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NC Success story - Ex came back


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th June 2015, 10:54 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by hunk View Post
Tara, I know what you're saying. I've made it out here as if this message triggered something in me, but it didn't. The first thing i thought when i saw her number was "Oh wow, you've got to be kidding me. Here we go, time to post on LS". I was shocked at the content of the message because I just couldn't believe that this had come out after 4 YEARS, and that this was the EXACT message i was begging for every day for at least 2 years after we broke up. I've let go of the pain she caused me but it was the pain that caused me to become indifferent to her in the first place, over such a long period of time. I just feel NOTHING for her now, reading that message sort of gave me a weird feeling as if I felt sorry for her. I've already deleted it. It's a chapter in my life over, was one of the worst periods of my life and reading that message then deleting it was extremely cathartic. Reading it basically buried any remnants of interest I had in her even deeper into the ground, I just don't care.

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Originally Posted by hunk View Post
Completely agree, az. The sad thing about this is that all it's seem to have done is just make me upset again about my most recent failed relationship. I completely and irreparably destroyed a relationship with a girl who was perfect for me BECAUSE i wasn't over this ex, the one who has now come back and I no longer want. I pushed the right human away from me while hoping the wrong human that pushed me away would come back to me. How completely twisted the world is.
2 things i don't quite get about your story:
1) how you begged every day for 2 yrs for someone who was giving you the cold shoulder - how could you not recognize at some point during that time that begging every day continuously for that long was not healthy? 2 yrs? i mean, didn't it strike you after a week or so, or even a month, or a few months, that you were doing yourself a disservice by chasing someone who was obviously not having it?
2) you recognize that you pushed away someone who was perfect for you, yet do nothing to rectify the situation, and instead just sit there passively like 'welp whattya gonna do...'

i see like a major disconnect in how both situations were/are being handled here. you pursue girl #1 to the death for 2 yrs while she rejects you that entire time, yet girl #2 you don't give the time of day yet you claim she's the perfect girl. makes no sense to me. i also feel like your idea of nc is a bit misconstrued and your actions in situation #1 caused you to overcompensate and go overboard with the nc in situation #2.

Last edited by dyna85; 5th June 2015 at 10:57 AM..
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Old 5th June 2015, 11:46 AM   #32
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Love this thread. And I love how you also included that you are not saying this to fill people up with false hope. But, you're showing that sometimes Ex's do come back. BUT!!! By using NC, we've healed ourselves enough to decide that maybe we don't want them back.


More times than not, this is what usually happens in these cases! Good on ya, Dude!
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Old 5th June 2015, 11:52 AM   #33
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2 things i don't quite get about your story:
1) how you begged every day for 2 yrs for someone who was giving you the cold shoulder - how could you not recognize at some point during that time that begging every day continuously for that long was not healthy? 2 yrs? i mean, didn't it strike you after a week or so, or even a month, or a few months, that you were doing yourself a disservice by chasing someone who was obviously not having it?
2) you recognize that you pushed away someone who was perfect for you, yet do nothing to rectify the situation, and instead just sit there passively like 'welp whattya gonna do...'

i see like a major disconnect in how both situations were/are being handled here. you pursue girl #1 to the death for 2 yrs while she rejects you that entire time, yet girl #2 you don't give the time of day yet you claim she's the perfect girl. makes no sense to me. i also feel like your idea of nc is a bit misconstrued and your actions in situation #1 caused you to overcompensate and go overboard with the nc in situation #2.
Love makes a person do irrational things.
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Old 5th June 2015, 12:01 PM   #34
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Dyna - first off, I didn't pursue this ex that came back to me at all. We broke up, I sent her a message a few weeks later and that was literally it. Not sure where you got the idea i pursued her for 2 years. She essentially made my life hell for 2 years however, by sleeping with my close friends, I had to see her constantly because she was a good friend's sister, she was in my immediate friend's circle. A week after she broke up with me she was with a new guy. Then moved onto my friends. She would go out of her way to sleep with my friends in front of me. She was actively trying to make me miserable. She is absolutely stunning and the will easily be the most attractive woman i'll ever be with, she's drop dead ridiculously good looking so combined with all of that this is why I was hung up on it for so long.

In the case of girl #2, I met her while I was still in pain over girl #1. This pain caused me to completely hold back, reserve emotion and treat this new girl like she was some kind of toy that I could utilize when I needed. I stayed with her because I genuinely liked her, we were almost the same person down to our favorite SONG, and I thought i'd get over my ex and be able to cut her out of my life and focus on this new girl. I couldn't, I treated this new girl like complete crap, took her and the entire relationship for granted and she eventually ended it.

I tried for 2 months to get girl #2 back, felt even worse than the breakup with girl #1, made a massive thread about her a few months ago, she was essentially telling me to kill myself and that she never wanted anything to do with me again - all I could do was go cold NC. I've not heard anything from her and do not expect to ever hear anything from her again.


As for a timeline - there wasn't really one. It was just pain most days for 2 years, to different extents. Some days unbearable (when i had to see her) other days it was tolerable and I got on with it. Eventually, after all this ****, I just literally woke up and realized I was done, i didn't want her and that I was just still damaged from how she treated me, but I had no feelings of wanting to be with her again. THIS is what spilled over into my next relationship, and I tried to explain this to girl #2 as my reasoning for my behavior but obviously she just took it as "you were hung up on your ex, don't ever talk to me again". I had no other option than NC with her - I made my feelings for her crystal clear and she didn't care (which i do not blame her for in the slightest - too little too late)

Last edited by hunk; 5th June 2015 at 12:03 PM..
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Old 5th June 2015, 12:55 PM   #35
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hunk,

i got the idea from when you wrote in one of your above posts: 'this was the EXACT message i was begging for every day for at least 2 years after we broke up.'

the fact that ex#1 appears to have been rather flawed with her moving on so quickly and as you say she was sleeping with friends in front of you, i would think that would help you move on even more quickly. also, not sure what kind of friends would do this. it seems the sole reason you had difficulty moving past her was her looks too, since that seems to be the primary quality you mention. i mean, her character certainly doesn't seem all that desirable if she truly is as you describe. so stunning and ridiculously good looking is a reason to be hung up over someone for 2 yrs?

having trouble being sympathetic for someone who gives this as the major reason for why it was so hard to move past an ex.

it's any wonder also that you haven't heard from girl #2. that's my point exactly. you think after how you treated her (in your words - like crap - and having used her like a toy), you would be bending over backwards to make amends, yet you comment that you don't think you'll hear from her again - well duh, i mean, why would she pursue someone further who treated her like crap and does not go out of his way to make it right?

better get yourself sorted before girl #3 comes along, for the sake of BOTH parties.
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Last edited by dyna85; 5th June 2015 at 1:00 PM..
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Old 5th June 2015, 1:04 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by organizedchaos View Post
Love makes a person do irrational things.
i'm irrational when in love too, but pining 2 yrs over an ex who disrespects me to the extent of shoving flings in my face a wk after breakup and onward from there? because that person is beautiful on the outside only? why?! AIJ is another person on the forum who has his head on straight and got over his 'gorgeous' ex in a very brief period when she pulled the same crap.
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Old 5th June 2015, 2:18 PM   #37
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What's up brother? Very interesting turn of events for you. Four years after the fact and she comes crawling back to you? I must applaud you that you are going to continue to ignore her. I was married when I was younger and if my ex-wife (who basically left me) tried to come back after 4 years, I probably would have taken the bait. Once again, congrats on your progress and determination. I hope it all works out my friend.
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Old 5th June 2015, 8:32 PM   #38
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It took FOUR years for her to realize this? Wow, good for you for being completely over her
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Old 5th June 2015, 9:41 PM   #39
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appreciate the replies fellas!
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Old 5th June 2015, 10:01 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by dyna85 View Post
hunk,

i got the idea from when you wrote in one of your above posts: 'this was the EXACT message i was begging for every day for at least 2 years after we broke up.'

the fact that ex#1 appears to have been rather flawed with her moving on so quickly and as you say she was sleeping with friends in front of you, i would think that would help you move on even more quickly. also, not sure what kind of friends would do this. it seems the sole reason you had difficulty moving past her was her looks too, since that seems to be the primary quality you mention. i mean, her character certainly doesn't seem all that desirable if she truly is as you describe. so stunning and ridiculously good looking is a reason to be hung up over someone for 2 yrs?

having trouble being sympathetic for someone who gives this as the major reason for why it was so hard to move past an ex.

it's any wonder also that you haven't heard from girl #2. that's my point exactly. you think after how you treated her (in your words - like crap - and having used her like a toy), you would be bending over backwards to make amends, yet you comment that you don't think you'll hear from her again - well duh, i mean, why would she pursue someone further who treated her like crap and does not go out of his way to make it right?

better get yourself sorted before girl #3 comes along, for the sake of BOTH parties.
All that meant is that he was hoping to hear from her. Doesn't mean he was contacting her or even keeping track of her. And I'm pretty sure girl No. 2 did contact him to try to tell him off further.
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Old 6th June 2015, 12:52 AM   #41
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look, i'm not trying to burst anyone's bubble. i'm just stating the obvious. gotta keep it real. i just think it's a little crazy, that's all. i'm not perfect though either, so i didn't mean if i came across as judgmental/harsh.

Last edited by dyna85; 6th June 2015 at 12:55 AM..
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