Jimmyjackson Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm over my ex, I don't think of her very much, I don't speak to her and have no desire to. I'm excited about the prospect of meeting new girls and have met new girls whilst being single. I no longer feel sad about my ex and I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life at the minute. The issue is, I keep dreaming about her, I don't know why? The dreams themselves are often stupid and don't really last long. For example, one was a guy I knew back in my school days coming up to me and saying he got my exes number and she was a great girl. I've not seen this guy in about 8 years so it was rather random. Another, my ex came over to me with a guy and before kissing him, told me to look away and laughed. I've had others but I can't remember them anymore, I had about 4 days straight where I woke up during the night because of the dreams about my ex. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has done any research on dreams and knows a thing or two about the subconscious mind? Like I said, I feel like I've moved on from her but these dreams keep occurring, do they mean anything or are they just purely random dreams? Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I haven't done any research, but my counselor did give me some insight on why it might happen. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about her/things relating to her before you go to sleep? If you do, then that could be a reason. If not, then I got nothing... lol. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 The dreams you are having probably don't relate to her specifically. She could very well be symbolic of something else that is holding you back in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
sober and dry Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I read somewhere around here that's the unconscious dealing with it and it's probably a good sign that at least you are dealing with it. Don't dwell on it trying to understand or something! Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Gah...seriously Dreaming is the brain's way of sorting short term memories into long term memories. The longer you've been with someone, the more space is taken up in your head with them, also the more you spend thinking about them, the more data is there to be sorted. Anyone who tries to read more into dreams is just wasting your time, like reading tea leaves and astrology, it's all bull*****. Dreams mean nothing other than that the images, sounds, smells, and feelings are stored in your memory, and are getting shuffled around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Gah...seriously Dreaming is the brain's way of sorting short term memories into long term memories. The longer you've been with someone, the more space is taken up in your head with them, also the more you spend thinking about them, the more data is there to be sorted. Anyone who tries to read more into dreams is just wasting your time, like reading tea leaves and astrology, it's all bull*****. Dreams mean nothing other than that the images, sounds, smells, and feelings are stored in your memory, and are getting shuffled around. Just weird how it started happening out of nowhere, didn't last night thankfully. Currently reading a book on mindfulness, hopefully will improve my subconscious Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 The dreams you are having probably don't relate to her specifically. She could very well be symbolic of something else that is holding you back in your life. Not sure how they could be a symbol on something holding me back? I feel that it's myself that's holding me back in life, not her. I'm dissatisfied career wise but not sure how that ties into dreaming about an ex, hmm. Link to post Share on other sites
Adyola Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Same here Jimmy. Started about 5 nights ago. Even the BU was only about 3 weeks ago, I feel a sort of "peace" inside me. Everytime I dream of her, I wake up (it doesnt happen to me). Dreams are mostly about conversation between us; about boy she is dating in that dream;... Everytime I woke up that way, I´m not sure, whether it really happened or not and I´m thinking about it, checking phone etc. But I remember, that I had these dreams after BU with Ex-ex gf (5 years ago) also. Maybe I fear a little, that she could contact me out of blue and I wouldn´t know how to react...and this is projecting in the dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Same here Jimmy. Started about 5 nights ago. Even the BU was only about 3 weeks ago, I feel a sort of "peace" inside me. Everytime I dream of her, I wake up (it doesnt happen to me). Dreams are mostly about conversation between us; about boy she is dating in that dream;... Everytime I woke up that way, I´m not sure, whether it really happened or not and I´m thinking about it, checking phone etc. But I remember, that I had these dreams after BU with Ex-ex gf (5 years ago) also. Maybe I fear a little, that she could contact me out of blue and I wouldn´t know how to react...and this is projecting in the dreams. My break up was back in September so I'm curious to why it's happening now. She texted me a few weeks back but I didn't reply, my dreams consist of no conversation between us at all. Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I used to have those horrible dreams were you reconcile, kiss, get back together again...then wake up alone...[insert sad face]. Going NC has helped, one week now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Currently reading a book on mindfulness, hopefully will improve my subconscious As to your dream question - I wouldn't stress about it too much. It is just your brain's way of dealing with things. Your ex is a very established neural network in your brain that is associated with a whole plethora of emotions. Perfect fodder for your brain to use for a dream. A person once explained it to me this rather crude way. You know how when you are masturbating (without porn) you summon a mental image of random women like the woman you saw on the bus or that one waitress? The reason you do that is that you have an association of Lust with those women. Not anything else. So you brain "uses" them to serve the purpose during masturbation. Same thing with your dreams and your ex except that your brain is going after way more than just Lust usually. So your ex fits many roles perfectly. Yay brains! As for being mindful - brother, you are on the right path with that one. As you read your book and delve into your studies, the one thing I would strongly encourage you to do is immediately start putting it into practice or experimenting with it. Try meditation. Or yoga. Or breathing. Really anything that takes your brain, if only for a few seconds, fully into the present. You'll be amazed at the subtle and not so subtle difference it will make. Consider keeping a journal on it too to chronicle your experiences. That's one thing I wish I had done from day one! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I had another one last night. I was fighting the guy she left me for in my back garden. He lives in Africa and she's not seen him since anyway but he was in my house for some reason and I was frightened for my life in my dream. He kept like teleporting and stuff too it was rather strange, made me jump up in the middle of the night. These dreams make no sense and are getting annoying since I can't do anything about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 As to your dream question - I wouldn't stress about it too much. It is just your brain's way of dealing with things. Your ex is a very established neural network in your brain that is associated with a whole plethora of emotions. Perfect fodder for your brain to use for a dream. A person once explained it to me this rather crude way. You know how when you are masturbating (without porn) you summon a mental image of random women like the woman you saw on the bus or that one waitress? The reason you do that is that you have an association of Lust with those women. Not anything else. So you brain "uses" them to serve the purpose during masturbation. Same thing with your dreams and your ex except that your brain is going after way more than just Lust usually. So your ex fits many roles perfectly. Yay brains! As for being mindful - brother, you are on the right path with that one. As you read your book and delve into your studies, the one thing I would strongly encourage you to do is immediately start putting it into practice or experimenting with it. Try meditation. Or yoga. Or breathing. Really anything that takes your brain, if only for a few seconds, fully into the present. You'll be amazed at the subtle and not so subtle difference it will make. Consider keeping a journal on it too to chronicle your experiences. That's one thing I wish I had done from day one! I see, what you say makes sense I guess, rooted in your subconscious. This book I'm reading has exercises in it, it's called "This book will make you mindful"..if you've heard of it? Link to post Share on other sites
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