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Feel completely betrayed by my ex gf


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My GF dumped exactly a month ago to this day, first serious relationship and I loved this girl with all my heart, made a thread about it earlier, and got lots of support from all of you on LS, but I feel this deserves its own thread.

 

She tells me that Monday morning that she wants a break, that she needs some time alone and isn't ready for a relationship, and wants some time to herself without being locked down. I knew in all likelihood there was another dude, and didn't agree to a break, broke up and went NC, her last words to me were "I love you". I was hurt, I didn't want to break up, and my NC was more of an attempt to get her back instead of healing myself.

 

She'd drop breadcrumbs here and there, and occasionally drop something important, and I'd respond to be polite, but wouldn't carry the conversation, dumb move on my part, I know.

 

Last Thursday, one week ago to this day, she leaves me a text saying how much she misses me, how much she still loves me, and how much she wants to see me again to talk our problems out and possibly get back together. I responded that I'm busy, but maybe we can meet up sometime this week, and hadn't talked to her since.

 

I log into my Facebook today, and see that she is back together with her ex-boyfriend, a dude she told me was "gay" throughout the entire relationship.

 

Nothing in my life has stung as much as seeing that today, literally one week ago she tells me how much she loves and misses me and wants to work things out, and today there's this. I feel like my whole relationship was a lie, how can someone move on from 2 years of being with eachother in not even four weeks? Every I miss you was a lie, every I love you was a lie, even wanting to talk our problems out was a lie. Her ex being gay was a lie, her reasoning for the breakup was a lie, everything was all a big ***ing lie. I want to send her a nasty text telling her how much of a piece of chit she is for making me live this lie, for eliminating 2 years of her life in not even a month, but I know that won't do me any good. I went full NC now, blocked her on FB, IG, etc.

 

I've never been hurt by anything in my life as much as this, I've hooked up with 3 chicks since breaking up, but it didn't make my problems better, only worse because I just compared each girl to my ex and got pissed that they werent in anyway similar.

 

I hate this feeling, worst pain I've ever felt in my life, complete betrayal.

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Look at it this way, she lied that hurts and sucks really bad and I'm sorry for that.. She also went back to her ex .. Those two things should give you the ammo to move on and never talk to her again .. I would be damn if I was anyone's 2nd choice.. Go nc and just focus on yourself you don't need someone like that

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Perhaps she is back with the ex because she was lonely or figured you didn't want her back. Might be trying to make you jealous too. It's very common for people to backpedal.

 

My x did the same thing. He felt I wasn't giving him enough attention and he was a piece of crap that no one else really wanted so he started texting every female he had talked to before we met. If you're desperate for attention and to feel wanted, what better place to go than back to the people who have given that to you in the past? (I mean this sarcastically of course, but that's how narcissistic people think). So I wouldn't think too much of that relationship, she's just looking for attention.

 

The thing is, she asked to work things out, sounds like you kind of blew her off. She may have taken that as a sign of you not being interested. Some people don't like to chase other people.

 

Your entire relationship was not a lie, things changed, and be honest, you don't really know for a fact what's going on in her head. We would love for people to act a certain way when they tell us they love us, but some people have different ideas of love and some just don't know how to express it in the proper way.

 

Is that what you want in the long run? Don't you think you're better off with someone who will stay and work things out with you rather than dump you and then try to work it out?

 

If you were a good person in the relationship, I promise, one day she will regret it. Sounds like she already does. She lost someone who truly loved her and she'll spend a long time searching for something better and probably never find it.

 

You, on the other hand, have lost nothing. You know how to love people unconditionally, you know how to remain committed. You can do much better than her. Her stepping out of the picture just means you're that much closer to being with the person you're meant to be with.

 

Stop hooking up with people for a little bit. It's not going to help. Focus on yourself, healing and moving forward.

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Well, no way around it, if you saw she entered into a new relationship, then time to move on.

 

 

Sooner or later she's going to realize that she's blocked from all of your social media. She's have an idea why, but she'll want know for sure. So, she's going to reach out to you to see if you hate her. When, she tries to make contact, ignore her! Don't answer.

 

 

Time to heal from this and start making positive changes in your life!

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Idk chi town. It sounds like she was just looking around for company and then sincerely reached out to OP to reconcile. OP was cold so she went back to her safety net. OP, if you want to reconcile, hear her out.

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I don't think that there's anything to hear out. She is currently with someone. She's the one that made choices all throughout. She's the one that broke it off with him. She made the choice to have him out of her life.

 

 

So, she tried to come back. The "I love you's" and "I miss you's" and "I want to work it out with you". Now, he didn't say "no", he just said that we'll talk about it next week. Only to discover that she agreed to enter a relationship with someone else. Another choice she made. I mean, God forbid she waits a week when he has a little more time to talk with her. If a girl REALLY wants something bad enough, she will go to the very gates of hell to try and get it. Apparently, he wasn't worth waiting a few days. So, she made the choice to move on with someone else. When does the OP get to make some choices for himself?

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HowMightI-live

Never ever go through an ex social media profile after a breakup. Never. That's like asking for trouble and you won't ever like what you see, trust me; i had to learn the hard way as did you. That being said, dont do it again. As for your ex? She strikes me as a person who doesn't like being alone. She looks for validation in others as she isn't content with herself. She wasn't looking for a relationship or love, she was looking for someone to make her.feel whole and alive. No matter the person. Anyone who bounces from relationship to relationship like that without regard has to feel this way. You deserved better.

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Idk chi town. It sounds like she was just looking around for company and then sincerely reached out to OP to reconcile. OP was cold so she went back to her safety net. OP, if you want to reconcile, hear her out.

 

I wasn't cold to her, but I wasn't too warm to her either, aftershock she is the one who wanted me out of her life. I simply told her I'm busy let's meet up sometime next week. During that timeframe she gets back with her ex

Edited by TZilla11
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I wasn't cold to her, but I wasn't too warm to her either, aftershock she is the one who wanted me out of her life. I simply told her I'm busy let's meet up sometime next week. During that timeframe she gets back with her ex

It was never going to work out. You might have rekindled, but not for long. You unwittingly exposed her for who she really is.

 

Don't give it another thought.

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justsounsure

If you were a good person in the relationship, I promise, one day she will regret it. Sounds like she already does. She lost someone who truly loved her and she'll spend a long time searching for something better and probably never find it.

 

I so wish I could agree with this right now. Obviously, I just wrote a post on anger,so I am currently as angry as OP, but I just don't find this to be true in all cases. My ex prior to this last one found someone as good (or better, in her eyes) as me 6 months later, and they are beyond happily together to this day.

 

And I was a good person in the relationship, and she even told me that in the end, and how amazing I was and that she will always love me. Right before she walked out, never to be seen or heard from again. And she found her person half a year later, and here I am on loveshack, agreeing with OP that it is f***ing bulls**t.

 

I'm sorry OP. I have no doubt that you don't deserve this crap. Sh**ty people do sh**ty things, and sometimes they get what they want out of it. It's unreal.

 

Sorry to bring the negativity all up in this heezy. I promise I'm going to bed now. Chin up, OP. At least you know you're in the right. Sometimes that's all we get.

Edited by justsounsure
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Idk chi town. It sounds like she was just looking around for company and then sincerely reached out to OP to reconcile. OP was cold so she went back to her safety net. OP, if you want to reconcile, hear her out.

 

If she sincerely wanted to work things out, there'd be no need for a safety net.

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I so wish I could agree with this right now. Obviously, I just wrote a post on anger,so I am currently as angry as OP, but I just don't find this to be true in all cases. My ex prior to this last one found someone as good (or better, in her eyes) as me 6 months later, and they are beyond happily together to this day.

 

And I was a good person in the relationship, and she even told me that in the end, and how amazing I was and that she will always love me. Right before she walked out, never to be seen or heard from again. And she found her person half a year later, and here I am on loveshack, agreeing with OP that it is f***ing bulls**t.

 

I'm sorry OP. I have no doubt that you don't deserve this crap. Sh**ty people do sh**ty things, and sometimes they get what they want out of it. It's unreal.

 

Sorry to bring the negativity all up in this heezy. I promise I'm going to bed now. Chin up, OP. At least you know you're in the right. Sometimes that's all we get.

 

Yeah, what really angers me is that literally last Thursday she tells me how much she misses me, how she wants to reconcile this week, how she still loves me, and then on Sunday gets back together with her ex. How can someone ever do that, just toy around with another persons emotions?

 

Except unlike your case, this wasn't 6 months, this was three weeks. Three weeks ago she told me she's afraid of a relationship at this point in her life, told me that she doesn't want to be tied down, told me she just wants to be alone and independent for a while, and swore to me that there was no other dude.

 

3 ***ing weeks later, shes back with her ex.

 

Worst part is that back in December, she told me that her "gay friend" is taking her to an all day party, and a football game the next day. I called her out on it, I knew who the gay friend was, and I told her that if she goes on this date with her ex, she might as well delete my number. She apologized profusely, and didn't end up going. I should've dropped her back then like a lot of people told me to, it would've saved me this pain right now.

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Idk chi town. It sounds like she was just looking around for company and then sincerely reached out to OP to reconcile. OP was cold so she went back to her safety net. OP, if you want to reconcile, hear her out.

 

100% this. She wanted a break. Maybe she was thinking of her ex. Maybe she was tempted by another guy. Perhaps she had some bad Kimchi. Whatever it was... The OP called her on her break gambit. They broke up. She sincerely regretted it for whatever reason. She reached out to OP and was super vulnerable. OP was all like "talk to the hand". I am sure she hit rock bottom with that rejection and turned back to her ex as a way of saving some sort of self esteem. Kinda like OP banging three chicks in a matter of weeks after the breakup. Women turn to exes when they want to bolster their ego. Men turn to... Well anything we can. Randoms work best and that's what you did.

 

I wouldn't be so quick to jump down the "it is all a lie" rabbit hole OP. You rejected her pretty harshly when she attempted to reconcile. You kinda reaped what you sewed. Good luck!

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100% this. She wanted a break. Maybe she was thinking of her ex. Maybe she was tempted by another guy. Perhaps she had some bad Kimchi. Whatever it was... The OP called her on her break gambit. They broke up. She sincerely regretted it for whatever reason. She reached out to OP and was super vulnerable. OP was all like "talk to the hand". I am sure she hit rock bottom with that rejection and turned back to her ex as a way of saving some sort of self esteem. Kinda like OP banging three chicks in a matter of weeks after the breakup. Women turn to exes when they want to bolster their ego. Men turn to... Well anything we can. Randoms work best and that's what you did.

 

I wouldn't be so quick to jump down the "it is all a lie" rabbit hole OP. You rejected her pretty harshly when she attempted to reconcile. You kinda reaped what you sewed. Good luck!

 

How did I reject her? I told her that I miss her too, and that we can meet up sometime this week, I was legitimately busy last week, how was I cold in rejecting her? She's the one who wanted me out of her life, not the other way around.

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How did I reject her? I told her that I miss her too, and that we can meet up sometime this week, I was legitimately busy last week, how was I cold in rejecting her? She's the one who wanted me out of her life, not the other way around.

 

"I responded that I'm busy, but maybe we can meet up sometime this week, and hadn't talked to her since."

 

The way you phrased it makes it sound very rejection-like. When a woman comes to you and says she loves you and is sorry that you broke up and wants to work through your differences and make it work, this sort of reaction is pretty much a rejection. I'm busy but let's meet up next week and no follow up? That's not the behavior or reaction of someone who is deeply in love with her and wants to meet her vulnerability with your own vulnerability. I know, I'm a dude too but this is how it reads to a female who just made herself vulnerable to you.

 

That all being said - you're probably better off without her so don't really sweat it. Just recognize how your actions or reactions occurred for her.

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"I responded that I'm busy, but maybe we can meet up sometime this week, and hadn't talked to her since."

 

The way you phrased it makes it sound very rejection-like. When a woman comes to you and says she loves you and is sorry that you broke up and wants to work through your differences and make it work, this sort of reaction is pretty much a rejection. I'm busy but let's meet up next week and no follow up? That's not the behavior or reaction of someone who is deeply in love with her and wants to meet her vulnerability with your own vulnerability. I know, I'm a dude too but this is how it reads to a female who just made herself vulnerable to you.

 

That all being said - you're probably better off without her so don't really sweat it. Just recognize how your actions or reactions occurred for her.

 

I get what you're trying to say, and I was actually going to talk to her to meet up when I found out about her getting back with her ex.

 

Thing that's kind of been bothering me, was I the rebound or is the ex the rebound?

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  • 2 weeks later...
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So I was an idiot and checked her FB through my friends account (theyre friends on there), and shes plastering pics of her new boy, how much fun theyre having, pics kissing, etc. All within 4 weeks of breakup, almost like I'm some piece of trash that never existed.

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I didn't read the whole thread, just your last post. You are not a piece of trash. She is rebounding. It's a fake it til you make it kind of think, putting on a happy face for the whole world, including you. That is what social media is all about.

 

That said, I'm going to give you a little tough love here. Hopefully seeing those pictures & being hurt will teach you not to log in through your friends' account because it enables you to see this stuff you are better off not knowing. Don't do it again because it hurts you. You have to take time to heal & care for yourself.

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I was dumped for another guy after a 2 year relationship, we have a 13 month old child together, I caught her kissing the guy on the couch as I walked past her house, it killed me I just ran and ran and ran, I had a massive panic attack

I will never get that image out of my head, it haunts me, virtually all contact has been cut of with my daughter and I am a great dad, this guy has moved in, she and him are going to Thailand for 11 days and she is leaving our daughter here, i think i have her 2 out of the 11, I am so sad, depressed, lonely, heartbroken, and scared to be honest, this has knocked the ***** out of me, so fear not bro lots of us are going through it, i feel your pain, I actually wanted to die at one time just to escape the pain of being replaced and the betrayal

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