heartache81 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 My gf and I have had a very rocky relationship. She would frequently 'break up' with me, but we quickly learned that this was just something she would say and she didnt mean it. She even told me that when she said that kind of thing to not worry because she wouldnt mean it and that if she really wanted to break up then she wouldnt do it mid-fight. She has had an ongoing friendship with the neighbor that I have been very uncomfortable with. She would hang out with him now and then, drinks, etc. I would usually be home with the kids so I couldnt come. Within a few weeks of her spending time with him, he started hitting on her and trying to get her to sleep with him. She showed me the FB msgs he sent and told me that she had no interest when I told her I was not comfortable with her going over there anymore. After a couple months, she told me that she was starting to fantasize about the guy and that she had told him about her feelings and that they could not hang out anymore. I was happy about that, but she was talking to him again within a week. She rubbed him in my face several times during fights, saying things like 'if you dont want to treat me right then I can just go next door where I know Im wanted', etc. About a week ago, she confessed to me that during one of our rockier fights/break-ups, she had gone over there and slept with him. This was while I was out of the house. She wouldnt tell me exactly when this happened but says she regrets it but doesn't think she did anything wrong because 'technically' we were broken up. I was crushed when she told me this, especially considering that she has hung out with and talked with him since this happened. I am trying to get past this but I cant get it out of my head. Am I so worthless and disposable that she can just run off to another guy so quickly? If she regrets it, why keep hanging out with him? Why keep rubbing him in my face? I have a hard time looking at her the same way and the last time we fought and she started in with the fake-breakup stuff I almost lost it. Am I wrong for being so hurt by this? How should I proceed? Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 You can proceed by ending this "relationship" (If we can even call it one..) She clearly didn't respect you enough to stop going there when you felt uncomfortable. You were not "broken up" as she herself mentioned not to take her seriously when she said it during a fight. So, she cheated on you. Can you put up with that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I would 100% dump her. She sounds like a child with all the break ups and make ups and then running to the neighbor for sex. Gross. Is she still in contact with him? Let me guess, she will insist on remaining friends with him. Hell to the no. Bye! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) When it suits her the version is "I didn't mean to break up, it has been said only at a hit of a moment, and you shouldn't take it seriously" But when she has sex with another guy during that break up her version changes to "I haven't done anything wrong because we were 'technically' broken up". How convenient... So you can sleep with any girl you wish, as long as you call your GF before the penetration and say "we're done", and 30 minutes later you can cancel the break up, you didn't mean it... You slept with another girl during the 30 minutes break up so technically it's not cheating. Ha ha ha ha ha... Your GF did cheat on you! It's cheating by all means. Her excuses worth sh*t. She spits on you and wants you to think it's rain. The first, major and "must" condition to forgive someone after cheating is her full remorse, understands what she did, understands how her infidelity is damaging th relationship, and taking full responsibility of her actions. Your GF has no remorse, and she thinks she's OK. She is not worth your forgiveness. Another thing. Her behavior is a pattern. If you let it go, now every time when you have a fight, she knows she can say the magic words "we're done" only for few hours, and $crewing another guy on the side. Why? Because she can, because you already proved that she can step on you, and you accept it and forgive. I'm sorry my friend, But if you stay with her, you allow and invite her next cheating. Tell her that 'technically' you're breaking up with her, and 'technically' she has 3 hours to pack. Edited July 19, 2015 by lolablue17 5 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 So, any time she breaks up with you, she may go sleep with someone else. I think it's time for you to break up with her this time, and don't take her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Heartaches21, How old is this girl ffs because she acts like a spoilt child of about 3? She has no commitment to this relationship - if you can call it that, and seems to be playing by her own rules. Tell her you're sick of her silly games and find a more mature girl to date. You're wasting your time with this one - sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 She has had an ongoing friendship with the neighbor that I have been very uncomfortable with. She would hang out with him now and then, drinks, etc. I would usually be home with the kids so I couldnt come. Within a few weeks of her spending time with him, he started hitting on her and trying to get her to sleep with him. Anything that happened between them after the other man (OM) started hitting on her and you telling her that you were "very uncomfortable" with her spending time alone with him, was due to her not have normal boundaries for someone in a committed relationship. It was also due to you being weak and not enforcing any boundaries. BTW, are they your children or her children? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 She would frequently 'break up' with me, but we quickly learned that this meant that she'd use this time to let the neighbor get his rocks off with her. Dump this woman without delay. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 It sounds like this relationship is very rocky anyway if you are fighting all the time. That's not how a relationship should be. The fact that she broke it off with you and then went and slept with the neighbor is just the icing on the cake. I'd walk if I were you. It's not going to get any better than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 No, you are not wrong in feeling hurt, because what she did was so hurtful. I am so sorry. I agree with everyone here. She's toxic. She should have never blackmailed you into "treating her" well. She should not have used the "breakup" cards to make her point. And she should have respected your wishes about the neighbor. Please walk away. I know it's going to be tough, but you are seriously, seriously, better off without her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I would usually be home with the kids How old are your kids? Whose kids are they? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 She is abusive and manipulative. Leave before it gets worse - it will get worse. I'm hoping those children are yours only and nothing to do with her. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I think you can be pretty sure it happened more than once ,more than likely an ongoing affair .Its time you started looking out for yourself .I think you should dump her .If you want to try work it out , she needs to cut that guy out of her life and give you access to all her emails , texts ,social media .But you will be so better off away from her . Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 She doesn't love you or respect you. You should not be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nouedis Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Dude just drop her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartache81 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) Thanks, everyone, for confirming that I'm not crazy for feeling this way. She has been telling me things like "Everyone I talk to thinks you're being ridiculous for being so mad at me about this." She says she feels dirty for having done it and feels badly that I am so hurt by it and she apologizes for it, but also says that it was not wrong of her and it was not cheating. We had been broken up for about a day when she did it, and I guess I had some pretty strong words when we did. We fought so much and since she wont tell me when this happened I can only speculate, but I'm not one to get verbally aggressive the way she does so I can't imagine it was so hateful that it was worth running off to bang the neighbor. She keeps pointing back to something very stupid that I did years ago when we first got involved. I was just out of a divorce and was seeing someone else when my current girlfriend and I got involved. We were just FWB but I lied and said I was not seeing anyone then. It was stupid and wrong of me and after my current gf and I started getting more serious she found out about it (the other girl and I had been done for 6 months when she found out). She was very upset and I swore up and down it would never happen again, gave her full access to email/phone/FB, etc. I leave all my accounts logged in on the computer and the phone and she is free to look, I have nothing to hide. She said that she could get over it but brings it up to me repeatedly and even now, two years later, she will still throw it in my face. She keeps telling me that I should be able to get over this because she got over what I did. But I don't think she did or I wouldn't hear it from her so quickly and so often. I was so wrong for what I did and I am so sorry. So I wonder about that. But this just feels different. Maybe it's because I'm the one being burned? Or maybe because we aren't new like we were then - we've been together for almost two years, living together for almost one. She and I were just FWB at the time but I did lie and when I started having feelings for her I broke it off with the other girl. Still, stupid of me. :( As for the kids, one is hers and one is mine. She also shared with me that she had previously been sexually involved with this person BEFORE she moved in with me. She kept this information from me for almost a year before finally telling me, AFTER she had already spent lots of time hanging out with him and sleeping with him again during one of our 'breakups'. Edited July 20, 2015 by heartache81 Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 If she is not prepared to cut off all contact with the neighbour ,you will have to end the relationship.No hope if she continues to hang out with the neighbour. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 She has been telling me things like "Everyone I talk to thinks you're being ridiculous for being so mad at me about this." She doesn't care or respect you. Love? Right. Broken up one day and then sleeps with the neighbor? Then has the nerve to act like it's no big deal? She's an immature slutbrat. I would have been long gone. Where's your self respect? You need to drop this woman immediately. She's not trustworthy what so ever and has most likely been lying to you the entire time. You'll never have a healthy relationship with her. It's way too messed up. Get out while you can. No Joke. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I think your GF has been sleeping with this guy the entire time. I think someone else found out and now she is covering her tracks so when it comes out she can say "I told you it was that one time we were broken up". That's why she won't give you information about the when part of it. It has nothing to do with guilt or remorse, its all about covering her ass. The fact that she continues to hang out with this guy should tell you that. Its time for you to move on and get this toxic woman out of your life. Don't be shock if after she does the beg and plead part that she doesn't end up dating this guy, why wouldn't she? She has been dating him since before you came along and has never stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMachine67 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 She doesn't care or respect you. Love? Right. Broken up one day and then sleeps with the neighbor? Then has the nerve to act like it's no big deal? She's an immature slutbrat. I would have been long gone. Where's your self respect? You need to drop this woman immediately. She's not trustworthy what so ever and has most likely been lying to you the entire time. You'll never have a healthy relationship with her. It's way too messed up. Get out while you can. No Joke. Totally agree with your take Gus! I would just add that unless you both agree to have an open relationship, this woman is going to keep causing you heartache. She will keep provoking fights or one day breakups, so she can go have sex with other men. Can you live with and be happy with the knowledge that with every little argument you both have, that she's going to run away and sleep with other men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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