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Letting GF have a no sex fling with another guy?


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This will be a short message trying to explain everything.

 

Girlfriend of 4 years wants a break for 40 days to find herself. She met a guy and swears there will be no sex but wants to see him because it is the affection that she misses. The honeymoon effect. She has no where to stay when I tried to tell her she cant stay with me and flipped out so I let her stay for this period. She also says that we can still have sex and all that but to give her her space. I agreed because I have hurt her in the past and if this will be fixed she needs to have her time. The only thing is I feel she is using me to try and see if she likes this guy then will either do something stupid or blame me for something if she can get the greenlight to live with him. There is more to this story but am I dumb for waiting around. She says if I don't let her do this she will end up cheating on me in the nastiest way possible. The sad thing is I believe her because she is been nothing but honest with me. Hell she even told me about this guy... well after I found out about him on day one of the break. Any help is appreciated because I love her and she is my best friend as well... I just don't want to enable her looking for an out.

 

~J

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Bro. You gotta read what you wrote. She's giving another guy a shot and she's flat out telling you to wait around just in case and that she'll essentially pay you in sex to wait. If she likes this guy and he gives her affection and she missed affection, she's staying with him. Use logic and you will realize this. Then she flat out threatens you saying she'll cheat on you in the nastiest way possible?! You're dating the devil. Tell her **** you, I'm not doing any of this and leave. She'll probably come crawling back and then you can step on her fingers. Get this parasite out of your life!

 

How old are you both?

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aussietigerwolf

No, just no... If you were my brother then I'd come throw her out myself. I understand finding oneself but this is not it... This is a rather heartless woman who demands you allow her to have a fling or she will cheat on you in the nastiest way possible. She also did a poor me act and that worked too.

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IMO, she can't have a cake and eat it too. I don't even want to give her credit for being honest. Yes, I admit, it looks better than cheating, but to me, it is still cruel especially because she is asking to live with you while she dates this guy. The right thing for her is to break up with you and deal with the consequences. She is refusing to deal with the responsibility/consequences for shopping around by making you wait. If she wants to explore other possibility, fine. Let her do it. It is her right. But I don't think she has the right to ask for 40 day "waiting" period and and let her live with you. It just does not work that way.

 

You have the right to kick her out to protect yourself. You have the right to say, "no, this is not good enough, either you want to be with me or you don't." I think this is really messed up. I am so sorry.

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Dude......

 

Why is she not evicted yet? Read couple of times what you wrote.

Dump her preemptively. Change the locks on doors and block her

everywhere. Some women need to be tamed. Give this one an inch

and you're done, she'll stomp you.

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SammySammy
This will be a short message trying to explain everything.

 

Girlfriend of 4 years wants a break for 40 days to find herself. She met a guy and swears there will be no sex but wants to see him because it is the affection that she misses. The honeymoon effect. She has no where to stay when I tried to tell her she cant stay with me and flipped out so I let her stay for this period. She also says that we can still have sex and all that but to give her her space. I agreed because I have hurt her in the past and if this will be fixed she needs to have her time. The only thing is I feel she is using me to try and see if she likes this guy then will either do something stupid or blame me for something if she can get the greenlight to live with him. There is more to this story but am I dumb for waiting around. She says if I don't let her do this she will end up cheating on me in the nastiest way possible. The sad thing is I believe her because she is been nothing but honest with me. Hell she even told me about this guy... well after I found out about him on day one of the break. Any help is appreciated because I love her and she is my best friend as well... I just don't want to enable her looking for an out.

 

~J

 

Read what I highlighted. Your instincts are on point.

 

You can do what you want, but if a woman tried to blackmail me into letting her see another guy she would be out of my life so fast. Scorched earth policy. I'd be swift and vicious.

 

That's total disrespect. I wouldn't tolerate it at all.

 

But, that's me ....

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Nope. Nope. Nope.

 

She's not Jesus. She doesn't need to wander around for 40 days.

 

She wants this dude (I'm calling BS on the "no sex" rule" from what I'm reading in this.) but she wants you around as a back up because you offer stability. No loyalty, no honestly, no maturity. She could end up breaking your heart and destroying after this 40 day period. And come on, man, a 40 day period of not knowing where your relationship stands? That emotional torture.

 

If BOTH of you agreed to try being in an open relationship, and figured out what worked for you that way, that's one thing. But this is not that and she's going to use you, play you, discard you or come running back if he doesn't work. Then she'll meet another guy and ask for another 40 days.

 

Does this other guy know that she's with you and has been for 4 years? Because if he does and he's okay with this 40 day thing that's bizarre. Or maybe she's flat out lying to him or you, or both of you.

 

Anyway, I rambled. Be done with this one.

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casey.lives

if you are strong, play along.. the other female wont be as receptive to him while he's with you... and the lukewarm feeling with the half ass attempt... yeah... he's not going anywhere. let him keep believe you're so..... great

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This will be a short message trying to explain everything.

 

Girlfriend of 4 years wants a break for 40 days to find herself. She met a guy and swears there will be no sex but wants to see him because it is the affection that she misses. The honeymoon effect. She has no where to stay when I tried to tell her she cant stay with me and flipped out so I let her stay for this period. She also says that we can still have sex and all that but to give her her space. I agreed because I have hurt her in the past and if this will be fixed she needs to have her time. The only thing is I feel she is using me to try and see if she likes this guy then will either do something stupid or blame me for something if she can get the greenlight to live with him. There is more to this story but am I dumb for waiting around. She says if I don't let her do this she will end up cheating on me in the nastiest way possible. The sad thing is I believe her because she is been nothing but honest with me. Hell she even told me about this guy... well after I found out about him on day one of the break. Any help is appreciated because I love her and she is my best friend as well... I just don't want to enable her looking for an out.

 

~J

LOL a break? Grade A bull****. Time to leave her alone.

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She is treating you with zero respect, and you should never let anyone do that.

 

Never.

 

Not.

 

Ever.

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Friskyone4u

You have got to be kidding. Sometimes when you think you have heard it all something like this pops up.

 

So she is going to date some guy she is hot for but not have sex. After four years with you. Now before you answer this question please go to a mirror and look yourself in the eye. What on earth do you think they are going to do, discuss politics??????

 

So nice of her to tell you about him. Buddy, what she has told you is that you need to let her bang him and approve of it because she is going to do it anyway but she would rather have her conscience clear and you standing there like a dummy waiting for her to decide if she likes being with him better than you.

 

And you want to continue in a long term relationship with her. She is not in a fog. You are. if you do not dump her, you need some therapy pronto.

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**** it, why not? All you have to lose is your girl and your self respect, right? After she takes off, at least you can look at yourself in the mirror and say that you did EVERYTHING you could.

 

:rolleyes:

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40 days.. hmm. Sounds like she wants to burn time living with you until she can move in with him, he's probably saying he's going to move in that time frame.

 

I had an ex who thought she could get away with something like this, I gave her the boot.

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Did you cheat on her in the past?

 

No never... The deal is that I had a problem when I was on adderall with a Erectile Dysfunction problem and she started to believe I had. We fought terribly over this for a year and a half and she called me many mean things. And during this time I went on a Porn binge and hid it from her. I constantly lied to her about watching it and she would always find out. I lost her trust and it hurt. I can go on and on about what happened due to this but she literally believes porn was cheating. Even though I turned to porn because the porn never belittled me if I couldn't perform.

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I constantly would turn back to porn even though she would tell me to stop watching it but my ego was shot and everytime I had to explain the same thing she said bull****. I ended up stopping and I still had ED and told her it is not you or the porn. It made me really depressed and hurt me mentally as well as physically. But just recently taking a break from college classes I stopped adderall and low and behold I'm back to normal sexually. And I have not watched porn since I got off of adderall which has been 2 months. And all of a sudden she brings this upon me. And a day before the break I caught her messaging a guy some pretty f'd up shizz.

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Bro. You gotta read what you wrote. She's giving another guy a shot and she's flat out telling you to wait around just in case and that she'll essentially pay you in sex to wait. If she likes this guy and he gives her affection and she missed affection, she's staying with him. Use logic and you will realize this. Then she flat out threatens you saying she'll cheat on you in the nastiest way possible?! You're dating the devil. Tell her **** you, I'm not doing any of this and leave. She'll probably come crawling back and then you can step on her fingers. Get this parasite out of your life!

 

How old are you both?

 

She is 25 and I am 30. I'm not dumb by any means I just really did love her and I think she gave up on me because she is really into that instant gratification. I think its time to move on but I really got close to her over the 3 years. And she has problems and previous guys used her for sex. I was the first guy that really took the time to get to know her personally. 3 months to be exact before we had sexual relations. And that drove her crazy which she said she loved. Whats even worse is she told me that this guy reminds her of me. Which makes me wonder if she really does love me just that she misses that feeling I gave her.

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Thats just torture for you, she is horrible for treating you that way with no respect. Get your self respect back and make a clean break from this woman. I think that is the only option, as painful as it is.

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so what are you gonna do when she is on her dates? sit home and twiddle your thumbs? give her a kiss when she gets home at midnight, her lips still wet from his???? gimme a break!!!

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Itspointless
Girlfriend of 4 years wants a break for 40 days to find herself. She met a guy and swears there will be no sex but wants to see him because it is the affection that she misses.

Finding yourself does not happen with another person. 'It was you that had me in your back-pocket.'

 

I hate this argument of finding yourself. I wonder if there is any guy that heard this line, where women did not find another man within a really short time.

 

Sorry man.

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Stop letting her emotionally blackmail you over the ED/Adderall/porn issue.

 

YOU are in a different place now and the last thing you need is for her to bullsh*t you over this.

 

OF COURSE she will be sleeping with him.

 

This is classic - young person in long term relationship wants to sow some wild oats.

Mid twenties people do it all the time. Relationship started when they were two different people, it all gets serious due to the time spent together and big decisions lie ahead, ie marriage.

Some get cold feet and although almost brainwashed by habit into continuing, they want some life, they want to experience other people, they want to make up for lost time spent being a couple.

 

Most decide to split up then, but your gf wants it all, wild oats AND a doting bf waiting for her in case it all goes wrong.

She is not being fair to you and is using your love for her to act abominably.

Have some respect for yourself here.

 

This woman is not long term material, stop trying to fit her into that box, she is just not that person you want her to be.

 

(Imagine if you can, two kids later and she again wants more "space" to go off and shack up with the postman for 2 months (no sex obviously).

Yeah right...)

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I gave her 7 days to move out and we got into a huge fight. After clearing my head I realized I was being abused emotionally and I was being controlled by this girl. 7 days to get out the door. But she really has no where to go and has been getting really drunk at her job (works at a bar) and it kills me to see her spiraling down like this because no matter how bad she betrayed me she still is a human being.

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