johnei Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hello everyone, really need some advice on how to make it work. So I was seeing this girl for 4 months, and it was amazing. We had a great connection, so much in common, and just so much fun each time we were together. On average we would see each other 3-4 times a week (usually two dates, and then hang out twice on campus, we are both first year graduate students). It was going really well, no fights or anything. One thing I should point out is that we were not super serious, like we were semi serious but not all the way (part of that I think has to do with us not being together for that long, and another has to do with the impending summer break and her leaving for an internship). Anyway, she left the country for break to do an internship, and I wont be able to visit her at all during this time period since I cant leave the country till just before she comes back. After she left, like a week in she tells me that she wants to continue seeing me next year, but that since 4 months is such a long time and LDR is so hard that she wants to take a break. Our one issue is that we never had "the talk" in person, neither of us was too comfortable bringing up what would happen over summer, and although I do agree that a break may be better than trying and getting frustrated with LDR, I still know that I want to be back with her come August/September, and I think she does too. The month leading up to her leaving, she was always the first one to say "We will do this and that when I get back", and of course when she broke it off she did say she wants to continue this when she gets back, how the past few months have been and how I am the nicest guy she has ever been with. Anyway, my question is (sorry for being so long winded) how do I increase the chances of us getting back together when she is back. I am ok waiting because, well, I have been with a lot of girls in the past and none of them were anything like her, so I know how hard it is to find someone you actually mesh with so well. But how should I proceed? It has been two months since she left and we still talk (text), obviously nowhere near as frequently as before (we will text each other like 3 days in a week now, a few texts here and there, although I initiate like 70% of those). Should I continue messaging her a few times a week, or should I try to go for NC for a while and then start messaging her (or wait for her to initiate)? I am really not 100% sure what to do in this situation, but I also am not a huge fan of playing mind games with someone. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I really don't get the point of you two breaking up if the distance is TEMPORARY.The only reason I can think for the breakup is she wants to be free to see other men overseas and possibly have sex with them, and then return to you in the fall. I get that your relationship wasn't serious yet and you didn't have the talk but if you both like each other and intend on reuniting in 4 months, then is 4 months really that long in the grand scheme of things? Anyways I don't think you should continue initiating texts. A few sporadic messages here and there is fine but communication 3 days a week where 70% is initiated by you doesn't sound too promising. You don't want to come off as too available. I don't get the sense that she is looking for anything serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnei Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yeah you do have a point. As for the 3 day thing its more like either me or her will initiate, and we will continiue a few texts here and there for 2/3 days and then stop. Yeah I will reduce the texting though I think. I do feel that LDR would have been hard, frankly before she left I was unsure myself if I wanted LDR or to take a break and try again (hence why I never brought anything up). I do know that she is not seeing anyone right now although I think the reason for break may have been to reduce the stress and pressure, which in the long run may be better (who knows). I do know that she isn't looking for something too serious, and neither am I since chances are after we graduate we may both move away back to our countries (I am from Australia, she is from the UK) so that makes things long term way too uncertain. But yeah not sure what to do since I do like her a lot and pretty sure she feels the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 she tells me that she wants to continue seeing me next year She doesn't actually. Letting you down easily here. how the past few months have been and how I am the nicest guy she has ever been with. Letting you down easily some moar. The dreaded "it's not you, it's me" line with a twist. Mind you, it's not the distance that wedges people apart. It's other people that do that. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) You know what? I'm usually on the other side of this, but I think you might have a mature one on your hands, and that she is sincere. Maybe I've caught something from ravfour4, I don't know. Given that this isn't super serious for you, this is what I think you should do. Send her a text, something along these lines: Matilda, I've been thinking a lot about what you've been telling me. The truth is that I really like you a lot, and while I know that a LDR is difficult, I don't want distance to be the thing that breaks us. I want to keep moving forward with you. That said, I actually understand what you mean. My heart doesn't like it, but my head can see the wisdom in what you've proposed. So here's what I'm going to do. This is my last text to you for now. While you're still over there, don't call or write me, don't text me, just do whatever it is that you need to do. I don't want to know about it. When you return, if you still feel like we can pick up where we left off, then come find me. But if not, I'll understand that too, and so don't contact me then either, and we'll leave things the way they are. During this time, I know we can't make any promises, so I won't hold you to any, and I won't make any either. We'll just have to see where we are when you return. This won't be easy for me, but it's the only way I know how to do it. Have fun over there. I'm going to miss you.Then, because it isn't super-serious for you yet, I'd start dating other girls immediately. Edited July 2, 2015 by mightycpa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnei Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Thank you for the advice mightycpa. I might just do that Or something along the lines of that. I just hope that it won't backfire come midish August (she will be back on the 20th). I am not too interested in just dating around and doing one night stands anymore because I did enough of that in college and I only graduated last year (been with a little over 20 girls and only 4 of those did I actually date for a bit, but even then until this girl I did not care too much about the rest). But with her I do really like her, which says a lot about how great she is, especially compared to all the others ones I have been with, so would love to make it work if I can. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thank you for the advice mightycpa. I might just do that Or something along the lines of that. I just hope that it won't backfire come midish August (she will be back on the 20th). I am not too interested in just dating around and doing one night stands anymore because I did enough of that in college and I only graduated last year (been with a little over 20 girls and only 4 of those did I actually date for a bit, but even then until this girl I did not care too much about the rest). But with her I do really like her, which says a lot about how great she is, especially compared to all the others ones I have been with, so would love to make it work if I can.Well, think about it this way. Even if she finds some guy she likes over there, by September, they will be LDR. So that won't work. If she's blowing you off by letting you down easy, you'll have a head start anyway. What can you do? In reality, you have three choices: Bug the **** out of her, and she'll hate you for it. Tell her to **** off, and you'll definitely lose her. Roll the dice and hope that she's not lying to you. What have you got to lose? One way or the other, she's there, you're here, and she's going to do what she's going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnei Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Yeah you are right, there is not much I can do from here, not that I am trying to do too much. I dont think I have been bugging her, like I said like a weekly check in (where conversation lasts like 2-3 days, be it me or her initiating) and I never bring up anything about us or what will happen when she is back, am just keeping it a fun and casual conversation. But I will reduce contact (at least on my end) to a check in every two weeks. I dont know, I feel like this may work better than just completely cutting her off and/or telling her ("if you want something, let me know when you are back, if not, don't msg me") but maybe that is just me and I could be very wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Yeah you are right, there is not much I can do from here, not that I am trying to do too much. I dont think I have been bugging her, like I said like a weekly check in (where conversation lasts like 2-3 days, be it me or her initiating) and I never bring up anything about us or what will happen when she is back, am just keeping it a fun and casual conversation. But I will reduce contact (at least on my end) to a check in every two weeks. I dont know, I feel like this may work better than just completely cutting her off and/or telling her ("if you want something, let me know when you are back, if not, don't msg me") but maybe that is just me and I could be very wrong. Truthfully, I don't think it matters what you do, except for maybe bugging her. That could drive her away. Even if you induce a little "I miss you" in her, that never really lastsl does it? Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) 4 months isn't a long time. She's still playing the field, while your texting her she's probably doing things with other men. If you're not happy with breaking up, don't conform to her rules for scraps from the table, live by your own rules. You're not happy, this isn't what you want, goodbye let me know if you change your mind but I'm not waiting. That's how you'll get results. She regards you as a 'nice guy,' and nice guys get strung along. Take the power back. Edited July 5, 2015 by giblesp Link to post Share on other sites
scubasteve Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 don't let her feed you with lame ass bread crumbs Link to post Share on other sites
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