Complete Devastation

[gls081209]

I used this forum 12 years ago when my first love broke my heart and I found the support and advice helpful. I never thought I'd be back in this place as I am older now, have much more experience with relationships and a solid career and wonderful friends, but now the pain of my week-old breakup feels like I'm 22 years old again.

 

I've almost made through the first week of the unbearably painful demise of my relationship. I feel like I could lie down and hope to vanish into the ground. It hurts to breathe, eat, sleep and function. I can only take it hour by hour right now.

 

Quick Overview of the Relationship

 

I met "Him" six years ago. We had a brief fling that didn't mean anything and then we parted ways. "He" went back North and I continued my life. At the time, I was so caught up with the passing of my father that "He" never even crossed my mind.

 

"He" returned to the area three years ago for a job. I met him again at a mutual friend's party. We reconnected and became friends. We developed into something more six months later and decided to pursue a relationship.

 

We had a lovely relationship. He was kind, caring, affectionate and loving. We never fought. We were rarely even annoyed with each other. I was his first long-term relationship (which ended up being 2 years). I brushed up his "commitment phobia" to that as well as me being six years older than him.

 

Last September my mother then unexpectedly passed away. He was there for me and was amazing. He got me through that grief. I've since lost three other people and he's been with me through that too (It's been a tough year).

 

Even through all that, I made a point to still nurture our relationship and not get sucked into grief. I made sure to tell him how much I appreciated his support and wanted to make sure he was still happy with me. We still laughed and did silly things together.

 

I should mention that "He" has a dark side to him. I never really witnessed it, but he has some deep thoughts and can be emotionally stunted. He was able to show his affection toward me, but was never able to vocalize it. Like several women, I thought as time went on, he'd eventually be able to open up and explain to me why he felt how he felt. I always asked him if it was me, or if he was unhappy with our relationship, but he always maintained that I helped him be a little happier. I thought maybe he had something happen to him in his past that was traumatizing. I never pushed him to talk or pushed our relationship into something faster than he wanted. (I'm not in any hurry for anything, but I did think that he was "the one").

 

We continued on and just three weeks ago he took me to his family reunion up North. We had a great time and his extended family was so wonderful and welcoming (I had met his parents several times prior). Last week we toured his new house and he showed me where I'd be putting some of my things when I stayed over and were planning his birthday party that is happening in two weeks.

 

The End

 

This past weekend, I was blindsided when he walked in the door, announced we have to break up because he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him. He claimed he was "optimistic" about our relationship but lost his optimism within the three days that I hadn't seen him. He said he was "didn't think it would last long anyway" and that he "wasn't interested in continuing this conversation." He said he'd like me in his life but "it probably would hurt me too much." He gathered his stuff from my house, left his keys, kissed my dog goodbye and walked out the door. He was cold, cruel, cocky and seemed unaffected - something I had never witnessed from him. In my shock I managed to ask if there was someone else and he stressed to me there wasn't.

 

Now, here I am. We haven't had any contact. He made it abundantly clear he was done me. He managed to make me, as well as our relationship feel completely insignificant. He's already told our friends. Luckily, I have my own huge group of girlfriends who have been surrounding me, and they are just as shocked as I am.

 

Besides him, I'm going to miss his parents. His parents really made me feel welcome in the several times I had met them and a made me feel like a part of their family (especially since I lost mine at a young age).

 

I honestly have no idea what happened or what the catalyst was of making him end things so abruptly. I'm SOOOO angry and hurt that I can't function. I have to just pretend he died because that's what this feels like. In a sense this is harder than losing my parents because I know my parents loved me very much and it wasn't their choice to leave this world. "He" dumped me out like a piece of garbage.

 

I don't even know how to handle myself. I'm trying to just say it's his lack of maturity and emotional issues and its not me personally. It's hard to do that when all you can do is replay in your mind that moment looks directly at me and coldly says he doesn't love me and never did.

 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited July 24, 2015 by gls081209

[wizer]

I bet he met someone else.

 

Don't expect a truthful answer to that question, you'll never get one.

[seasickpeeve]

This is one of those times where you wonder whether you can ever truly know someone or trust them.

 

Had there been any changes in him now you look back? Less affectionate, less patient?

 

I suppose that doesn't matter now because even if there were changes, he didn't speak to you and give you the chance to understand.

 

You've been through alot, take care x

[pidgeon1010]

WOW that's cold. What a POS! So cruel. Usually when someone ends things so abruptly with no real explanation and nothing happened that should cause a change with the relationship, it means there is someone else in the picture. I wouldn't be surprised if the other woman probably gave him an ultimatum to end things with you. Sorry you're going through this. If you can resist, please don't contact him. I bet he is expecting you to chase after him and your silence will be your FU to him. So so sorry.

[gls081209]

I appreciate your responses. I know that it logically makes sense that there is someone else, but I honestly don't know how he would've done that without me finding out. He was usually with me or he was with co-workers (I've known everyone in his company longer than he has). He doesn't have any other friends other than the guy friends he met through me. It could be someone from his past that popped up. Before me, he never had a relationship last longer than three months. (He didn't know anyone when he moved back to the area, so he became friends with my friends).

 

In answer to the question regarding his behavior, no - nothing had changed. We were still intimate. We both had been sick a couple weeks ago and spent the entire weekend on the couch watching Netflix and taking care of each other. Like I said, just a week ago we were in his new house talking about where he'd put his furniture and he was kissing me in the driveway telling me how exciting this was going to be for us. We went to dinner afterward.

 

Regardless of the catalyst, it doesn't matter. I don't really want to know. I'm just angry that he chose to end our relationship with a complete lack of compassion and seemed unaffected. Had he been able to sit down with me like a human and explain to me his feelings then perhaps we could've come to the decision together that it would've been better to end our relationship. I still would've been sad, but at least we could've ended on better terms and maybe even have had a friendship down the line.

Edited July 24, 2015 by gls081209

[BriNyc82]

Had he been able to sit down with me like a human and explain to me his feelings then perhaps we could've come to the decision together that it would've been better to end our relationship. I still would've been sad, but at least we could've ended on better terms and maybe even have had a friendship down the line.

 

Ugh I can completelyyyyyy relate to this statement. I wish I had something to tell you to make you feel better but you seem very put together and rational from what I gather. Clearly this is his issue. Unless he's a psychopath then maybe he just wanted to avoid confrontation or there was someone else like the OP said. Was he ever like this with you before when tough convos came up? The operative word is feelings. Most men hate talking about feelings. (Minus the ones on here)

[Gus Grimly]

Regardless of the catalyst, it doesn't matter. I don't really want to know. I'm just angry that he chose to end our relationship with a complete lack of compassion and seemed unaffected.

 

Ugh, I feel your pain, sincerely I do.

 

I had something similar happen to me. The way my Ex fiance ended our relationship was pretty cold. We were having a conversation on the phone and nonchalantly she said ".... btw, I'm sending you your ring back", as if she were saying "... btw, it's going to rain tonight".

 

It's shocking when it comes out of nowhere like that. But what's even worse is to be disregarded with such a lack of emotion from someone who supposedly cared about us. It's a deep cut that doesn't heal quickly. Unfortunately.

 

You not caring about true motivation behind his actions are to be applauded. I went crazy trying speculate the cause of my BU. I know that the 'why' makes no difference in the end, it's the same outcome regardless, but the thought does pop up in my head on occasion.

 

Though what he did to you was the epitome of cold. Unforgivable. He didn't have to tell you he never loved you. That's cruel and mean, it comes from a person who lacks empathy.

 

I'm really sorry, bah, every time I read one of these stories I keep thinking it couldn't be worse than mine. That theory get's ripped to shreds daily on these forums. Yours is no different. This place is a double edged sword. It's been such a huge help to my recovery and also bums me out pretty consistently.

 

I hope you'll be okay. Take care of yourself. Try to get some good rest if you can.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Wow. He sounds like a nut case. I wonder if that's why he couldn't tell you that he loved you. I don't understand how people can be so cruel to the ones they supposedly love.

[gls081209]

This is AWFUL! Both the days and nights are long. I am out of my mind with mostly rage and sadness. I find that being out with friends is awful, but a glass of wine one-on-one with them is okay. Nothing feels good. I went back to the gym after a year of being gone. That does help with my rage. I have an appointment with a counselor this week. I walk the neighborhood a lot with my dog.

 

I'm doing every thing I can possibly do. I hate that I have all of these questions running through my head. I hate that I care what he's doing and that he makes me feel like this.

 

I'm trying to not play a victim and take some kind of responsibility, but I honestly don't know what I did. Everyone keeps saying "It isn't you," but that doesn't help. Clearly, it IS in some way or he wouldn't have chosen to end things in such a manner that was so clearly disrespectful to the relationship we had. I hate that he treated it like "Meh, oh well. I'm done with you and not interested in talking about it." He told me I have been nothing but kind to him and since "we don't fight, then there's really no kind way of breaking up." It's almost like he was waiting for a fight to happen in order to find an excuse to end it.

 

It's not just him. I lost his family too. I became close with them and they made me feel like a part of their family and that meant a lot to me since I recently lost both of my parents.

 

I did e-mail his mother to thank her for her kindness and she ended up calling me. I had to keep my composure and rage under control as I know she'll defend her son (as she should). She did say to me "Ever since he was a little boy, he'd always tell me what I wanted to hear, even if I knew he wasn't being truthful." That still is the case. She also told me that she didn't know what happened or when he left me as "he can't talk about it." She claims she knows he cares for me and said that I "deserve to be with someone who is capable of loving me." At least there's a little bit of closure there. My feelings toward him have nothing to do with how I feel about his family.

 

He's already told all of our mutual friends as my phone started blowing up. That made it even more real and I vomited in my trash can at work. He's clearly done and ready to move on.

 

He gets to move into this gorgeous house this weekend (the one I saw with him last week and he showed me where some of my stuff would go) and have his birthday party a week later that we planned. I'm angry that he gets to move onto something amazing and distracting and I am struggling to find a new routine in my house that we spent most of our time in.

 

Have I mentioned how much I HATE this! Power through, right? I like to think that this week can't be nearly as bad as last week.

Edited July 28, 2015 by gls081209

[titipornstar]

I've been 5 months pbu and its total hell... i did get my gf back once via the no contact rule... its your only chance...mine came back, but then left me again... a double dose of misery

[drade]

I've been 5 months pbu and its total hell... i did get my gf back once via the no contact rule... its your only chance...mine came back, but then left me again... a double dose of misery

 

I think you are mistaken. The No Contact rule A. Is not used to get your ex back. B. If it is implied, in very certain scenarios, can rarely help the situation of potential reconciliaition. C. Is used as a tool to move on and to heal.

 

Use no contact for yourself. If someone wanted to be in your life, regardless of time and space, wouldn't they make you aware of that?

[LonelyGAL86]

I am in tears reading about your situation since I can relate so well to what you're going through! I was in a 7.5 year relationship and it ended out of nowhere. Even the day when (now my EX) left work, he called at his usual time saying he was leaving work and said "I LOVE YOU", nothing seemed out of the ordinary. When he came home there was no argument. He was tired and took a nap and woke up and screamed he was "DONE with everything" and I was so completely blindsided, it didn't seem real!

 

When you mentioned this: "I honestly have no idea what happened or what the catalyst was of making him end things so abruptly. I'm SOOOO angry and hurt that I can't function. I have to just pretend he died because that's what this feels like. In a sense this is harder than losing my parents because I know my parents loved me very much and it wasn't their choice to leave this world. "He" dumped me out like a piece of garbage." -- My heart sank and know exactly the way you feel! ((((HUGS))))

 

A friend of mine that is a social worker said the same thing - that I have to treat it like if he passed away… I always question WHY and HOW (like others have posted on here) how can somebody who once loved us show no empathy and throw us away like trash?!?!? Doesn't make sense……. Of course I noticed some red flags; in my situation he never wanted to do anything fun anymore from things we used to enjoy such as taking walks in the park, visiting the zoo, going out to eat - he seemed lifeless and always angry to becoming hooked on the damn internet and his love for FB out of nowhere - when he had the same page since we were together and in the past he used to hate that website!

 

As others stated on here, usually a relationship that ends so abruptly is because they found somebody else and like you said "I know that it logically makes sense that there is someone else, but I honestly don't know how he would've done that without me finding out. " <--- SAME HERE!!!

 

They always say to trust your intuition and I had a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach when my EX was on damn FB all the time (in the end/right before the break-up) that obviously he was talking to somebody and my prediction in the end was correct. Although he rarely ever left the house (besides to go to work), after he moved out ALL OF A SUDDEN HE IS HANGING OUT WITH THIS MARRIED WH*RE (pardon my language) that has flirted with him for years on end and for awhile he completely stopped talking to her yet she continued to contact him via FB and obviously she doesn't have respect for her HUSBAND along with me (in the 7.5 years) knowing we were once happy together. He told me years ago, she was getting annoying and needed to pay attention to her husband…

 

LOL, funny how that worked out in the end! Also like you, I miss his parents that once welcomed me to their family and they are not online/do emails, etc… After the BU - I felt like it wasn't my place to call them or randomly stop by (that would be kind of weird) and know he has been spreading lies about me, because the neighbors in my apartment have been acting very strange and cold towards me when they were always so talkative and nice throughout the years.

 

I wish we were ALL MIND READERS but obviously that's not realistic… I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through but please know you're not alone! It's almost haunting how similar our situations are yet so disgusting that there are many people out there than can relate!

 

I believe in KARMA and truly hope that ONE DAY all the heart breakers out there get treated the way they have treated us. I struggle everyday with the pain and empty feeling inside not understanding WTF happened but I am trying to be strong and listen to others about having NC with him and slowly moving on. It's been 2.5 weeks since NC (which is not long, I know) but he has emailed and tried to call (in regards to a book he has of mine and wants to stop over to give it to me) but F**K him - it's just a book and I don't care anymore. If he truly wanted me out of his life yet has that book, he knows our once address and could mail it to me yet secretly I think he wants to stop by and be nosey for an ego boost or whatever. Not going to happen!

 

Let KARMA take over ! I know it's very hard, but each day I'm slowly learning I am better off and you will be too! ((((Hugs))))

[thespacey1]

Wishing you the best. I knkw you're probably feeling that your situation is worse than everybody else's. But know that there are many issues that people have,they're just "different". I'm going through one now myself...its just different.

 

Your ex sounds just Extremely socially awkward and/or has sociopathic characteristics. There could have been something that hurt him in your relationship that be just never told you about so he just decided to leave rather than discussing it with you. Otherwise, he's not even worth thoughts.

 

Keep getting your feelings and thoughts out here in LS and remember, your healing will happen in stages... And expect it to suck many days, its normal for a certain period of time. But you can and will heal.

[gls081209]

Thank you again for all responses. It is somewhat nice to know that I'm not the only person in the world going through this amount of pain. It's amazing what your body does when it's under a tremendous amount of stress.

 

I intend to write a lot. I need to talk this out as much as I can until I'm sick of talking about it. I am incredibly determined to feel this as much as possible and get it over with.

 

I am not delusional in the sense of using the strict "No Contact" rule in order to make my ex "miss me so much and get back together with me." He ruined any chance of having a future relationship by his actions. I didn't deserve to be treated in such a manner. I was so shocked by it because he had NEVER treated me like that in any way, shape or form. He had always been kind and loving.

 

Regarding the comment of his "sociopathic" behavior - he was definitely not socially awkward. We could easily go out and not be attached at the hip because we were both talking to everyone. I liked that about it. He wasn't jealous nor clingy and loved meeting and talking to people. (He can talk your ear off at times).

 

However, I would agree that he was emotionally awkward. Not being able to tell someone any kind of feeling is odd to me. It makes me wonder if some kind of trauma happened to him as a child or if he has a giant secret he's been caring around forever. He always said his "brain doesn't think like other people" and that he was "selfish." I just didn't witness it that way. When it came to his actions, he had been nothing but wonderful to me. I always thought actions speak louder than words. I find that interesting too because whenever I was having some issue with someone he was very much the first person to push me to sitting down and talking it out with that other person. Too bad he couldn't take his own advice.

 

As part of this sadness is not only just having my relationship end with him and the crappy way he did it, but also the connection to my family. My mom passed in September. It was a whirlwind as she died within three weeks of being sick.

 

He was amazing during that time. "He" did a lot in terms of helping me arrange care for my dog and getting clothes to me so I could stay at the hospital. My mom passed while in hospice care. The night I knew she was going to pass, "He" was with me earlier in the evening. Before he left, he leaned down to my mother, kissed her forehead and whispered something to her. Months later, I remembered this and asked him what he said to her. He looked at me and quietly said "I thanked her for you."

 

It was at that moment that I thought that he and I would be okay and he was going to stick by me. I was thankful he had a relationship with my mom and she really liked him. Her birthday was last week (four days after he left me). I'm sad today of that memory. I'm sad that the person I end up with never got a chance to meet either of my parents (my father passed six years ago).

Edited July 29, 2015 by gls081209

[gls081209]

Today is the day that "He" closes on his beautiful house that we were supposed to celebrate tonight in.

 

Separately, today is also the birthday of a relative of mine who committed suicide back in May. Our family is still heartbroken over it as there were no visible signs of depression.

 

My heart is heavy today.

[HandsomeBoh]

Hey, I just thought I'd share something my ex (3 years) told me when I made the stupid mistake of breaking NC on my birthday yesterday. Like you I was completely blindsided, and the week before the breakup was spent being euphorically happy, celebrating her birthday and sending loving messages. She seemed stressed, but I thought it was work, and I made encouraging notes and cards and things until I found out she was just stressed over breaking up with me.

 

I asked her how she could have entertained the thought of breaking up for weeks while pretending to be happy, if it was all a lie, and she said that it wasn't. She was just trying to mislead herself into thinking she should stay with me, and the happiness, warmth and fun we had when we were together was real, but never fulfilling. Fulfilling. That's it really. Sometimes they're happy, we give them everything, but they want something even more than that. Just like how some couples are unhappy, stressed, have nothing, but are just so... Fulfilled.

[gls081209]

I have to say, this break up has been complete hell. I spent the weekend working out, avoiding phone calls from friends, watching Netflix and taking my dog places (I feel like a giant loser). I am having such a difficult time dealing with how my ex ended our relationship. I've been making myself crazy with "what went wrong?" and "how can someone flip a switch and treat you like that?" What stage of grief is that?

 

Well, last night a bit of pain was alleviated. The knot in my stomach has loosened a bit (however, I was kind of okay with the lack of appetite and the crazy workouts. My clothes were fitting much better.) I had dinner with a mutual friend of my ex's and I. She works with him and she's one of my best friends that I've known way longer than him.

 

Anyway, she told me that she had some news that would maybe make me feel a little better. I hesitated because in my mind he was out hooking up with bar skanks in his new house in the jet tub with an endless hot water tank. She promised it would make me feel a little better and I braced myself.

 

Last week he saw her and she politely said "hello" to him. He asked her if she was just being polite or if she knew that he and I had split. She answered she knew and pressed him as to what happened because she wanted to know for herself (she also said that he looked awful). The gist of it was that he isn't happy and he doesn't know why. He said he's questioning as to whether he should of left, but thinks that I deserve better than him and knows that I want children (I'm almost 35 and he'll be 29 this week). He asked how I was doing and tears welled up in his eyes after she told him that I was having a hard time handling it and how I didn't deserve how he ended it. He told her that he knows that I need answers, but he doesn't have any and that he wrote at least 15 e-mails only to delete them all.

 

Part of my pain is how completely unaffected and cold he was about ending our relationship. I feel a little better knowing that he's having a hard time too and is not just out celebrating his bachelorhood. I feel better that there isn't anyone else and that his problems really have nothing to do with me.

 

It kind of makes me feel like I have a little power back and that I did mean something to him. (And the jerk in me is glad that he's miserable).

 

I feel like I can start to heal a bit. My friend said that he seemed eager to talk because he doesn't have anyone else to talk to. I know that's true. I'm sad he said those things to her and not me. Our parting could've been much more amicable had he been honest.

 

Week 3 of breakup is a little better than week 2...

[Sugarkane]

Atleast youve only lost a POS **** man. Dont envy the jump off tgats for sure.

[gls081209]

It's a day I've been dreading - the ex's birthday. Just a few days before he up and left, we were planning his birthday / house-warming party (the party is actually supposed to be next weekend). I wish I could just pretend it's a normal day and push it out of my mind, but that's nearly impossible today.

 

I'm not in fear of breaking NC, but today I just miss him (even though I still want to punch him in the throat... that's normal, right?)

 

I made plans with my girlfriends tonight to go get cocktails so I wouldn't be at home and torturing myself. Thank God for my girl wolf-pack! This weekend, I'm leaving and driving across the state to visit a friend and just get out of town. This will be my the most I've left the house since all this madness happened three weeks ago.

 

I hope he has an incredibly miserable and lonely birthday! (Yes, I'm going through my pissed-off-scorned-woman phase).

[gls081209]

So I managed to get through the ex's birthday without any contact (I've discovered that my stubbornness and pride can be beneficial in some instances in life). I'm not going to lie, I did look at my phone more than usual wondering if I'd get a drunken message or something.

 

I made myself go out with my girlfriends. We went to a local bar and had a couple bottles of wine. They were supportive as I cried like a loser. I had the thought to do a drive-by past his house (like an emotional teenage stalker girl) as it was his birthday. Logically, I know that's TERRIBLE and no good could come from that, but I had a couple glasses of wine and was feeling sorry for myself and thought I'd feel better if I knew he was home by himself. Then I thought - what if he WASN'T by himself or, even worse, what if he saw me drive by - how embarrassing!

 

Of course I didn't do it! I got on the highway instead and went home. I've been on track this entire break up and doing everything I'm supposed to do. I would've been mad at myself today had I blew it on THAT! Good thing I'm going out of town this weekend so that temptation will pass.

[gls081209]

I've almost made it a month since being blindsided by my ex and ending our relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am still completely heartbroken and full of rage, but this weekend I went away to a friend's house on the opposite side of the state and felt a little like myself. Floating around in a pool all day while watching three dogs swim and play made me actually relax a little and even laugh.

 

I found myself not checking my phone as much where as before, I've been desperately waiting for him contact me. I know he won't, but I'm going back and forth through the denial phase too.

 

I'm back to my real life today and dreading it. I wish I could just take a leave of absence from my job for a couple months and just get out of town by myself (and my dog). I've heard of these fancy spas where you can do yoga, meditate, get massages, hike, be served healthy food, go horseback riding, etc.

 

I guess my point is, it's is good to step away for a minute and get out of town and spend it with someone who truly cares about you. I found myself thinking of him maybe 85% of the time rather than 100%. That's a start!

 

P.S. I suppose I've started treating this thread as a journal...

[isolatedgothic]

I hope you continue to write. I enjoy reading your thoughts, and am hoping that somehow they help me to heal. Today is day 10 for me, and I feel worse and worse as the days go by. So keep posting so I have something else to think about, other than what a fool I have been to have loved someone for so long, only to be discarded so easily and so quickly.

 

May our hearts somehow mend.

[gls081209]

isolatedgothic -

 

Thank you for the kind words and support. It makes me feel a little better that maybe I can offer a little insight to someone who is going through what I'm going through. I like to write, therefore, this forum is therapeutic for me.

 

I just read your story... how terrible and I'm sorry the pain you're feeling. I can only imagine what it would feel like to reconnect with someone after 25 years and you think that "it was meant to be" for it to only go so array.

 

I was you about 10 days ago - unbearable pain and not able to function well. I can't offer you much comfort except the cliche of time and no contact. I'm off all social media (which really makes a difference). I started working out and walking a lot (that makes me feel better). Luckily, I haven't heard from my ex and I'm scared of the day that I do.

 

Besides the time and no contact "rules," I'll say be kind to yourself. Be selfish and spend time with the people who really do love and care about you and your well-being.

 

Good luck to you...

[gls081209]

Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook probably more than the average cat. I have a lot of friends and family who live all over the world and I like being able to keep up with everyone and their lives.

 

Once my breakup happened, I made the decision to get off all of it because I couldn't bear to see not only him and our photos, but how "happy" everyone else seems. Did you ever notice that everyone only posts the best version of themselves and posts that only makes them seem so fun, interesting and attractive with their highly-filtered selfies?

 

I've been reading a lot of these LS posts and a large portion of them has something to do with social media drama - someone blocked someone, or added a new girl/boy or flaunted a new relationship after breaking up with you or changing your "relationship status." Why put yourself through all of that extra added stress? Plus, I call BS on people who constantly talk about how happy they are on social media. In fact, if you're THAT happy, you don't feel the need to post it every where because it's just obvious you are.

 

So, with that being said, I highly recommend getting off social media during this difficult time in our lives. I had a Facebook addiction and thought it would be hard for me to deactivate, but honestly, I haven't even missed it this last month. I don't have my hand glued to my phone and I have more time and it allow me to focus on myself rather than worry about what other people are doing. I'll eventually get back on it, but right now I find it to be toxic.

[gls081209]

Today I'm having "one of those days." I don't know about y'all, but I find the days and nights are SOOOO LONGGG! Time seems to creep so slowly right now.

 

It's been almost a month since the breakup. Today I just miss him. Tonight is a big event that we were supposed to go together. Tomorrow was supposed to be his birthday party we were planning. I don't know if that's still happening and I don't want to know.

 

I don't even have the desire to punch him in the face today like I normally do. Today, I'm just sad. It's hard to go from having someone you love in your life every day for the last two years to no contact at all. We've known each other about six years. I can imagine it's like what a withdrawal from a drug would be. It's effing HARD!

 

I'm moving into that desperation phase where I REALLY want him to contact me. Logically, I know that would be very bad right now. We haven't had any contact since the breakup. Don't worry, as I said in the posts above, I'm much too stubborn to contact him.

 

I'd like to repeat how much I HATE THIS!!!! (Id rather stay in the anger phase, at least I was more productive with all that nervous energy).

 

I'll tell you who I did want to punch in the face today - a co-worker who informed to "get over it" and said the cliche of "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one." That thought is repulsive right now.