smile95 Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 I am so in love with my boyfriend. He is almost divorced and has a son. We are a ld relationship and we know we met for a reason and are so in love. I have never felt this way and we have stuck this out for so long (almost 3 yrs). I know in my heart we love each other, but I also know that this is not going to work since we are states apart and he does not really make much of an effort anymore to do all the nice things he used to. I am so confused. we have been thru a lot and broken up before until he got his life in order, but we always come back to each other...I guess my question is......do I let go or is he trily the one if I feel so strongly for him? I want anyone's opinion...I know i have to decide on my own, but has anyone let go of someone they loved???? Whether they broke up with you or you let them go for another reason? Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 I was with my BF for almost 2 years.. LDR and he has wee people as well. During the time we were together... we fought A LOT. He did a lot of sh*tty things to me during our relationship and what had started out to seem to good to be true.. ended up, it was too good to be true. He lied to me as often as possible it seemed.. called me a lot of bad names when he was mad.. cheated.. and tried to control what I wore, who I talked to and where I went. I did everything I could to make things okay for him... not understanding that it didn't matter what I did or didn't do.. this is who he is and I can't change that. I really did love him a lot.. and just like you we would break up.. fight.. but stay together in the end of things. My family and friends all were suprised at all that had gone on because I'm not someone who would typically stay in such a place no matter how much I loved someone.. and my Dad would always say.. there will come a time when you've had enough... That time did come.. and really not to long ago.. it was very hard for me to end the relationship.. but it was harder and more hurtful to stay in it.. so I let go and walked away. I spoke with him on Christmas eve and he told me (again) he would change.. asked what he could do to make things right.. told me he was sorry.. that this time things would be different.. but I know in my heart it would only be like all the other times I have heard the same song and dance... he told me he loves me and always will.. and I told him I will always love him too.. but I had to move on without him. Painful.. yes. BUT I don't regret my decision.. sometimes doing what you know is the right thing for you is very hard... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
jcweik Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Thats because merin was meant for me Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by jcweik Thats because merin was meant for me *Kisses JC* Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 im going thru that right now... im about to let my b/f go b/c he is doing things i dont like (drugs) and i dont want to be aroundit. he's changed so much over the past few months and i really love him but things are just getting worse and worse. i fight w/ him b/c he doesnt show he loves me and he doesnt realize this. he says just b/c he doesnt show it doesnt mean he doesnt feel it. but anyways for xmas i got him this charm he teared when he opend it b/c our names were engraved on the back...then he tells me later that night he didnt like it? i was like wtf?? i was so pissed...he doesnt treat me the way i want to be treated...same like you..so im eventualy gonna move on...i had made my decision weeks ago..im just trying to think of what to say and how to say it you know?? if anyone canhelp me that would be great...but my advice to you is to go with what that little voicein your head n heart is saying. seems like ur wasting ur time with this guy and could do better...just like in my problem..but its hard for me to accept what im about to do. i dont want to end things but ill be better off....maybe one day he'll realize what he lost and come back..who knows..well good luck girl! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 well...as Sting once said in a song..."if you love somebody, set them free" free, free, set them free. Link to post Share on other sites
jcweik Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Call me josh lol. My middle name starts with a C, hence the JC. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Originally posted by jcweik Call me josh lol. My middle name starts with a C, hence the JC. Josh!!! Damnnnnn I love that name! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 I just had to let go of someone I love with all my heart but even though it felt like it was meant to be there were too many things that actually DID get in our way. It's hard but sometimes it's the only thing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Originally posted by jcweik Thats because merin was meant for me Damn, I thought she was for me...Oh the sadness of this rejection. hehehe Damn Merin, I didn't know those deets of your situation. I knew you were in some LDR dealio but didn't know the guy was such a prick to you. Maybe I need to become an a**h*** since seemingly intelligent and all around good women get invovled with the a**h***s out there....nah I'll stay a good guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Originally posted by Weird Damn, I thought she was for me...Oh the sadness of this rejection. hehehe Damn Merin, I didn't know those deets of your situation. I knew you were in some LDR dealio but didn't know the guy was such a prick to you. Maybe I need to become an a**h*** since seemingly intelligent and all around good women get invovled with the a**h***s out there....nah I'll stay a good guy. Wierd.. you know I loves ya! You had better NOT change who you are EVER! I happend to get into a bad thing.. and for f**ked up reasons.. stayed there in some ways I think because dammmnnn it I hate to fail! Crap! HOWEVER.. I can tell you since it's been done.. I'm good with it and now let me say that when a nice guy is being good to me.. I appreciate that probably 110X MORE than I ever have before.. yay for the good guys;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 I really love this man, but ther are too manythings in the way for me and I need to walk a way. I love him with all I have and we have such a connection, but I am not happy inside anymore. How did you do it? and are you glad? do you still talk????thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Beth, I am in your same shoes, well almost the same. I love this guy but I have my reasons why I cannot be with him. It hurts me deeply to not be with him and no I am not glad, but it's something I have to do. It's the best for him and for me. The worst part is that I know this is the love of my life, my soulmate, the one I could spend the rest of my life with, but yet we cannot be together. It's not easy at all but I have to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 I really know what youare going through. I know that we were supposed to be together and we have issues in the way also. A few states, his son, an ex wife, his work, etc. It is hard. I have to have faith that I am going to meet someone else that will be better for me. It is so hard. I have decided to start the new yr by telling him we cannot be. Link to post Share on other sites
Losther Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 look it, not to be mean. But i really don't get it. Soemtimes things are hard. Relationships aren't always easy nor are they free from diffiiculties. They have their ups and downs and sometimes their very bad moments. If you love soemone and there are issues that are not devastating to your well being it is worth a try. I don't understadn this "He is the love of my life" I have to let him go. If he is the one you truly feel you want to sepnd our life with. why not try to make it work. That's why I think divorce rates are so hard. People think marraige is an easy thing or a realtionship is. Everything that's good requires some sweat, some work. Well I'm an old school type of guy. I maybe wrong but that's how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 I totally agree with you, but in my case it is very complex. It's not that we have problems, it is not that we do not agree, it's just impossible for hard reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 well for me, I have been in a LDR for 3 yrs now and nothing is changing becasue he is still battling custody and never really makes time for me with work and his son and traveling. I have given it a try for 3 yrs and nothing has changed, so that is why I have to let go. I do love him and would do anything to be with him, but he is not making any effort anymore and seems content with seeing me 3x per year. Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger714 Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 It's interesting to read what I am going through. I am moving out of a 3 year relationship, which was something I never imagine doing. He was someone I met and we fell deeply in love(never believed in soul mates until then)...but I agree relationships have hard times as well as good...however, there is a line to be drawn. He has been unfaithful and has lied to me, I will never be able to trust him like I had. The mistrust was not a once and done deal there were others. So when something like trust is broken - which I had issues to begin with from my 1st marriage - it's not that I don't want to forgive because I stayed with him after the 1st time, thinking it was going to change - but it's those core expectations that cannot be compromised. Link to post Share on other sites
Blondewriter Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Beth, I just left a man I loved one month ago because I realized that things were just going downhill. He used to treat me wonderfully and I was his first priority. Slowly, over a period of several months, he began to become more distant. He was probably up to no good. Relationships are about compromise and enthusiasm about each other. My feeling is that it is not that difficult to make someone feel important and special. Seeing someone three times a year and being content with that is not acceptable. You deserve better than that. That can't possibly meet your standards. Don't sell yourself short. Anyway, sometimes you just have to appreciate what you had once and let go. If things have been sour for awhile, it's usually best just to end it so that you can get back to living your life sooner. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that they are good for you to have in your life. Ultimately, you just need to decide what's better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 I know you are a complete stranger to me......but something you wrote really woke me up. You are right! I cannot sit here hooing he will revert to how he acted when we 1st dated. That is who I love. I want to feel loved! I do love him with all my heart and that is what makes it hard. I know he loves me too. Everytime i try and break up....i chicken out or he laughs at me and says "no". Are you ok now that you are not with him? DO you talk still? What was your breaking point???thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 >>>Has anyone actaully left someone they loved, but knows it will never work?<<< Beth, It happens. You can love someone and yet not be "in love" at the same time. You can love someone and realize that they make a good companion but perhaps they aren't such a great long-term partner prospect. It's more than okay to be picky in relationships. Don't be a "commitmentphobe", but don't feel like you have to rush yourself into a commitment either. If he doesn't cut it, your instincts know it. Pay attention to your instincts. But be honest with him. Don't lead a guy on to believe there's something there if there really isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
sandra parker Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Hello Everyone, Just one question? What do you guys think about someone who was with you for five years and then decides it will never work. I usually know within a year but to waste someone's time for five years? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 I know that he is not right for me, but I am in love with him. I get along so well with him. I am scared I will never find anyone else that I click with, but at the same time, I know he treats me wrong sometimes. THis sux! I think I will miss him if I end it, but....if I do not end it, I may be in this same position a yr from now. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 "...he treats me wrong sometimes." That's a little vague. What do you mean by this? Clarify it for yourself. To give you an example, I also thought my girl wasn't quite right for me, but it took me a while to understand what I was feeling. I was with a girl I grew to love and admire in many ways, but I also knew that she was coming out of a divorce. She had a lot of issues that, at the time, I didn't feel she had worked through for herself. I was concerned that she put too much of the blame on her ex and not herself - not that she's a bad person, but I just found it strange that she could fault someone so one-sidedly for "irreconcilable differences". It's not like he cheated or abused her, either. To me, it just showed that she didn't have the kind of humility and balance that I look for in a partner. I later realized that this chink in her armor manifest itself in other ways that I wasn't able to identify while I was in the relationship. For instance, it just seemed that whenever we argued, she always had to have the last word. Whereas I was able to say "Okay, I see it one way, you see it another, let's just agree to disagree," she couldn't accept that. Someone had to be "right" (i.e. her), and someone had to be "wrong (i.e. someone else, usually me). I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with knowing that I was not quite an equal in her eyes. I ended up suggesting that we call it off, which was something that caused me a lot of torment and aguish for many months afterward, but it's something that I realize was for the best in hindsight. Despite her faults, I think she is a fine person and I do hope that she has worked through her issues and has moved on to someone else, or that she can at least do that at some point in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Sandra, Five years is definitely too long - somewhere along the way there should have been a meeting of the minds. There's not really a deadline in any relationship, but generally speaking, I think that you should have some idea of what you want out of the relationship six to 12 months after you start dating. Sometimes things change, people change. I suppose that's why breakups and divorces occur long after dating commences, but it shouldn't be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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