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Blessing in disguise? Update!


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Hey guys!

 

So here's a little update on what's going on with me now.

 

I am 2 and a half months post break up and 3 weeks no contact.

 

So after repeatedly failing no contact (because until you keep hurting yourself by refusing to believe it will work or that you need it) I had one last conversation with my ex. She basically confirmed that she had no intentions on reconciliation and had decided she was moving on ( we had been sleeping together and still speaking and it was messy and painful, to cut a long story short). So right after that I cried for about ten minutes. That was it. I suddenly felt almost relieved. Like a weight had been lifted. I had closure. The writing was on the wall. I had no choice but to pick myself up and move on. So from that moment I did.

 

Now it hasn't been easy. Nothing close to easy. I still find myself dwelling on thoughts of her, but they get fewer and fewer and I've learnt to accept that they come and go.

She even added me on snapchat the otheday ( not sure how she got my account, she's blocked on everything else and I deleted my old account and made a new one) and I took great pleasure in instantly blocking her.

I have had moments when I have wanted to speak to her, call her or see her. But I just remind myself what will happen if I do. That's a wound I don't want to re open.

 

But as I named this thread 'blessing in disguise' I think I will explain why to you.

 

I was a c*unt whilst I was with her. I was not a nice person, I took her for granted, I was lazy, I had no drive I drank all the time and I was useless with money, I was rude, gotten fat and unfit and I had little ambition (except my job).

 

The shock to the system really brought me back to reality. I had to change. Not for her (at first it was) but for me. And change I have.

 

I'm exercising daily, I took up kickboxing, I'm eating well, I'm looking really good (the comments are really helping my ego!) I'm doing better at work, I have been saving money and cleared some debts, I have ambition to be successful and everyday I try and do something that makes me a better person. To sum it up I am bettering myself physically and mentally and I feel great for it. In fact I feel better than I have in years.

 

I still love her, and yes, maybe in due time we will work things out. But not any time soon I don't think. I am actually quite enjoying dating new woman and sleeping around at the moment!

 

Next month is her birthday and the anniversary of us first meeting. So that will be interesting. But I will. Just have to see how it goes.

 

I will continue to post on this forum and update. It was a life saver in the initial stages of the break up for me. But stay strong guys it does get better, but you can't sit around and wait for it to get better. It's up to you to make it better! Seize the opportunity and make the best of a bad situation. You never know. It could just be a blessing in disguise.

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changeofseasons

 

I still love her, and yes, maybe in due time we will work things out. But not any time soon I don't think. I am actually quite enjoying dating new woman and sleeping around at the moment!

 

 

Don't risk it, wrap yo biscuit.

 

Happy to hear!

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Great post OP..

 

 

What's the expression? You have to turn lemons into lemonade? You have a great attitude and are doing all the right things. The big thing for me is you've accepted that it's over. You've learned your shortcomings from this relationship and are addressing them to make you better for your next one.

 

 

I hope many of the recently dumped read this thread. It's so hurtful to see people suffering for months and months over someone who rejected them. Yes, a couple of months to sort yourself out is a good thing. Then, dust yourself off and go for it again.

 

 

Getting over someone is much easier when you accept it didn't work, learn from it what you can and then start looking for your next great relationship. No one heals by sitting home for months and months and months, having a pity party for themselves..

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Great post Plaster.

 

Aloneinaz once again I thank you for your help with regards to me and my breakup.

 

Your words are true, although not the case for everyone, it seems so far for me it works.

 

Blocking & deleting her a month ago and strict NC up until yesterday (which had no effect on me whatsoever) is really working wonders. Coming up to 2 months post BU and i'm already chatting to other girls and 'distracting' myself with their company.

 

Ofcourse I still think about my ex, and the pain is there, but not unbearable, it's at the back of my mind rather than the front and i'm not pining over her. I don't want her back, although I miss certain things about her and the relationship.

 

I can't honestly gloat about how the relationship was toxic now looking back, as I don't see many flaws in it, but what's enough for me is realising that someone who can come on so fast and strong and turn off in a matter of days isn't emotionally stable and isn't for me.

 

Going on a life changing holiday in just under 2 weeks, will come back and go to this networking event, meet new ladies and go on a few dates.

 

It is getting easier :)

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Keep it up OP! Happy that you are in a better place and reaching for the next level! I really hope all those who are broken hearted take your words and use them to soothe their own wounds.

 

If someone doesnt want you, let them go. It truly is their lose.

 

After dark comes the morning, so just keep pushing.

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Great post Plaster.

 

Aloneinaz once again I thank you for your help with regards to me and my breakup.

 

Your words are true, although not the case for everyone, it seems so far for me it works.

 

Blocking & deleting her a month ago and strict NC up until yesterday (which had no effect on me whatsoever) is really working wonders. Coming up to 2 months post BU and i'm already chatting to other girls and 'distracting' myself with their company.

 

Ofcourse I still think about my ex, and the pain is there, but not unbearable, it's at the back of my mind rather than the front and i'm not pining over her. I don't want her back, although I miss certain things about her and the relationship.

 

I can't honestly gloat about how the relationship was toxic now looking back, as I don't see many flaws in it, but what's enough for me is realising that someone who can come on so fast and strong and turn off in a matter of days isn't emotionally stable and isn't for me.

 

Going on a life changing holiday in just under 2 weeks, will come back and go to this networking event, meet new ladies and go on a few dates.

 

It is getting easier :)

 

 

Glad you're doing better and your recognizing that time and NC does help us get over the past. This site helped me a ton a couple of years ago. There is no better way to get over the pain and rejection than to accept it didn't work and move forward. Everyone has the right to end a relationship that they don't feel it works. I don't know many folks who haven't been dumped. The key is to learn from it what we can. If we've screwed up, learn from it so we don't repeat it again.

 

 

I remember reading this site and talking to others who'd be dumped. So many people said once they were dumped, there's NO WAY they'd ever go back to that person again. They were HARDCORE NC. They absolutely vanished from the dumpers life, never to speak to them again. Others went the other way. Kept contacting the dumper. Refusing to accept it. Staying home for months and months crying over someone who didn't want them. Guess who healed and moved on quicker? :)

 

 

Hope ya have a blast on your holiday.

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Cheers for the replies guys!

Don't get me wrong, I've probably made it sound way easier than its been and is but it is definitely getting easier and life is getting better. No use crying over spilt milk. Ay least I have learnt my lesson and will be a better man in my next relationship.

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