kylej Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 My girlfriend of 1 year is in Israel (3 week trip) right now with one of her single friends. They met a bunch of guys there and have been constantly hanging out with them. She started being distant and not texting or calling about a week into the trip, now 2 weeks into her trip she has told me she thinks she's "found herself" during this experience in Israel and hinted at breaking up but wants to talk in person. Right now she is drunk and posting photos with her arm around one guy and he grabbing her. I feel so lost and so hurt right now. How could she be so short sighted to throw away everything we had for one more week of fun in Israel, and be so selfish to at least make it look like shes cheating on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drallafi Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 My girlfriend of 1 year is in Israel (3 week trip) right now with one of her single friends. They met a bunch of guys there and have been constantly hanging out with them. She started being distant and not texting or calling about a week into the trip, now 2 weeks into her trip she has told me she thinks she's "found herself" during this experience in Israel and hinted at breaking up but wants to talk in person. Right now she is drunk and posting photos with her arm around one guy and he grabbing her. I feel so lost and so hurt right now. How could she be so short sighted to throw away everything we had for one more week of fun in Israel, and be so selfish to at least make it look like shes cheating on me. Probably the most painful thing you'll have to endure for a while. Unfortunately, there's no way to win in this scenario so you just gotta choose your poison. Either you beat her to the punch and dump her first, or wait in agony for another week for her to come back and crush your soul. Sorry man, this sucks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Be proactive. End it yourself, and go NC. It will hurt like hell, but not as much as six sessions of you listening to her telling you all about your shortcomings. Don't beg, don't plead, don't bargain. Just walk away with your dignity intact. NC. Take care. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Probably the most painful thing you'll have to endure for a while. Unfortunately, there's no way to win in this scenario so you just gotta choose your poison. Either you beat her to the punch and dump her first, or wait in agony for another week for her to come back and crush your soul. Sorry man, this sucks. I guess I'm contradicted between either texting her and asking if she's cheating on me or if we're done... or ...waiting til she gets home and maybe she realizes she needs me. We broke up a couple weeks before she left and she can came crawling back to me saying she couldn't live without me. I got back together with her but I said I needed full commitment and she needed to understand what it meant and she'd be able to stay committed to me during her trip. Then she goes and does ****, so frustrating and heartbreaking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Be proactive. End it yourself, and go NC. It will hurt like hell, but not as much as six sessions of you listening to her telling you all about your shortcomings. Don't beg, don't plead, don't bargain. Just walk away with your dignity intact. NC. Take care. You think I should text her or call her? Ask if she's cheating or just end it? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 You think I should text her or call her? Ask if she's cheating or just end it? Just end it. Its over anyway, and its very important that you preserve your dignity. No begging. No pleading. No bargaining. No promising that you'll change. No sitting there sobbing while she tells you she'll always love you, but can't be with you. Eject, eject, eject. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Right now she is drunk and posting photos with her arm around one guy and he grabbing her. I feel so lost and so hurt right now. How could she be so short sighted to throw away everything we had for one more week of fun in Israel, and be so selfish to at least make it look like shes cheating on me. I'd try to find a hot chick somewhere to do the same for me, and post a pic or two of my own, and say nothing, or maybe just text back, yeah, let's talk. Then I'd start practicing my "I'm glad you dumped me" speech for when she gets home. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 My girlfriend of 1 year is in Israel (3 week trip) right now with one of her single friends. They met a bunch of guys there and have been constantly hanging out with them. She started being distant and not texting or calling about a week into the trip, now 2 weeks into her trip she has told me she thinks she's "found herself" during this experience in Israel and hinted at breaking up but wants to talk in person. Right now she is drunk and posting photos with her arm around one guy and he grabbing her. I feel so lost and so hurt right now. How could she be so short sighted to throw away everything we had for one more week of fun in Israel, and be so selfish to at least make it look like shes cheating on me. How sure are you about the cheating really? What you say sounds bad, but we need to know with a reasonable certainty before we tell you to jump off a cliff. If it's real, I agree w/Satu that it's important you maintain your dignity. That means no tricks, games, or being cute, in addition to acting out or raging, etc. Best way to do that imo is just to patiently await her arrival, and if she comes to you with the speech, just calmly say ok and walk. By doing that, you don't give her the satisfaction of having any outward impact on you. If she doesn't come to you with the speech but you evaluate things and they aren't the same, just as calmly go to her and say you feel it needs to end. Spare her any deets. By doing that, you deny her the satisfaction of genuine closure, which is actually a pretty harsh thing to do to somebody but hey, she decided she needed to find herself in Israel, not you. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Personally, I would just start NC right now. I mean, make the decision for yourself. I bet dollars to donuts that any communication that you've been having with her while she's been away is always started by you. If you didn't try to call her or text her, chances are you won't hear from her. Dude, she making it painfully obvious that she's cheating on you. Those are pretty bombshell hints if she's posting pic with herself and her arms around some other dude. So, block her on social media ALL OF IT! and do it now. When she gets back and texts you, "We need to talk" I would gamble it and text back, " No need to talk. I know what you did over there. I've already been informed. You've been dimed out." Let her freak out at her friends to find out who snitched on her. But, you didn't lie. The person that dimed her out was herself. I mean, she's probably been practicing everything she's going to say to you and somehow she's going to turn it around and make it your fault. Don't give her a chance to give you some practiced BS speech. Don't give her the satisfaction. Then, back to a hard NC. Heal from this and move on. Start making positive changes in your life. You gave her a second chances and she spit in your face. If I were you, I'd start NC now and start healing from this. Edited July 15, 2015 by Chi townD 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Man! That sounds awful. If she's cheating and you keep contacting her, she probably expects to eventually reach out to you and for you to take her back and listen to her excuses like nothing. Flip the game on her, ignore her when she tries to reach out to you, I bet she won't expect it and it will drive her insane, she'll start saying how sorry she is and how she didn't do anything she promises. Continue to ignore her or reply with "tell someone who cares", then move on with your dignity. That's what you SHOULD do, but I unfortunately foresee a much more painful journey playing out where you listen to her BS excuse or she tells you how terrible you are and blames you while you tell her how much you care. Don't let that happen!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 How sure are you about the cheating really? What you say sounds bad, but we need to know with a reasonable certainty before we tell you to jump off a cliff. If it's real, I agree w/Satu that it's important you maintain your dignity. That means no tricks, games, or being cute, in addition to acting out or raging, etc. Best way to do that imo is just to patiently await her arrival, and if she comes to you with the speech, just calmly say ok and walk. By doing that, you don't give her the satisfaction of having any outward impact on you. If she doesn't come to you with the speech but you evaluate things and they aren't the same, just as calmly go to her and say you feel it needs to end. Spare her any deets. By doing that, you deny her the satisfaction of genuine closure, which is actually a pretty harsh thing to do to somebody but hey, she decided she needed to find herself in Israel, not you. Good luck. This is a good response, thank you. First of all, I can't say I'm sure she's cheating because I'd hope she wouldn't do something like that to me and I wouldn't think she would. However, earlier that day I asked if she wished she was single for the trip and she said "partly" which basically means theres people there she would hook up with. Also, she is drinking with these guys, and posted on Snapchat a story of him grabbing her harm and one with her arm around him sitting real close to each other. Also, I think her location on Find My Friends app is still in the same place it was when she was partying with these guys and it's 4am there. She is really flirty in general and she lets guys take advantage of her I'd put the odds on her hooking up with that guy at 85%. Most people telling me to end it now but then I know she will definitely sleep with this guy guilt free. Maybe thats selfish of me but whatever. I like the idea of waiting and then not giving her closure. After all the pain she's caused me I dont want to make it easy. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Personally, I would just start NC right now. I mean, make the decision for yourself. I bet dollars to donuts that any communication that you've been having with her while she's been away is always started by you. If you didn't try to call her or text her, chances are you won't hear from her. Dude, she making it painfully obvious that she's cheating on you. Those are pretty bombshell hints if she's posting pic with herself and her arms around some other dude. So, block her on social media ALL OF IT! and do it now. When she gets back and texts you, "We need to talk" I would gamble it and text back, " No need to talk. I know what you did over there. I've already been informed. You've been dimed out." Let her freak out at her friends to find out who snitched on her. But, you didn't lie. The person that dimed her out was herself. I mean, she's probably been practicing everything she's going to say to you and somehow she's going to turn it around and make it your fault. Don't give her a chance to give you some practiced BS speech. Don't give her the satisfaction. Then, back to a hard NC. Heal from this and move on. Start making positive changes in your life. You gave her a second chances and she spit in your face. If I were you, I'd start NC now and start healing from this. This...Just stop talking to her. Vanish from social media(stupid thing anyways)..She want's to "play"? Poof...you are gone off "finding yourself". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Personally, I would just start NC right now. I mean, make the decision for yourself. I bet dollars to donuts that any communication that you've been having with her while she's been away is always started by you. If you didn't try to call her or text her, chances are you won't hear from her. Dude, she making it painfully obvious that she's cheating on you. Those are pretty bombshell hints if she's posting pic with herself and her arms around some other dude. So, block her on social media ALL OF IT! and do it now. When she gets back and texts you, "We need to talk" I would gamble it and text back, " No need to talk. I know what you did over there. I've already been informed. You've been dimed out." Let her freak out at her friends to find out who snitched on her. But, you didn't lie. The person that dimed her out was herself. I mean, she's probably been practicing everything she's going to say to you and somehow she's going to turn it around and make it your fault. Don't give her a chance to give you some practiced BS speech. Don't give her the satisfaction. Then, back to a hard NC. Heal from this and move on. Start making positive changes in your life. You gave her a second chances and she spit in your face. If I were you, I'd start NC now and start healing from this. I agree I think I'll just go NC now. I didnt text her or anything after seeing the photos so dignity is still in tact. However, she has actually been the one to reach out during this trip. She seems kinda bi-polar when it comes to our relationship. First few days it was a lot of contact and her telling me how much loves me and misses me. Then radio silence for a while, I got a little mad at her for ignoring me, then a couple days later she is telling me she loves me again... and then this ****. So maybe its not as black and white as you think but I think I should go NC now anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Man! That sounds awful. If she's cheating and you keep contacting her, she probably expects to eventually reach out to you and for you to take her back and listen to her excuses like nothing. Flip the game on her, ignore her when she tries to reach out to you, I bet she won't expect it and it will drive her insane, she'll start saying how sorry she is and how she didn't do anything she promises. Continue to ignore her or reply with "tell someone who cares", then move on with your dignity. That's what you SHOULD do, but I unfortunately foresee a much more painful journey playing out where you listen to her BS excuse or she tells you how terrible you are and blames you while you tell her how much you care. Don't let that happen!! Its always harder to move on than it sounds when youve got a past and emotional attachment to a person but I'm gonna try my best to go NC and not give her that satisfaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 This...Just stop talking to her. Vanish from social media(stupid thing anyways)..She want's to "play"? Poof...you are gone off "finding yourself". The only problem is we kind of agreed to talk about in person at least later. If she calls tomorrow should I ignore it or pick it up? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 The only problem is we kind of agreed to talk about in person at least later. *If she calls tomorrow should I ignore it or pick it up? *What might you gain by talking to her? What might you lose if you don't? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 The only problem is we kind of agreed to talk about in person at least later. If she calls tomorrow should I ignore it or pick it up? Ignore it. Let it go to voicemail (that is, even if she calls). Why would you want to talk to her anyway? To hear more hints of her wanting to break up with you to soften the blow when she actually does? Dude, I think you need to start living your life as if you're already broken up, because here's the rub, she already is! Block her on social media tonight!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Okay, as far as I'm concerned, she has cheated. The evidence you've mentioned is more than enough proof to end it. My suggestion, seriously, is end it with her. She will know why but will be shocked you had the balls to do it in the first place. She may try to play the victim card or say "it didn't mean anything". Trust me on this, you need to have self respect. Don't expect her to respect you if you can't walk away. I know it's really hard to comprehend, deal with or rationalize. This is why you have to take our advice. Your ex girlfriend is a waste of your time - she made her choice now let her live with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 The only problem is we kind of agreed to talk about in person at least later. If she calls tomorrow should I ignore it or pick it up? Kind of agreed to talk about her ending it? Like I always say: If you're here asking the question, You know the answer. Don't take her calls/texts. When she gets back and ask to talk,if she does, do so in person. Body language is a HUGE tail! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lawstudent Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Reminds me of a similiar situation I was in last year. Girlfriend went to Israel for 3 weeks too. She didn't answer her phone much which is normal due to the time zone change, and traveling the country. I think in this situation. Ride it out, don't base her actions off a snapchat. Guys in Europe are extra touchy, you asking her if shes hooking up with guys could cause an argument. Best bet would be to ride it out, and talk to her when she gets home. Trust is key in any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 This is a good response, thank you. First of all, I can't say I'm sure she's cheating because I'd hope she wouldn't do something like that to me and I wouldn't think she would. However, earlier that day I asked if she wished she was single for the trip and she said "partly" which basically means theres people there she would hook up with. Also, she is drinking with these guys, and posted on Snapchat a story of him grabbing her harm and one with her arm around him sitting real close to each other. Also, I think her location on Find My Friends app is still in the same place it was when she was partying with these guys and it's 4am there. She is really flirty in general and she lets guys take advantage of her I'd put the odds on her hooking up with that guy at 85%. Most people telling me to end it now but then I know she will definitely sleep with this guy guilt free. Maybe thats selfish of me but whatever. I like the idea of waiting and then not giving her closure. After all the pain she's caused me I dont want to make it easy. If you were to stick with my plan, the thing to do would be to answer if she calls but make no attempts to contact her yourself. (I'm talking about as long as she's in Israel.) Then do what you have to do when she comes back. 85% is good enough chances for me. I'd plan to end it/let it end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Reminds me of a similiar situation I was in last year. Girlfriend went to Israel for 3 weeks too. She didn't answer her phone much which is normal due to the time zone change, and traveling the country. I think in this situation. Ride it out, don't base her actions off a snapchat. Guys in Europe are extra touchy, you asking her if shes hooking up with guys could cause an argument. Best bet would be to ride it out, and talk to her when she gets home. Trust is key in any relationship. Israel is in Europe now? Buy, yeah, if you tracked her to be at the same place at 4:00am...that'd be ringing alarm bells for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Do like everyone suggested go full NC. Block her on everything and if she manages to get through to you, just hang up. Don't listen to her. She's done with you. Consider the pics she sent you as a break up notice. Edited July 15, 2015 by Clarence_Boddicker 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm going to take everyones advice and go full NC. As far as Im concerned the relationship is over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 The only problem is we kind of agreed to talk about in person at least later. If she calls tomorrow should I ignore it or pick it up? I don't know, but I think that this is a conversation that you always have in person. Link to post Share on other sites
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