contel3 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 So the title says it all. We've been broken up for three months. We stayed in regular contact. Initiated by him. He always contacts me. Yet he already forgot basic information about me after a year together. He doesn't remember stuff about me and my family. We planned a trip together (I am going with a friend now) and he forgot where to! He forgot like the most basic info about me (even where I live! haha). Is this some kind of coping mechanism? Or is he just faking it? He moved on with another girl pretty fast maybe that's why. It doesn't really affect me but it is really confusing. Especially since he is always chatting me up about some random stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 He is an Ex; why do you care? Go NC and move on.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 So the title says it all. We've been broken up for three months. We stayed in regular contact. Initiated by him. He always contacts me. Yet he already forgot basic information about me after a year together. He doesn't remember stuff about me and my family. We planned a trip together (I am going with a friend now) and he forgot where to! He forgot like the most basic info about me (even where I live! haha). Is this some kind of coping mechanism? Or is he just faking it? He moved on with another girl pretty fast maybe that's why. It doesn't really affect me but it is really confusing. Especially since he is always chatting me up about some random stuff. So he initiates the contact and then tells you he's forgotten basic information like where you live? Really? Did you break up with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 .... that's a good thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author contel3 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 No he did. I wasn't happy in the relationship but I didn't have the guts to end it. He was head over heels for someone else in a matter of days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 We planned a trip together (I am going with a friend now) and he forgot where to! He forgot like the most basic info about me (even where I live! haha). he's either a complete idiot with limited memory skills or faking it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 he's either a complete idiot with limited memory skills or faking it. ^^^^ That. My guess is on faking it as way to show that things were not that important to him. It's B.S. Don't bite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) No he did. I wasn't happy in the relationship but I didn't have the guts to end it. He was head over heels for someone else in a matter of days. Obviously you both weren't happy and it wasn't going to work, so why then do did you stay in contact with him? I know you said he initiates, but you respond. Why? "It doesn't really affect me but it is really confusing" I can understand you being confused, but it is because you are staying in contact with him. You're allowing it. You can say he contact's you, but you can do something about it to stop it if you really want. You said you wanted to break up too, but didn't have the guts. He did it for you. You got what you say you wanted, so I don't understand why you continue to stay in touch. And no, he hasn't just forgot everything about you. Edited July 5, 2015 by dumbass2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 You're not moving on with your life. Your ex has a new girl and you're wasting time thinking about him and replying to him when he makes contact? As already asked....WWHHYY?!? You need to vanish from his life and go radio contact. You split up. You owe him nothing. He's getting his ego stroked by having a new GF and having the old GF pining for him. Sweetie, MOST people wouldn't allow this. You're not his BF or friend anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 No he did. I wasn't happy in the relationship but I didn't have the guts to end it. He was head over heels for someone else in a matter of days. He's no longer your boyfriend and he's now a bad friend. I wouldn't waste my time with him. Next time he contacts you just don't answer. You don't need this in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author contel3 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 You're not moving on with your life. Your ex has a new girl and you're wasting time thinking about him and replying to him when he makes contact? As already asked....WWHHYY?!? I don't know if that makes any sense. But I'm scared of going no contact. I did it a few times and every time my head starts messing with me and I put him on a pedestal. When we're in LC I can't completely let go but I also never miss him or want him back. I'm scared that by going NC I will make him an idealised fantasy. Also when there's LC I feel like I can "test" myself. Because every time we talk and I don't get angry or sad ( or any emotion really) I feel like I'm a step closer towards indifference. Every time it gets so much easier. I will have to deal with contact anyway so I want to get accustomed to it fast. Don't know if that makes any sense but that's basically why I don't cut him off. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 You can get indifferent quicker if you don't talk to him at all. Right now he's still feeding your ego by giving you attention even if you only get his rude comments for conversation. But I guess you'll take that because at least it's something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 There are some people like this, they live in the moment and have no interest in the past. Once you split, he spent no time remembering stuff about you as it no longer matters to him. He has a new woman to concentrate on and his own life to lead. A bit like when you cram for an exam, and if you don't actually need to use the stuff you have learned, two weeks later you can hardly remember any of the details, as they no longer matter. YOU are merely an acquaintance now. He doesn't NEED to remember your details. YOU and your family no longer matter to him, he is no longer invested in you. I find men in general are pretty laid back about remembering details about anything they are not particularly interested in. YOU will remember that Aunt Betty bought a new little red car, but some men will have no recollection - "Has she got a new car? News to me..." However, if Uncle Bob bought a new Ferrari, then he could almost tell you its serial number. Selective memory. He has stepped well back from you, I suggest you do the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I don't know if that makes any sense. But I'm scared of going no contact. I did it a few times and every time my head starts messing with me and I put him on a pedestal. When we're in LC I can't completely let go but I also never miss him or want him back. I'm scared that by going NC I will make him an idealised fantasy. Also when there's LC I feel like I can "test" myself. Because every time we talk and I don't get angry or sad ( or any emotion really) I feel like I'm a step closer towards indifference. Every time it gets so much easier. I will have to deal with contact anyway so I want to get accustomed to it fast. Don't know if that makes any sense but that's basically why I don't cut him off. You need to walk the path your feel most comfortable with. Most would cut all contact. Out of sight, out of mind works for people to heal, move on and find someone who wants to be with them. In your case, he doesn't want you. He enjoys the attention to his ego when he contacts you (which is selfish on his part) and you keep giving it to him. You're choices are to keep doing what you're doing which doesn't appear to be helping you put that relationship behind you, or you can vanish from his life. Option B works. Option A, not so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 For the sake of peace of mind: *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means he might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. It might be hard in the beginning, but it gets easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Is this some kind of coping mechanism? Or is he just faking it? I do not know if he is faking it. Some people indeed alter or suppress memories so it fits their reality. In fact we all do it to some degree and some it do with many facts of certain memories. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contel3 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 There are some people like this, they live in the moment and have no interest in the past. Once you split, he spent no time remembering stuff about you as it no longer matters to him. He has a new woman to concentrate on and his own life to lead. A bit like when you cram for an exam, and if you don't actually need to use the stuff you have learned, two weeks later you can hardly remember any of the details, as they no longer matter. YOU are merely an acquaintance now. He doesn't NEED to remember your details. YOU and your family no longer matter to him, he is no longer invested in you. I find men in general are pretty laid back about remembering details about anything they are not particularly interested in. YOU will remember that Aunt Betty bought a new little red car, but some men will have no recollection - "Has she got a new car? News to me..." However, if Uncle Bob bought a new Ferrari, then he could almost tell you its serial number. Selective memory. He has stepped well back from you, I suggest you do the same. I actually did that too. I don't remember anything about the relationship. Or I'm pretty sure I could remember but I don't want to. I won't go as far as erasing him completely from my memory though. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Everyone that is giving her **** for asking about this question - I would be totally baffled by this as well, and would ask out of curiosity even if I didn't care about him at all. This behaviour is super weird! He sounds self centred and self serving potentially.. bouncing from one girl to the next is a good indicator of that, and the rest is a good indicator he was invested in the relationship with you for his own personal benefit only... only interested in having someone there to make him feel secure or good about himself, not very concerned about who it is specifically, or what is going on in their life. The fact that he's still contacting you randomly while with another girl just backs that up even further. i would stop replying. That type of person doesn't make a good friend and certainly not a good boyfriend.. so you'll gain nothing from having him in your life, while he will be made to feel more secure that he might have you on the backburner for if things don't work out with the new girl Link to post Share on other sites
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