Yet another heart break.

[LoneWanderer.]

Evening all,

 

Well I'm just going to get right in to it - It's a long one so bare with me here!

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together since around Christmas time, not a great period of time however feels/felt like we were together for a hell of a lot longer. We instantly clicked the day we met, and from there on in it has been awesome .. Literally the best time I've had in my life with another person. Her birthday passed in April where I took her to Paris for a long weekend away, when we got home She fell out with her mum and I said well why don't you move in with me and my folks (by this time she was already here 99% of the time anyway) to which she agreed and was very happy, as was I that she said yes! So everything is perfect from then til last week. On the Tuesday me and my girl had a fantastic day together, I won't bore you with the details, but we were non stop smiling. Wednesday rolls around and she is off back home for the afternoon to spend some time with her mum (only a short 30 min drive). A couple of texts throughout the afternoon to check she is ok, and I didn't receive one back, couple of hours go by and I go on Whatsapp to see she had been online during those 2 hours. I txt her saying basically how come she didn't reply. She print screened her txt and said it just must have not gone through, now I rather bluntly just put 'ok'. Her next txt is where the **** hits the fan. She said, I'm sick of this now, and how she is coming home to collect ALL of her clothes and moving back home. my heart pretty much came out of my arse hole when she said this. So I tried to calm her down, a few texts later and she makes it clear she's coming home to collect her bits to move back home. Nothing I can do but accept. So she arrives, black sacks and big bags .. The lot. I sat her down and asked for a chat, asking why it's suddenly come to this within an hour or so. She said she misses home and her family. Despite telling me only a few days prior that her relationship with her mum has been 10x better because of living with me! Which just adds to the confusion. So anyway I made her look at me and said I never have nor never will stop you from seeing your family or friends. Also that whatever the problem is, we can sort it. We were both crying, and I said what does this mean for us, she said I'll txt you. All I was saying is that it shouldn't be happening like this, and if you just talk to me we can work it out. She just said give me time and space. Again, nothing I can do but respect it and bow down. 3 days pass of NC, she texts me in the afternoon saying it's over and all the best basically along with there will be no contact for a while (The night before I go to Poland for 5 days as I work in hostile close protection). She is cool with the job btw, and has supported me throughout. I said again we can work things out and there is no need for all of this, she basically said that I just don't get it and then she blocked me. Now, from my point of view nothing ties in what so ever. The day, week and month before this happens we have been spot on, no arguing or anything not that we do anyway because we click literally so well and just bounce off each other. She sends texts saying she can't wait til I'm home at the end of the day and I love you so much texts etc. No signs or signals to say things were heading towards this. I noticed an early pattern developing in the sense that when she visited her mums before, the same thing happened, we argued and she nearly threw the towel in. I'm 99.9% sure her mum is putting stuff in her head (as she has a few issues her self). Which ****ing sucks. I'm left with NC, no answers, no reason, and no way of even asking to meet her to chat maturely. We have been happy, she tells me regularly how happy she is, big smiles and so much love on both sides.

 

To be honest I don't even know if any of you guys can figure out the issue here, I just felt like it needed to be off my chest! So take from it what you will I suppose.

 

Oh, she did say before she left on the day of collecting her stuff that she needed time and space but would give us the chance to start again. Then ends it 3 days later? Like, lolwtf? Nothing ties in what so ever and I wish I could paint a picture with how good things have been and then ended up like this suddenly, and I really do mean suddenly. With no signs or signals that would lead to anything at all like this.

 

Options I have are to go to her house and possibly get rejected on the door step or contact one of her close friends to see what the deal is. I just want to see her and talk to her one to one, because I'd do anything if she has a problem and she knows that. She mentioned how she has been hurt in the past, at the beginning of the relationship but this is her first serious one. Which again, adds to the confusion as she has been so happy.

 

Any thing people are unsure on let me know, sorry if some of it isn't clear, my head is ****ed the **** up right now. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.

 

Rob.

 

Edit - She also transferred jobs to work my end and got the job and her start date was 3 days after she finally left me. It was a long process to move her here but she got it, now she has to transfer back? She is a nurse, so not an easy procedure. Also we've talked about our future together, making plans long term etc which has been awesome. Some of her stuff is still here too, clothes and shoes etc which she wore regularly, also her expensive laptop which I use for work along with a couple of other bits. We even have a dog together, which belongs here in our house (not a problem, just food for thought as to how confused I am and nothing adds up). Just don't know what to make of it all, SO confused!

Edited July 3, 2015 by LoneWanderer.

[sowhynot]

Oh Lor.

 

You have my sympathy - your story sounds horribly familiar in outline - if not in detail - from mine and a lot of others here. Every thing just fine, then WHAM ...

 

They'll be others here with a better understanding than me - but they'll be saying the same thing - No Contact starts now. Anything else at this time will just make things worse, a lot, lot worse.

 

Vent if you need to - everyone's here to help.

[Meli22]

I feel for you. No explanation is awful. I'll bet it's nothing you did though, and possibly an issue with her. I can't say for sure, nobody can. But give her space and go no contact. Either she will realise what she's lost or you'll realise she isn't worth the pain.

[LoneWanderer.]

I feel for you. No explanation is awful. I'll bet it's nothing you did though, and possibly an issue with her. I can't say for sure, nobody can. But give her space and go no contact. Either she will realise what she's lost or you'll realise she isn't worth the pain.

 

Starting to think that too really, the thing is, is that she knows I'd do anything to help her with any problem she might be having and it hurts like hell to be given up on just like that. She knows full well that we never quit and battle everything as a team.

 

You're absolutely right there though! Thanks

[LoneWanderer.]

Found some good videos on YT, thought I'd share ..

 

 

 

[Learningtowalkagain]

Vent away...I love these forums if for no other reason then to vent. Getting stuff off your chest is great as is the advice and encouragement I've received.

 

I mess around with this girl...it's just sex and we're both content. But she pulled the exact same thing your girl did with her child's father. They were lovey dovey then one day bam she said she's done and couldn't stand him. Her best friend is my cousin and even she was confused at her change of heart.

 

You said everything was normal but if you really think back are you sure there weren't subtle signs she was having a change of heart? Sometimes when we're in love were blinded by these things.

 

Best of luck to you. Like others have said go NC. It'll give you time to heal. Begging and pleading with her will only push her further away.

[LoneWanderer.]

Vent away...I love these forums if for no other reason then to vent. Getting stuff off your chest is great as is the advice and encouragement I've received.

 

I mess around with this girl...it's just sex and we're both content. But she pulled the exact same thing your girl did with her child's father. They were lovey dovey then one day bam she said she's done and couldn't stand him. Her best friend is my cousin and even she was confused at her change of heart.

 

You said everything was normal but if you really think back are you sure there weren't subtle signs she was having a change of heart? Sometimes when we're in love were blinded by these things.

 

Best of luck to you. Like others have said go NC. It'll give you time to heal. Begging and pleading with her will only push her further away.

 

Thanks for the reply!

 

With regards to your question I really am certain that everything was fine and normal. The texts when I was at work as soon as I'm out the door I get a txt saying she can't wait til I'm home and throughout the day too, the 'I love you so much' on the end of each txt. There's nothing that could relate to it building up to this what so ever, I've had the best part of 2 weeks by myself now and I've racked my brains left right and centre as to what it can be but nothing seems to answer my questions. When 30 days passes, or at the end of this month I'm going to make contact to ask to meet like bloody adults to put everything on the table because I know something else is up! Sucks so bad, especially wondering if she feels the same way.

[Learningtowalkagain]

I'd let her make the first contact...if you're really willing to wait a month it wouldn't surprise me if she did. She definitely needs space...give it to her. Let her reflect. Sometimes when we take two steps back the other person will take one step forward. If you get to the breaking point and can't move on with your life without answers then I'd say yeah contact her for some closure. Just don't contact her with high expectations because you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

[Itspointless]

I am pretty sure that we both now what is happening here: mom. I am sorry dude, but this is a fight you are never ever going to win. Mom is of the opinion that you stole her baby and your girlfriend is one of the caring kind: a nurse, probably also due to her upbringing and considering what has happened lack of self-worth.

 

Take care of yourself.

[kasop]

Im sorry your going through this. It sounds like she was using you as an excape from home. It sounds like yal moved a little to fast. Im not an expert on this but ive had a similar experience. I know it hurts like hell but its all about respect now. Dont go hunting for closure because that can be a bad road to go down. You have to give it to yourself. Good luck buddy

[Chi townD]

Found some good videos on YT, thought I'd share ..

 

 

 

 

 

Oh no, Not this guy again.

 

 

Look dude, he selling you a book. And he comes across as if he has the iron clad answers to getting your Ex back and some of the techniques he's trying to sell you almost NEVER work. He's keeping you in a state of false hope and your wallet open.

 

 

I mean, he's saying you should go NC for about 3-5 weeks. And after that period of time your Ex will come running back to you in fear that you're moving on without him or her. What if your Ex TRULY doesn't want you back and doesn't give two craps about what you're doing. He doesn't give and answer for that.

 

 

He says that you still have a chances to get your Ex back even if they left you for someone else. And your chances increases if they're having a lot of sex! His theory is that if all they're doing is screwing their brains out, then they really don't have that much in common. My question is why the F*CK would you want to pine away over someone that's been screwing around with some other dude or girl?!?!? Thus, he's asking you to take your pride and dignity and flush it down the toilet!

 

 

Dude, just continue to do NC and start living your life as if she isn't coming back because, chances are, she's not. There are literally billions of girls out there. Why would you willingly hang yourself up over the one that doesn't want to be with you?

[LoneWanderer.]

Thanks for the replies everyone really means a lot. I agree in hein sight we probably moved too fast - Though it was a mutual choice and felt 100% right throughout. Also agree she probably used me as an escape from her parents, hard to admit but there we go.

 

Gona go the month with NC and see what happens! Thanks all.

[LoneWanderer.]

Oh no, Not this guy again.

 

 

Look dude, he selling you a book. And he comes across as if he has the iron clad answers to getting your Ex back and some of the techniques he's trying to sell you almost NEVER work. He's keeping you in a state of false hope and your wallet open.

 

 

I mean, he's saying you should go NC for about 3-5 weeks. And after that period of time your Ex will come running back to you in fear that you're moving on without him or her. What if your Ex TRULY doesn't want you back and doesn't give two craps about what you're doing. He doesn't give and answer for that.

 

 

He says that you still have a chances to get your Ex back even if they left you for someone else. And your chances increases if they're having a lot of sex! His theory is that if all they're doing is screwing their brains out, then they really don't have that much in common. My question is why the F*CK would you want to pine away over someone that's been screwing around with some other dude or girl?!?!? Thus, he's asking you to take your pride and dignity and flush it down the toilet!

 

 

Dude, just continue to do NC and start living your life as if she isn't coming back because, chances are, she's not. There are literally billions of girls out there. Why would you willingly hang yourself up over the one that doesn't want to be with you?

 

True, literally so true.

[Itspointless]

Gona go the month with NC and see what happens! Thanks all.

Pfff, I can tell you what happens as I told you in my first post. She probably will contact you, but do not count yourself rich. Again, you never will win from her mother, why, because she wants a bond with her mom a thousand times more than one with you. Yes, even as it will never happen.

 

F*ck those guys on youtube who promise you golden mountains and eternal love. They only make such videos for one purpose: cheap earned money.

[LoneWanderer.]

Pfff, I can tell you what happens as I told you in my first post. She probably will contact you, but do not count yourself rich. Again, you never will win from her mother, why, because she wants a bond with her mom a thousand times more than one with you. Yes, even as it will never happen.

 

F*ck those guys on youtube who promise you golden mountains and eternal love. They only make such videos for one purpose: cheap earned money.

 

Ok, the YouTube videos a-side.

 

Just have to see how things go day by day I guess! Absolutely true, her mum has put her through hell with being depressed and drinking and **** like that. I was the one who picked her back up when she told me they were done and she was going to cut her mum out of her life I told her things will be ok and to act on a clear head. Funny really. Even so you still sit and wonder if they miss you the same. Only the day before she wanted a break she bought me clothes etc for work. Had an awesome time and no arguing since the last time she went to her mums (which is why I said I saw a pattern forming).

[Itspointless]

Ok, the YouTube videos a-side.

 

Just have to see how things go day by day I guess! Absolutely true, her mum has put her through hell with being depressed and drinking and **** like that. I was the one who picked her back up when she told me they were done and she was going to cut her mum out of her life I told her things will be ok and to act on a clear head. Funny really. Even so you still sit and wonder if they miss you the same. Only the day before she wanted a break she bought me clothes etc for work. Had an awesome time and no arguing since the last time she went to her mums (which is why I said I saw a pattern forming).

I have no doubt she was happy with you, but sometimes that just is not enough. Your situation sadly is one of this instances. Really cutting mom away is quite drastic. Besides all of that, your girl probably is just as dramatic as most young girls about their 'awful' parents. Usually it is dad though who is the villain.

[LoneWanderer.]

I have no doubt she was happy with you, but sometimes that just is not enough. Your situation sadly is one of this instances. Really cutting mom away is quite drastic. Besides all of that, your girl probably is just as dramatic as most young girls about their 'awful' parents. Usually it is dad though who is the villain.

 

I didn't cut her mum out of it though? I've never said she can't see her parents or friends ever, that would be psychotic. Her and her dad get on well, it's just her and her mother. God bloody knows! I'll sit out my month of NC and see what happens when the time is up I suppose. Like someone said above, don't hold out hopes and I won't get disappointed! (Though this still remains such a mystery).

[Itspointless]

I didn't cut her mum out of it though?

No sorry, my sentence wasn't clear, I meant your ex.