry. You will feel better afterwards, and a week later, the urge to do so will be weaker, until one day you no longer get upset by it.

7) Laugh. Whether it be from your friends, or a funny movie, laughing does wonders. It reminds you that you are still you, and you don't need your ex to make you happy.

8) Document the best advice on your phone. My photos are full of screenshots from this website and quotes that I read when feeling down.

9) List the bad things about your ex, reasons you are no longer together, and create reasons why it is a good thing. For example, writing about how badly my ex treated me made me realise that she wasn't that great, and I'm travelling abroad in just over a months time, so it was good we broke up sooner than later so I had the time to get my head straight.

10) Realise that your ex just isn't that special. There is no person alive that is worth feeling like you do just because they made the conscious decision to kick you out of their life. If anything, unless you did something completely unforgivable, their choice to break up with you really is a reflection of their own personal shortcomings and lack of ability to see what you can offer them. Mine said 'it's not you, it's me', and although it's just a $hit excuse they use to make themselves feel better, it really is true in many situations. Just keep telling yourself that they lost more than you did, and one day you will have a brilliant feeling because you realise that you genuinely believe it.

[d0nnivain]

First thank your lucky stars that someone who is so crass & mean to drop out of your life by simply disappearing rather than breaking up with you to your face is gone.

 

 

Take some time to mourn the loss of the relationship. It is a loss even if it was a crappy relationship.

 

 

You still have to take care of yourself: bathe, go to work, eat etc. Force yourself.

 

 

Surround yourself with supportive people who understand.

 

 

Clear away all reminders of him. Box up all trinkets & momentos for disposal or storage. Send all pictures to the cloud etc.

 

 

Then make some changes: get a hair cut, join a gym, take a new route to work, rearrange your furniture etc.

[NVO]

Keep going! In the first week I could not eat, sleep or function as a normal person would. I lost weight and my brain became my biggest enemy. Guilt, guilt, guilt. I was a total wreck.

 

I felt this way for about a month. Made the mistake to keep open communication lines instead of going NC and give myself time to heal. So, first advice, do not contact your ex! This may sound a bit harsh, but your ex does not care that you are feeling lonely. And even if the ex does, they will not admit it. Not in this first post break up stages though. Give 'em the feeling that you are doing pretty well without him, even if you are not. Do not beg or plead. Just don't. It's like giving them your self respect on a silver platter. Believe me, I know how hard the NC part is. But I broke it one time and it made me feel even more miserable. If they contact you, you won't seem so desperate. In that way, you are in control over your situation and regain the upper hand. You can make the decision if you want to reply to him or not.

 

Second, do not blame yourself for anything. Even though you may have made mistakes, this is not the time. I almost killed myself (not literally) with guilt ridden feelings right after the break up. You blame yourself for all sorts of things, even the ones that are not your fault. You talk to them, excusing for all of your mistakes. Saying that you are willing to change. Don't go that way. Grief properly and clear your mind for a few weeks. In that way you will have the ability to look back on your relationship objectively.

 

Last but not least: if someone makes the decision to walk out of your life, let them. As long as there was no cheating or abusing involved in your relationship, it was fine. But clearly, he does not want to be part of it anymore. Let him be. At least you will never have to question yourself if you made the right decision.

[seasickpeeve]

Its only been two weeks for me and there has been little bits of contact here and there but I have stopped that now. For the first week I could do nothing but think over and over everything and I lost all energy for anything else. I'm still low on energy but picking up each day...eating better, sleeping better, doing small jobs each day. So far I've found

1.) writing a small list of jobs to do each day to help focus some energy in a different area. I even write things like 'shower' and 'cook' on there because when you are at this place those things are an achievement!

 

2.) reading articles and posts from people in a similar situation. I was quite obsessive about this and knew I was trying to find answers my ex didn't/couldn't give me, but it helped distract my mind from my story reading other peoples. I also got some good advice and perspective

 

3.) writing thoughts and feelings down in a journal maybe late at night or early in the morning when I had noone to talk to. They need to come out as soon as you feel them sometimes

 

4.) bought the book 'i can mend your broken heart'. I cant say if its ny good or not but helped me feel empowered that I am actively working my way through this instead of waiting for him to change his mind. Stop giving power away just waiting.

 

5.) this may not be healthy but...hope. Really, its the only thing keeping me going. When the anxiety and sadness hits I tell myself that this is just a break not a break up and its a gift of time to focus on myself. May not be so healthy to think this way as its like I am clinging on to false hope. But I have a feeling that when the intense feelings settle down in a month or two, I wouldn't wont him back anyway because I will have put the focus back on myself and will be able to see clearer the situation.

 

You have to do whatever works for you.

 

It is like coming off a drug. Saying I will never do that drug again is too final and overwhelming. Saying I will not do that drug today....each day....is more gentle and kinder on yourself. My approach so far is day by day.

 

X

[FaithInMe]

Hell, I was like that for the first week too. It was my first serious break up and it hit me hard. Some tips that I have picked up are:

1) Complete NC straight away. I would check up with her by looking at her facebook and it didn't help at all, so I don't anymore and I feel better. Out of sight out of mind works wonders, trust me.

2) Realise that the person you thought she/he was is no longer that person. The person you fell for would have never done this to you. There is someone out there who will love and fight for you 10 times harder than they did.

3) Exercise. It will make you feel better for a while, and takes your mind off your situation.

4) Browse the LS forums for similar situations. It really helps knowing you are not the first person to go through what you're going through, and I found some great advice this way.

5) Time. The brain is wired to deal with these emotions. As long as you spend your time doing the right things, you will look back one day and wonder why you ever felt that bad. I'm not fully healed but it's not been too long and I am feeling a bit better. I didn't believe it got better to start with, but you just gotta trust me.

6) Let your emotions out. If you want to scream, scream. If you want to cry, cry. You will feel better afterwards, and a week later, the urge to do so will be weaker, until one day you no longer get upset by it.

7) Laugh. Whether it be from your friends, or a funny movie, laughing does wonders. It reminds you that you are still you, and you don't need your ex to make you happy.

8) Document the best advice on your phone. My photos are full of screenshots from this website and quotes that I read when feeling down.

9) List the bad things about your ex, reasons you are no longer together, and create reasons why it is a good thing. For example, writing about how badly my ex treated me made me realise that she wasn't that great, and I'm travelling abroad in just over a months time, so it was good we broke up sooner than later so I had the time to get my head straight.

10) Realise that your ex just isn't that special. There is no person alive that is worth feeling like you do just because they made the conscious decision to kick you out of their life. If anything, unless you did something completely unforgivable, their choice to break up with you really is a reflection of their own personal shortcomings and lack of ability to see what you can offer them. Mine said 'it's not you, it's me', and although it's just a $hit excuse they use to make themselves feel better, it really is true in many situations. Just keep telling yourself that they lost more than you did, and one day you will have a brilliant feeling because you realise that you genuinely believe it.

You are already getting a lot of good advice. Let me chime in some more.

 

I could have written this list that Frazzle gave you. This stuff worked for me, especially the pictures on my phone of motivational pictures and quotes. I also subscribed to some good sites on FB that pop up on my timeline throughout the day. They have helped a lot!

 

My ex and I exchanged a couple emails in the first week, and after that he went silent, and so did I. I did 30 days of NC, just completed it last Friday. And I promise you that once you hit that 30 days, you are going to feel like a new person!

 

All of that stuff you are feeling right now will be much better.

 

In fact, my ex reached out to me on Day 30 with an email. I was able to take a day, think about how to respond, and I was able to respond with a calm, cool, and collected mindset. And I opened the door to talking. I'm not saying that I am thinking of reconciling, or that we can be friends, but we are talking, and that has helped me get a sense of closure and understand more about the BU.

 

Remember that NC is for you.

YOU come first right now, not him.

YOU are special, and you deserve to treat YOU well.

Take bubble baths, get a manicure, spend time with friends, do things that make YOU happy.

 

If you talk to friends about your situation, be sure to spread it around so they don't get overwhelmed (after a few weeks, they'll be tired, lol).

 

And exercise! I may not completely understand how it works, but the chemicals your body is releasing can be counter-acted by exercise. I don't remember the science behind it, but I find that exercise seems to help. Combined with the lack of appetite, it also helped me drop almost 20 pounds! Not healthy, but I look good!

 

Come here each day, post your progress, count those NC days, and in time, you WILL feel better. I promise!

[Remystacks]

Thank you all for your suggestions and kind words.

This has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. My.. Well I guess I should call him my ex now.. And I really had a good relationship so I didn't see this coming at all. It's nice to know I'm not the only person feeling hurt, sad, betrayed; all those emotions you get when dealing with loss.

 

Thanks to those who suggested a gym membership! I went out and got one today

I hope it helps.. I need an outlet before I sink into depression..

Still don't feel like eating so might have to get some professional help if that doesn't change in a day or two

[d0nnivain]

Less than 2 week after a break up you don't need professional help. You are supposed to be sad. It's natural & normal. A happy pill won't fix it. Feeling the grief is part of the healing process. Suppressing the grief will only cause future problems

[jen1447]

Just wondering on how people are finding ways to deal with their SO leaving/disappearing..

 

My SO decided he'd NC me as a way to break up a week ago today. I feel like I'm dying.. Really not sure how to deal with him being gone. I can't eat, I barely sleep.. I feel like I'm in a daze. I can barely function. I just need to know how your all dealing with yours and maybe I can get an idea of something that can help. Anything you did/are doing to help with the loss of someone leaving..

 

Three big things IMO ....exercise (go on walks), socialize (you need to interact w/other ppl to battle the effects of isolation), and distractions (get your mind on sth else as much as you can).

 

As far as eating goes, you may have to force feed yourself for a while. Do that - you don't want to add poor-diet related issues to your list of problems.

 

Good luck! As bad as it feels, keep it mind that it gets better eventually.

[unsaved]

I think what I was most scared of with my breakup was living my life without this other person. Not only because I valued him so much. But also because I was scared to be alone. When we were together, I didn't have to worry about sleeping alone or going to things alone. He was a part of my life. Even if we were apart, I could text him or call him and talk to him about everything. He would check in on my day and vice versa. I always had something to do every weekend and someone to do it with. Now I don't. The "us" is gone.

 

That has been very hard to deal with. But, the BEST way to get over this part of it is going NC and teaching yourself that they are gone and that is no big deal. You have to completely rid him or her from your life. Get rid of all the reminders. Block them on Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram. Unfollow all mutual friends/family. Ghost them. Teach yourself that they no longer exist in your life. You will VERY SOON get used to them being gone. I promise. I LOVED MY GUY SO MUCH and he's ALREADY started to fade away from my mind. Slowly, but it has started. It's nuts. Then, DEPEND ON FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I have been doing it every day and they ALL have been there to talk to me. Sometimes over and over. Go over to a friend's house and just sit there. Even if you're not ready to socialize yet. They'll understand. Just START living a life again. One without that other person. Eventually, you'll want to start socializing MORE. Then MORE. Then thoughts of the other person fade more and more. It is so crazy how this works.

 

I'm not going to lie, I'm STILL in this phase of learning to be alone. I find myself sitting at home when I get off work or even just during the day and I don't know what to do. I almost always get on my laptop and come to this forum. I also google search stories of people going through something similar to help me process everything or just get the validation that I'm not alone in my experience and I can get through it. I still think about him. A lot. But it's becoming more and more objective. I'm realizing my self worth each day.

 

You WILL get through it. We'll be here for you no mater what.

 

Hang in there and keep posting and reading.

[NVO]

4.) bought the book 'i can mend your broken heart'. I cant say if its ny good or not but helped me feel empowered that I am actively working my way through this instead of waiting for him to change his mind. Stop giving power away just waiting.

 

Bought this book yesterday. Man, some serious eye-openers in there.

 

Especially the part which states that you wanting your ex back is not love; it's neediness or acting clingy, struck home. If you really love your ex, you want the best for him or her. Even if your ex chooses to go a separate way. This is exactly what NC is all about. You contacting your ex is showing neediness or clingy behavior, as where you not contacting them shows them that you are fine. This is easy to realize, but it's hard to get your feelings on the same page as your head. Something for later on in your recovery process.

[Lorenza]

I'm doing the Nc, 6th day right now. These 6 days I've spend mostly in bed, watching Youtube videos, eating minimum amount of food (and mostly crap food), browsing through dating sites (but not answering any mails I get) and chatting on Fb. I'm thinking maybe I should somehow block or delete his closest friends, cause I talked to them after the breakup and they said that they will see if they can do anything. So each time I see them online, I'm hoping they will come back with some information.

I want to go back to work asap, but my vacations are so long... Can't see myself doing anything more than staying in bed, putting out my pretty pictures on sites for praise or publishing my songs, so that people write me compliments. Kinda pathetic, but I feel such a zero otherwise...

[NVO]

I'm thinking maybe I should somehow block or delete his closest friends, cause I talked to them after the breakup and they said that they will see if they can do anything. So each time I see them online, I'm hoping they will come back with some information.

 

I blocked my ex her best friends' updates from my timeline. Because even after I deleted my ex from Facebook, a friend of hers would post a picture of them together. Damn those social media...

[Lorenza]

I blocked my ex her best friends' updates from my timeline. Because even after I deleted my ex from Facebook, a friend of hers would post a picture of them together. Damn those social media...

 

Yea, I've also deleted a couple of my ex's friends who reminded me of him most and who were most likely to tag him somewhere. Yea, social media makes it harder to forget someone, not to talk about pictures, videos, movies you've seen together, songs you both liked, youtube videos you both laughed at etc etc. I even deleted the pictures of me that were taken by him of my fb, or the selfies I took thinking of sending him.

[Thegreatfrazzle]

I blocked my ex her best friends' updates from my timeline. Because even after I deleted my ex from Facebook, a friend of hers would post a picture of them together. Damn those social media...

 

Same happened to me. About a week into NC, had her blocked on Facebook, and bam, she showed up on a mutual friends photo album. Shocking how miserable a few photos could make a person. If anyone is reading this, unfollow/unfriend all mutual friends!!!!

[Remystacks]

It's definitely getting better.. I'm on day 10 of NC. Haven't contacted him once or even thought about it. Still hurts that someone could so easily forget someone but oh well. The hard part is trying to explain to my friends and family where/what happened. I miss him so much. His former roommate and best friend asked why I was feeling down when I posted on Facebook couple days ago.. Not sure if he knows and is seeing how I'll react or if he has no clue.. So hard telling everyone he's gone but the good thing is... It's getting easier. I can actually get out of bed, I eat least once a day now.. Getting myself into the gym often..

Thank you everyone who suggested an outlet or just seemed generally concerned. Being on here knowing I wasn't alone really helped..

 

I'd still like to know why the man I was with everyday, every moment for almost 8 months just disappeared.. Very strange

[Gaby]

I saw her today, she wanted her stuff back like today, so i was thinking the same and getting this over it.

she came with a friend and she and i started to talk when we got upstairs.

i asked her if we can maby have a drink sometime later this week she said no, she cant talk with me yet etc etc.

 

Im in a way glad i asked, cause now i know, i can let the little hope that i had still, let go.

 

It feels..liberated in some way..going back to NC and this time, i deleted everything i could think off numbers photos even present she got me its a bit extreme but i really needed it so it feels like i got 100% closure now:D

 

I hope you guys are doing well today, coming here to LS helps me knowing there are people like me that have feelings and all.