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He cheated, left me and lied about it


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My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, saying things haven't been great and we tried but didn't work out. I wanted another shot, but he just said it was 'too little too late'. So I accepted it cuz things really haven't been quite great and I was a bit tired too and I'm glad that we broke up. But two days later, I found out he cheated on me with the exact girl that I was suspicous about. I asked him about her before (without accusing him of anything, just simply asking), and he told me they worked together and he didn't even think she's hot. So I believed him back then, and he ended up cheating on me with her. He didn't even have the balls to confess when we were breaking up, when we were so open and honest with each other. We had a good talk during the breakup, talked about the problems and everything. He said we can still be friends, and I thought our breakup was not a bad one, just things didn't work out and we don't have to hate each other or anything.

 

But now I don't know what to think even after almost a month, every now and then the feelings hit back. Anger, confusion, regret... I didn't confront him right after I found out cuz I thought he's not worth my time anymore and it didn't change anything. But when I think about how much a fool he made me and he's probly out there laughing how stupid I am that I wanted another shot while he already started with someone else (the exact same girl I asked him about). I really don't know what to do now, should I confront him? I really just want to move on, but those feelings just keep coming back.

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I have been cheated and dumped on by my gf of 6 years too. I can honestly tell you confronting him won't do yourself any favours.

 

He is gone and you will need to accept that sooner or later. I made a complete fool of myself by begging her for another chance and I hope now I didn't do all the things I did post-breakup.

 

Trust me, it never works out. Let it go, initiate NC and you will be fine in time.

 

All the best.

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Instead of telling you and you ending it he jumped the gun and ended it. He may of been protecting your feelings or his. You may never know. Cheating happens in damaged relationship. The fact is its over. Confronting him will do more damage to yourself then good. Just my 2 c. Goodluck.

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I have been cheated and dumped on by my gf of 6 years too. I can honestly tell you confronting him won't do yourself any favours.

 

He is gone and you will need to accept that sooner or later. I made a complete fool of myself by begging her for another chance and I hope now I didn't do all the things I did post-breakup.

 

Trust me, it never works out. Let it go, initiate NC and you will be fine in time.

 

All the best.

 

I haven't talked to him at all after the breakup, mostly because I found out he cheated. And I have no intention to ever talk to him again. Right now, it's just the pain I'm dealing with that's killing me. Every now and then, memories kick in and it just hurts so much. Some days I would feel awesome, getting that loser out of my life. But some days I just feel the anger, regret and confusion, thinking about the what ifs, the could'ves and should'ves.

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Instead of telling you and you ending it he jumped the gun and ended it. He may of been protecting your feelings or his. You may never know. Cheating happens in damaged relationship. The fact is its over. Confronting him will do more damage to yourself then good. Just my 2 c. Goodluck.

 

The relationship was not going great, but I wouldn't say it was damaged. There could possibly be a way to work things out, but I guess he just chose the easy way out. Sometimes I wish I found out earlier and would just slap the proof right into his face and tell him I'm done with him. I accept that we're over, whether it was because he chose someone over me or things simply didn't work out between us. I really really just want to move on over him.

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The relationship was not going great, but I wouldn't say it was damaged. There could possibly be a way to work things out, but I guess he just chose the easy way out. Sometimes I wish I found out earlier and would just slap the proof right into his face and tell him I'm done with him. I accept that we're over, whether it was because he chose someone over me or things simply didn't work out between us. I really really just want to move on over him.

 

I sometimes wished the same thing, that I had dumped my cheating X and was the one to hurt him. But in the long run, he will be the one to suffer. Eventually he'll realize what he did was low down and dirty and he'll regret it. There will be no forgiveness and he'll have no one to blame but himself for losing you. The guilt will eat him alive. Trust me, the pain of guilt and knowing that you hurt someone who cared about you is soooooo much worse than actually being hurt by someone you love.

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Be glad he's gone and move on yourself. What was the proverb? Best revenge for a woman taking a man is letting her keep him. Of course, it is very likely that he played her and she never knew about you, but why care anyway? You write that you were "so open and honest to each other" - only you were, he wasn't.

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I sometimes wished the same thing, that I had dumped my cheating X and was the one to hurt him. But in the long run, he will be the one to suffer. Eventually he'll realize what he did was low down and dirty and he'll regret it. There will be no forgiveness and he'll have no one to blame but himself for losing you. The guilt will eat him alive. Trust me, the pain of guilt and knowing that you hurt someone who cared about you is soooooo much worse than actually being hurt by someone you love.

 

I am not sure since the fact that he doesn't know I already knew (at least I didn't confront him) is probably protecting him from guilt. So I am not sure if he's feeling any guilt or regret at the moment. It's really not fair that I am going through all this but he doesn't even care anymore. And I think that girl knew that he was with me when they started. I found out cuz she changed her fb profile pic, and it was posted the day after we broke up, but the pic was definitely taken the wknd before when he was at his friend's wedding. And yes, he brought the other girl to the wedding, while at the time I was his gf.

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I am not sure since the fact that he doesn't know I already knew (at least I didn't confront him) is probably protecting him from guilt. So I am not sure if he's feeling any guilt or regret at the moment. It's really not fair that I am going through all this but he doesn't even care anymore. And I think that girl knew that he was with me when they started. I found out cuz she changed her fb profile pic, and it was posted the day after we broke up, but the pic was definitely taken the wknd before when he was at his friend's wedding. And yes, he brought the other girl to the wedding, while at the time I was his gf.

 

Just because you didn't confront him doesn't mean he doesn't feel guilt. If anything, he's going to feel worse at some point because he knew it was wrong when he did it and he kept it a secret. It's hard to keep betrayals like that bottled up. I know because I did it once, just for a week or so, but I couldn't truly enjoy being with either person because I felt like a piece of crap 85% of the time. Then again, I do have very clear sense of right and wrong and that was my first and last time doing that.

 

Other people have a skewed sense of morality, but they're still human. Eventually, he's going to feel guilty, if he doesn't already.

 

I'm sure he feels somewhat bad about what he did and ending things with you, but if he didn't, then he definitely did you a favor by leaving. You don't want to be with someone who has no conscience. People like that don't gaf about anyone but themselves and will do some terrible things to you if it makes them feel good.

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Be glad he's gone and move on yourself. What was the proverb? Best revenge for a woman taking a man is letting her keep him. Of course, it is very likely that he played her and she never knew about you, but why care anyway? You write that you were "so open and honest to each other" - only you were, he wasn't.

 

As I just wrote in the other reply, I think she knew because she changed her fb profile pic the day after we broke up, while the pic was taken the wknd before. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter anymore cuz we're over. And I am glad that we broke up so I don't have to deal with his bs anymore.

 

I think you made a good point that only I was being open and honest, but he wasn't. That's the other thing that's pissing me off. But we did have a good talk which gave me some kind of closure.

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is he still with the other girl...?

 

i wouldn't confront him if i were you. just knowing the truth would be enough for me and the next time i'd see him... i'd probably give him the "i know what you did" smile & cheerfully said hello.

 

keep those sweet smiles... as in sarcastic, "i see through you" smile. it's like knowing his dirty little secret & enjoying the fact that you're the one who came out totally clean and honest out of it.

 

so go NC & that's it. the ugly feelings will go away, give yourself time to heal.

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Be glad he's gone and move on yourself. What was the proverb? Best revenge for a woman taking a man is letting her keep him. Of course, it is very likely that he played her and she never knew about you, but why care anyway? You write that you were "so open and honest to each other" - only you were, he wasn't.

 

Just because you didn't confront him doesn't mean he doesn't feel guilt. If anything, he's going to feel worse at some point because he knew it was wrong when he did it and he kept it a secret. It's hard to keep betrayals like that bottled up. I know because I did it once, just for a week or so, but I couldn't truly enjoy being with either person because I felt like a piece of crap 85% of the time. Then again, I do have very clear sense of right and wrong and that was my first and last time doing that.

 

Other people have a skewed sense of morality, but they're still human. Eventually, he's going to feel guilty, if he doesn't already.

 

I'm sure he feels somewhat bad about what he did and ending things with you, but if he didn't, then he definitely did you a favor by leaving. You don't want to be with someone who has no conscience. People like that don't gaf about anyone but themselves and will do some terrible things to you if it makes them feel good.

 

Thanks so much for this, the logics you gave is making me feel better. I am guessing they started dating a week or so before we broke up. But they've always been talking to each other, so I am not exactly sure when they actually started going out and stuff. He may not even consider his behaviour as cheating, he might just think that things were not quite great, so it was the end anyways. Part of me would probably feel relieved if I know he feels guilty, but part of me is just trying to persuade myself "why do you still care"

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is he still with the other girl...?

 

i wouldn't confront him if i were you. just knowing the truth would be enough for me and the next time i'd see him... i'd probably give him the "i know what you did" smile & cheerfully said hello.

 

keep those sweet smiles... as in sarcastic, "i see through you" smile. it's like knowing his dirty little secret & enjoying the fact that you're the one who came out totally clean and honest out of it.

 

so go NC & that's it. the ugly feelings will go away, give yourself time to heal.

 

I don't know if they are still together, I assume so since it's only been a month or so, should probly still in the honeymoon period. I didn't talk to him AT ALL after we broke up, and I don't want to stalk them because what's the point. It doesn't matter to me if they're still tgt or not. Part of me wants them to stay tgt, it's like two losers dragging each other further behind. Also cuz the other girl is really just not competitive at all, in every aspect. (Was trying to look for a word that doesn't sound mean - not competitive lol) I sometimes would laugh how could he possibly cheat on me with someone like that lol. So yeah, part of me wants them to stay tgt, so I know he's not dating someone better than me. But when I think about them doing all the sweet things we used to do tgt, I would just break down.

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I'm going through a somewhat similar situation. It's rough but do not contact him. No contact is absolutely the best way to go. The best revenge is moving on with your life. One day he will regret what he's done. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You definitely deserve better.

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I'm going through a somewhat similar situation. It's rough but do not contact him. No contact is absolutely the best way to go. The best revenge is moving on with your life. One day he will regret what he's done. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You definitely deserve better.

 

I've made up my mind to move on, I know I have to no matter what. It's just sometimes these good memories kick in and I would just sink into replaying all the times we spent together. Even the bad times, cuz we were still tgt and things could've worked out if we tried harder. I know that relationships don't have to last forever, but I never wanted ours to end this way. It's just sad that two people used to love each other so much, but in the end hurting each other.

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The truth is that he's probly not thinking about you at all.

 

When I first read this, I was angry, sad, self-pitied... But my second thought was "that's right!" Now, what's the point thinking about him when he's not even thinking about me, while he was the one who did wrong. Its easier said than done, with all the memories there, it's just really hard to let go. I wish it was all just a dream, and now I woke up and I'll just forget about everything.

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I finally decided to start dating again, cuz I thought I am finally getting over him, getting over the breakup and a new guy could be a positive distraction. So I went on a date yesterday, and the guy was nice. But there was something missing. That level of love, passion and comfort is not so easy to get. My friend was asking me if I like this guy. I said yeahhh but not so crazy about him. I remember when me and my ex first started, the love was so strong and everything just felt right. I don't know if I'll be able to fall in love crazily like that again. I ended up missing him when I got back home after the date. Thinking about the old days when we used to just watch tv tgt, the coziness, the comfort and the interests we share. Everything was just smooth and felt right. I don't know if I'll ever feel like that again with someone else.

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Trust me, you do cross his mind. Don't think for a second you don't. You don't just leave someone's thoughts that easily, no matter what's taken place. It takes time.

 

Finding a new guy is a nice distraction but if you're still not over your ex you can't completely try and move your feelings over to someone else. You will find that passion with someone again, but probably not anytime soon.

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Trust me, you do cross his mind. Don't think for a second you don't. You don't just leave someone's thoughts that easily, no matter what's taken place. It takes time.
In my personal experience, that's extremely doubtful, given that he has a shiny new object in front of him. Men are dogs, and many times, we act just like one. From what she's described, he's not the brooding, reflective type who is in touch with his inner feelings. He sounds more responsive to his immediate desires, at the expense of others' desires. I doubt he feels like he's "lost" anything.

 

Think about it like this... you get a new car, and trade in your old beater (no offense, OP), and you never give it another thought. Like it or not, that's most likely his mindset. You only dwell on the women you've lost, not the ones you discarded.

 

He may start thinking about her if the new one dumps him, but more than likely, he'll tire of this new one too and move on to the next conquest.

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You don't have the same connection with a car as you do a unique person, especially if you spent years together. They most definitely think about you sometimes - he'll see things that remind him of you, he'll hear things that remind him of you etc. if your relationship was good most of the time and you thought you may get married, he'll think of you occasionally - it may just be in a very nonchalant "oh yeah, I remember her" type of way, but unless his new gf is perfect (doubtful) or he totally despises you (doubtful), he'll think about you.

 

Mightycpa is one of the most negative posters I've seen on here - probably got rubbed the wrong way in one too many relationships - although there is certainly a grain of truth in his words.

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In my personal experience, that's extremely doubtful, given that he has a shiny new object in front of him. Men are dogs, and many times, we act just like one. From what she's described, he's not the brooding, reflective type who is in touch with his inner feelings. He sounds more responsive to his immediate desires, at the expense of others' desires. I doubt he feels like he's "lost" anything.

 

Think about it like this... you get a new car, and trade in your old beater (no offense, OP), and you never give it another thought. Like it or not, that's most likely his mindset. You only dwell on the women you've lost, not the ones you discarded.

 

He may start thinking about her if the new one dumps him, but more than likely, he'll tire of this new one too and move on to the next conquest.

 

I don't really agree. I can see if it was someone you only spent a short time with... but not years. When you spend years with someone you don't just forget them overnight no matter the circumstance. I'm not saying the guy is dwelling, because it's obvious he has his shiny new object... but he didn't just forget her.

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ExpatInItaly
I finally decided to start dating again, cuz I thought I am finally getting over him, getting over the breakup and a new guy could be a positive distraction. So I went on a date yesterday, and the guy was nice. But there was something missing. That level of love, passion and comfort is not so easy to get. My friend was asking me if I like this guy. I said yeahhh but not so crazy about him. I remember when me and my ex first started, the love was so strong and everything just felt right. I don't know if I'll be able to fall in love crazily like that again. I ended up missing him when I got back home after the date. Thinking about the old days when we used to just watch tv tgt, the coziness, the comfort and the interests we share. Everything was just smooth and felt right. I don't know if I'll ever feel like that again with someone else.

 

By your own admission, the bolded isn't entirely true. It sounds like everything wasn't right.

 

I think it's probably too soon for you to start dating again. That's why you felt something is missing - you haven't had time to heal. Be patient with yourself. A month is very soon to be dating again, especially with the information you now have. You'll still be comparing these new guys to your ex. Focus on being you for a while without the pressure of dating.

 

Out of sheer curiosity, how in the world did he manage to take another girl to a wedding while you were still together?

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By your own admission, the bolded isn't entirely true. It sounds like everything wasn't right.

 

I think it's probably too soon for you to start dating again. That's why you felt something is missing - you haven't had time to heal. Be patient with yourself. A month is very soon to be dating again, especially with the information you now have. You'll still be comparing these new guys to your ex. Focus on being you for a while without the pressure of dating.

 

Out of sheer curiosity, how in the world did he manage to take another girl to a wedding while you were still together?

 

It was his college friend's wedding (I don't know his friends from college) and he told me its in another town, so he had to get a hotel room and stayed for the night. I asked him who he was gonna bring as the plus one and he told me that his college roommate (a guy) was not bringing anyone, so they were gonna be each other's "date". So I just trusted him like that lol. And guess what, he brought this other girl to the wedding as his plus one and got a room with her!

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Trust me, you do cross his mind. Don't think for a second you don't. You don't just leave someone's thoughts that easily, no matter what's taken place. It takes time.

 

Finding a new guy is a nice distraction but if you're still not over your ex you can't completely try and move your feelings over to someone else. You will find that passion with someone again, but probably not anytime soon.

 

I am sure I do cross his mind sometimes, especially there are a lot of things that could remind him of me, of us. We met at work but then I left for another job two months after we started dating. This girl is working with him right now (they also met at work) We're both Asian, my ex is not. And his ex before me is not either. My friend was joking when he saw their pic at the wedding "oh Asian?".

 

So yeah, I know that once in a while I'd cross his mind, but definitely not as much as I think about him, cuz he was the one that broke up with me, not the other way around. He didn't lose me, he chose to let me go, so he wouldn't feel the pain of loss. That's why sometimes I wish I found out earlier and just dumped him, so he knew what he's lost. I even thought about confronting him, but then what's the point lol.

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