Dumped 😔

[Zari]

Hello all,

My boyfriend and me have been together for 8 months, actually enagaged since last month.

Everything was perfect for 6 months (i mean, really perfect). So much in love. A connection i had never seen in my life. He treated me like nobody have ever done it before, planning trips, we even spent 10 wonderful days in thailand, lots of gifts and really helping me out in everything he could. He was so much in love and told me all the time. He bought me an amazing engagement ring for our six months anniversary, and we were secretly engaged, he told me he wanted to tell our future kids he knew he wanted to marry me just 6 months into the relationship. However, in the last month, things have been sour. I am having a terrible time at work and are really stressed, which resulted in very bad fights from my side and, I admit it, putting blame on him with no reason. No good stress handling from my side. He is having a very bad time as well in the office with major stress plus other things:most of his friends have recently moved and he feels alone, he had a car accident with no major complications but cannot play sports, which for him is a stress relief, and most importantly he cannot sleep for almost 1 month (just 1 or 2 hours per day). All this plus the pressure from me because pf my bad situation at the office, which is really hell.

In the meantime, we met each others family- his family loved me and he told me father two weeks ago i was amazing and wanted to start a family with me as we shared same principles.

However, he is still struggling with some issues. He had two anxiety attacks in the last month, one after a figh with me but the other one out of nowhere, i took care of him and told him he had to go to the doctor urgently. He was really thankful for the way i treated him and afterwards gave me a bunh of flowers.

One week ago we had a fight and he broke up with me. I tought it was stress related as I did with him couple of weeks ago ( stupid fight escalating ending in i dont want to see you anymore) but this time is real. He told me he is destroyed, both physically and emotionally and dont want to go out with me anymore. He told me he has anxiety just talking to me and he is even physycally frightened, i was shocked. It's true we have been fighting a lot, for no reason apart from stress, but I have never been abusive to him at all so that accusation took me by surprise completely. He also told me he was really hurt because of all the things I said, and was even too hurtful to talk to me.

I got really scared, because I think he is sick, he doesnt want to see me or anything so I texted his brother to tell him about anxiety attacks....think somebody in his family had to know it since he is alone in my city. But He didnt reply, which left me very confused, probably he is also blaming on me.

To note, my boyfriend is kind of introvert and has not a lot pf experience with women, he is 37 but has always been very dedicated to work and really shy around girls.

I dont know how to solve this, or if it can be saved. As you can imagine, im devastated. I think he needs proffesional help, he is obssesed about not sleeping, and I hope he is getting it.

To note, he blocked me in whatsapp as i was bombarding him with texts-got really scared the other day asking fir his mothers number, i couldnt have that on me just in case something happened.

I dont know what can I do. I suppose no contact is really my only option

[SLee]

No contact is your only option.

 

Give this guy time. He has some very serious issues to work out with his anxiety and stress management and you're really in no place to help him right now.

 

You also should figure out how to handle stress. Stress is completely normal and all but learning how to manage it so it doesn't impact your relationships is key from both parties. It's a skill, like any other.

 

It also sounds like you may have come out of the honeymoon phase and reality hit hard. This happens a lot as well.

 

Try not to worry about him. His anxiety attacks aren't your issue, they're his and HE needs to figure out how to handle them. As someone who struggles with severe anxiety and depression, the hardest lesson to learn is that you have to learn how to handle it and take care of yourself without relying 100% on someone else.

 

Leave him be and for now, focus on your life. Handle your stress level and work on improving yourself for yourself.

 

Others have posted this and it's a lot more eloquently put than what I've written: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

[Zari]

Thanks a lot for your reply!

Yes, I suppose NC is the only thing I can do.

 

Tought also about the end of the honeymoon, but the relation seemed quite solid to me. I'm 35 and had been in a bunch of relationships, none looked better than this. I met his family and all, thats super important to him as he is a really family oriented guy. Plus one week before the break up he told all those amazing things to my father and mother. He even told me that now that he had met my family he was even more in love with me as he saw our similar backgrounds.

 

I am trying to change jobs now as the one I got is terrible, the amount of stress is unbearable, everybody is leaving. He got me another job as a personal favor with a business contact, but now I dont know what to do, take it or not.

 

I feel super guilty, he told me he was really upset about the things I told him over our fights. I'm worried I caused him all this anxiety¡ but then looking back He also had other problems, like questioning his lifestyle ( working 70 hrs a week), so I want to think I am not the only responsible.

 

I really do hope he gets better, but Im worried that when than happens he will still relate me to these terrible moments in his life. He told me he was scared of me because sometimes I put up a fight out of nowhere, accusing him for not being supportive enough etc. So he told me he had anxiety of talking to me just in case I got mad...this is crazy.

[Zari]

Plus i hope all this contains some kind of learning¡

NC really sucks. He told me we would talk in a couple of weeks as he still has many things at my place. What do i do with his belongings? And what do i do with the engagement ring? Should i give it back?