Got involved with someone at work......Now I'm heart broken

[Rainmkr555]

I got involved with somebody that I work with. We both still work at the same company together. We really were never together in a relationship. We just had a fling that lasted about a year and a half but my feelings for her were obviously much deeper than her feelings for me. She is now dating somebody for the past month. It really has destroyed me for some reason. Even though me and her were never in a relationship, we did have sex a couple of times and were intimate with each other on a few other times. We would talk to each other every single day during and after work and see each other outside of work once in a while. She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between us. Not only because we work together but also because there is a bit of an age and life situation difference between us. I am 35 never been married no kids. She is 44 divorced and has two kids. Obviously we are both in totally different stages in our lives but her age honestly never bothered me at all. What of course initially drew me to her was her physical appearance. We worked together for 4 years before anything intimate happened between us. I always found her to be extremely attractive but knew that she was married at the time and never even thought of trying to talk to her on a personal level. But then one day she sent me a text about a work issue and we just started texting back-and-forth from then on and it went from there. I really did enjoy the situation that we had together. I knew that I could not be with her in a serious relationship but at the same time I knew that if one day she found someone that I would be hurt. She even told me once that if she did start dating somebody she wouldn't tell me because she knew that I would be hurt. So here we are today, she is in a month old relationship with some guy who is 50 years old I am alone and feeling completely miserable over the whole situation. I was even in Hawaii last week and all I did was think about her and wish she was there. She sent me a text message while I was there on her own out of the blue to see how I was doing and that mere act of hers made me feel like the happiest man on earth. I asked her if she wanted a present from Hawaii, and I was expecting her to say no but surprisingly she said yes I would love one surprise me. And then we started texting back-and-forth the way we used to for a little bit that day. That made me feel really good. But as soon as I got back yesterday I wanted to talk to her but she told me she could not because she was going to her "friends" House and she was not sure when she will be home. Only today did I find out that it was this guy whose house she went to.

How do you get over somebody that you work with? Obviously NC is impossible in this situation. Luckily for me, she works out in the field (not literally in a field btw) and I work in the office. So I really only see her about once a week if that. But..... I still do have to communicate with her several times a day every day either by phone or by text for work.

It was stupid of me to get into this situation in the first place but it started out with me thinking with the wrong head and then those feelings gradually made there way up to my heart and now I feel heartbroken. I know I said that in the beginning I really didn't feel like I could have anything serious with this girl but now that I am feeling so heartbroken and miserable about her dating someone else..... If she would call me right now and tell me she would give me a chance for something real between us....I would definitely take it.

Anyone else here been involved with a coworker before and when it ended you were still working together? I would love for others to share their experiences in this matter or perspectives or just advice on how I move past this.

Edited June 29, 2015 by Rainmkr555

[Rainmkr555]

90 views and ZERO replies? Come on guys.....can't I get just a LITTLE feed back and this issue I'm having?

[Holmes85]

rainmkr555,

 

I personally think that you have answered your own questions without even realising it, the chances are that you are aware of the circumstances and the answers but your emotional side is letting the logic take over. i am going to highlight some things from your previous post, that are really as crystal as day light.

 

She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between us.

 

You were her physical fling for quite some time. She wanted nothing serious from you, neither did you from the beginning, but as time passed, your feelings got developed and you got more invested in it than she was.

 

That text that she send you out of the blue on asking how you are, it was send from pure guilt, it is pretty obvious that she knows that you were more invested in her, so she's making sure that there is no bad blood between you two and also in the process keeping an option with you in the future open.

 

I personally would not have let it go all that far, let alone get physical with someone like that, but I think it's time that you cut the cord with her, nothing good is going to come out from her end, she got her needs met and than tossed you aside, the question is whether you like being tossed around with a woman like that? If your answer is yes, the chances are you would be hindering your chances on someone whose GREAT for you and wouldn't toss you aside like this one.

 

What you do from now on is up to you, I would advice you to let this one go and take your time to heal before jumping into something again.

[Rainmkr555]

I should never have let it get this far I know.

 

I did speak to her when she called the office today..... Only about work related stuff. It was cordial. But I do get the sense that she feels uncomfortable with me now since she knows how I feel about her. I also had to text her a couple of times today with work stuff and her replies to both texts was a cold "ok".

Where in the past or even more recently within the past several days, her responses would always include either a or some sort of smiley face or "lol".

 

It's been very rough for me because images of her being with this new guy she's with flash through my head once in a while and it really does hurt.

 

My plan is to keep my conversations with her strictly professional over the next month. I won't ask her any personal questions and I won't text her with any kind of levity when I send her a text. I will just be serious and to the point about work related issues. I would of course prefer NC with her right now but that unfortunately is impossible given our work situation.

 

I am going to try my best to keep up this façade over the next month. The reason why I'm giving myself that timetable is because her birthday is right at the end of July. And of course I will say happy birthday to her on that day. When I got back from my trip I was hoping to meet with her this week to give her the gift that I got her. But she told me yesterday that she feels uncomfortable meeting with me now because she knows how I feel and because she is with someone else right now.

 

I was thinking of maybe mailing it to her for her birthday? Maybe include a nice card? I was thinking of writing in there a nice message again telling her how I feel and ending it with a final goodbye by saying that we cannot talk about personal stuff ever again the way we used to and from now on we should only be work colleagues. I dunno.

 

What do you guys think?

Edited June 30, 2015 by Rainmkr555

[sober and dry]

All I see here is reasons to not get involved with someone from work. Sorry man...

[Rainmkr555]

It seems that this topic of mine is not getting much interest on here. Sorry about that.....but I still do need to give an update.

 

This woman came into my office today. As I mentioned in my first post, she works out in the field so I only see her at most once a week. I had no idea she was coming in today. When I saw her my heart immediately began to beat fast and I felt like I had a lump in my throat. I did not even want to look at her. When I look at her now, all I do is imagine her being with this man and having sex with him. That's the first thing that pops into my mind. And it drives me insane. I was cold to her the entire time at the office today. She of course seemed to be in a great mood!! Laughing, smiling, everything is fantastic in her world of course!! Meanwhile, I'm there sitting at my desk, extremely upset, and if I wasn't around other people I'd probably be on the verge of tears. She came over to me once today to ask for something. I did not even look at her. I just reached into my drawer and grabbed it and gave it to her hand. She said thank you and I just said sure.

 

I honestly do not know if I can do this.

How am I going to get over this woman when I have to talk to her every day and see her once a week? I'm so hurt right now. I was hoping that after she left the office she might text me to see how I'm doing. I'm sure she could obviously tell that I was upset. But of course I got nothing from her.

 

I want to call or text her right now so badly. But part of me knows that that's a bad idea. She mentioned to me once before that she feels guilty about the whole situation. I don't think she's ever seen me that upset before. Not in person anyway. I've expressed how upset I've been about this whole situation over the phone and through text messages but never in person. Do you think it's at all possible that right now she feels bad for me? That she feels guilty? That she goes home and thinks about me and thinks to herself that wow he must really have cared about me because he really is upset about this whole thing. Do you guys think that's possible at all?

 

What should my next play be? Should I continue to be cold and only professional about work related matters when I talk to her? Part of me right now feels bad about how I acted by not even engaging her in conversation today. I feel like I should text her and even apologize for how I was acting. But then I know that she might think I'm not really that upset after all. I really don't know what to do here.

 

Can your guys on here PLEASE try to give me some advice?

[quattrob]

It seems that this topic of mine is not getting much interest on here. Sorry about that.....but I still do need to give an update.

 

This woman came into my office today. As I mentioned in my first post, she works out in the field so I only see her at most once a week. I had no idea she was coming in today. When I saw her my heart immediately began to beat fast and I felt like I had a lump in my throat. I did not even want to look at her. When I look at her now, all I do is imagine her being with this man and having sex with him. That's the first thing that pops into my mind. And it drives me insane. I was cold to her the entire time at the office today. She of course seemed to be in a great mood!! Laughing, smiling, everything is fantastic in her world of course!! Meanwhile, I'm there sitting at my desk, extremely upset, and if I wasn't around other people I'd probably be on the verge of tears. She came over to me once today to ask for something. I did not even look at her. I just reached into my drawer and grabbed it and gave it to her hand. She said thank you and I just said sure.

 

I honestly do not know if I can do this.

How am I going to get over this woman when I have to talk to her every day and see her once a week? I'm so hurt right now. I was hoping that after she left the office she might text me to see how I'm doing. I'm sure she could obviously tell that I was upset. But of course I got nothing from her.

 

I want to call or text her right now so badly. But part of me knows that that's a bad idea. She mentioned to me once before that she feels guilty about the whole situation. I don't think she's ever seen me that upset before. Not in person anyway. I've expressed how upset I've been about this whole situation over the phone and through text messages but never in person. Do you think it's at all possible that right now she feels bad for me? That she feels guilty? That she goes home and thinks about me and thinks to herself that wow he must really have cared about me because he really is upset about this whole thing. Do you guys think that's possible at all?

 

What should my next play be? Should I continue to be cold and only professional about work related matters when I talk to her? Part of me right now feels bad about how I acted by not even engaging her in conversation today. I feel like I should text her and even apologize for how I was acting. But then I know that she might think I'm not really that upset after all. I really don't know what to do here.

 

Can your guys on here PLEASE try to give me some advice?

 

As one of the poster said before She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between you 2. I know you know you went too far and you couldn't help yourself. And now you're in this situation where you are asking questions that don't matter.. does she feel guilty or notice you being that upset or does she feel bad for you? Maybe yes maybe no. If she does then what does that do for you exactly? There is still no hope between you and her. How does answering these questions make you feel better?

 

How does texting or calling her make it better? you'll just hurt yourself even more. This is all obviously still quite fresh in your head so no doubt you'd be acting the way you are but understand this is a process for you, it'll take some time for you get better. Hang out with friends, go to gym and do some activities to keep yourself busy and eventually you'll be fine.

[54JA]

I don't think her stance towards a relationship with you will ever change. She just didn't feel like you were the one. She probably found you cute, pleasing, and fun, and probably really cared for you, but nothing more especially now that she found somebody else. I think she feels very guilty, and does not want to hurt you anymore by leading you on.

 

How you act around her will not matter any more, whether you act cold, indifferent, rude, etc. She will know that you are just trying whatever to survive the pain. I don't think you need to worry about being cold or rude to her. Either way, I think she will get the sense that you are acting in a certain way because you are hurting, and there is nothing she can do because she can't offer you anything else.

 

You have to make a commitment to moving on and have a plan on how to act, what to say/do when you see her, and what to think/say to yourself so that you can move on and still be professional (NOT a scheme to get her back!!!) when things get tough, so that you don't have to expend anymore energy deciding what to do for every situation. You need to make a commitment to keeping your conversation short, simple, and close-ended. You need to make a commitment to NOT reading into anything she does or say. Say to yourself, "it does not matter anymore. I am moving on."

 

As for the gift, I think you need to either give it to someone else or throw it away. It's just another one of those details that do not matter in the outcome. It is just one of those things that is going to keep you stuck in the situation. Also, in the beginning, she might feel guilty and even feel sympathetic towards you. But as the time goes by, if you are still holding on, she may find it annoying.

 

I am really cheering for you and hoping that you will feel better soon. Good luck!

[Rainmkr555]

I really should just try to stop texting her. I can communicate with her about work just as effectively over the phone. Plus, whenever we talk, she always gives hints about her seeing this guy.

Such as last week when I was in Hawaii she was very busy at work, and we were talking, and I told her she needs a Hawaiian vacation more than i do to relax. She replied "I'm actually very relaxed lately ?" which means what do you think? Probably that she is having sex with this kind of crazy. But why would she text me something like that to her that she's having sex with him a lot when she knows how heartbroken I am on the situation? She's a very caring person, so I thought, so I can't commissioner meeting that she's getting sex a lot with him. I dunno ?

Or like yesterday when we were texting she asked me what I am doing this weekend. I told her and then I said I am worried to ask what her plans are. She said this "Hehe don't ask . I am going to Michigan to my friends :)" she then wished me a nice weekend and told me to "relax ?"

Do you think because she told me to relax that she really IS just going to a friends house this weekend and NOT this guys she's seeing?

It's a beautiful day here where I live for 4th of July...... And all I'm doing now he's thinking about her traveling to Michigan with him.

I guess just more examples as to why I should stop talking to her about personal stuff altogether.

[Satu]

You should adopt basic civility and nothing more at work, and absolutely no contact outside of work.

[Rainmkr555]

Sorry for all those typos in my last post btw...

I was speaking it through the mic on my iPhone...

Obviously it didn't come out right.......but I hope you guys understood what I was trying to say.

 

I am going to try to stop texting completely from now on with her.

[Emily Broke Up]

Hey,

 

I'm sorry but I think you should clearly tell her that if she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you she needs to stop contacting you for non business matters. And you should absolutely get out of this rut and start dating. You fell for someone unavailable to you, it happens, but you're 35 and have your whole life in front of you.

 

I really believe that the best think for you to do is to meet other women. I'm pretty sure you'd feel much better soon. And go for girls your age or at least available - just saying.

 

If you don't do that, you'll just have a painful weekly reminder that you're alone and she's not. Plus, I sense she's playing with you. A good woman wouldn't have "casually" written you when any person with a brain would understand that it would get your hopes up and eventually hurt you.

 

Find someone else!

[Rainmkr555]

Thank you. I really do appreciate your time in reading my long post and responding to try to help me. It is Fourth of July night right now, I went out with some friends earlier. But my mind is only on her. All I'm doing is thinking about her being with this man right now watching fireworks with him. I am sure they will have sex tonight of course. I have to get over this pain. I still do have this gift that I was planning on giving to her for her birthday later this month. I know I need to cut all ties with her and make her only a colleague from now on. After two years of us being so close and more than just colleagues it's going to be very difficult. I still do want to mail her this gift at least for her birthday. And include a nice card explaining again exactly how I feel about her. But maybe ending it with if you cannot give me the things I am looking for from you then we can only be coworkers. What do you think?

[mightycpa]

I was one of those 90 reads, and I skipped because I didn't really know what to say. Now, I think I do.

 

You're fooling yourself if you think this is romance. She's banging you, that's pretty much the long and short of it. She was into you for one thing, and it's the thing you put into her.

 

Now she has found someone that she wants for other reasons. That's as good as you're going to get.

 

She likes him. She ****ed you. Big difference. Accept it. That's easier said than done, but it is what you have to do.

[JADIE]

I still do want to mail her this gift at least for her birthday. And include a nice card explaining again exactly how I feel about her. But maybe ending it with if you cannot give me the things I am looking for from you then we can only be coworkers. What do you think?

 

What do I think? A big fat NO. Do not write her anything...send the gift if you must and a generic birthday card, but skip the explanations, emotions, the "if you cannot give me" stuff...it looks really weak, clingy, needy and like you just can't get the picture she's been drawing for you. She's already made it ABUNDANTLY clear that she has NO intention of giving you what you want with her...do you want to be beat over the head with it one more time? If I was on the receiving end of a card telling me once again how someone I've ended a fling with feels, I would lose whatever remaining respect I had for them and feel nothing but pity at their inability to let go and move on. Is that what you want? Pity? ICK. Just ICK.

 

I'm not normally so harsh but geez, you keep asking the same thing after people have given you good advice to move on....

[dumbass2]

"I still do want to mail her this gift at least for her birthday. And include a nice card explaining again exactly how I feel about her. But maybe ending it with if you cannot give me the things I am looking for from you then we can only be coworkers. What do you think?"

 

No way should you mail her that gift or send her a card or acknowledge her birthday in any way. Right now you are not lovers or even friends. You are co-workers once again and that's all. You really need to end all personal communication now and keep it strictly business. You have to do this because you are not able to handle even the slightest bit of something personal from her (even a smiley) because then you start to wonder what she is doing or meaning by it. She is very clear on what she had with you and that you are no longer needed for that. She may have thought that you were fun to date and have some physical contact with, but she never allowed herself to become emotionally attached to you like you did with her because she did not see a long term future with you. She did tell you upfront and you even admit that it wasn't a relationship. Well, at least in boyfriend/girlfriend terms.

 

Listen, I know YOU got emotionally attached and find her very attractive, but she doesn't and has never felt towards you like you do for her. That was never her intention and you will never be able to get what you truly want from this woman and that is to have a normal relationship that could lead to something. I sense it's not easy for you. You have feelings for her and it hurts like hell right now. You have to protect yourself and keep it 100% business. If she questions that, then just tell her that you need to have it this way and that you can't be friends with her and let her know to stop all personal type communication. If you keep after her, it very well could cause problems at your work and you do not want something like this to potentially damage your work relations with your employer.

Edited July 5, 2015 by dumbass2

[Rainmkr555]

I've read everyone's advice....and to a sane person it makes 100% sense and I should follow every word of it.

 

But right now I am not sane at all. I am going crazy over this pain!! I'm at work now. Sitting at my desk and feeling so miserable.

 

She of course did not text me at all this weekend. Not once. I put a new selfie up on FB on saturday and surprisingly she ended up "Liking" it though. What does that mean? But of course she did not sent me any messages anywhere at all.

 

I have not had to call her about work so for this morning....I hope I do not have to at all today. But I have to call her after work. I have to talk to her. I know it will make me look weak in her eyes but who cares at this point??!! Whether I play it cool, indifferent, nice, rude.....she's never going to want to be with me NO MATTER WHAT. So why not let her know how much pain she is causing me? Let her know that while she was out of state with this guy for the 4th enjoying the fireworks with him and probably banging his brains out....That I was having a miserable 4th all because of HER. That all I was doing was thinking of her and wishing that I could be with her. If I have ZERO chance of being with her no matter what I do....then I want her to feel GUILTY for all this pain she is inflicting on me by being with this guy and never talking to me anymore.

[Learningtowalkagain]

Those feelings are normal believe it or not. My ex and I broke up 6 months ago, she's with someone else and now it's bothering me. You're repeating a cycle that's tearing you apart. You need to break that cycle. I would NOT contact and make her feel guilty. It just makes you look immature, resentful and needy. Be the bigger person. Like I said, those feelings are normal, acting on them is just going to cause you more pain. Don't let her bring you down. Move on, go to the gym, find a hobby, spend time with friends and family. And for the love of God unfriend her and block her on Facebook. You're just prolonging your misery by seeing her with this other guy. I still care for my ex but the moment I decided to go back on fb I immediately unfriended her. There's no good that can come from seeing her on social media with another guy if you're still having these feelings.

 

Maybe try therapy if nothing else works. Talking helps a lot, just getting a professional opinion can go a long ways.

[Male3133]

Dude... you know what to do but are having a hard time doing it. We all get it which is why you have so few posts. We can't really provide more insight.

 

Maybe this - just tell yourself "I'll hold off on contacting her for 1 day". that's all. If that won't work, make it "till noon" or "till after work".

 

Then just put it aside - knowing you are only really committing to the NC for that period of time. It will be easier - you have made it many days so a few hours or a day isn't so bad.

 

Then when that time passes, just say "ok I just will hold off until tomorrow after work" or something like that.

 

One day at a time... before you know it time will have passed.

 

Good luck

[dumbass2]

I've read everyone's advice....and to a sane person it makes 100% sense and I should follow every word of it.

 

But right now I am not sane at all. I am going crazy over this pain!! I'm at work now. Sitting at my desk and feeling so miserable.

 

She of course did not text me at all this weekend. Not once. I put a new selfie up on FB on saturday and surprisingly she ended up "Liking" it though. What does that mean? But of course she did not sent me any messages anywhere at all.

 

I have not had to call her about work so for this morning....I hope I do not have to at all today. But I have to call her after work. I have to talk to her. I know it will make me look weak in her eyes but who cares at this point??!! Whether I play it cool, indifferent, nice, rude.....she's never going to want to be with me NO MATTER WHAT. So why not let her know how much pain she is causing me? Let her know that while she was out of state with this guy for the 4th enjoying the fireworks with him and probably banging his brains out....That I was having a miserable 4th all because of HER. That all I was doing was thinking of her and wishing that I could be with her. If I have ZERO chance of being with her no matter what I do....then I want her to feel GUILTY for all this pain she is inflicting on me by being with this guy and never talking to me anymore.

 

You say IF you have zero chance with her. I say right now you're probably done, but do what you are thinking and that will seal the deal. She will not feel guilty. She might be sorry for you, but she did nothing she is going to feel guilty about. Again, if this helps, tell yourself that if you do the things you are thinking of doing you will come off pathetic in her eyes and no woman wants a weak / pathetic acting man. Do it and seal the deal or tell yourself it's time to man up and take it on the chin and bounce back and show her. Show her you're strong. Women like strong minded men.

[54JA]

I would advice you not to contact her about this either. It's important to accept that she has absolutely no role in your healing process. It's important to figure out a way to heal that does not involve her at all. Also, since you two work together, you might wanna check your employer's work place dating policy. If not, be familiar with harassment policy. It's better to be safe than sorry.

[Palmeiras]

I've read everyone's advice....and to a sane person it makes 100% sense and I should follow every word of it.

 

But right now I am not sane at all. I am going crazy over this pain!! I'm at work now. Sitting at my desk and feeling so miserable.

 

She of course did not text me at all this weekend. Not once. I put a new selfie up on FB on saturday and surprisingly she ended up "Liking" it though. What does that mean? But of course she did not sent me any messages anywhere at all.

 

I have not had to call her about work so for this morning....I hope I do not have to at all today. But I have to call her after work. I have to talk to her. I know it will make me look weak in her eyes but who cares at this point??!! Whether I play it cool, indifferent, nice, rude.....she's never going to want to be with me NO MATTER WHAT. So why not let her know how much pain she is causing me? Let her know that while she was out of state with this guy for the 4th enjoying the fireworks with him and probably banging his brains out....That I was having a miserable 4th all because of HER. That all I was doing was thinking of her and wishing that I could be with her. If I have ZERO chance of being with her no matter what I do....then I want her to feel GUILTY for all this pain she is inflicting on me by being with this guy and never talking to me anymore.

 

This is going to sound really awful, but by going to her with your pain, her ego is going to get massaged in a perverse way. Far from making her feel guilty, she will probably feel even more fantastic inside the dark recesses of her heart, and she will respond to you in a condescending, pitying way. Do you want THAT?

 

So she "liked" your selfie on FB? That even registers at this point? Seriously, listen to yourself.

 

Walk away. Do it. Otherwise, you're going to give her the chance to make this far worse for you.

 

(BTW, I have a friend who is in a very similar situation currently. I told him it was radioactive months ago, but he didn't listen. Now he is suffering terribly.)

Edited July 7, 2015 by Palmeiras

[Rainmkr555]

Thank you guys for all your support. Really.

 

I did end up calling her after work yesterday....

 

She was very surprised that I was still broken up over this situation. It seemed in her mind that it was crazy of me to STILL be hurting over this....when me and her were never really in a relationship. She does have a point. She never promised me anything, she never said I love you to me, and it was definitely made clear that we were never together. For me though it was never totally about us being together. It was more about the companionship. The friendship that she gave me.

 

Yes we were intimate on a few occasions and yes I was extremely attracted to her physically and I would think about her sexually a lot. But for me.... I just really enjoyed talking to her almost every day for the past two years. This is going to sound pathetic I know.... but I don't have many friends. I have a couple of close friends but not a whole sprawling network of people that I can confide in. So for me to have someone like her who I was talking to all the time about everything and getting so close to her..... Now that it's been taken away from me...it feels to ME anyway....like a break up.

 

I wish I had explained all of this to her yesterday. But instead I think I just made her feel like I wished that she was with me and not this other guy. Of course I do wish that she was not with this man now so that me and her could continue the friendship that we had..... But I also knew that one day she was going to find someone she wanted to be with for real and that I would have to let her go. I guess when this thing started I just never realized how hard it would be once that day actually came.

 

She did talk to me for half an hour though and we ended on a good note. I reassured her over and over and over again that everything is fine. I want her to be happy. That while yes the situation is hurting me that I will move on and get over it and that nothing changes as far as our working relationship is concerned. I also told her that I will not contact her on a personal level anymore. She seemed to be accepting of that.

 

Today, I talked to her on the phone twice regarding work. Both times she seemed normal. I also had to send her text message about something else and she replied with a normal response of "ok thanks". I'm not going to contact her again. At least I'm going to try my best not to. My hope is that even though I will still see her once a week at work and still talk to her every day for work..... That if I'm able to keep this up for long enough, not texting her or calling her on a personal level, that hopefully I will get over her.

 

It sounds to me MUCH easier said than done though and I really don't know how I'm going to do this.... But I know I have to.

 

I just feel really lonely right now.

[Rainmkr555]

To recap real fast:

 

I posted a story on here last month about being heartbroken about a woman I work with who I had a fling/affair with for about a year and a half and she is now in a 2 month long relationship with some man that she seems to really like a lot.

 

It's been extremely hard for me to get over her. Not only because I have to talk to her every day through work and see her once a week...... But also because I want her again so badly. I miss the attention from her. It's almost like I am addicted to it. I honestly think that I am in love with her. Otherwise I would not be so crushed and devastated by this situation AND keep making mistakes that delay my process to get over her.

 

Here is my original post:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/535510-got-involved-someone-work-now-i-m-heart-broken

 

I am now back to square one.

 

I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just NOT talk to her. I couldn't just only be professional with her about work matters. I missed her. I needed to be able to talk to her like we did before.

 

About a week and a half ago she sent me a text asking how I was doing. I told her it's hard for me but that I think I'm getting better and I'm taking it one day at a time. She said she was happy I was getting better. But I could not leave it at that. I asked her if I continue to get better could her and I talk again. She said "sure :)"

 

So for past week and a half me and her have been doing just that. Talking. Just like we did for a year and a half that this "fling" or whatever you want to call it went on between us.

 

I would text her at night to say good night and we talked a little bit. She would start texting me in the morning and sending smiley faces all the time just like she used to.

 

There was no mention of this man at all for the past week and a half and we were texting at night again....something I have not done with her for a month now. Part of me even started to believe that maybe she was no longer with him and that she was thinking of giving me another chance. A real chance to see if something could happen between us.

 

I really was feeling so amazing the past week and a half. Talking to her again just like we used to. Talking at night. Talking the same way we used to talk to each other in our enduring way. I felt happy.

 

Her birthday is coming up in 2 days on Tuesday. Last weekend I talked to her and I knew she was not with this man because she was with her daughter the whole weekend. I felt good about that because I knew she was not with him.

 

But then....this past Friday...... When I got off work I sent her a text about a work issue. She replied. No problem. And then she asked me if I am looking forward to the weekend. I said yes I guess so. And then she said (this is all through texts btw):

 

"Me too )

Have a nice one :)"

 

Immediately I knew this was bad news.

Because normally her texts have a question or would be open ended or something that would indicate she would like to keep talking right now.... But this text clearly was aimed at saying "yep I'm looking forward to my weekend too. OK enjoy yours bye!!"

I of course, like an idiot, wanted to probe further.

 

So I asked her what her plans are. She responded with:

 

"Celebrating my birthday :)"

 

To which I replied asking her how she will be celebrating this weekend. And then I also sent this: "I wish I could celebrate your birthday with you :("

 

And then her:

 

"I'm sorry .

I don't know what I will be doing . He better surprises me ...if not he will be in big trouble

I have to go.

Again have a nice weekend :)"

 

I did not reply. And I still have not. I was devastated after I read this. For a week and a half her and I had been texting back-and-forth like we used to. No mention of this man at all. Don't get me wrong, it's not like she was telling me she wants to give me a chance or wants to hook up with me again or anything like that. But we were conversing back-and-forth the way we used to before this man.

 

Why wouldn't she just say she's celebrating with "friends" this weekend? I have not pleaded with her or begged her or anything for the past week we have been talking. We were just talking like we used to that's it. I never brought this man up and either did she. I KNOW we are just friends. Why does she have to throw it in my face like that that she'll be spending the whole weekend with this guy? When she 100% KNOWS that it would hurt me to know that.

 

Seeing that word "he" has torn my world apart again. I have been depressed all weekend. Barely slept the past 2 nights. Again my mind is racing thinking about her with him right now. I am sure she screwed his brains out the last 2 nights and she may even be screwing his brains out right now as I'm writing this

 

What the hell do I do? I need to send her something on Monday. And I was hoping to send something like this:

"Good morning!

I hope you had a great weekend!!

I am sure you did

Did that new nurse end up contacting you?"

 

By ending it with a work related question she can feel comfortable knowing that everything is OK. Even though it's not. Do you think it's a good idea to show her that I am not bothered at all by this? And that I am happy for her? Even though on the inside I am destroyed and devastated by the situation. And of course I still do need to send her a text on Tuesday wishing her happy birthday. I would be a total jerk not to do that.

 

Anyway. What should I do guys? I know I messed up.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Rainmkr555

[imtrying211]

I think her adding the "he" was her way of letting you know she was still involved without outright saying "you know I still have a BF, right". She could probably sense your agenda, which is wanting to get back to the way things were. She sees you as a friend, and now you have to ask yourself if you are OK with that. Can you handle just being a friend, and possibly hearing about her personal life with this new guy? The answer is likely no.

 

A lot of us, myself included, try to stay in our ex's lives in any way possible, including just being friends. But this whole being friends thing is one big fat lie! You know you want more, but she isn't willing to give anymore, so you need to stop lying to yourself. Don't text her again, just keep everything work related. I also work with my ex, and it makes the healing process that much more difficult. I struggle everyday on whether or not I should talk to him, try to see him, because I just miss him so much. I'm slowly learning that the longer I stay in any kind of contact, the worse I feel. If you truly want to move on, you have to let her go, let her go live her life without you.