Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 My FWB dumped me. Any point staying friends. Alot of the time we were more friends than anything else. Ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Dumped you as a friend? That's up to you to decide but certainly if he "dumped" you, you were more than a FWB to him/her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 No dumped me as a sex partner. Rest of message was still friendly though. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Relationships coined as Friends with Benefits means that you are friends and that sex on the side is a benefit. Acquaintances that have sex are f*ck buddies, there's no friendship involved, sex only. Maintaining a "supposed friendship" for benefits alone really means you're f*ck buddies who employee niceties to ensure sex will happen or continue. Depending on why the benefits ended in a true FWB's relationship, sure, you can remain friends. Sometimes a friend meets a person and they want to enter into a committed relationship with them. Provided this friend is truly "a friend," why wouldn't you maintain that part of the relationship? Friends care about each other, or that's my perception bc I genuinely care about my friends, and I wouldn't drop them because they formed a committed relationship with someone else and wanted to end the benefit portion, which is really just an awesome perk to begin with. Would that sting? Sure, because genuine love is involved, not "in love" per se, but still...love. When you love someone you want what's best for them, and in this particular instance (FWB), not yourself. I think it boils down to whether or not a genuine friendship is involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 No dumped me as a sex partner. Rest of message was still friendly though. Obviously if you started to develop feelings for him/her, it will be hard to just stay friends but if, like him/her, you see him/her as just a friend, then why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 I do have feelings for him. He muddied the waters by acting alot more boyfriendy with me and I thought he was changing his mind. But apparently not. I asked him why he did it if he wasn't interested and he said that he is an idiot. We had a bit of a fight. I asked him why and he said he enjoyed the attention and he said yes. He stil has something of mine at his flat. He offered to meet and give it back.... Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I do have feelings for him. He muddied the waters by acting alot more boyfriendy with me and I thought he was changing his mind. But apparently not. I asked him why he did it if he wasn't interested and he said that he is an idiot. We had a bit of a fight. I asked him why and he said he enjoyed the attention and he said yes. He stil has something of mine at his flat. He offered to meet and give it back.... So he dumped you because you were getting feelings for him. I don't think he's going to be open to a friendship with you. Guys get freaked out when a FWB gets feelings and look to run far away. You didn't do anything wrong, but that's just the way it goes. He's going to keep his distance now. Just curious, how long were you friends before you starting sleeping together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 So he dumped you because you were getting feelings for him. I don't think he's going to be open to a friendship with you. Guys get freaked out when a FWB gets feelings and look to run far away. You didn't do anything wrong, but that's just the way it goes. He's going to keep his distance now. Just curious, how long were you friends before you starting sleeping together? No he didn't know I had feelings for him. I never said although I did say at the end why did he confuse me with mixed messages if he wasn't interested. \he dumped me as he met someone but the rest of his message was friendly. we werent really friends. We dated very briefly in 2013 and then we had a text friendship for a lng time and then we started meeting. we share a lot about family etc and work life . Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 If he's dating someone else, she's not going to allow a friendship to continue. He might've been too dense to tell you had feelings for him.... but his new girlfriend will read that one the way a shark can sense a drop of blood in the ocean from miles away. Just as well -- you don't really need friends like him anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 If he's dating someone else, she's not going to allow a friendship to continue. He might've been too dense to tell you had feelings for him.... but his new girlfriend will read that one the way a shark can sense a drop of blood in the ocean from miles away. Just as well -- you don't really need friends like him anyway. She wont know. I forgot to mention when he stared seeing me he was still wit his on/off ex. i didnt know and neither did she know bout me. He cheats on everyone. His first gf, last gf......lies loads. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 What Methodical said. And my 2c....don't do any more FWB, it makes no sense for 99% of the world's women and that obviously includes you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 She wont know. I forgot to mention when he stared seeing me he was still wit his on/off ex. i didnt know and neither did she know bout me. He cheats on everyone. His first gf, last gf......lies loads. So I really don't see why you would even want to stay friends with someone like that. That's one issue and the other is that you have feelings for him beyond friendship. It sounds like you just want to try and still stay in his life when he obviously does not have feelings for you either way. Let him go and move on to find someone who wants to be in a romantic relationship with just you is going to be your best option. I really see no other unless you want to continue to be frustrated by trying to stay in his life while preventing you from finding someone better for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 She wont know. I forgot to mention when he stared seeing me he was still wit his on/off ex. i didnt know and neither did she know bout me. He cheats on everyone. His first gf, last gf......lies loads. What a catch. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Guys i know. If I could explain why i liked him i would. i cant explain. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Several points have come to light since the inception of this thread. I'm not a fan of fair-weather friends, I'm there through the good, bad, embarrassing, etc. That said, I'm somewhat selective with whom I keep company. A liar, a cheater,....not my cup of tea because ultimately a person with those characteristics will stab a person in the back and not think twice about doing so. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Agreed. Cheaters are dirt in my book as well. Sorry OP but you kind of get what you deserve if you knowingly choose to spend your time on one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Guys i know. If I could explain why i liked him i would. i cant explain. Do you not feel that you deserve better, even for a friendship with someone? Do you feel that you have self esteem or attachment issues? I had that for a time with my ex and have worked and improved on it since. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Guys i know. If I could explain why i liked him i would. i cant explain. Is it because he is unavailable and even brings a bit of danger? To be honest he sounds very selfish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Do you not feel that you deserve better, even for a friendship with someone? Do you feel that you have self esteem or attachment issues? I had that for a time with my ex and have worked and improved on it since. Yes. I have suffered with depression and am still quite vulnerable. I haven't felt like me for a long time. For a long time it looked as though he did like me alot. He was inviting out over Christmas, saying he would kiss me better when I was sick, telling me he couldnt wait to see me.....what would you all think? I thought he was becoming more like a bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Given that you said he is a liar and cheater, I'd think he was a player and that getting attached on any level would end badly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Is it because he is unavailable and even brings a bit of danger? To be honest he sounds very selfish. No it is because we are very sexually compatible, we get on well, i enjoyed his company. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Yes. I have suffered with depression and am still quite vulnerable. I haven't felt like me for a long time. For a long time it looked as though he did like me alot. He was inviting out over Christmas, saying he would kiss me better when I was sick, telling me he couldnt wait to see me.....what would you all think? I thought he was becoming more like a bf. Was he still with his GF at the time? I'm kind of confused about the timeline. Was he FWB with you while he was on with his GF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Was he still with his GF at the time? I'm kind of confused about the timeline. Was he FWB with you while he was on with his GF? I dont know for sure. He may have been but I dont know for sure. I think his relationship was ending when we met.It was their third break up. I think they were still together while we were talking but broke up. Round about December last year he started changing. He started contacting me all the time. Asking me out for Christmas, saying boyfriendy things, telling me he couldn't wait to see me. They had broken up for sure long before this point. I thought he just wanted sex to begin with but then his behavior changed an I thought he wanted more. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 No it is because we are very sexually compatible, we get on well, i enjoyed his company. He's a player -- he's compatible with everyone, gets on well with everyone, everyone enjoys his company. That's what players do -- he pretends to have a special connection with every woman he's with, at the same time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 You dont have sex like that with just anyone Link to post Share on other sites
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