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Everybody says don't contact, but


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I'm having a hard day and I needed to get it off my head.

 

You see, my ex-gf and I had been together for two years. Before I met her, I didn't think I could fall in love with a woman, but she came in my life when least expected and it all began. When I met her, I never knew about her education/money/or even what she looked like. Same for her.

 

We were crazy for each other for two whole years. She's been extremely faithful and so have I.

 

In the past I wasn't the greatest man. I was hurt by women and used and I lashed out doing the same by being an ******* and using women thinking it's easy to just get away with it. This woman taught me a lot and I told and took up the hike to change myself.

 

This was the woman I didn't want to hurt, but I did. Not intentionally at the time, I was a fool.

 

She told me not to hurt her and told me all her weaknesses and how some of the things I did in the past rubbed her in the wrong way. She warned me about them, and when I did those things, she'd get upset or told me about it or made sure I understand.

 

Came a point where she left me and I promised I'd change and at first I slowly won her back.

 

She hated the fact that I kept going back to this one particular woman. This woman meant a lot to me in the past and she knows that, because I was very upfront about it. She told me she wasn't very comfortable with me talking to her and that I should let her go. The thing is that, I did let her go, but I, being an idiot, would go to her when my ex-gf would tick me off the wrong way as a payback, yeah I know, retarded of me.

 

There were other things when I'd get insecure and lose myself at the moment. Anyways, she left and I won her back by showing her I changed. It took a month, but at the end she was crazy for me again. She'd call me every time she wasn't working or that she's on her way home, etc.

 

Then, I went back to my needy insecure mode one day and let loose the ugly beast in me and the ******* in me. Just such disgusting way to nag and complain to her and I told her I'm done with her. THREE days after she called me to tell me she's crazy for me again.

 

 

I BLEW it. You know what though? I didn't stop there.

 

I started talking to this girl my ex-gf thinks I have a hard-on for. She found out quickly. Instead of making her jealous it obviously added on to the problem, aka her losing attraction for me.

 

She's very social person. She's very successful in terms of having a job and a great social life. So she went out when she wasn't working on huge fashion projects. She's very upper class and extremely classy (never does one night stands, etc.) Just like some of you though, I thought, even after knowing so much about her, she's gotta give in. She must be dating or sleeping around.

 

LOOK AT THIS FORUM. Everybody's leaving someone with a replacement in place. She told me she'd never do that and never done that, and while it's 100% truth, I didn't take her word for it.

 

I thought she left me to be with other guys. So I started texting her all kinds of rude and derogatory comments. I even called her one second saying I love her to calling her a whore.

 

All during the 2 months of break up has she dated or slept with anyone. She's been out with her girls and the insecure idiot me thought she was out with some guy. When all the facts lead up to tell me otherwise, my then insecure self thought she was doing all the negative things and I just had to let her know.

 

You can pretty much imagine her reaction. A good upper class girl who has strict rules and high respect for herself. Getting called out for doing NOTHING more than just living her life and going to the beach or hiking with her girls.

 

I know, I know. It was none of my business and she has ALL THE RIGHT to do whatever the heck she wants in her life.

 

Last time we broke up, I did the SAME thing. She called me to ask if I'm seeing someone all drunk and worried and I said no. Then when she wouldn't give me another chance I told her how she just moves on from left to right. Even though she told me she has a heart and can't just move on that easily, I told her stuff nobody should say to anyone, friend or foe.

 

 

 

All in all, I've learned a lot. Whether she and I get back together or not, I learned so much. I don't see our relationship as fruitless. No, I am grateful. I have developed bad habits that needs breaking.

 

I used to be a smoker. I quit.

I used to be a couch potato... I walked my butt to the gym and fell in love with the blood, sweat, and tears.

 

I'm a very hard worker like she is. When I see challenges, I welcome it, because bumps on the road are meant to be step on and over.

 

I've said my sincerest apologies. I know she opened the letter, but I wouldn't count on her reading every word, because it was long.

 

I'm embarrassed and I can no longer tell her I promise to never hurt her or I promise to change, because I've said those things before and made the same mistakes.

 

I've been in no contact after that letter.

 

Guys/girls, my question is. When I do break the NC, after knowing I'm not going to be a the ****ty version of myself ever again, would it be right to contact her?

 

I hear people saying don't ever contact someone that left you for someone else, but this isn't the case. She left me, because as she said it best, she never cried so much over someone in her life before.

 

I made a lot of mistakes in life. I wronged a lot of people. If given an opportunity, I want to make it right for her.

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Leave her alone. You haven't changed. You have had numerous second chances & blew them all. As soon as you get her back you will go right back to your old ways & hurt her yet again. If you ever had the smallest feelings for her, do what is best for her & let her go.

 

 

Really how many times do you have to break her heart & betray her trust? How gullible is she that she continues to let you?

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YOU apparently continually blew it and didn't learn by your mistakes.

I guess there is a reason for that.

 

You have tortured this poor girl enough, find out why you did this, sort out your insecurities, truly learn from it and treat the next girl a lot better.

 

Make it right for this girl, DO NOT break no contact.

Leave her be.

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