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Why is he acting like he hates me?


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charley2323

So about 3 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. It was all completely out of the blue but he said he had been unhappy for a while and was trying to make things work but he doesn't love me anymore. At first i was a mess and made the mistake of begging and crying but after a coupe hours i puled myself together and packed my things and left our house to go and stay with my parents as he said I couldn't stay as it would make things worse. So I did my best to respect his decision and give him space. A few days later I went back to pack the rest of my things, I thought it was okay we didnt argue or even talk about the break up we just got on with it and were very civil. A couple of days later I made the mistake of getting drunk and was yet again hysterical. I don't really remember what was said but he just refused to engage in my madness and took me back to my parents. After that I just left him too it, only contacting him about work and the dog we have together (he is also my boss, I work for his business). The following week I bumped into him on a night out at the casino, He seemed reasonably happy to see me and after my friends vanished he invited me to stay at our house for the night (on the sofa ofc) so i went back with him and we slept together. I know it was a big mistake, but we did have a nice time together when we were out. In the morning I went back to my parents and only spoke to him a few times over text that day. He said we could go to the cinema the following weekend but then when i asked him about it a few days later he said he didn't know if he could anymore and he'd let me know. so i just didn't talk to him all week but he never let me know. We then spoke about work but apart from that there was no contact. I feel like I have accepted the break up now and just want to move forward and get along with him. He said he didn't want to lose me and wants to be friends but its like every time he see's me or speaks to me he gets annoyed about it. I don't know if its because he feels guilty for ending things and i remind him of that or it there is something I'm missing? I just need some advice, i want to be his friend but I'm finding it hard to be nice to someone who is clearly angry about being around me for no reason. please help me understand what he is thinking!

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foolinlove79

No one can tell you what is in his mind. It sounds like he has told you how he feels and unfortunately that is he doesnt want to be in an rs with you. My bf would break up with me and i saw it as out of the blue. But the reality is he would be thinking about it for a while first.

 

i have been in an on and off rs for yeArs always with him ending it for whatever reason he has that time. It is very hard to repair that once they have pulled the pin. There are ongoing trust issues.

 

As hard as it is the best thing you can do is cut all contact and realise he is not the one for you. If he was he never would of bu in the first place.

 

It is hard i know but dont waste years on someone who doesnt love and appreciate you. He will do this again. Id bet money on it

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I feel like I have accepted the break up now and just want to move forward and get along with him. He said he didn't want to lose me and wants to be friends but its like every time he see's me or speaks to me he gets annoyed about it. I don't know if its because he feels guilty for ending things and i remind him of that or it there is something I'm missing? I just need some advice, i want to be his friend but I'm finding it hard to be nice to someone who is clearly angry about being around me for no reason. please help me understand what he is thinking!
He gets annoyed about what, specifically? That he sees you? That you just want to get along? That you've accepted it? That you talk about the breakup? What does "it" mean?

 

If you're saying that he gets annoyed at you simply because you're around, maybe he wants you to quit so that he doesn't have to see you any more. It doesn't mean that he hates you though. He just might need a little "total separation" after the breakup and he's not getting it.

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He gets annoyed about what, specifically? That he sees you? That you just want to get along? That you've accepted it? That you talk about the breakup? What does "it" mean?

 

If you're saying that he gets annoyed at you simply because you're around, maybe he wants you to quit so that he doesn't have to see you any more. It doesn't mean that he hates you though. He just might need a little "total separation" after the breakup and he's not getting it.

 

 

 

This was my thought as well. Maybe he's simply being unpleasant to nudge you completely out of his life. Is there a chance you can find another job to get full separation from him?

 

 

Don't be his door mat and let him "use" you to withdraw from that relationship easier. Dumpers will do that. Keep you on the hook a bit so they have a fall back to get laid while they are looking for someone new.

 

 

In the mean time, you should search for another job and keep your contact to a bare minimum about work only. That relationship is over and the sooner you "accept" it, the sooner you can move onto someone new.

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I think it would take a lot more time for most anyone to be able to become friends with their ex because you need time for the feelings to shift. I think for a true friendship to grow, a substantial cooling period is needed (I have never been able to be friends with my exs, btw). Trying to be friends with an ex with any shred of romantic feeling is almost impossible. It's only going to be on the surface level.

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I've been in the shoes of your ex once. For me the issue was that I was still grieving the relationship. So on good days I would like to be friends and on bad days I would hate him for no reason. I knew I needed no contact to heal but I was too much of a coward to cut the cord.

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