i did everything wrong tonight. Am I really the problem?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Haven't had my internet for the past few days. It's just now working.

 

I'm such a train wreck. I set myself so far back tonight that I'm now on the edge of giving up on everything. I was doing so well. It all fell apart tonight.

 

I was going to meet up with some friends at a local hangout tonight. Before I could get there, my friend texts me and says "before you get here you should know that (ex) is here with a girl."

 

So I stayed away. I didn't want to go there and see it. This all took me by surprise.

 

So I go somewhere else. I'm having a good time. He shows up with this girl...

 

Turns out, I KNOW THIS GIRL. We are casual acquaintances and have always been friendly. She worked at the same place once. She instantly turns cruel when I tell her she's with my ex. I've known this girl like four years. We have always been super cordial to each other. She starts antagonizing me at the bar after I told her she was with my ex. She goes on the dance floor and intentionally bumps into me and laughs at me while my ex watches.

 

I finally went outside with a guy I was hanging out with. He then comes out and leaves with her and her friend.

 

This was all after I confronted him. I was drunk. He knows how I am when I drink. I get upset. I asked him to please go on the other side so I don't have to be around him. He refuses. He sits there the whole night and watches her dance. He told me he thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but everything that has happened has really pushed me over the edge.

 

I had the best job of my life when I met this guy. I lost it because I got into trouble over him. He was such a jerk after this all happened, and that's when he pulled away from me. I asked him why he couldn't try to make it work. He said he just got sick of me. I cried. I acted pathetic. I did everything I shouldn't do. I didn't even want to see him tonight. I'm so good when I don't see him.

 

I'd been doing so good. I've only talked to him a handful of times since we broke up two months ago.

 

He lied. He cheated. He had hickeys on his neck and condoms in his pocket and came home to me like that. He STILL claims he didn't cheat, even tonight he claimed it. Is it possible he didn't cheat? He says I just make things up. He still turns it all around on me.

 

But the knife was turned tonight when I saw he is with this girl who I know. I know she owes nothing to me, but it's still this awful pain. I told you guys I live in a small town. I can't bear to see these two together.

 

The pain im feeling is just as bad as the day he left now. I did everything wrong. I texted and confronted him. He was so cruel. I drank and drank to try to not care.

 

I just needed to let this all out. I need someone to talk to. Am I really crazy like he says? Is it possible he really didn't even cheat even though he had the marks on his neck and the condoms? Is he gas lighting me? He makes me feel as if I'm the problem. I just need someone. Anyone. Please.

[d0nnivain]

No it's not possible he didn't cheat. Do you really think he stuck a vacuum hose against his skin to get the hickeys?

 

 

It sounds like he prefers drama queens which is why this person you used to be cordial colleagues with turned psycho & physical when you saw them out.

 

 

If you try to convince yourself that he was the wronged party here, then perhaps you are nuts. Otherwise you are just fine, & better off without him. Going forward never throw away a good job over a lost relationship

[lana-banana]

There is no one focal point here; the entire situation is a mess. This guy is immature and weird, his friends are hostile, and you have repeatedly alluded to an alcohol problem. "Quit drinking and move the hell out" may not be realistic advice, but you could at least commit to the first part to prevent any further drunken confrontations.

 

Whether he cheated on you is irrelevant at this point. He's not your concern anymore. Don't text him, confront him, or have any contact whatsoever. When you see him you should just turn around and leave.

[aloneinaz]

First of all... BREATHE.. Take some deep breathes. It's not as bad as your catastrophic thinking is telling you it is. Only you know how your behavior was in that failed relationship with his was. I guarantee you that he wasn't perfect either in it.

 

 

What's important for you to cling to is that relationship didn't work. We've all had relationships that didn't work. Most of us older folks have had plenty of relationships that failed. This is why at your age, you try on different people to see who fits and who doesn't fit.

 

 

I might have said this to you already. You're not doing yourself any favors by going out and running into him. Yes, I get it's a small town but look at what happens to you emotionally. Can you drive to a different town and go out and have fun?

 

 

When my ex ended us, I AVOIDED anywhere I might see or run into her. I vanished from her life so I could heal and move on. Why? Cause of what you're experiencing. When we still care about someone that doesn't want us, we don't need to see/hear/talk to them.

 

 

You're going to be fine. Understand that alcohol makes things MUCH worse when you're hurting. It causes depression. He makes you do stupid things.

 

 

My suggestion is to find other places to go to where you don't keep bumping into this guy so you can heal from it. No, I don't think you need to stay home all the time. Find somewhere else to go to.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

He is still convincing me that I was the problem in our relationship. I was "crazy" and drove him away.

 

The hickeys, according to him, we're not hickeys at all. He "got into a fight and was choked" and that is how he got the marks.

 

The condom: he "grabbed if off of his friend's dresser when getting his stuff" while he was drunk.

 

He told me tonight "You always make stuff up. You're crazy."

 

The bad part is, he's so good at planting seeds of doubt in my mind. Part of me WANTS TO BELIEVE HIM.

 

This girl and I have always been on good terms. She was so cruel to me tonight.

 

I know it sounds juvenile, but I do believe in a certain code when it comes to exes. If this guy is my ex and he ruined my life, and you and I are on good terms, as a woman at least try to have a little compassion.

 

I am so devastated. I am convinced now that I'm the bad one. Why is he so good at making me feel this way?!

[aloneinaz]

He is still convincing me that I was the problem in our relationship. I was "crazy" and drove him away.

 

The hickeys, according to him, we're not hickeys at all. He "got into a fight and was choked" and that is how he got the marks.

 

The condom: he "grabbed if off of his friend's dresser when getting his stuff" while he was drunk.

 

He told me tonight "You always make stuff up. You're crazy."

 

The bad part is, he's so good at planting seeds of doubt in my mind. Part of me WANTS TO BELIEVE HIM.

 

This girl and I have always been on good terms. She was so cruel to me tonight.

 

I know it sounds juvenile, but I do believe in a certain code when it comes to exes. If this guy is my ex and he ruined my life, and you and I are on good terms, as a woman at least try to have a little compassion.

 

I am so devastated. I am convinced now that I'm the bad one. Why is he so good at making me feel this way?!

 

 

Re-read this thread. YOU'RE ALLOWING all of this. Who cares what your ex thinks? He's your ex now. Did he cheat? Why does it really matter now? It's all behind you if you allow it.

 

 

I'm being blunt here but you need to understand that how you feel and how you chose to move forward is in YOUR hands. You can stay stuck here in this or you can tell yourself "enough" and move forward.

[Satu]

You are definitely not crazy.

 

Be aware that self medicating with alcohol always make things worse, never better. The initial effect of the alcohol makes you feel better for half an hour or so, and then everything starts to go downhill.

 

You did yourself no favour by chatting with his gf. It would have better if you'd just said Hi and left at that.

 

From what you say it seems likely that you'll run into him/them again at some point.

 

How can you handle it better next time?

 

You can handle it better.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Re-read this thread. YOU'RE ALLOWING all of this. Who cares what your ex thinks? He's your ex now. Did he cheat? Why does it really matter now? It's all behind you if you allow it.

 

 

I'm being blunt here but you need to understand that how you feel and how you chose to move forward is in YOUR hands. You can stay stuck here in this or you can tell yourself "enough" and move forward.

 

I'm so humiliated at how I acted. I was drinking, and with him there I got emotional. He knows how to push my buttons. I told him I was tired of his friends threatening me and bothering me. He said that isn't his fault. I begged and pleaded with him like an idiot to understand how much he hurt me and the pain I've gone through. Who does that?! It's like everything I have learned on this forum was tossed aside tonight and my emotions took over. I am completely and utterly ashamed.

 

I was doing so well. The last time we talked, I left it all on a good note. I left with my dignity intact. I gave all of that up tonight and all of my tears and crying fell on deaf ears.

 

I just don't understand it. I'm an extremely emotional and sensitive person. I've been through so many trials and difficult times in my life that I take everything personal. His treatment of me has shaken me to my core, and made

Me question my very worth as a human being.

 

He is so good at convincing me that I'm a terrible person, that it's like I try to convince him otherwise and I fail. He was so terrible to be for months and months before he left. He even told me my first ex was right to beat me. He left me alone while he went and partied every weekend. He said and did terrible things but here I am still thinking I deserved all of it. I have even contemplated suicide at times because I thought that if this person, who knew me more than anyone, can stop loving me then what worth do I have as a person? Surely I am not worthy of anyone if he can't accept me, flaws and all.

 

I have driven my friends and family away with my difficulty in getting over this. I cry, I complain. They're all tired of hearing it and I don't blame them.

 

He told me so many times after we broke up that he didn't want to be in a relationship for a "long, long time" so I became comfortable with the idea that I wouldn't have to see him with anyone. I took comfort in it.

 

Tonight set me back so much. I act like a fool because I was in shock. He won. I'm the "bad one" again because I made a scene.

 

I can't go to other towns. I live in rural AK. Towns are few and far between here. Otherwise, I'd never have to see him again.

 

I feel so unworthy, disgusting and my self esteem is shattered all over again. I just don't know why I'm not good enough. He refuses to give me answers. He's still defensive and rude, and makes me think everything is my fault.

 

I have dreams and nightmares almost every night about him. I'm not exaggerating. I can't even escape this in my sleep. I'm at a loss. I am at my wits end. This isn't healthy anymore.

[darkbloom]

This has happened to you before. I know you live in a small town, but going out to a bar and getting drunk is not good for your mental state. You shouldn't have said anything to the girl because he is no longer yours to make a claim on. You should not have confronted him either. It is adding fuel to his claims that you are crazy.

 

Instead, you need to ignore him if you run into him. Whether he speaks to you or not. Whether the girl he is with antagonizes you or not. Complete freeze out. Pretend he is just some stranger you've never met before. Your other option is staying home until you've gotten to a place that you can deal with ex encounters.

 

You are prolonging your healing. Time for a change.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

You are definitely not crazy.

 

Be aware that self medicating with alcohol always make things worse, never better. The initial effect of the alcohol makes you feel better for half an hour or so, and then everything starts to go downhill.

 

You did yourself no favour by chatting with his gf. It would have better if you'd just said Hi and left at that.

 

From what you say it seems likely that you'll run into him/them again at some point.

 

How can you handle it better next time?

 

You can handle it better.

 

It's inevitable that I will see them again. This is such a small town.

 

I can just keep my head up and ignore them the next time, but what's the use if they both know how affected I am? He knows me. He knows I'm upset over it. I could just stay home every weekend, but that won't do much either.

 

He will PCS next year, probably around April or May, then I will never have to see him again. But I do fear I will still want "answers" even after he's gone. Even the day he left me he wouldn't sit down and talk. He just packed up, hurled insults at me and left. He has made me doubt my very worth. He told me I am a loser who lost my job and "cried to my mommy", that I'm disgusting and that in crazy.

 

He knows I have low self esteem and he plays off of it.

[BC1980]

Yes, he is gaslighting you, but I think the bigger concern here is how to avoid him. The fact that's he's still blaming you at this point is irrelevant because you have no relationship with him. At this point, if you see him again, I would leave the place and go somewhere else. You've had several run ins that all ended badly, so there is no point in putting yourself in that situation again. An even better idea would be to try new places. It's become obvious to me that he really enjoys upsetting you and even seems to go out of his way to do so. But you don't have to allow it. You can't engage with someone like that, you can't convince them you are right. All you can do is walk away and never speak to them again.

[Satu]

When you were with him he hurt you.

 

Now that you're not, you're hurting yourself.

 

Your behaviour - especially when you've been drinking, seems self-destructive.

 

I've known many people with alcohol problems over the years, and your out of control, exceedingly dramatic behaviour fits the picture.

 

I might be wrong, but I don't think I am.

 

How much do you drink?

 

Do you binge?

 

Has anyone expressed concern about your relationship with alcohol?

 

If I am wrong I will not mention it again, but your behaviour looks alcohol fueled to me. If that is the case, you need to take some steps towards a healthier way of living.

 

Take care.

[CarrieT]

Here is a common thread in your issues:

This was all after I confronted him. I was drunk. He knows how I am when I drink. I get upset. I asked him to please go on the other side so I don't have to be around him. He refuses. He sits there the whole night and watches her dance. He told me he thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but everything that has happened has really pushed me over the edge.

and

The pain im feeling is just as bad as the day he left now. I did everything wrong. I texted and confronted him. He was so cruel. I drank and drank to try to not care.

and

The condom: he "grabbed if off of his friend's dresser when getting his stuff" while he was drunk.

 

ALCOHOL is a *big* problem for all of you. Then you say this:

I have dreams and nightmares almost every night about him. I'm not exaggerating. I can't even escape this in my sleep. I'm at a loss. I am at my wits end. This isn't healthy anymore.

You are right that it isn't healthy. And you are at wits end so you know what an alternative would be?

 

STOP DRINKING.

 

Seriously. Even in a small town, there are tons of things to do that don't involve alcohol. Find those things and start hanging with people who don't drink. You don't need to go to those places where your Ex hangs out. Find new places and stay off the booze.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

The hardest part is going over and over and over our entire relationship in my mind.

 

He was so good to me for the first few months. Took me out, did things around the house, told me he wanted to spend his life with me and how much he Loved everything about me. Made me feel more loved and appreciated than anyone ever had.

 

It all changed last summer after this big incident. He withdrew. Started to not want to be around me as much.

 

I know I was difficult at times, but I was emotionally exhausted and frustrated. It was so hard being with him. He was mean, insulting and I had to do everything physically and emotionally in our relationship. The cooking, cleaning. He said its my place as a woman to do all that. I even had to remind this grown man to change his own underwear and brush his teeth. I cried, I for angry. When I tried to talk, he would LITERALLY plug his ears and say "la, la, la" and roll his eyes like a two year old. He even did it tonight when I tried to talk to him.

 

I was at my wits end, but I stayed! I thought I could make it work, that I was the difficult one and I made him this way. I turned this amazing man into a jerk. It was all my fault, right?

 

He didn't want to do things with me anymore. He didn't want me to meet his family. He stopped having sex. The more he pulled away, the more I clung into him.

 

Any sane and normal person would run. My friends and family all hated him. My mother told me over and over "He is not the one."

 

I learned so much from this forum. I went NC most of the time. He got irritated that I wouldn't talk to him.

 

I gave him all the power back tonight. I did everything wrong imaginable.

 

I'm starting to think I need to see a professional about this. It's not healthy. I don't want to leave the house as much anymore. I sit her and obsess over what I could have done to save us. I wonder why I'm not good enough. I go to the gym and diet, and Ive lost fifteen pounds already, but I do it in the hopes he will want to come back. What is wrong with me? Am I codependent?

 

You all must think I'm insane. Maybe I am. I just don't know what to do anymore. My thoughts drive me nuts. The logical part of me knows this would have never worked, but my low self esteem and emotions and his words convince me that I'm the wrong one, that I caused him to be this way.

 

And honestly, is it possible that I convinced him to be this way by being frustrated and "crazy" in our relationship, or will he always be like this?

 

He was married once before. He claims she cheated, and he talked so badly of her. I'm beginning to wonder if he plays victim with each breakup, and I know he speaks badly of me and that's why his friends are so hateful.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

When you were with him he hurt you.

 

Now that you're not, you're hurting yourself.

 

Your behaviour - especially when you've been drinking, seems self-destructive.

 

I've known many people with alcohol problems over the years, and your out of control, exceedingly dramatic behaviour fits the picture.

 

I might be wrong, but I don't think I am.

 

How much do you drink?

 

Do you binge?

 

Has anyone expressed concern about your relationship with alcohol?

 

If I am wrong I will not mention it again, but your behaviour looks alcohol fueled to me. If that is the case, you need to take some steps towards a healthier way of living.

 

Take care.

 

Here is a common thread in your issues:

 

and

 

and

 

 

ALCOHOL is a *big* problem for all of you. Then you say this:

 

You are right that it isn't healthy. And you are at wits end so you know what an alternative would be?

 

STOP DRINKING.

 

Seriously. Even in a small town, there are tons of things to do that don't involve alcohol. Find those things and start hanging with people who don't drink. You don't need to go to those places where your Ex hangs out. Find new places and stay off the booze.

 

Since the breakup, I've drank excessively maybe two or three times, and yes I do it when I see him to "dull" the pain and try to calm my nerves. It always backfires. Otherwise, I don't drink at all. I don't keep alcohol in my house. I don't make it a "regular" thing at all. It's just when he's around me, I do it to make myself feel better, or at least try to.

 

I will say that there were preexisting anxiety and depression issues. There were some things that had happened in previous months that made it worse. Drinking hasn't really been an issue in the past, though.

 

I have unhealthy coping mechanisms. That's why I think I need to see someone. I've also not been sleeping well at all for the past two months, and it's wreaking havoc on my mind and body.

[Simon Phoenix]

He sucks and seems terrible, but you really have an uncanny knack for blowing everything out of proportion, which is mostly due to your alcohol drinking. Why are you talking to them at all? Instead of going somewhere else, you not only stay where you are, but you continue to poke the bear. Why are you talking to the girl he's dating? Why are you talking to him? Why are you trying to tell him your feelings? If he wanted to know your feelings, he'd still be dating you. Stop looking for validation from this man. You keep trying to "set the record straight" and you keep f--king it up. The more you continue to meddle, the worse it is.

 

Honestly, this is exactly why your speech to him the last time was so ill-advised. It didn't give you closure at all -- it just continued to prolong this. I don't blame your friends and family for being frustrated with you, because you seem to be going out of your way to sabotage yourself, whether it's by confronting your ex or just by losing control of your alcohol. STOP TRYING TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT ABOUT THE BREAK!! He doesn't care, and quite honestly, neither should you. He's a piece of crap, so why do you keep trying to cowtow to him? Seriously, get your head straight.

 

You need to do at least one of these three things, if not all three. Right now you are doing zero.

 

1. Either chill on the drinking or cut it completely out. You don't seem to be able to control yourself when you have alcohol in you. Stop being the drunk, overly emotional and drama-filled girl. He's dramatic and petty enough -- stop trying to match his drama and pettiness. Let it go. You being sober would do you a lot of good.

 

2. When you see him out, leave. Stop trying to prove a point and stop making an already-difficult process that much more daunting. You don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery, so stop trying to do it in the hardest way possible. I mean, jesus dude.

 

3. You need to seriously think about moving. Not only would that get you away from this toxic situation completely, but you could probably use a bit of a change of scenery anyway. I can't imagine there are many economic benefits to living in small-town Alaska. Go to a bigger city (be it in Alaska or somewhere else) and broaden your horizons. Go to school, get another type of job, stop pigeon-holing yourself and selling yourself short. Experience the world and live life. Don't just sit around and take up space.

 

Your ex is awful. He seems to get off on treating you like dirt. But you need to stop feeding that beast and you need to stop trying to change his behavior. You can't control his behavior -- you can only control yours. And unfortunately, you are failing miserably at self-control. Stop chasing closure, stop trying to make him see your views on things. Move forward -- stop looking for any and all excuses to stay in the muck. And for god's sake, stop getting drunk.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

So what's his story on how the hickies got on his neck & the condoms in his pocket, or did those only exist in your mind?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

So what's his story on how the hickies got on his neck & the condoms in his pocket, or did those only exist in your mind?

 

The hickeys: he got into a fight with some random person at a bar. The guy was choking him and the rubbing of his hands in his neck made the marks.

 

The condom: he was drunk and at his buddy's room, and accidentally grabbed the condom off of his friend's dresser when he was grabbing his things.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

He sucks and seems terrible, but you really have an uncanny knack for blowing everything out of proportion, which is mostly due to your alcohol drinking. Why are you talking to them at all? Instead of going somewhere else, you not only stay where you are, but you continue to poke the bear. Why are you talking to the girl he's dating? Why are you talking to him? Why are you trying to tell him your feelings? If he wanted to know your feelings, he'd still be dating you. Stop looking for validation from this man. You keep trying to "set the record straight" and you keep f--king it up. The more you continue to meddle, the worse it is.

 

Honestly, this is exactly why your speech to him the last time was so ill-advised. It didn't give you closure at all -- it just continued to prolong this. I don't blame your friends and family for being frustrated with you, because you seem to be going out of your way to sabotage yourself, whether it's by confronting your ex or just by losing control of your alcohol. STOP TRYING TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT ABOUT THE BREAK!! He doesn't care, and quite honestly, neither should you. He's a piece of crap, so why do you keep trying to cowtow to him? Seriously, get your head straight.

 

You need to do at least one of these three things, if not all three. Right now you are doing zero.

 

1. Either chill on the drinking or cut it completely out. You don't seem to be able to control yourself when you have alcohol in you. Stop being the drunk, overly emotional and drama-filled girl. He's dramatic and petty enough -- stop trying to match his drama and pettiness. Let it go. You being sober would do you a lot of good.

 

2. When you see him out, leave. Stop trying to prove a point and stop making an already-difficult process that much more daunting. You don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery, so stop trying to do it in the hardest way possible. I mean, jesus dude.

 

3. You need to seriously think about moving. Not only would that get you away from this toxic situation completely, but you could probably use a bit of a change of scenery anyway. I can't imagine there are many economic benefits to living in small-town Alaska. Go to a bigger city (be it in Alaska or somewhere else) and broaden your horizons. Go to school, get another type of job, stop pigeon-holing yourself and selling yourself short. Experience the world and live life. Don't just sit around and take up space.

 

Your ex is awful. He seems to get off on treating you like dirt. But you need to stop feeding that beast and you need to stop trying to change his behavior. You can't control his behavior -- you can only control yours. And unfortunately, you are failing miserably at self-control. Stop chasing closure, stop trying to make him see your views on things. Move forward -- stop looking for any and all excuses to stay in the muck. And for god's sake, stop getting drunk.

 

I actually start school in a little over a week. I am taking a couple of summer classes and in the fall I am full time. I went and signed up about a week after the breakup. He told me I'd never do it but I am. I really had no choice. I have to change careers now so I'm going back. I don't like to go into specifics about what happened, but I will say his own drunken antics have cost me dearly.

 

I don't want to move until I finish this degree. I do want to get out of this state, though. I do think there is some truth to the high rates of depression up here. It hasn't been a good experience. I have a history of depression and anxiety.

[aloneinaz]

This is in YOUR hands. YOU have to make a decision to say ENOUGH of this drama filled crap. You don't need "answers" or "closure". He's one person with an apparent drinking problem. Who give a rats azz what he thinks of you or anyone else.

 

 

You need to decide to stop wallowing in this BS. What could you possibly miss about this guy? Rationally, view it as a big mistake that you can learn from. F-up people are out there. Most people identify them and go the other direction in a hurry. You're choosing to continue to keep this drama going by not only running into him but to talk to him and his GF while intoxicated.

 

 

There's no way most of the people on this board would go out to places where a recent ex is or could be. NO WAY. If we ran into them at a grocery store, we'd go the other direction. You're doing the polar opposite. It's like a kid who burn his finger on a lite candle yet keeps doing it again and again, even though he knows it hurts.

 

 

Who cares about last night. It's HISTORY now. Everyone has done stupid stuff after a break up. LEARN FROM IT. Avoid drinking and going places you can run into him at. Stay at home for a month or two and dry out. The time away from this stupid drama will help you move on. You just have to do it for yourself..

[mightycpa]

I can just keep my head up and ignore them the next time, but what's the use if they both know how affected I am?

I get the distinct impression you love the drama you cause. The use, of course, is to put it behind you. Who cares what they think, just don't engage. If you can't stay and do that, then leave and do that.

 

Pretty simple, really.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

This is in YOUR hands. YOU have to make a decision to say ENOUGH of this drama filled crap. You don't need "answers" or "closure". He's one person with an apparent drinking problem. Who give a rats azz what he thinks of you or anyone else.

 

 

You need to decide to stop wallowing in this BS. What could you possibly miss about this guy? Rationally, view it as a big mistake that you can learn from. F-up people are out there. Most people identify them and go the other direction in a hurry. You're choosing to continue to keep this drama going by not only running into him but to talk to him and his GF while intoxicated.

 

 

There's no way most of the people on this board would go out to places where a recent ex is or could be. NO WAY. If we ran into them at a grocery store, we'd go the other direction. You're doing the polar opposite. It's like a kid who burn his finger on a lite candle yet keeps doing it again and again, even though he knows it hurts.

 

 

Who cares about last night. It's HISTORY now. Everyone has done stupid stuff after a break up. LEARN FROM IT. Avoid drinking and going places you can run into him at. Stay at home for a month or two and dry out. The time away from this stupid drama will help you move on. You just have to do it for yourself..

 

I'll try to learn from it. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm on emotional nut now. It just hurts he can sit there and let that girl talk to me like that and he's known her all of two seconds. He has been really rotten to me after our breakup. I have a hard time with it, because it makes me question if I was important to him and my worth.

 

I just feel pretty devastated now, just as bad as I felt right after the breakup if not worse because now I have the image of these two in my head. It's worse that I know this girl. If someone can be that rude to another girl over a guy she just met, it shows how ugly we as women can be to each other. I never thought the day would could where I'd have to see him with someone else, because he said he wanted to be single for a long time. I wasn't emotionally prepared for this and I don't know how to deal with it. I can't take feeling these emotions anymore. I just want to escape them. I am starting to have frightening thoughts and I don't know what to do about it. It's sad I have come to this.

[CarrieT]

I can assure you that you are not insane.

 

Many, MANY of us have gone through horrific break-ups that devastate us; the trick is simply to keep moving forward, one day at a time.

 

I was with a guy for a little over two years. The first 14 months were *amazing* and the last 16 months were hell. It was the ending of that relationship that brought me to this site and it took me a full two years to get over him.

 

I was in an 11-year relationship as well as a five-year marriage that weren't as hard to get over as that one, toxic relationship.

 

But it does get better. See a counselor and stop going places that you know he may show up. Don't do those things that cause triggers for you that remind you of him.

 

And STOP DRINKING!

[Satu]

It just hurts he can sit there and let that girl talk to me like that.

 

What bothers me more is that YOU let her talk to you like that.

[BC1980]

Many people rewrite the relationship after it happens and then spin the breakup. You can't control that, but you know the truth. You have to get to a point where what you know is all that matters. Take responsibility for your part, and let him have his. It's not your responsibility to set the record straight for him. You can let it drive you crazy, or move on and realize that his opinion of you doesn't matter in the grand scheme of your life. His opinion should be the last one you care about.