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I acted crazy


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I broke my girlfriend's and said stupid things to her after a drunken night and she broke up with me on the spot after 4 months of seeing each other. She forgave me after but said we should only be friends and nothing more. She got mad after I told her I can't see her with anyone else but said if that's what I want then ok. She was in contact for two weeks after I was initiating to try and fix the situation to no avail now we are in no contact. How do I fix this? I feel like a complete idiot.

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You can't.

 

Examine your relationship with alcohol.

 

By "stupid things" I think you probably mean hurtful things.

 

Make a commitment to not using emotionally violent speech.

 

Its always the wrong thing to do.

Edited by Satu
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I still want her in my life...I don't want to give up on her. Why should I do this no contact bs if I still want to fix things and have strong feelings for her. I understand I messed up badly but won't cutting her off just end everything? I also understand NC is for me and everything to move on but I don't want to.

Edited by donezo
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I came up with a great way to describe why, just a couple of posts ago!

 

What is a restraining order, after all, if not court-ordered NC?
Because you'll be a pest, that's why. It might get you in trouble, and you'll look and feel like an ass.
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I still want her in my life...I don't want to give up on her. Why should I do this no contact bs if I still want to fix things and have strong feelings for her. I understand I messed up badly but won't cutting her off just end everything? I also understand NC is for me and everything to move on but I don't want to.

 

 

It's not really your choice. SHE doesn't want to continue on. You can't make someone engage w/you. If you keep pestering her, it will only push her away further. She'll also think you're needy, desperate, pathetic, a wuss, insecure and other horrible things. She'll have great laughs at your expense while sharing everything w/her family and GF's.

 

 

What you should do- Leave her alone. Keep your dignity. You've apologized to her. You'll look like a man if you leave her alone and she'll respect that you have strong pride in not continuing to beg and plead. The ONLY way you may have a chance at her coming back is to go NC. Time away from you MAY make her miss you. In the mean time, work on yourself so you don't repeat what caused this in the first place. :)

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If I still want her back after sometime(1 month) should i try to initiate contact since i am the dumpee?

 

No. You are missing the whole point of NC. NC is for you, to work on yourself, to heal, to reflect and learn from previous life lessons. It is not a means of getting your ex back.

 

You should not be setting a time line, you should not wait and feel the need to want her back. This is keeping her a part of your life, something that will hold you back in the process of moving on and becoming a better person .

 

The dumpee should be the last one to initiate any form of contact. She dumped you, and if she wants you back, she would make the effort in doing so. She has made up her mind for now, and maybe for a long time or forever.

 

Listen, I use to think the same way just a month ago. Setting timelines, initiating conversation as the dumpee, trying to get someone back who made up their mind. I became overbearing, overwhelming, and made things worse.

 

I am now in NC, for my own sanity. I need to work on myself, progress and heal. Look up emotional immaturity, I see characteristics within yourself that reflect emotional immaturity. It's not a bad thing, but it is something that you HAVE to change in order to make a relationship work with anybody, whether personal or intimate.

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If I still want her back after sometime(1 month) should i try to initiate contact since i am the dumpee?

 

If you are the dumpee, that means she made the affirmative chose to get you out of her life. What do you think changed in her life that she would consider getting back with you? How do you know she wants you back?

 

From her perspective the fact that you get got drunk, said stupid things to her and then said you can't see her with other people may have solidified in her mind that you are the wrong guy for her. She may be thanking her lucky stars that you are gone.

 

It's not all about what you want. She gets a say in who she dates.

 

While I highly recommend that you let her be & leave her alone, I know you are not going to do that so if you have any prayer at all I'd send -- not pick up at the local bodega but pay a florist to have a lovely bouquet of flowers delivered with a note of apology:

 

Dear [her name]

 

I am truly sorry that I was a jerk. I hope you can forgive me. I would love to make it up to you. Please call me when you get these and we can make plans to go to [her favorite restaurant] my treat. I promise not to [do it again]

 

Love (or contritely), donezo

It probably won't work & you will be out the cost of the flowers but anything short of that comes across as insincere. You need skin in the game.

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I still want her in my life...I don't want to give up on her. Why should I do this no contact bs if I still want to fix things and have strong feelings for her. I understand I messed up badly but won't cutting her off just end everything? I also understand NC is for me and everything to move on but I don't want to.

 

 

Not to be an ass but, she's given up on you. It doesn't work if you only have one person willing to work on the relationship. Will cutting her off end everything? Dude, she already ended everything. She made a choice and

unfortunately it wasn't you. Now, you need to go NC. Completely. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK AND ALL SOCIAL MEDIA!!! If anything, she needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it.

 

 

 

 

Sorry dude, but it's time to move on. Learn from this. Heal from this. Start living your life as if she isn't coming back. Because chances are, she isn't.

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