GalaxyH Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 My ex recently cheated and left me for another guy. We were together for 4.5 years, although the last 5 months have been somewhat of a LDR relationship. She is 6 hours away from me now. She confessed to the cheating and wanted to make it work but left me again after a week. Obviously, I was really hurt and depressed for 2-3 months. I didn't initiate NC straight away which was probably my biggest mistake. Anyway, fast forward 3 months post-breakup, she is blaming me for the breakup. I recently had a conversation with her during a moment of weakness (after 20 days of NC) and she tells me all these reasons why she is not with me: my failure to commit (not true at all), the distance, she doesn't want a serious relationship right now. She also denies cheating on me and says although she is with the other guy, she does not "love" him. Basically, she was really hateful during the conversation and even ended it with a "F*ck you". I have been nothing but a good BF to this girl and all my friends know that. My ex is showing all the signs of having the G.I.G.S syndrome: new place, new job, new boyfriend, total freedom, parties a lot etc. I know these are not the questions I should be asking for right now and I also know these are going to do more harm than good but I feel like I need to understand this. Why the hate? Link to post Share on other sites
pillowpuffs Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Sorry you're going through this. It sucks to go through this, I know I'm currently going through something similar. I wish I could offer you proper insight, I'm sure someone on this site will be able to give you a better answer (there are lots of great people on here who will give you solid advice honestly). But perhaps it could be that she can't deal with the guilt of her own actions? It's easy to put the blame on someone else because then you don't have to feel crappy anymore and unfortunately for you; you're an easy target for her. She also sounds really confused to be honest. Everyone has their flaws and has done silly things in a relationship that they can be blamed for, but I do not think it's fair to blame you for the break up when you didn't initiate it/were willing to make it work despite the distance. Maybe she feels stuck in her current situation for some reason so she's taking it out on you? Try to stick to NC. It will help you move on. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
QueenDafine Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Well I think it's good you at least have an idea about why she did that in the first place, but to be honest it sounds like she's trying to reject all that guilt she's feeling and trying to put it on you so she's not carrying the blame around. You see it alot in relationships actually where an ex begins to get a new life and doesnt want any negative feelings ruining how they are at that moment. And like many women, she's probably being a huge bitch so you will leave her alone. Just don't talk to her again because you will just end up feeding her ego and giving her a reason to throw more **** at you. She doesn't seem worth worrying about anyway if you were a good bf and she goes and does this. Time to start up NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 GalaxyH, I'm just surmising here but most cheaters feel the need to demonise the dumpee to make themselves feel better about what they did. They re-write history, lie and convince themselves that it's all the dumpee's fault, that they were "forced" into cheating, the dumpee made them do it etc etc You need to call BS on this. Cheaters need to own their own $h!t but the invariably never do because that would mean taking responsibility for their bad behaviour, which they won't/can't do. I am sorry that this has happened to you but now you have seen her true colours you can move on and heal. You know about NC, so put it into practice. You GF is seriously messed up - don't let her drag you down with her. Good luck and stay strong x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 GalaxyH, I'm just surmising here but most cheaters feel the need to demonise the dumpee to make themselves feel better about what they did. They re-write history, lie and convince themselves that it's all the dumpee's fault, that they were "forced" into cheating, the dumpee made them do it etc etc You need to call BS on this. Cheaters need to own their own $h!t but the invariably never do because that would mean taking responsibility for their bad behaviour, which they won't/can't do. I am sorry that this has happened to you but now you have seen her true colours you can move on and heal. You know about NC, so put it into practice. You GF is seriously messed up - don't let her drag you down with her. Good luck and stay strong x I agree with this. She needs to rationalize her decision one way or the other. Doesn't matter if it doesn't make any sense, in her head it now does. It's her way of moving on. And your way of moving on should be to stop thinking about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Same thing happened to me. She is trying to shift the guilt over to you. It's her own coping mechanism while moving on. However hard this might be right now, stick with NC and heal. You don't need her in your life. All the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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