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NC Success story - Ex came back


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th June 2015, 3:26 AM   #16
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Wow, four years!

That's amazing, and what's even more amazing is you don't feel a thing towards her.

You are my hero
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Old 5th June 2015, 3:36 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by darkbloom View Post
Your posts always make me feel better hunk! Yay for you being over it and not responding. I envy that.
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Originally Posted by ManyDissapoint View Post
This is beautiful. FOUR years! I know you are 100% over her because you don't even mention how you couldn't trust her. She's not even in her thoughts. You're not even tempted to rip her a new ********* or tell her how awful of a person she is. That's some pretty admirable indifference at this point.

Good job dude. Really good job.
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Wow, four years!

That's amazing, and what's even more amazing is you don't feel a thing towards her.

You are my hero

I'm not sure all the above (bolded) comments are accurate... Hunk says he's 'over her' but to be honest, if he can't work through this until it leaves him feeling neutral, indifferent and in a state of forgiveness, there's still a vestige of her claws in him....


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Originally Posted by hunk View Post
....
I won't be responding to her message. I don't even have it in me to write up a response of any sort because I just don't care. I don't think I'm even over the pain she inflicted on me, even after all these years. I am certain however I do not want a relationship with her ever again. I went through so much misery and pain over this girl, it consumed me for years and irreparably destroyed my perception of her as a person. I have no feelings left for her as I completely convinced myself we would never be back together, and I allowed myself to slowly view her as being gone, even dead.
He may have no feelings left FOR her, but he is still experiencing some strong emotions BECAUSE of her....

Getting over someone completely means that there is zero effect, anywhere, in any emotion....

No Contact worked - to a point.
But further work is necessary to put the lid on this once and for all.

Hats off for your progress thus far.
Now tackle the pain and resentment....
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Old 5th June 2015, 3:37 AM   #18
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Thank you for posting this. Very inspirational. NC is the way to go and this gives me hope that one day I will feel indifference towards my dumper. And I hope that bastard contacts me just so I can have the power to ignore him.
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Old 5th June 2015, 3:39 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post
I'm not sure all the above (bolded) comments are accurate... Hunk says he's 'over her' but to be honest, if he can't work through this until it leaves him feeling neutral, indifferent and in a state of forgiveness, there's still a vestige of her claws in him....




He may have no feelings left FOR her, but he is still experiencing some strong emotions BECAUSE of her....

Getting over someone completely means that there is zero effect, anywhere, in any emotion....

No Contact worked - to a point.
But further work is necessary to put the lid on this once and for all.

Hats off for your progress thus far.
Now tackle the pain and resentment....
Do we ever get over the pain and resentment though? If you read my posts, the pain my ex put me through is unforgivable, to me at least.

Maybe, I will forget about it later on, but to intentionally forgive her for what she did, I do not think I am at that stage right now, or can ever be.

Hunk has done some real progress where he is indifferent, with respect to her feelings towards her and that's good enough for me to stick with NC *forever*.
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Old 5th June 2015, 3:46 AM   #20
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Do we ever get over the pain and resentment though?
Yes of course we can. And should. It's an emotional hurdle, but one we owe it to ourselves to overcome, to transcend... It's like carrying a backpack full of sharp rocks up the mountain.
What's the point? Why burden yourself with something you really don't need, impedes your progress, weighs you down and hurts...?

Quote:
If you read my posts, the pain my ex put me through is unforgivable, to me at least.
Pain happens. Suffering is optional. That was then. Why keep it bubbling 'now'...?

Quote:
Maybe, I will forget about it later on, but to intentionally forgive her for what she did, I do not think I am at that stage right now, or can ever be.
Why not? What purpose does it serve you personally in your personal growth, development and determination to be the best 'you' you can be?

Isn't it rather like taking a knife and holding it by the blade, trying to cut the bread with the handle? What does it do to the bread? More importantly, what's it doing to your hand??


Quote:
Hunk has done some real progress where he is indifferent, with respect to her feelings towards her and that's good enough for me to stick with NC *forever*.
It's the purpose of sticking to NC for ever for everyone.
But NC doesn't heal you. It's a tool.
YOU heal you.
And refusing to release Pain, Anger and Resentment, is merely clutching the tail of the cobra...
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Old 5th June 2015, 4:18 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post
Yes of course we can. And should. It's an emotional hurdle, but one we owe it to ourselves to overcome, to transcend... It's like carrying a backpack full of sharp rocks up the mountain.
What's the point? Why burden yourself with something you really don't need, impedes your progress, weighs you down and hurts...?

Pain happens. Suffering is optional. That was then. Why keep it bubbling 'now'...?


Why not? What purpose does it serve you personally in your personal growth, development and determination to be the best 'you' you can be?

Isn't it rather like taking a knife and holding it by the blade, trying to cut the bread with the handle? What does it do to the bread? More importantly, what's it doing to your hand??



It's the purpose of sticking to NC for ever for everyone.
But NC doesn't heal you. It's a tool.
YOU heal you.
And refusing to release Pain, Anger and Resentment, is merely clutching the tail of the cobra...
Some good points but it is easier said than done. Time will do its thing and maybe in a few years, I will find it easier to forgive.
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Old 5th June 2015, 4:23 AM   #22
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Nobody - including me - has ever said it's easy.

Time does nothing. All it does is pass, and it may pass, but unless you're willing to put in the work, this is something that has the potential to not only hold you back, but it will prevent you from forming healthy, balanced relationships in future.

It's like adding weights to the bar, while you're holding it aloft....
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Old 5th June 2015, 4:45 AM   #23
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Tara, I know what you're saying. I've made it out here as if this message triggered something in me, but it didn't. The first thing i thought when i saw her number was "Oh wow, you've got to be kidding me. Here we go, time to post on LS". I was shocked at the content of the message because I just couldn't believe that this had come out after 4 YEARS, and that this was the EXACT message i was begging for every day for at least 2 years after we broke up. I've let go of the pain she caused me but it was the pain that caused me to become indifferent to her in the first place, over such a long period of time. I just feel NOTHING for her now, reading that message sort of gave me a weird feeling as if I felt sorry for her. I've already deleted it. It's a chapter in my life over, was one of the worst periods of my life and reading that message then deleting it was extremely cathartic. Reading it basically buried any remnants of interest I had in her even deeper into the ground, I just don't care.

Stay NC everybody we're all gonna make it
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Old 5th June 2015, 4:55 AM   #24
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Hunk, I was just curious...around what time post break up did you feel like you didn't care anymore? My girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me and left me 3 months ago and stayed with that guy. I'm at the point right now where I don't think I would want to date her again unless she made huge changes and admitted to her faults but I still think about her every hour of every day. Could you maybe respond with like a timeline of sorts post breakup where things started to feel better?

Thank you!
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Old 5th June 2015, 6:11 AM   #25
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Hey guys I just wanted to add one of my friends experiences in a similar matter. My friend dates his first ex-girlfriend for around 3 years, during that time he was the nicest guy he could be, couldn't be a better boyfriend. The girl quickly turned sour on him and dumped him. He didn't contact her for almost 2 years until one day she sent him a text that went something like this:

"Hey this is XXX I know this message is a bit random but I do not want you to get the wrong idea from it, it was more of a long overdue message from years ago. I guess the intentions behind this are honestly selfish because it is about the guilt I have felt. Over the past few years I have been through a lot and been working towards coming out the other end of self reflection and I guess on that journey I realised what a terrible person I was to you. There was no excuse for me to suddenly become a bitch and end the relationship and after that not even treating you with respect or decency like you deserved. I know that you obviously have closure and this may not mean anything at all but I am sincerely sorry for what happened, not for my actions but also my words and the person I became especially towards you. I have gained a lot of perspective over the years and it has eaten away at me a lot and I just have never had the balls to genuinely tellyou how sorry and regretful I have felt. As I have said this may mean nothing to you so just ignore it. I don't really expect a reply, it is just something I felt compelled to do for a long time and felt you deserved it. Anyway congratulations on finishing blahblahblah....Hope life is treating you well and full of happiness and fun! XXX"

Can someone explain why if the girl was mean to a really nice boy in her first relationship, they will usually come back and apologise after a few years? When I saw my ex even after 6 weeks, she was apologising for dumping me and leaving me alone all by myself in the country where I had no one to talk to. It doesn't mean anything, but why do girls do that? What is the point? Is it to ease their own guilt so that they don't feel as bad for what they did?
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Old 5th June 2015, 6:15 AM   #26
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Hey guys I just wanted to add one of my friends experiences in a similar matter. My friend dates his first ex-girlfriend for around 3 years, during that time he was the nicest guy he could be, couldn't be a better boyfriend. The girl quickly turned sour on him and dumped him. He didn't contact her for almost 2 years until one day she sent him a text that went something like this:

"Hey this is XXX I know this message is a bit random but I do not want you to get the wrong idea from it, it was more of a long overdue message from years ago. I guess the intentions behind this are honestly selfish because it is about the guilt I have felt. Over the past few years I have been through a lot and been working towards coming out the other end of self reflection and I guess on that journey I realised what a terrible person I was to you. There was no excuse for me to suddenly become a bitch and end the relationship and after that not even treating you with respect or decency like you deserved. I know that you obviously have closure and this may not mean anything at all but I am sincerely sorry for what happened, not for my actions but also my words and the person I became especially towards you. I have gained a lot of perspective over the years and it has eaten away at me a lot and I just have never had the balls to genuinely tellyou how sorry and regretful I have felt. As I have said this may mean nothing to you so just ignore it. I don't really expect a reply, it is just something I felt compelled to do for a long time and felt you deserved it. Anyway congratulations on finishing blahblahblah....Hope life is treating you well and full of happiness and fun! XXX"

Can someone explain why if the girl was mean to a really nice boy in her first relationship, they will usually come back and apologise after a few years? When I saw my ex even after 6 weeks, she was apologising for dumping me and leaving me alone all by myself in the country where I had no one to talk to. It doesn't mean anything, but why do girls do that? What is the point? Is it to ease their own guilt so that they don't feel as bad for what they did?
Well, the message seems pretty clear to me. She did it to relieve the guilt. How did your friend react?
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Old 5th June 2015, 6:56 AM   #27
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Well, the message seems pretty clear to me. She did it to relieve the guilt. How did your friend react?
He was completely over it at that point. He didn't care and told me he just texted her back and thanked her for the message and that was it. No second thoughts of it until I asked about how he dealt with losing his first love (which is when he pulled the message out and showed me his closure). No big deal at all after a few years according to him.
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Old 5th June 2015, 7:48 AM   #28
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Oh man, when I read the thread's title, my heart just sank. I didn't want to have to get all stern with you, and I'm glad to see that it didn't mean what I first thought it meant. I was all, "Dammit! He's one who really gets the point of NC!" Glad it wasn't as it first seems!

Well, congratulations on your successful NC! It's a nice luxury to have that sort of final approach from the ex to really test your own emotional state. And I know it's got to feel good to know that you're over her, are indifferent and everything. I know for me, it felt like a big weight had been lifted...

Last edited by ZiggyZoo; 5th June 2015 at 7:50 AM..
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Old 5th June 2015, 8:34 AM   #29
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you'll get there DB. It only took me so long because I refused to cut her out of my life completely. If i'd done this when I should've it would've taken nowhere near the time it did. Stay strong.
^^^^This all day.

It been 3 months since i got cheated on & dumped. I feel much better and almost indifferent. But what i really need to do is take a cue from this guy and ignore her ass fully. I misunderstood and thought that since i was about over it i could talk to her when she called but i realize that is about not being a bloody doormat and taking back my power.

Thanks Hunk!
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Old 5th June 2015, 8:58 AM   #30
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Hunk, I was just curious...around what time post break up did you feel like you didn't care anymore? My girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me and left me 3 months ago and stayed with that guy. I'm at the point right now where I don't think I would want to date her again unless she made huge changes and admitted to her faults but I still think about her every hour of every day. Could you maybe respond with like a timeline of sorts post breakup where things started to feel better?

Thank you!
There is no real timeline friend. I say this because it's been 3 months for me too and i don't think of her every hour anymore, don't get me wrong i still do maybe 3 - 4 times a day and half of it is telling myself how much of a scum she is lol.

How did i get where i am?

This is because i had help. what help? for starters i found out she was still seeing OM and growing a relationship when she stated time and time again that she was not. One thing about me and relationship is i don't do competition, i can fight for a girl but not between another guy. I will help her make the decision by subtracting myself plus its a major turn off for me.

Lastly, i started going out. Girls came at me 3 times and these girls were girls i wouldn't even try to talk, they were stunning, better looking than my Ex. Unfortunately i was with someone those times lol. That was a major ego boost for me.
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