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I don't even know what to think any more


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DunnoReally

Hi all,

 

I just need to get this out of my system, and would really appreciate any advice or to hear from people with similar experiences. I'll keep it as brief as possible.

 

I met my girlfriend when she was 18, I'm 22 now and I have been with her for 2 years just gone. Everything was going so perfectly until about 6 months into our relationship my girlfriend had what is known as a spinal stroke. She was left paralysed from the chest down and in a wheelchair for life. She was told she would never walk again.

 

To put it into perspective - my mum died of motor neurone disease when I was 11, so paralysis was very hard hitting to me. I dealt with it since I was 7 years old and respect anyone going through something like that. What were the chances that my then healthy girlfriend was plagued with it? Unreal huh. A terrible co-incidence.

 

I stuck by her for the next year and a half, tried to do everything I could for her and although we broke up a few times along the way over general stress, arguing, her becoming very depressed, overdosing because she was upset and had no closure on why the stroke had happened to her etc. we always found ourselves back together.

 

The real problem though happened about a year ago, she left me for a guy that took interest in her even though she was wheelchair bound. She said I was too caring, and that she couldn't 'be herself', that we had nothing in common. She gave me the cold shoulder for weeks and it sent me into an oblivion of sadness, upset and hurt. We did end up back together, but only after she promised me that it was me she wanted, she was so sorry for everything she had put me through etc etc.

 

The next 6 months went by and we were together. She began trying to get me to commit to becoming engaged, I guess she was looking for commitment because of her insecurities and/or the feeling that she is unwanted due to her condition. I wasn't ready for this at all, I had just lost my dad and my mum died when I was 11 - I needed to get myself together and she was the only support I had.

 

About a week ago, another argument emerged and I told her I was leaving if she kept treating me like that. She packed some of my stuff and off I went. She went completely cold on me again for about a week. I then found out she had added the same guy that she had left me for a year beforehand.

 

A few nights ago I received a load of hurtful texts from her accusing me of seeing someone else, calling me a slag, and every name under the sun. I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and that I was just trying to sort myself out - I'm not interested in a relationship. She ignored my response. I later found out last night that the new guy slept over hers.

 

I'm so hurt and angry, I don't know where my head is at all and I feel so alone. How can someone be so hurtful, how can they accuse me of seeing someone and call me every name they can think of and then end up doing it themselves? Was it to try and justify her own actions, or give her a reason to do it?

 

All I have ever tried to do for her was help her because I loved her. I've not had the best life in the world and she made me happy. This all seems pretty unreal to me.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love her and I'm not sure why this is - probably because we have been through so much together. Hospital stays, me seeing her go from being an active 18 year old to wanting to kill herself because she's so upset with her life now. I was there with her throughout everything and always tried to help her recover as best I could. From going from being totally paralysed, to moving a toe, then to an ankle and finally taking a few small steps with the aid of a walking frame before having to sit back down in her wheelchair again. I was the proudest guy ever that my girlfriend was a fighter, and now I feel like the most insecure person in the world. I just can't let it go, I'm struggling although I know I can change none of this.

 

I've blocked her out from everything now - and hopefully my life will start improving. I hope.

Edited by DunnoReally
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation as you. Stuck by my girlfriend of 6 years through and through only for her to leave me when she found another guy.

 

It's so fresh to me as well but I started NC. It's been three days and it looks like I will never get through this but, what choice do we have?

 

She made up her mind. Let it go.

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DunnoReally
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation as you. Stuck by my girlfriend of 6 years through and through only for her to leave me when she found another guy.

 

It's so fresh to me as well but I started NC. It's been three days and it looks like I will never get through this but, what choice do we have?

 

She made up her mind. Let it go.

 

I guess so mate. It knocks your confidence and self esteem down a treat. How somebody could be so cruel is beyond me.

 

Just feel totally used. Almost like she wanted me there throughout the tough bits, and now she's settled and it's been a year and a bit post stroke she's coping better and got rid.

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I guess so mate. It knocks your confidence and self esteem down a treat. How somebody could be so cruel is beyond me.

 

Just feel totally used. Almost like she wanted me there throughout the tough bits, and now she's settled and it's been a year and a bit post stroke she's coping better and got rid.

 

Trust me, I understand. Mine depended on me a lot financially. As soon as she got herself a new job abroad, that was it.

 

The problem is not with you! I was depressed for months trying to figure out why she cheated but I gave up already.

 

Can't do this anymore.

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