Deeko Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I got the age old cliche text from my BF of 5 years and father of our 2 year old. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. We are starting counseling Monday but now I don't know if it'd even worth it. He's been so distant and weird lately, I feel so horrible. He said he'd love a happy ending, but doesn't think it'll happen. Now, he isn't returning my calls or texts and I feel I deserve more than this after our history. Any advice? Can it be reignited? I don't want to constantly feel like I'm trying to win him over. It's a 2 way street and want this to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I got the age old cliche text from my BF of 5 years and father of our 2 year old. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. We are starting counseling Monday but now I don't know if it'd even worth it. He's been so distant and weird lately, I feel so horrible. He said he'd love a happy ending, but doesn't think it'll happen. Now, he isn't returning my calls or texts and I feel I deserve more than this after our history. Any advice? Can it be reignited? I don't want to constantly feel like I'm trying to win him over. It's a 2 way street and want this to work. If one person doesn't want to then no it will not, as you say, it's a two way street. People fall out of love all of the time, all good things must come to an end unfortunately. I can tell by your description that you know it's likely over, sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 It's likely he was thinking about it for a while and him distancing himself without admitting it probably caused a lot of arguments between the two of you. Counseling is good. Try to give him space and give it your best shot. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Counseling can help if both people truly want to make their relationship work and they're willing to put forth the required effort. However, going thru the motions to be able to say "I tried" or save face with family and friends without real intent is fruitless. Unfortunately from what you have said, he falls into the latter category. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Doesn't sound good. I'm sorry. Do you know if he's seeing someone else? My guess is he is, and he thinks he's in love with that someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Did he say why? I find it weird when I hear of people falling out of love for no reason, especially after a long term relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
dangerbang Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The old ILYBINILWY, hehe. I got this one once. You can't read into it too much, it just means he doesn't want to be with you so you need to prepare for life without him, you'll probably never hear the real reasons why. He may not be even able to articulate the reasons why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Today he told me he has lost hope that he will ever have the relationship he wants with me, but wishes he could. He also said if the counseling process fails, so do we Also, I asked if I could come over so we could be together and he said "everyday. I've been asking for this for a long, long time" So, I'm going there tonight and I hope I'm not just hurting myself more. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Today he told me he has lost hope that he will ever have the relationship he wants with me, but wishes he could. He also said if the counseling process fails, so do we Also, I asked if I could come over so we could be together and he said "everyday. I've been asking for this for a long, long time" So, I'm going there tonight and I hope I'm not just hurting myself more. To me this reads: He wants a closer relationship with you? If he wanted to see you everyday, and has been asking for this for a long, long time? Have you been distant with him? What exactly is the problem in the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 We don't live together and never have. But, I'm going to try my hardest to spend time with him more so and see where it takes us. Even if things are icky now. I have to pray that he falls back in love. I realize how pathetic I sound. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Sounds confusing but there must be something bothering him. I got all of that from my ex. "I really wish we could work" "I want us to get back on track" but whenever I asked what the problem was he couldn't pin point it. He wanted that passion back yet he was the one pulling away, didn't make sense. Does your guy think that you're being distant? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 He said he wants me here everyday but isn't sure what he wants with me and only wants a future if things get better. Should I continue being here? Is this him wanting his cake and having it too? I'd hope not Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Has he elaborated on any problems? What does he mean by if things get better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I guess through counseling. I told him I'm willing to do anything and he told me he wants me to do it because I'm comfortable and not out out of fear Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I get that but what were the original problems? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) Probably lack of communication and hurt feelings He said he still wants me but doesn't want to have to tell me 500 times. I'm insecure and I know that's my own issue that bothers him. He's been saying he loves me but of course I'm obsessing thinking about how he loves me, but isn't in love with me. Ughhh Edited July 3, 2015 by Deeko Link to post Share on other sites
Carla B Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I got the age old cliche text from my BF of 5 years and father of our 2 year old. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. We are starting counseling Monday but now I don't know if it'd even worth it. He's been so distant and weird lately, I feel so horrible. He said he'd love a happy ending, but doesn't think it'll happen. Now, he isn't returning my calls or texts and I feel I deserve more than this after our history. Any advice? Can it be reignited? I don't want to constantly feel like I'm trying to win him over. It's a 2 way street and want this to work. I think its best to take it slow. I wouldnt try to keep trying to call him. I would still go to counselling because he is still the father of your children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 This morning he tells me that he will try one last time to make us work. I'm his first choice, he doesn't have a second choice but if it doesn't work, he will go find someone who it can work with. He said he wants us all, as a family, under one roof. This has scared me enough to make some major life changes. I pray for the best and hope that the changes on top of counseling help us get to a good place. I told him no relationship will ever be perfect and we need to work on a solid foundation. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 the line he gave you may be genuine and truthful about ILYBIANILWU but that is also a standard line that is heard all the time when there is someone else in the picture clouding the emotions and judgement . All of a sudden you are compared to a new and exciting relationship he has entered . No way to tell for sure from what you have posted. Two things are certain (1) it will take both of you fully committed if any counseling is to have a chance of any success. You cannot reconcile this by yourself with him going through the motions (2) him thinking that no matter what that you will be waiting for him is called the "pick me game" and it rarely ends well for the person who will allow themselves to be Plan B. Don't play that game. Before you start therapy I would make sure he is truthful about not being involved with anyone else. If he is the therapy is a total waste of time unless it stops . Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I refuse to be a plan B. He told me I'm his first choice over anyone else, so I need to try and take that at face value. Another issue of mine. I don't really think he's cheating. I've done searches on his phone and computer and I haven't found anything to be suspicious of. I think he's just frustrated, as am I. I'm not making excuses, but I think we both need to turn over a new leaf to make this work and I'm anxious to start counseling Monday. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Probably lack of communication and hurt feelings He said he still wants me but doesn't want to have to tell me 500 times. I'm insecure and I know that's my own issue that bothers him. He's been saying he loves me but of course I'm obsessing thinking about how he loves me, but isn't in love with me. Ughhh If that's the best you can do to articulate what's wrong, you might as well save yourself the counseling fees. I don't understand what I read. He wants you around more, and you think that means he wants his cake and eat it too? What he wants is to get down to business and see if you actually CAN be there all the time. Frankly, it sounds like you sabotage the relationship on a daily basis, and even though he's going to give it one final shot, he doesn't believe in you or your ability to be in a successful and healthy relationship with him. That's how I read what you've written. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 If that's the best you can do to articulate what's wrong, you might as well save yourself the counseling fees. I don't understand what I read. He wants you around more, and you think that means he wants his cake and eat it too? What he wants is to get down to business and see if you actually CAN be there all the time. Frankly, it sounds like you sabotage the relationship on a daily basis, and even though he's going to give it one final shot, he doesn't believe in you or your ability to be in a successful and healthy relationship with him. That's how I read what you've written. Interesting perspective. I am willing to do whatever I could to turn this around. I've read that sometimes you don't make the change until you hit rock bottom. I just hope it's not too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deeko Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 He told me he's not twiterpated and not in love, but does believe it can happen again. Of course I'm sitting here wanting to smack him because the newness will wear off with anyone. Butterflies in the stomach equal nothing and over time, go away. Heaven help me. Link to post Share on other sites
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